Thursday, January 05, 2006

Lambert! Could you show these twenty good people the dog kennels, please?

The title has meaning. Trust me. But first, we begin our first journal entry of 2006 with a view of ass in a window, with special guest, Amy.

amy pointing assAs Amy and I were exiting the office building today, I noticed (yet again) that there are people using the gym. Which is all fine and good. But what strikes me daily when I leave the building is that the stair climber equipment is right in the second floor window, and the users of said equipment have backs turned to the window. They are facing into the gym...

which means all I see upon walking out of my office after a long day is a window full of ass. Nice. Hey! Lookie here! Ass! Ass! More Ass! Hurrah!

I'm thinking, I would rather have the machines turned around if I were using them because I'd like to look at the world. There are big TV screens across from the machines so I guess people like watching those. I wonder if they are oblivious to the fact that they offer the world a gorgeous view of posterior every day.

Morning, noon and night, no matter what time of day I leave my office, I've got full-blown assview. Amy assisted me this evening in taking some nice pictures, so you can share the joy of ass vista as well. I hope you appreciate it. I know you don't come here for the political witticisms and the movie reviews. You come for my rants and raves about ass. I keep you satisfied, don't I? Yes I do.

close up pointing to ass

Now, the title. We bought a bed last night and no one put a paper bag over his head and required his co-workers to stand in a fish tank and sing "Jerusalem" (MPFC fans, I'm sure you think this every time you go bed shopping). I giggled the entire time and thought about being one of the twenty good people willing to spend eight hundred pounds on a sixty foot long mattress. Or, a dog kennel as it were.

We have a bed. We bought it from a guy selling them on the side of the road out of a storage container in Portsmouth NH in 1997 for 300 dollars. The bed, over time, has gone down hill. And so we decided that it was time. High time. And we went out last night and spent way more money than I ever imagined we'd spend on any type of home furnishings.

I guess mentally I'm still in college. I am accustomed to hand me downs, buying used stuff from friends who are moving away, buying used stuff from the Salvation Army or Craig's List or Yard Sales. I never in a million years imagined I'd pay a ton and a half of money for a mattress, box spring and bedroom set. That's right, not only did we go get the mattress and box spring that we needed, we dove in head first and swam the length of the pool. We got a bedframe, head and footboard, bureau with mirror, tall chest of drawers and two bedside tables. It all matches and looks very nice. And now I need to buy new sheets.

While we were shopping I was thinking of the old Seinfeld episode where he was talking about getting orgy friends, and how that brings all sorts of complications because once you have these friends, now you have to go out and accessorize with the clothing and the mustache and the smoking jacket. I kind of feel the same way, not because I have orgy friends but because now I need to go buy the accessories. I need nice bedside lamps for reading, I need sheets that fit because our old mattress was 7 inches high and this one is about 3 feet tall. I need a new comforter. Do I go with some sort of bed skirt? What is a schwag!? What is a schwag!? Oh dear. I'm going to pass out.

After 15 years of marriage (almost, not quite) we now will have a bedroom set. A suite as it were. And this also means that our bedroom needs to be gutted and cleaned and the carpet shampooed. Here I go again with the orgy friends...

Doug is not fond of big projects. Those who know him, know him well, and know that this one will be a big project. He has been a bear about this, and I may end up with a tantrum or an aneurysm before the delivery date of January 14th, but so help me, I'll have a new bed.

I guess that's about it. I took a bunch of pictures in Marblehead including Amy making friends with a window dog at a pastry school (Jo, are you familiar with the Delphin's Gourmandise pastry school?)

On that note, go see flickr, and for the sake of all that is good and pure, keep your ass out of windows.

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