Heels

This is not about footwear. 

In our house, both Doug and Geoff will pass on eating the heels of a loaf of bread. Do you call them something other than heels? What is your local, regional, or cultural vernacular? 

We've always called them heels. But a recent discussion reveals that people call them the "butt" or the "ends," which is funny. Ends make sense but isn't very interesting. But "butt?" A loaf would have two butts. Which is weird. Unless you think of them as two butt cheeks. 

But I digress. 

This morning I opened the cabinet just to see what is there, and was sad Geoff forgot to buy English muffins when he ran over the store the other day. Geoff is off to school today and stays at his hotel dealie overnight on Thursday. And he has our new car, and our other car is in the shop getting work done. So I didn't have wheels to go get ... anything.   

There were three bags of bread of just the heel slices. 

And literally, they'll end up in the trash or I'll give them to Toffee. I don't usually eat the full carb bread that the guys get. 

But the Aldi everything seasoned sourdough bread, friends, that's a weakness of mine. 

The heels on that loaf are always small, because the loaf is oval shaped. Everyone likes the middle pieces because that makes a nice big sandwich, and the slices closer to the ends of the loaf, those always go last. 

This morning, I did it. I took the bag out that had heels in it. I made myself some sourdough toast, and it was delightful. And there is another bag in there with 2 heels. 

Tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. 

Not sure why but wow today I was just hungry. I can usually get through most of the work day with minimal munchings but I just felt peckish all day. I tried not to give in to temptation. After I took my blood sugar at 4:30, I did have a bowl of granola and yogurt. I need to finish eating this granola because Doug and Geoff aren't eating it either. And I made a lot. 

Linda and I chatted and I actually ran on the treadmill while she and I were talking. I was mostly listening and chiming in with "yeah, fuck that. guy." "No, he can drop dead and rot in hell." "You need a new job." "I am not happy about your life right now. 

Mostly a listener but also, chiming in with my disdain and dissatisfaction about her work situation. 

After the run, at around 6pm I told Doug I was not hungry for dinner. See aforementioned yogurt and granola.

He said he wasn't hungry either, so I took Toffee for a walk. When I got back he was eating a big bowl of left over egg noodles from dinner last night. Which disappointedd me. I wanted to make that into a tuna casserole. Thankfully, he left just enough for me to make a 2 person portion, and ate my part. I can finish the rest tomorrow. 

I'm super excited because we have a three day weekend, so I think we're going somewhere? Initial thoughts are Ocean City, but we're going to watch the weather. We could end up going to Doug's mom's. 

And it all hinges upon whether or not our car (the one we've had, not the one we just bought) is out of the shop tomorrow. 

Things are still ... being worked out planning wise. 

Here's a picture of a dinosaur witch holding a pumpkin in its mouth inflatable from my neighborhood. It scared my dog.

Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours.  Treadmill run, 15 min/1.08 mi; toffee walk 23 min/.98 mi. 11k+ by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9:15am: 115
4:30pm: 30
10:30pm: 130 

food & meds:

9:15am: jardiance & new meds
9:30am: small serving of apple blueberry cobbler
10:15am: two slices of sourdough toast (heels of the bread, no one else will eat them)
12:30: met+glip
2:30pm: some chicken salad made w/grilled chicken thighs from fajitas the other day, mayo & cream cheese
4pm: new meds
4:45pm: bowl of granola and Oikos triple zero berry yogurt
6:45pm: met+glip
8pm: small bowl of tuna noodle casserole
vodka & low sugar fruit punch

Smelly Good

Yesterday's DNS adventures continued today with a zoom conference call with four people from the client end of things, my sysadmin the superhero. My work son was there, camera off. He got his covid booster AND flu shot yesterday so he was feeling like shit and horizontal. My boss was willing to jump into the call if he was needed. I didn't want to tap him in.

After a half hour of weighing pros and cons, where yesterday we ended up crashing their site we didn't want to do that again, we decided we'd take a leap of faith with Vick on the call and do the DNS changes we had to do and hope we didn't lose the site. We were only making an addition to the record, not changing a record. 

Nothing should break. 

When Vick is on the call, and confident in a situation, that helps me feel super confident. I was encouraging and loving. Honoring their anxiety but also assuring them we could have an instant roll back if need be. 

