Thursday, December 27, 2001

Post Christmas Wrapup

The pageant -- awesome. Geoff delivered his line flawlessly but quietly. He was the bomb in his star of Bethlehem suit. I swear. So cute and funny. I have to finish off the roll of film so I can prove it to you.

Jessica delivered her lines well, but messed up her last one and made her costar laugh. Instead of just letting it go, the costar corrected her. She needs to learn a little something about winging it in a live performance.

I didn't go to the late service at 9, I was too wiped. I knew I wouldn't get back until almost 11 and still had some wrapping to do that couldn't be done with kids around, and I had to play Santa. The kids put out a plate of cookies and I encouraged them to put out a small cup of orange juice instead of milk. I told Jessica Santa could probably use some vitamin C what with darting around the globe at night in the cold. She acquiesced.

Christmas morning found Doug asleep on the couch. He woke up at 3 or so and couldn't fall back asleep, so he went on the couch. Watched TV.

Jessie was up before 7 but politely sat on the couch next to him waiting for the rest of us. At about 7:30 she went to wake up Geoff but didn't do it forcefully enough. Kid sleeps like he's dead.

I heard her and Doug laughing at something on TV (VH1 was showing puppies playing in front of a TV broadcasting videos... the puppies were undeniably funny) and I got up. It was about 8am. Geoff was still asleep so I decided he needed woken up fast. I kicked in his door and yelled "Oh my GOD!!! Santa came here last night, you gotta come see this!!!" and he tore ass out of bed. I told Jessie that if she wants to ever wake him up again on Christmas morning, that's the way to do it.

(pictured here, our tree, with Jessica's Chanukah hat on top... how wonderfully Judeo-Christian of us, and our unfinished ceiling is visible to the world as well).

They made short work of the wrappings and trimmings. They loved everything they got, Jessica's only complaint was she didn't get a stereo/boombox thing. I didn't know she wanted one per se, so I told her next time to take my requests for what she wants for Christmas more seriously. But she loved the alarm clock Santa brought her (cough) from Radio Shack, and the Jimmy Neutron Orb Racer that Geoff got has been a hit with everyone. They played like crazy, and played well together. We had a great roast beef dinner. Went into a coma for a few hours. Watched "A Christmas Story" at least three times. All told -- a very good holiday.

My gifts weren't the washout that I feared they were gonna be. Doug did get me a digital camera. He bought a Sony which does mpeg movies and jpg stills, but no sound. That's okay with me because I doubt I will be doing many movies with this. Possibly a couple. I don't see it as the kind of thing I want to do. I enjoy still photography, plus, the file sizes are nice and small for the web. And I am ever so proud of him for picking it out. He did good.

The best thing is, even though this was all I got (I am sure it wasn't cheap so I ain't complaining!) is that it was a return to the store. So you know what that means... the previous owners took pictures!

Yessire bob.

They took pictures and didn't erase them.

Well, none were pornographic, too darn bad because it would have been a friggin RIOT! They were all pretty much just pictures. Pictures of silly dopey people. But, the fact that these people were silly and dopey enough to do this made my day. I laughed and laughed...

I had taken about 6 pictures when the camera told me it was out of memory space. I couldn't figure out how 6 pictures could possibly take up 8mb of memory stick (yes, I am upgrading). So I went to download them and found about 20 pictures on the camera. I instantly started laughing.

These are the previous owners:

Argh! Interlopers!

Be Afraid! I am the Troll Woman of Planet Mattress. I am not a morning person. Please do not annoy me or I will taunt you by sticking my tongue out! You do not take me seriously??? Well! You give me no recourse! See what you have brought upon yourself??? I am sticking my tongue out at you!!!!

Isn't my hair beauteous? Don't you want to worship me? I am troll woman! Blearch! Mgflfghph!!!

Oh now you've asked for it! You've caused me to arise from my quilty comfort! My bed planet is urging me to kick your ass.

Don't I look like I want to kick your ass. Don't you love my bleach job?

Relax Troll Woman! It is I, Billy Crystal! I have come to rescue you from the intruders who rouse you from your golden slumber!

Begone or I will .... attempt to be humorous in your presence. I will tell stories about hosting awards shows! I will regale you with tales of my drunken cocaine filled escapades with Robin Williams!

