Friday, April 06, 2007

Goodbye Easter Bunny, Goodbye Childhood

When I come home from work, I am usually greeted with choruses from both children. "Mom! Geoff spilled milk all over the kitchen and didn't clean it up and I had to!" "Mom! Jessica sat on me!" "Mom! Geoff keeps letting the dog lick him in the mouth and that is disgusting!" "Mom! Jessica sat on me AND poked me with pencils!" "Mom! MOM! MOM!!!"

Today it was different. 

Today I came home to absolute silence. 

Jess was working in her room and I could hear Geoff playing with the out of tune First Act guitar that Jess got for Christmas when she was 10. It only has 5 strings because, well, one of them broke and I don't know how to replace it. He still plays it, and sings, and writes songs... I suppose tuning it would be a good idea. 

After about 15 minutes, Geoff calls out to me and has a question. So I go into his room and see him. He doesn't look happy. Geoff very rarely makes eye contact, but he was looking right at me and was very earnest when he asked "Mom, if you hid a basket of candy in the house for me, would you say it was from you or that it was from the Easter Bunny?"

Oh God. No

"Why do you ask, honey?" questioned I. 

"Jessica told me that you're the Easter Bunny. I don't believe her." 

"Please wait here a second," replied I, and I went to beat the hell out of my daughter.

Long time readers of this journal know that in 2002 Jessie surprised me with thanking me for her basket. Five years later, I honestly thought by now Geoff would have figured it out. 

See, Geoff is 10. And he still believes in all of these things. Easter Bunny, Santa, Tooth Fairy... Jesus. Wait, I believe in the last one too, so before you get sarcastic on me, let it be known. I don't think Jesus is a myth, or like the Great Pumpkin.

I like that Geoff still believes these things, and right now, today, this afternoon after getting out of a really rushed time at work in order to get back here to face all the stuff I need to do to get us out the door for my aunt's funeral tomorrow, I didn't want to have to face him and try and explain that yes, I am indeed said Easter Bunny.

I ripped into her and asked what she was thinking

She said that he was bothering her all day about Easter Baskets and how he'd be found if we were at a hotel, and wouldn't leave her alone and she snapped. 

She just yelled at him, and told him. And he didn't believe her, and she said "Fine. Ask mom when she comes home!"

He sat in his room for hours and waited for me. I wanted to throttle her. I know Geoff can be annoying, but one does not need to blow up his childhood in one fell swoop. 

Returning to his bedroom, where he sat waiting for an answer, I filled him in. I told him that yes, I am The Easter Bunny. And I asked him if he could figure out who ELSE I was. 

"My mom?"

Okay, yes -- who else?
"A parent to more than one child?"

Obviously you're missing the connection, kid.

"If I play the role of Easter Bunny, who else do you think I play the role of? How about Santa and Tooth Fairy."

"That's not possible!" And he went nuts and off on a tirade about how it was literally impossible for me to be all those things, and for him to not know it. 

Funny how it's not possible for me to be Santa and The Easter Bunny, but it is possible for Santa to fly around the world in a magic sleigh and deliver toys to children on all the continents on the planet. 

Or for a rabbit to hop around and deliver baskets to children all over the globe. 

Or a little fairy to fly in at night and replace hidden teeth with some cold hard cash (how many times here in this journal did I confess that I forgot to do it or ALMOST forgot to do it...) 

These things make more sense to him than me being the person that gives him the presents, the chocolate or the quarter. 

All these years I fooled him by writing differently. That's what he based his belief on. He knows what my handwriting looks like, so I write in block letters or fancy script when I leave presents "from" the entities. 

I didn't realize tricking someone could be that easy. 

We talked for about 20 minutes about how parents everywhere do this, and that it is part of the role we play. We trick because we love. I asked him if he was mad at me, and he said he wasn't, but he STILL doesn't quite accept or believe that this is true.

I do not believe that I satisfied him in giving him my answers to his questions. I do not believe my explanations were clear as to why we do this. I really think that he is going to hold onto this for some time. 

I know that his learning disability where black is black, white is white, and there never is a "New Black" that comes around. 

Me being the Easter Bunny is the New Black, and it is something that he is going to have to accept. 

He is in his room right now singing a song that he wrote about the Easter Bunny. And I know he is not singing about me, but about that mythical being, that lop eared doofus that hides eggs, that ruse, that trick, that little part of his childhood which is now gone forever. 

He is dressed in all black, because black is the new black for him right now.

Anyway. I have to get to things ready to go. There's a lot to do, and I can't dwell on this right now. 

Bye Geoff's childhood. Been good knowing you. Here we go onto adolescence and all the crap that that implies.

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