I ended up quoting Jesus Jones and I said, "Right here, right now, there is no other place I wanna be." 

Let's do it. 

They laughed and agreed. 

I also quoted Guster and said "Be calm, be brave, it'll be okay." Because you can't get through anything scary without that line. 

So we jumped into the fog and we did it. 

It worked. Everything worked. Say Hallelujah. I would love to share what we did but I don't want to post their website. 

Not for nothing, I'll be completely honest... I was absolutely stressed by this.  After the call I blew off steam by whipping up an apple blueberry cobbler that I've been contemplating making. Stress baking is my superpower.

Geoff had set up the slow cooker before leaving for work, so the chicken was simmering away and the cobbler was a-baking. Damn my house just smelled like autumn personified, except it was like 80 degrees and a bit oppressive. But still ... smelly good.

We're in those in between days right now. 

My work son ended up going to bed right after the call. Can't say as I blame him. I need to do the same, but I'm so reluctant to do them both at the same time. I have done it before with no difficulties, but. Hmmm.

After dinner it was Toffee walk time. And Doug decided to come with us. We got partway through the walk and he said he had to head home, and patted his belly. 

Oh honey, yes. I know the feeling. I was going to go back with him but I took the leash and continued on our way. He told me he made it back "just in time," and was "incredibly glad" he decided to head home. 

Good on him. 

Toffee and I went on our semi-usual route, there was another dog being walked ahead of us, and we were going to catch up if we continued on that direction so I turned left two blocks early to head back. We still managed a solid half hour. That's all that matters. 

I didn't take an anxiety baking picture, I should have. So ... digits below! 

 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Toffee walk, 30 min/1.38 mi. 11k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9am: 118
4:30pm: 138
11pm: 125 

food & meds:

9am: jardiance & new meds
9am: donut from last night
12:30pm: cinnamon raisin bagel with a lot of pb
1pm: met+glip
3pm: new meds
6:30pm: slow cooker teriyaki pulled chicken w/pineapple; apple blueberry cobbler w/no sugar ice cream
7pm: met+glip
no wine/alcohol

Just to check out the late night donut shop

The title of this entry is a nod to Barenaked Ladies. 

"Drove downtown in the rain, 9:30 on a Tuesday night
Just to check out the late night record donut shop..."

Miss Toffee woke me up at about 3am. She had gotten off the bed, which happens sometimes when she's asleep and I roll over and I shove her off because I'm trying to roll over and she won't get out of my way. 

 She was walking around our bedroom, pacing, whining. Then she came and stood next to my face and whimpered very softly but just loudly enough to wake up yours truly. 

I encouraged her to come back to bed, but she continued to pace. She was having none of it.

Well. I did go to bed very early last night, and maybe Doug assumed I had let her out before, but didn't. 

I got up and she ran around like crazy. We went down the stairs and she ran right to the back door. No barking, no noise, just a very clear non-verbal cue to say "OMG woman, let me out." 

I am super proud of her. Miss Toffee is a very very good bean. 

Today at work we had a lot of undue and unexpected stress. 

A client is having problems with their website DNS. For those who do not know, DNS is Domain Name Server/Service. And everyone has a DNS registrar (usually, for most, GoDaddy or Network Solutions). Then you have a DNS host. That can be GoDaddy or Network Solutions, or, it can be another company. 

If there is a problem with the DNS host and the "zone" records that go into that host (C Name, A record, MX record for e-mail, etc)  we end up having to help them fix it. And sometimes, it just does not go well and it is lumpy. And I call in our own Sysadmin (my superhero Vick) to help. And when HE can't fix it you know it is hairy.

I had scheduled myself some blood work that I should have done last week, and today was supposed to be easy peasy. But no. Things were lumpy but lord, I needed to keep this appointment. Our car was scheduled to go into the shop tonight due to a check engine light. Geoff wasn't back by 3, when I wanted to leave with the other car so I was stressing out. And trying to help fix this DNS kerfuffle. 

Geoff got home a half hour after I'd hoped he would, so I was able to go get the blood work done, but, that meant getting stuck in commuting traffic on the way back. 

In my heart of hearts, friends, my plan was to go get the blood work done and maybe do a little solo walk around town, or in the woods, or whatever. But everything else getting .... lumpy, did not help my case and I rushed back.

