Saturday, September 04, 2010

Old Archives...

Since I started using Blogger as my home I've been going through the old Journal at amusings dot net slash clg and pulling the content over here. What I love about this is that I can date stamp things with the correct dates from the past, and I can go back and re-read the content.

I just uploaded Jessica's 10th birthday entry from 2002. In which I wrote:

But now comes the hard part -- the next ten years of her life. The teen years. Eventually, college. Cross your fingers. Pray for us. Wish us luck.

No one needed to wish us luck. It turned out, the next ten years (well, 8 because she's 18 and not 20 yet) were easy. She found her own way through junior high and high school, she developed into an amazing teenager who didn't give us a lot of challenges or fights. She found the theatre, she found Shakespeare, she inspires others, she knows right from wrong and always (as far as I know and can see) makes the better choices. She is sarcastic and funny, but not cruel and indifferent. She is just the right balance of what I like to see out there in the world.

I love that she has chosen a college that academically will fit her best instead of settling for something else. I miss her like hell though. I miss having her here to talk to daily. I feel like right now we're not communicating because she's busy in a good way, finding her path.

There are a couple songs that remind me of her, and right now the one that is most poignant to me is The Story's "So Much Mine," which you can hear by clicking this link and going to Youtube. The song is more about a mom looking at her teenaged girl who is making bad choices, "walking that way and wearing that dress and yeah, I know how you learned that because it was me" kind of life. I like to think that yeah Jess is so much mine because she's chosen the Model UN and the Obscure Movie Club instead of a hoochie dress and some strange dude's cold pillow, because certainly those former items would have been my choices. But still, the song makes me miss her. Among others, but that one the most right now.

You were so much mine, now I reach for you and I cannot find you....

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