Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Detention! Breakfast Club is a reality this Saturday

Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
...and an athlete
...and a basket case
...a princess
And a criminal

Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

You are going to love this. I promise.

gonzo's new best friend is courtneyAfter the concert, I brought Jess' friend Courtney home here to sleep over, with the assurance that I would get the girls to school... rather than have her come in late and wake everyone in her house up. I figured it would just be easier if she was here.

They might be a little late but hey, they'd get there. I'm a responsible adult.

Jess managed to get up and get out to the bus at 6:55am. She didn't wake up Courtney, who was asleep here on our futon in the study. I woke up at 7:30 about 1/2 hour after I had intended. I finished getting Geoff ready for school. Doug left for work. Over coffee at 7:50 I told Courtney, "Let's go as soon as Geoff's bus comes, and I'll go inside and explain why you are late."

Honesty. It's the best and most beautiful policy, right?

We went to school at 8:15. We walked into the office and I explained to the secretary that Courtney slept at my house, and that I wasn't aware that she was still asleep and had missed the bus. So I am fully responsible for her being late, and I'm sorry.


Courtney was pulled into an administrator's office where they informed her that she had a detention for an unexcused absence, that my reason wasn't valid, and she would have to serve a 2 hour detention on Saturday Morning from 7:30am to 9:30am.

Whafuh? Are you kidding me?

She missed an entire period. She was quite late. But. I could have written her a note that said "Courtney had a dentist appointment and that's why she's late. Love Courtney's mom." Or, I could have had Courtney's mom in on the ruse.

Or, I could have called her in sick and she could have missed an entire day of school. But I didn't. I told the truth. And the truth does not set you free if you are in 9th grade. Oh hell no. It does not.

While we were pulling into the parking lot, I noticed about 10 kids coming in late, at the same time. I wonder how many of them will be serving detention, or if each of them had a little white slip of paper with a big fat lie written on it.

A big fat lie that teaches them that honesty isn't the best policy, that fibbing will get you out of anything. I doubt highly that they call every dentist, every doctor, every ophthalmologist in the region to find out "Was Billy in for an appointment this morning?" to verify the notes.

I thought my honesty in saying that I was responsible would be sufficient. But I was wrong. And now she's got detention.

I guess I'm just gullible beyond all imagination. God.

Her mother was pissed, not at me but at the school. She had a huge argument with the person who gave her the detention and he tried to pull counter arguments on her that I can't even outline here because they'd make your eyes bleed. It ends up that Mrs. Courtney's mom didn't win the argument and now she's got to serve detention. Failure to show up on time will result in her being suspended for a week.

So here is where I am ... I feel completely culpable and totally shitty. Part of me wants to call this guy and say "Sorry - I didn't realize that the punishment was going to be a hair shy of full disembowlment for the kid, why don't you cut her some slack because it isn't her fault it it TOTALLY MINE." I won't get anywhere though. It's like dealing with Ed Rooney on Ferris Buehler, or Mr. Vernon on the Breakfast Club. They're right. Everyone. Else. Is. Wrong.

Why Jess didn't even try to wake her up and have her take the bus is beyond me... but it is what it is.

And I feel totally crappy. Totally. Totally. Totally.

So she'll go in on Saturday to the breakfast club, and I am honestly thinking of doing the following:

a) Going in and serving it with her. Sitting by her side. Being right there. And you let them try and throw my ass out. I am more responsible for this than she is. There is no reason why she should take the entire punishment alone.


b) Showing up at 9:30 with signs and balloons. "Congratulations on your release from Prison Courtney!!!" And have a cheering section of my kids, the Kaylas, anyone else who wants to come with, and we'll all go out for Super Fatty Breakfast afterwards. Maybe we'll all wear orange prison jumpsuits and balls & chains. I think that would be a freaking riot and a half.

Because I feel I owe her. I owe her totally.

Wanna know what she missed in first period? Her science class watched an episode of Bill Nye the Science Guy. An episode she'd already seen. And there were two vocabulary words that they put up on the board, which she could have easily gotten from someone else.

That's a shit ton of great education that she missed out on isn't it?

I'm so bullshit right now. I can't even express. And this isn't even my kid. Could you imagine what I'd be like if it were Jess who got a detention for being late?

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