After I got home, Geoff was resting (and he usually makes supper) so I made chicken parm for dinner. After we ate, Doug took Geoff to drop the car off (2 cars over, one car back) but the plan was to stop at the late night donut shop that is only open to the public from 7pm-midnight. 

Yeah. I think I've mentioned this donut thing before.

The fact that this little shop of night time delightful treats is so close to our house, and we are not over there EVERY day, is a testament to our self control (and the fact I cannot see at night to drive most of the time). 

Geoff had never been there in the whole year we've lived here (surprisingly!) so Doug wanted to initiate him. They came back with a half dozen delightful treats. I was out with Toffee on a (longer than usual) walk, so what a joy to see the box when I got home. 

After all the lumpy things, this was such a joy to have.

The donut of the month is a s'mores donut, and oh my gosh she is so good. They got a nice assortment of jelly filled and a solid chocolate cake donut, and a couple apple pie ones but I wish they got all s'mores. 

Actually, I'm relieved they didn't because I would eat 3 of them by myself. 

What a treat. 

Digits below. Come visit us, eat donuts.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Toffee walk, 37 min/1.7 mi; 10k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9am: 134
xpm: n/a missed the reading time
10:15pm: 66 (? tested 4 times) 

food & meds:

9am: jardiance & new meds
12:30pm: tuna melt, 2 slices of cheddar, 2 slices of bacon, sourdough bread
12:45pm: met+glip 
3pm: new meds
6:30pm: 1/2 piece of chicken parm
7pm: met+glip
9pm: 2 donuts
red wine

MonMeh

I woke up around 4am, Geoff was in the shower and I had to use the bathroom, so I headed down to the basement. Thankful for him keeping it cleaner than he did his old bathroom at the other house. Toffee followed me downstairs and paced and paced, it was very confusing for her to have me be down there. 

She survived. We came back up and I got in the guest bed.  What I wanted more than anything was some prilosec, because I had tremendous heartburn and acid reflux.

In fact, I got a little nervous that it was going to be like an abdominal blockage again like a few weeks ago, but, I was successfully pooping which meant hey... things are moving! The doctor had told me it is really great when your belly is making all those gurgling sounds because that means the factory is doing its thing. 

Yeah, but does it have to be so noisy sometimes? 

Anyway, he got out of the bathroom and I went in and got the prilosec I needed. I drank a glass of water and felt really gross, like the water and my dinner were all just sloshing around inside my belly. Gross. 

I wondered if the new meds are supposed to make me feel sick if I over eat (and yeah, I kind of did thanks to mashed potatoes) so I ate a lot less this evening. 

Still have not lost any weight on this concoction. Bout to give up on it.

Anyway, I woke up repeatedly to go to the bathroom, never truly fell all the way back asleep. I dragged my ass out of bed around 9:30 because I thought I had a 10am meeting. no. 11am! Alright. 

I got a lot of work done, and we had a good team meeting with our entire department today and it was incredibly informative and worthwhile. Sometimes, these meetings are not really worthwhile. I got a lot out of it today. I dragged ass all day and thought about just packing it in.

I made a meeting with someone at 4:30pm, she's in Mountain time zone, and we had missed each other repeatedly over the last two weeks. She does volunteer work at the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta, and she told me all about it, and how fun it is and she demands that I come next year. 

Well alright! I'll pencil that in!

We talked for 90 minutes. 

My job is like that sometimes. "I think we only need 5 minutes for me to show you the problem I'm having with the software..." It just turns into a whole thing. Sometimes people love to talk and I love to talk, and we just .... talked. It was great.

After that, I answered another help ticket that came in when I was getting on that call and it was urgent but nothing I could help with until tomorrow when my work son gets back from being out for the long weekend. 

I got on the treadmill and pushed myself to 30 minutes because I sure the hell did not feel like a Toffee walk. She was disappointed. She kept sitting there eyeballing me and moaning. 

Sorry bubba girl, maybe tomorrow. 

It is 9pm, and I am going to bed. A full hour or more earlier than usual. I just can't hang.Truly hoping for a good night of sleep tonight. I ate a really small bowl of dinner, even though it was crazy delicious. Geoff sure knows his way around a recipie. 

