Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Sunrise strikes too soon...

The title is a blatant rip-off of Ellis Paul, but instead of the burning sense of Cinderella, early 30s regret, Manhattan, midnight, starlight and satellites, my angle is more of a desire for more sleep, more rest, less work, more time and the fact that I'd love to sleep in just a little later each day.

Last night, I slept like the dead. I woke only when the alarm made me, and my bladder bothered me to rise and take care of business. But I spent an additional hour hugging the dog, who very patiently waits for me to take him out to do his thing each morning, and tolerates my petting and cuddling as I slowly get to the point where I really, really need to pee.

I always take care of my needs first, Jack waits by the front door for me without a sound, a whine, a whimper. Both my other dogs were very vocal, and would let me know they were growing impatient with me. Jack is just quiet. We get my shoes and we go out, he does his thing and I fill the bird feeder if it is in need.

Sometimes we come back in and get back into bed.

Lately though, the boxes call me names because they are hungry and need to be fed. They need moved around and piled up on one another. They point out that there are plates not yet inside them, or glasses, or piles of paper which I am reluctant to commit to their cardbordiness lest I need them again later.

Sunrise strikes too soon for me, and my day has me exhausted by the time we need to go out to the bus. All the things I need to remember to do, all the things I fear I may forget, all of the weight of what is about to happen in less than 48 hours bears down on me.

Sunday night I had a classic (a)musings moment.

All weekend long I didn't know where my wallet was. I thought it was on the front seat of the truck. Nope. I thought it fell onto the floor. Nope again. Then I said "well, I used it on Friday, so I had it on Friday, so where did I put it?"

I borrowed Doug's ATM card on Saturday to go buy a gift for Jess' friend and didn't tell him why I needed it... He may have gotten mad at me because I am notorious for misplacing things.

By Sunday afternoon I was pretty stressed out about it.

I retraced my steps. I checked my clothing and the laundry. I thought maybe, just maybe it fell into the trash. But. There were 100 boxes and bags of trash seeing as we'd spent the entire weekend purging crap.

So by Sunday night, I was a wreck. I fell asleep at about 10 but woke up at 12:30, and spent the next four hours in a complete state of apoplexy. I could feel my heart beating, and it was beating fast and I was aware of how hard it was beating and thought "gee, am I having a heart attack?" No. I was hyperventilating and freaking out because I didn't know where my wallet was.

I realized that I would need the stupid thing on Thursday, because my license was in it, and I would have to produce said license in front of lawyers to prove who I am. And I got pissed because it is a stupid piece of plastic and I am who I am and I have been for almost 40 years and goddamnit if I'm not going to close on the house without that thing and...

I paced around the livingroom for a half hour, trying to catch my breath. I took the dog for a walk. He was confused, but willing. I finally fell asleep at 4:30am. Woke with a start at 7, realizing that Geoff needed to get ready for school, and I still. didn't. know. where. my. wallet. was.

The wallet? It was on my desk. At my office. I left it there when I left on Friday afternoon.

I told you. Classic (a)musings moment.

I think of this process as similar to that of having a baby. Dear readers, you've been with me during the relatively short "gestation" period that we have had here since the decision to sell the house and get moving. But we are in the pushing and delivery mode now... Rebecca, are you listening? But we can't exceed our due date of May 25th. No we cannot.

Anyway -- right now I need to go and screw in some CO detector action because firefighter inspection man is coming tomorrow morning.

We're almost done here kids. We're almost done. Pray for us to not lose our sanity or our patience. Pray for us to just have our acts together and to not forget paperwork.

Or lose a license.

Thursday will strike too soon.

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