Blearghgghhhhhh! I am the spawn of Troll Woman and Billy Crystal! I come to lick your face and frighten you with my excessive saliva-filled mouth pouches. Blrearrugggghhh!!!! Fear me more than my mother! Fear me more than my father! For I have weird droopy eyes and make Blearugghhheeeegah! noises. Prepare to be masticated!

Oh isn't this just lovely.

Some kids in their skivvies lounging around watching TV.

Parents or child pornographers!? You be the judge!

Too scary! Yet, cannot, avert, gaze. Quick --- Scottie! Full power. Beam, me, up... save, your captain from, the doom of Planet Mattress!!!

Alright, that's quite enough.

I swear if I ever ran into these people in real life, I'd crap my pants laughing. But the chances of that happening are very slim. The camera was purchased in Plaistow, NH, so they could be from anywhere in northeast Mass., Southern NH. Maine even. Who knows.

I sure hope you enjoyed your visit to planet mattress.

Okay, now that I've picked on total strangers... here's my family.

Doug looks kind of surprised. This is the very first picture I took with my new camera. Nice vest there buddy! Yup. Gift from me.

Geoff plays on the computer and models his Levon Kirkland jersey. Big Ole Numbah 99 himself. He loved it. Whipped it on the minute he took it out of the box. "Football!!!!" yelled the beast. Yes darlin. Football.

I didn't get a chance to stick a hat on Kinger, unlike Missy who was hatted this time last year. (moment of silence please.) He was slightly bemused with our doings.

Megan came over to check out Jessica's Christmas Hoardings, here are the pals themselves. My girls!!!

Scott and Sarita visited from Chicago, by way of Connecticut, yesterday. They spent about 6 hours with us. It was fun seeing them, catching up, ragging on each other. Sarita is so nice and it was good to spend time with her, seeing as the only time I ever met her was her own wedding and like how well can you get to know someone when you're the bride and you have to entertain the masses.

Scott is Scott and will always BE Scott, as if Scott can be a verb. He just is... Scott.

Aaron and Michelle called us from the road, they were on their way to Southeastern Connecticut to A's parents to spend a few post-christmas days and hang out. So they were driving down the highway about 15 miles from our house and thought they'd say hi. We invited them over, they opted to pass just so they could get down there and relax... but they called back 5 minutes later and said they were stopping in after all. They brought beer. We mixed friends. A&M had never met S&S before... the meeting went well. Lots of talk about Connecticut, the Simpsons, Potato Guns (Doug and A have been wanting to build a potato gun forever now...) and it was a good time. They (S&S) were tolerant of both dogs being all over them. At one point Gonzo (the one who put my eye out) was standing in Scott's lap with his ASS in Scott's face... I thought Sarita was gonna pass out. I quickly took the dog off his lap, but Scott, ever so funny, made wise cracks about that being special and wondering if it was gonna cost him extra...

A&M had to split to complete their journey, another 2 hours south... S&S wanted to be on the road by 6 at the latest, but we wanted to hog them to ourselves so we dragged their asses out into the cold over to Newburyport, and we took a walk on the pier and went to the Grog for dinner. Great dinner. Great fun. Geoff took to Sarita instantly, kidnapping her and making her come play on the computer with him. He sat across from her at dinner and held her hands. Romantically. And he called her honey when she left. He even said "You gonna eat that?" to her. He'll make a great boyfriend/husband someday.

S&S got on the road later than they intended, and Doug brought them to I-95 thinking they'd have to drive north one exit to get to I-495 but in reality they should have just followed us through another traffic light to get there... So they headed northbound and probably ended up in New Hampshire. Fuck. So we felt guilty and prayed they'd figure it out pretty quickly to get off at the next exit, turn around and come back because the 95/495 split is all highway based when you are southbound. Northbound you have to get off of 95 and take 110 through Amesbury, where we were. Darn. They will probably never speak to us again. Something like this is a friendship destroyer. Kidding. I know they figured it out... I hope they figured it out. Crap I'm worried now.

A&M will be back at our house on Saturday. For the tiki-fest. We found a store in the area that sells all kinds of plastic luau themed crap like lawn torches and tiki cups and grass skirts and leis. I am so glad I have this digicam. This should rock. Rock hard.

Okay. Back to work. I actually have a pantload of stuff to work on for the next two days... so I should make a huge dent in the content. Au Revoir. More tomorrow. Then the post new years eve tiki report. It'll be 2002 before we know it kids.

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