No picture today, Just digits. Hopefully more fun tomorrow. I do have to go get blood work done, so, mayhaps I'll stop and look at something or take the long way home and treat myself to a vista.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Treadmill Run, 30 min/2.1 mi; 10k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9:30am: 117
4:15pm: 135
9pm: 144 (*note time I took met+glip and pasta for dinner, not too high but higher than it has been)

food & meds:

9:30am: jardiance & new meds
11am: slice of multigrain seeded bread w/pb
12:45: turkey and cheddar on 647 bread; met+glip
3:45pm: new meds
4:15pm: atkins peanut bar snack
7pm: rigatoni w/pancetta and olives a la Geoff
8pm: met+glip
no wine/alcohol

Change of plans to change of plans

H's outdoor rock show was canceled today, and I was kind of thankful for that. I didn't feel like making the schlep. Sad to miss it though, he's got a lot of songs he's playing on, and he really is so good. A disappointment but also a relief to not travel.

S suggested we still get together since our friend V was in town too. I suggested we meet up in Frederick which is a doable distance between the two of us. And it is fun. Frederick is fun. 

We agreed on a time, and she ended up emailing around 2pm to let me know that V (who is staying with her this weekend) was actually flying out to go back home tonight instead of tomorrow like she thought. And our agreed upon meeting time was too late. So we had to cancel the meet up. 

That honestly bummed me out because if I knew he was flying out tonight, I actually would have driven all the way down there to see 'em. 

Oh well. 

Also I decided I'd just schedule my blood work, which I was going to get done at the 24 hour lab after out Frederick meetup, for Tuesday afternoon, when I literally have zero meetings. I blocked off my schedule at 3pm so I can go make the trek. 

It was indeed pouring out all day, so good call by the music school on postponing the show. Unfortunately, I think the rain date is next Saturday and Doug and I were planning on a little weekend trip away that weekend. Ocean City, MD? Doug's mom? Rehoboth, DE? Not sure yet. The nice thing about being this far south is that these October Weekends are still good for fun if we want to head to the ocean. 

Geoff went to the market to get stuff for the next couple dinners, and initially I had told him to plan something for him and dad since I was probably not going to be here for noms. Seeing that I ended up being here, it was meatloaf double beatloaf, I love meatloaf. 

But really, I love mashed potatoes and gravy and that's what the goal was with this dinner. Sometimes you just gotta give in to the comfort food of choice. And I didn't overdo it. There were leftovers of the taters, which surprised me considering both Doug and Geoff had seconds. 

Sometimes 6 russet potatoes go a long, long way. 

The rain let up around 7pm, mostly just a gentle mist which didn't annoy Toffee. Usually she will not go out at all if it is raining, but she's been looking forward to a good walk in the evenings lately. I've been trying to walk her every night, and as it is all the way dark at 7-ish, I am thankful for street lights. I called Linda and we had a yap while I walked, and then continued with the yap after I got back. 

Not the day I set out to have but it was a day. 

Doug and I keep having unspoken disagreements on the little monkey I bought yesterday. He is smol, and it took Doug a while to find him where I placed him on the shelf at the foot of the stairs. 

He can sit on his butt, which is how Doug keeps positioning him. But when I saw him at the shop, he was in repose on his side and I liked that. So I keep setting him back in this position, Doug keeps sitting him up.  

So far today, he's been repositioned 4 times. 

Heh. 

Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Treadmill run, 20 min/1.46 mi; Toffee walk and Linda talk, 23 min/1.02 mi; 13k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9:45am: 127
4:45pm: 155
10:15pm: 110

food & meds:

9:45am: jardiance & new meds
10:30am: english muffin w/pb & wild berry preserves
2pm: met+glip
4pm: handful of pretzel m&ms ; new meds
6:30pm: meatloaf, mashed potatoes & gravy, mixed veggies
7pm: met+glip
white wine & diet ginger ale

The Antique Store

There is a very nice antique store in town, almost up in Pennsylvania to be honest. They aren't open regularly, usually just one weekend a month and I've been dying to go visit. But every time they are open, I'm away. Just hasn't worked out. 

Until today. 

I took the new car on a solo spin, Doug connected my phone to the bluetooth so I could crank some tunes and I went for the Avett Brothers for my drive through the corn fields and the meadows. Great choice. 

