A Dream about Owen and Parker

A few nights ago, I had a really wacky dream. I shared it with my sister and friend Virginia, and they both howled laughing at me.

I was driving from Boston to DC, and my car broke down somewhere. I pulled my car into a rest area to be safe. I knew what was wrong with the car, and decided that I just needed to get to an auto parts store and get the thing I needed, so I called for an Uber. The Uber arrived, and there was another car in the parking area, and these two guys came out and said that they needed a ride to the auto parts store too. Could they come with?

One of them was my former neighbor, I'll call him Parker. The other was Owen Wilson. Owen indicated they were brothers, and his brother was kind of a dick so he apologized up front for any shit the guy was shoveling. The Uber driver and I shrugged our shoulders.

What the heck, sure, you can come with.

The Uber driver was super excited to drive us to the auto parts store. His brother owned the store! He decided he wasn't even going to charge us for the trip, he was that excited to take us.

He said that he wanted to show us the best view in all the city! Could he drive us to this overview, and show us the city?

Owen Wilson and I were amenable to the idea, but Parker was griping and complaining that he just wanted to get this all over with. Owen declared that 2/3 rules, so the driver takes us to this overlook very much like Mt. Washington in Pittsburgh only I think we are looking at Boston or something. I recognize the buildings, it is beautiful and shiny and glowing. Owen and I are loving this.

Parker is wandering about complaining that this is a bunch of bullshit. At the overview, there was a billboard with three llamas on it, and the way that their eyes were on their bodies it looked like it was one llama with six eyes.

I started laughing and Owen Wilson asked me what was funny - so I showed it to him. He thought it was hysterical. Who made this billboard! How did it make it through creative and out into the world. I asked him if he knew about Peppa Pig. He didn't, so I explained how she is a cartoon for kids, but the way she is drawn her two eyes are on one side of her face, so someone drew a rendering of her with four eyes.

Behold.

Owen couldn't believe this and he and I were just howling over the six-eyed llama and Peppa Pig. Parker was getting more and more irritated, so the Uber driver took us to the auto parts store.

Parker had a notebook, and was scribbling things in it the whole time that Owen Wilson and I were just having a blast. We got to the auto parts store, and I had to pee pretty badly so I asked where the bathroom was. The employees were slightly reluctant to let me go, but Owen was the man of the hour, and said that they should let me pee. We were both about to spend a lot of money there, and the Uber driver agreed. Yes yes! The bathroom is okay for you to use go ahead!

The bathroom was a disaster. A complete disgusting mess. The door was labeled "Women" but the two stalls were both men's bathrooms with shitty urinals in them, full of vomit and shit. I had to go so bad that I just cried and went. I then realized the toilet paper roll had been peed on by someone and was a total crusty disgusting mess. I was stranded. I could just shake it off, and pull my pants up but I really needed TP.

Owen saved the day by finding me some clean TP and Parker started screaming that I sucked so bad. "Christine is the WORST, she can't even just go to the bathroom without needing help!"

"But dude, did you see the bathroom?"

"Fuck you - you suck, you're the worst. I can't believe we have to spend time with you. God I hate you."

"Now now," Owen intervened, let's just pay for our stuff and go back to the cars.  My feelings were hurt because honestly, dude, the bathroom was truly the worst. I wasn't the worst. How could anyone tell me I was the worst?

We went back to the car, and I picked up Parker's notebook, which was full of drawings and comments about how he was angry Owen was spending so much time with me. He just wanted to go home, and he didn't understand the llama thing, and we were making fun of him for not getting it, and that's kind of where the whole me sucking so badly came from.

"Did you think we were making fun of you for not getting the llama thing? I'm so sorry. We weren't making fun of you? I am so sorry we didn't explain it to you and why it was so weird if you didn't initially see it. Oh Parker."

I was so sorry. I never meant to hurt his feelings. I didn't realize that Owen and I were just getting along so well, and he was being left behind.

Uber driver took us back to our cars, it was a hairy drive through a divided highway in what looked like Mattapan or Roslindale in Massachusetts or something. It looked familiar to me, but I knew there was no way I was where my mind thought I was.

We got our cars running, Parker and I made our peace and we all said goodbye.

I drove down the highway and a half hour or so later my phone rang and it was the Uber driver checking in to make sure I was alright. Owen called too - he and Parker wanted to make sure everything was great.

I had a big smile on my face that these guys were checking in, making sure I was alright.