Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Aren't we all just actively dying?

We got a call this morning from Doug's mom. Seems Doug's grandmother passed away this morning. Doug knew it was coming. He counseled his mom last week when she called and described what was going on with her. He told her, "mom, she is actively dying." I had to go look it up. I learned a lot about my husband's knowledge of palliative care during the dying process, and how he was politely letting his mom know that it would not be long before grandma passed away. And Doug was right.

The phone rang at 6:50 this morning. Geoff being the only one up at that hour answered the phone, and chatted with his grandma for a minute before bringing the phone to us

"Grandma's on the phone," he said as he stood next to our bed. I was fast asleep but heard his voice soft and clear.

Here we go.

I got up and started the coffee, encouraged Geoff to ready up for school. Doug talked to his mom until 7:30. Grandma died at the hospital, in her sleep. Doug discussed our tentative plans, and left it with her that we would come down as soon as we could possibly do so.

It wasn't a surprise. This past month was hard on a body, and she bore it and let it go. I cried as I washed some dishes and listened to them talk.

doug and grandmaI was glad we got to see her in November at Sarah and Tom's wedding, but I'm also sad we didn't get a last real chance to see her or be by her side because we knew this was coming.

I think Doug was waiting to see if she made it through this weekend to maybe go make a visit, but he didn't get the chance to

.... and now we're going to go make a visit anyway.

Geoff knew something was up. He came in while Doug and I were discussing whether or not we should tell him now or wait until after school. "Um, so... what's going on?"

Doug opted to tell him. We sat here at the dining table and he bit back tears and his skin flushed as he started to fight the sad. "That's it," he pronounced, "I'm officially an unbeliever because God keeps killing my family." I guess Uncle John's passing in 2006 was still pretty fresh in his mind, fresh enough to feel God was ganging up on us and picking us all off.

We let him know that this was not unexpected, she was old. She had a good run. "Yeah, but the oldest person in the world is 114, so why couldn't she make it a little closer to that age!?" His cuteness touched me deeply, and he'll kick your ass if you say that he's cute so watch out. Doug encouraged him to recognize that great grandma had a really good run of things, a good family, she was good to us and loved us deeply, and she loved God very much so we are certain that she awaits us in Heaven. She'd be sad if she knew Geoff was giving up on God just because she had passed on. He seemed to get that. We gave him the option of skipping school but he went. I'm glad he did. I hope he had friends he could talk to in class who would be willing to hear what he was feeling, and gave to him the support he needs from his peers and friends.

Geoff, your GGS loved you. Please, do not ever forget that buddy. Follow her examples of loving God and family, and being a good listener, and you will do well on this earth.

geoff and ggs

I'm heading to work tomorrow, and we will leave after we drop the dogs off at the kennel at 4:30pm. Not sure how far we'll make it. I'm hoping maybe Clearfield PA. We shall see.

Hopefully it will not be anything like our last funeral related trip that we made out there in 2006. Fingers crossed and prayers go to God...

I've arranged for kenneling for the three dogs, babysitting for the guinea pigs and Geoff's betta fish Kevin the Red. I've let the right people know at both schools that both children will not be in school Thursday through Monday. I've got my work done to the point that it is under control and tomorrow will hopefully just be incidentals and some graphic work that I do weekly that is 99% done and just needs to be fully completed.

And when people ask Doug what she died of his answer is "she died of being 86." And that's the truth.

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