No one was there when I arrived, so I went in and met the folks who run the place. They are delightful, and I cannot stress that enough. They are retired and they run this outfit with love and care and attention, and they've been at it for over 40 years. 

I mentioned that I'd been trying to head their way for months and months but they are only open the one weekend a month, and she said that as the holidays approach they'll be open more frequently. Most notably because the building is impossible to cool down in the summer months and as it gets colder, they can be open more often. 

It is an old mill building, and the man told me that the water wheel out back was lit up, but I didn't see it, so I'll have to go again, I guess. 

Doug didn't want to come with me, which was a bummer, because I know he would enjoy this. It is a vibe and a half. Really good quality stuff, 

No photos are allowed inside. She explained that people sometimes come in, take pictures and then post them on their own antique shop web pages and social media like ... it's their stuff. So she said nope. That's it. Nope nope no pictures. 

And I'm very glad I asked first. 

I did take some outside pictures, though (below) with permission, I bought a little china thing to set beads in for when I get back on my bracelet makin' bullshit (very soon. I feel the need), and a monkey. I should take a picture of the monkey. Can't resist a monkey.

Bonus, he's an electrician, and we have two antique lamps that Doug's mom made us take gave us, and I have my dad's bowling pin lamp that needs to be fixed. He said he'd love to help. 

Overall, a good day. Doug mowed the lawn and I got a run on the treadmill in. Then after dinner, I took Toffee for a nice walk. When there aren't distractions, she's a delight to walk. We had a great time. 

Tomorrow is H's rock show down in Montgomery County, part of me wants it to get rained out. Part of me loves the idea of going. And another part of me knows I have to get some blood work done, so the lab that is open weekends is down there. Well. Gotta do it. Seeing as today's predicted "wash out" never materialized, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. 

Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Treadmill Run 20 min/1.48 mi; Toffee Walk, 30 min/1.36 mi. 11k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9:30am: 115
4:30pm: 115
10:30pm: 121

food & meds:

9am: jardiance & new meds
11:30am: bowl of mac & cheese w/hamburger
1pm: met+glip
3:30pm: new meds
6:30pm: jambalaya rice w/shrimp, chicken, pork loin (the last 2 leftover and diced into the rice for more protein)
8:30pm: met+glip
wine w/zero sugar cran and seltzer water

Where are our Friday Vibes?

I thought today I was just going to skate through. 

Did my 360 reviews, I had two left to do and one was for my boss. So I wanted to be careful and calculated, honest but also not like sucking up to him or anything. I think we have an understood mutual admiration. 

After all, he does take selfies with Ryan Miller from Guster when he sees him out and about in Burlington VT. Thoughtful. 

All my meetings got canceled, One was because the client was at the Albuquerque Balloon Festival, and thought she'd be back in time for our call but she got stuck in traffic. And didn't have my number or remember my email, or know how to get in touch with me. We rescheduled. 

The second was with another client, and he was 15 minutes late. But we met, figured the thing out, did a big hi-5 on zoom, and that was awesome. 

One of my teammates and I have a standing Friday 1:1, but we have not met for the last 5 weeks. I canceled on her last week, she did this week. We have to get out of that pattern. But I told her it was fine because one of the reviews I had to write was hers. I did not say "she's not good at keeping a meeeting schedule." Because I'm not either.

Doug and I ran out to the UPS store to get a thing notarized so he can move all his money out of a languishing retirement account from a job he left 10 years ago. But I'm the beneficiary on it, so I had to be informed it was moving, AND sign off on it with a notary witness. Done and dusted at 3:30pm. 

Around 4:30 I was done with my reviews, I marinated the chicken thighs (and drank the half of a beer that didn't go into the marinade). I took my blood sugar, came back down and put on my sneakers. I was headed for the treadmill. 

An urgent "OMG the deadline is MONDAY for this thing you don't manage but I need your help!" ticket came in, so I helped with that. Score a victory for us! Another colleague on my team said there was a problem with a client's publication, and asked me to help find someone to reach out to there. So I did, we emailed, no one got back to us but I checked at 10pm and the issue was resolved. 

And then something else unexpected happened? I can't remember what that was. My colleague who reached out to me on the problem with the client website thanked me for helping her after 5:30 on a Friday afternoon. I said, the last hour and a half was more work than I did all day! She agreed and said "Where are our Friday vibes!? We should be enjoying the afternoon and kicking off easy." 

