Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Hey Santa, WTF?

"Every Christmas my Mom would get a fresh goose,
for gooseburgers, and my Dad would whip up his special
eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes."
-Philip J. Fry, Futurama

The other night Doug DVR'ed "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians." I do believe some magazine recently named it as the worst movie of all time. Yeah, it's bad, but it is also fun... if you're watching it on our couch with us. We are kind of our own little family MST3000 sometimes. At Halloween, we didn't watch a lot of the gory horrifying modern zombie/monster flicks. We watched a lot of the old school zombie flicks, like White Zombie and King of the Zombies and the like.

While watching this horrible wonderful Santa flick, we found ourselves falling off the couch laughing. The toy machine on Mars has been sabotaged by a bad Martian who doesn't want Mars' children to ever be happy and laugh and play (oh the whole thing reeks of what the USA thought of the Soviet Bloc during the Cold War. In fact, about 10 minutes of the movie is pretty much a recruitment film for the US Air Force. Hell, even I almost enlisted!). The toy machine is spitting out teddy bears with doll heads, dolls with teddy bear heads, and baseball bats with tennis racket heads (at this point Jessica is singing "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys and we're chuckling).

Martian Boy turns around to show Santa one of these horrible hybrids, and I yell out "Hey Santa, WTF?"

hey santa, wtf?

larger sizes for your desktop decorating needs can be found here.
Click on "all sizes" and go for "original" to fill up your screen with WTF goodness.

We watched it again and again and it was just drop dead funny. I had tears running down my cheeks. WTF! Santa! Do something!

Jessica and I decided it would be funny to make a LOLCats style shot of the scene, and I found the video on google and made the picture for her.

And of course, Santa saves the day in the end and conquers the martian ... hearts! Oh yes! He does. Bad Martian ends up in jail, he never comes around to loving Santa and fun and frivolity and happiness, and to be honest that would have made the movie worse in an awesome way if he had. His surly ass ends up going on trial and I bet you a million dollars he ended up executed by firing squad.

This Christmas is the first year Geoff isn't a "believer" of the Santa myth, not even in a "Santa is in all of our hearts" kind of way. He knew that he would be getting gifts from me and from Doug and grandmas and grampas and aunties and uncles, and that was that. He didn't stay up until midnight with me chastising him to get his ass into bed, the way he has for many years. Instead, he was in bed asleep at 8:30pm, like every other night of the year.

The boy woke up this morning at 7am, and we all went down and did the gift thing. He didn't get something that he wanted and it took a lot of me saying "dude, you got a hundred bucks, we'll go buy the thing you wanted..." and he eventually accepted that. In years past, he could be pissed at Santa, but there was nothing he could do about it. This year he could point at his Christmas list and say "um, mom? I didn't get this..."

So we'll use his gift money to go get the one thing he wanted and he'll be all set. We're heading to Pittsburgh for a few days to visit Doug's family (because the last time we went there was for Doug's uncle's funeral, and longtime readers to July 2006 remember how much fun THAT trip was...) I'm actually looking forward to getting away for a while but the cost of things really freaks me out. Paying for dogsitter or kennel, paying for hotel for five nights... it's a real drain on the wallet. Meh.

Anyway. It was a really quiet Christmas. We didn't take a long walk, or do anything special. We didn't go to church of drive around to relatives houses. We just stayed in, threw snowballs at the dogs, ascertained the damage from the ice dam, played Guitar Hero III, and watched a marathon of Homicide Life On The Streets (love me some Kyle Secor... mmmmm. Bayliss....) on Tivo. That's about it.

I did neglect to mention that Friday was my sister's birthday, towhit I point you to the entry I wrote for her in 2001. Go read if you like. Not much else to mention. Guess that's about it.

Now, off to fold laundry in anticipation of our trip on Thursday. Yay.

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