Friday, August 24, 2001

her town too

We interrupt this (a)musing for an update on yesterday evening's events: Happy hour was fun. I stayed exactly 1 hour. Two giant beers and my ass kicked in pool later. And my washing machine kicks. Totally kicks. I love it. Hurray! Clean laundry without driving into town!

Recently, in the past 2 or 3 weeks, I have reconnected with a friend of mine who divorced her husband kind of out of the blue. It was a shock to the collective extended friend system. A lot of people took it really badly, including myself to some extent.

I couldn't for the life of me understand what she was thinking, even after hours and hours of good strong coffee and conversation. I suggested therapy, she said they tried; I told her that she had what we all perceived as a good thing, that they needed to ride through the bad times and she disagreed.

While on the outside I perceived they had a nice relationship, got along well, seemed to be successful. But in talking to her I realized she was just plain miserable. No amount of encouragement would get her to get beyond that misery.

So in the end, they split up. She's with someone else now, living together in a house two towns away from me; he has a new girlfriend and she has moved in...

I think that a lot of people were really REALLY upset because these two people were considered by a lot of folks to be the paragon of a good marriage. It then occurred to me that perhaps people were upset because they loved the COUPLE more than the individuals. And the break up was just intolerable to them.

He then became the victim; she the horrid bitch for busting up the marriage. Accusations of infidelity flew, and whether or not they were true or she just happened to find her next relationship right hot upon the heels of this one, I'm not too sure. Regardless it's over. Done. That couple is done now for nigh unto two years.

And there are still people who can't get over/past/beyond that fact and continue to harbor grudges against her.

I felt horrible initially, because I really did think they were a good couple. But you know, I knew both of them individually before. I will continue to know both of them individually in the future, plus whatever people they have now chosen to spend time with going onward. I can just hear James Taylor singing it to me, loud and clear and I shake my head...

"Some of them his friends,
Some of them her friends,
Some of them understand..."

We have another friend who got married 2 weekends ago in kind of a semi-elopement thing. Tomorrow is the "reception." He's not calling it that. It's more outdoor games, food brought by friends, barbecue and casual. Kids more than welcome. Come and go come and go as you please for 6 hours in the afternoon on the beach.

So I talked to my female friend, who has been very good friends with the groom all this time, and this particular guy has been very kind and supportive to her through her messy breakup. She is panicking because people she hasn't spoken to in 2 years will be there. People who "hate" her. She's not bringing her new boyfriend, she's going with another male friend.

She begged me to go with her, and I would, honest, if there was a way to get around the Sunil factor. The reception is open, anyone can come. It's outdoors, fun, happy happy, but I doubt Sunil will want to go to some stranger's wedding reception. If I were in his shoes, I'd go without knowing them and I'd buy them a gift! But that's just me. I'm crazy that way. But he's not that way. So the groom has actually kind of unofficially 'scheduled' people's attendance at this thing. She is going early; her ex-husband and his new girlfriend will be coming later. Long after she has cleared out.

I feel horrid.

I wish people who called themselves her friends could just get over and beyond things and just kind of grow up. Yeah I was pissed at her too, but hell. This whole incident in her life caused her a lot of pain. She deliberately stopped talking to everyone, not knowing who would be kind or who would just outright attack her. I lost her for two years and only recently tracked her down through another friend. I had no idea where she was living, working, whatever. She let herself be forgotten to protect herself from anything that could possibly hurt her any more deeply. And I admit I was more sympathetic towards him and possibly more caustic or judgmental to some extent towards her, but really. My anger or feelings weren't going to change a damn thing. It's over. Time to grow up.

Well. She was always good to me, and so was he. I'm glad they are both still in my life. I'm sorry they aren't together. But hey. It used to be her college, town, life too. I'm glad to have reconnected, and wish both of them years of happy sailing in the future.

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