I KNOW! 

My sneakers were still on, I thought about the treadmill. I cooked dinner instead. 

After dinner, I realized I was not even half way through 10k steps, so I sighed, got the dog leashed, took her for a walk. She did really well, once she pooped and got it over with. I was able to walk with a slack leash, she stayed right next to me. I thought about adding an extra block, but, we headed back to the house. A solid half hour walk is great. 

Doug and I were watching tv and at 8:30 I said "damn. I still need 2000 steps." 

So I got the sneakers back on, and went back out. I kind of know how far a walk I need to take for 2000 steps, so I tacked on an extra small detour to put even more steps onto the measurement. I was at 10k before I even got back to the house. 

Friday vibes, I guess they are going on a walkabout. 

Tomorrow and Sunday may be cold and rainy. Fall-like weather. Doug is hoping to get the lawn mowed, but I'm not sure that will be possible if what happens happens. And then Sunday is football day in America so he will most likely not mow then, because it is a religious holiday, every week. Don't ya know. 

On Sunday I'm supposed to go see H in his school of rock concert. It is supposed to be outside, and they'll make a decision the night before whether or not to have it. So I may or may not be driving an hour and 15 minutes to go see my 11 year old best friend "play the keys." We'll see what happens. Part of me hopes it gets rained out. I sort of want to be here and maybe feel like getting some things done while Doug watches football. And hey, maybe I'll get that run in! 

I don't have a picture. So. Digits below!

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. two walks, one with toffee, 32 min/1.5 mi; solo, 20 min/.96 mi. 10k+ by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9am: 116
4:30pm: 105
10pm: 135

food & meds:

9am: jardiance & new meds
10am: freezer breakfast burrito with extra shredded cheddar and salsa
1pm: met+glip
3pm: new meds
4:30pm: 2 pieces of celery w/pb, 1/2 a beer
6:15pm: 2 zero carb fajita wraps w/grilled chicken thighs, avocado, sour cream, shredded cheese, 1 beer
7:45pm: met+glip

wine punch on the porch

This afternoon, Doug made me stop working at 4:30 so he could take me for a spin in the new ride. It is a Volvo sedan, I forget what year. She is fast and zippy and smooth. She makes our Volvo wagon feel like a jalopy. 

We had to dump the old license plates off at the registry and then we did a toodle aboot town. We got home, Geoff was cooking dinner (his class and lab were canceled today, so he was home all day, did the shopping, and took an exam online). Tomorrow he goes down and comes back, no hotel overnight. I think he likes that. 

And I like having him make dinner. 

Doug called over to me and told me to come out on the porch, so I did. He made some sort of not quite sangria thing with red raspberries, lemons and limes, red and white wine, seltzer and a dash of grenadine. It was very tasty and really tasted like Hawaiian Punch. 

It was just a beautiful night, so we sat and talked about fall clean up, trees, plants, stuff. He keeps thinking and changing his mind about putting two trees out front of the house. I told him he has plenty of time to decide what he wants to do. This is his house for as long as he wants. 

After dinner, I took myself for a walk. Geoff took Toffee earlier in the day and I find I like to take her for 20 minute jaunts, but today I was super way behind on steps so I needed to go far, go long. I succeeded in that. I also tried to run. 

Outside running sucks? I mean, I couldn't even really trot or jog for far. I can do over 2, 3 miles on the treadmill but feh. Running outside, I just felt big and stiff and heavy. 

more practice needed, Im sure. 

Anyway. I'm super happy tomorrow is Friday. FriYAY. I have to finish writing my reviews for my colleagues and write some help documentation, and I hope that is about the most I've gotta do. 

Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours.  45 min walk/2.23 mi. 10k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9am: 141
5pm: 91
10:30pm: 113

food & meds:

9am: jardiance & new meds
1:30pm: english muffin w/pb and very nice blueberry preserves; met+glip
3pm: new meds
5:30pm: the doug drink concoction
6pm: small bowl of spaghetti w/a lot of meat sauce; met+glip

Regrets

A work colleague, friend, good friend, wonderful person, recently got divorced after 6 years of marriage. No kids, a dog which she happily let him take. She felt she is too busy for daily walks. But she's worried he won't take care of the dog very well and this makes her sad.

She's going to get a cat. She can handle a cat. Cats don't need daily walks. 

She has been depressed over [gestures everywhere] all this. We were supposed to meet on something at 1pm but she was offline. I messaged her, she didn't message back.

Admittedly, I'm kind of used to this from a handful of my work colleagues. They have anxiety, they have some autistic tendencies. They have meltdowns for a couple hours and come back feeling better. They prioritize self care. My Gen-X soul doesn't understand it sometimes but I am aware of how they function and feel, and I am always here waiting for them once they are able to pull up out of the tailspin. 

She didn't come back online and wasn't at the next meeting I expected to see her at. And this worried me.

I texted her. I figured, if she's not using the work communications tools, I want her to know that I'm worried, but also, that I'm here. She called me right back. 

She was indeed having a meltdown, and couldn't stop. 

It all started this morning with an electrical issue in her condo. Calling an electrician, she couldn't get anyone to come out today, tomorrow, maybe Friday, but most likely Monday. 

"The whole second floor of my house has no power. I'm afraid to turn on switches. I think everything is going to catch on fire," she said. 

"Probably not," I replied. 

She's much younger than me, and she asked if the upstairs toilet would still flush. Because. That's the "pooping" toilet. I tried not to laugh, because this is my super power - I'm able to hear people out when they say something and not laugh in their faces.

"Toilets do not run on electricity," I told her. "Go ahead, poop all you like. Flush. Poop more. Flush But, you probably want to do it in the daylight." 

She laughed a little and said she has a headlamp that she used a lot when she and her husband used to go camping. He left it at the house. She said that she was thankful for that, and she wondered if he'd ever want the camping gear back. I heard how sad this made her feel.

It was then she confessed to me, "I made a big mistake," sighing, "I never should have gotten divorced. I should have toughed it out. We could have made it work." 

Regrets. She has a few. To steal from Sinatra. 

"Well, I mean, no? You don't have to say that," trying to bolster her life decisions. 

The divorce was mostly rooted in his addictions. Alcohol, pot, and porn. After a full year of couple's therapy, him trying  and failing to give up his vices, her realizing he isn't a fun happy drunk he's a mean and rude drunk. And the porn, that hurt her the most. He didn't want to sleep with her, but he sure did spend a lot of time wanking and watching. 

And it was getting expensive. None of this is cheap, especially if you are paying for online access and not just using the cheap free videos that are readily available online.

She asked him to make a choice, her or the addictions. He said he couldn't.

So she did. 

"He would have been here and I bet he would have figured this electrical thing out," she said. "And if he needed, he would have called the electrician and explained the situation. And because they're both guys,  the electician would say, oh yeah dude, I'll come right over. It's probably easy peasy. Five minutes, in and out." 

She told me the electrician asked her a bunch of questions, kind of like I would in troubleshooting a problem with one of our products. Like the I.T. Crowd, "Did you turn it off and turn it on again?" 

She couldn't answer the questions, she didn't understand what he was asking. So the guy probably was annoyed with her and said okay lady, I'll .... come eventually. 

And now she thinks the electrical system in the house is going to short out, blaze up, and she'll die in her sleep. 

Which, obviously, sent her into a panic spiral. 

"I haven't done anything work-wise today. I've been clutching my belly since 6am. I'm in pain. Now I feel like I need to go to the hospital. Like, I'm dying from stress." 

I didn't have a car that I could go to her house (plus, she's like, near Delaware or New Jersey up there ... that part of Maryland, which isn't exactly an easy thing to do, just get in a car and drive three hours). 

But I wanted to. 

Her mom and dad are not speaking to her, they blame her for the separation and they think the ex-husband can do no wrong. 

She feels like she has no one. Which is pretty much true.

We talked for over an hour. I told her she can't change the past, that she made the right decisions for herself and hopefully in the long run for him too. He needs help. And maybe one day he'll get it. 

And she will get an electrician to come. 

And she just needs to look ahead, look forward, and not perseverate that she made a mistake. Because she didn't. It may not feel like it, but.

Everything will work out.

"Give yourself the grace to poop in the first floor bathroom because honey, after all, you share this house with no one. You can poop with the door open. You can turn music up and sing while you are pooping. Celebrate your pooping!"

She laughed, and she got a phone call while we were chatting. 

The electrician could come over and take a look on his way home around 4. 

I didn't get to talk with her again tonight, she did text me and sent a hug emoji and a heart. 

I guess that's how people talk anymore, and that's a thank you. 

We all have regrets, don't we? 

Sometimes, they feel insurmountable. You will never ever get over some things. But you will. 

I always say to people, "Next year in Jerusalem!" or I quote Guster "By this time next year, I won't be here," meaning this shitty situation. I'll be able to look back, and see that I survived it. "Be Calm, Be Brave, It'll Be Okay."  Also, Bruce Springsteen "Someday we'll look back on this and it will all seem funny." 

Hopefully. 

And so, I ate the last piece of apple pie in the fridge because Doug and Geoff both said they felt they had their fair share, and that was for me, if I wanted it. 

I do not regret it, well, maybe a little tiny bit because my bedtime blood sugar is a little high. And I didn't take a secondary Toffee walk, although I really should have. The night was beautiful. But it got to be 10, and that's get ready for bedtime time. 

Regretting not taking that second walk, sort of.

Also, I wasn't kidding the other day when I said I wouldn't Fall for False Fall. 

False Fall and Second Summer, will be followed by maybe real fall. But I bet Third Summer comes back too. 

Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Treadmill run, 30 min/2.18 mi. 11k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

8:45am: 135
4:30pm: 105
10:30pm: 175

food & meds:

8:45am: jardiance & new meds
1:45pm: bowl of left over pot roast w/ a buttered roll; met+glip
3pm: new meds
4:30pm: handful of m&ms
6:30pm: pork loin, pierogis, peas
8pm: met+glip; last slice of apple pie w/whipped cream from the can
vodka & zero sugar cranberry

Magic Cheese

Doug was up for his meeting at 6:45 and I made a pot of coffee for him, for us, and crawled into the guest bed. I slept super late, I think I finally woke up at 8:45 and quickly checked my phone to see if anyone was looking for me. Nope. So I went back to sleep until about 9:15. 

My brain must have needed it. Also, it's dark out at 6:45! I didn't want to be up. Screw that! 

Doug is going tomorrow to pick up our new used car. We'll be a two volvo family for the foreseeable future. This is a sedan (our other one is a hatchback). Both are black. We're cool kids. 

I'll be sad to see the mini go. She was a work horse.

He is leaving around 3pm because he has to get a bank check, and I really hope by tomorrow the money he transferred into our account shows up, otherwise... he can't get the dang diddly car.

Banks, man. They piss me off. It doesn't even show as pending in our account. But in his eTrade, it shows transferred.  

As Stewie Griffin would say (and my sister will laugh) "Where's my money, Brian?" 

He asked if I wanted to go with him, because new car, right? But he didn't give me enough notice on this and I have a meeting at 3pm that I really have to go to, to prioritize bugs and fixes with the product team. I'm kind of key to the process there. If I'm not there, I don't get to say "y'all need to put this at the top of the damn list."

It was a busy day today, with three client meetings. One is a dang diddly mystery that I simply can't figure out, and I'm not sure why it is broken. And one was an absolute joy. And one is a mystery but I see what the problem is, and wrote it up for the developers to fix. 

Client meetings are fun and they are all so unique, and the folks I met with are truly lovely. I just should learn better and not stack them all up on each other. 

I took to the treadmill around 5. I wanted to go between 2 and 3, but I was busy trying to focus on that mystery I cannot solve and lost track of time. Geoff had gone to the gym after work, and stopped and got a couple things for dinners for tonight and tomorrow, so we had cheesesteaks. I skipped the roll and put my stuff in a bowl, and took a scoop of macaroni salad. 

Somehow, I've been noticing that even if I run a full half hour on the treadmill, I'm falling short of 10k steps like 8pm, when I want to be basically done with steps. So I took Toffee for a walk. She was thrilled and she actually was very good tonight. There have been nights recently that I've taken her, and she's seen a CAT! or ... WHAT IS THAT! and she stands frozen at the end of someone's driveway looking at their Halloween decorations. 

Tonight, she walked like a champ. She peed a lot, gotta let the world know this is Toffee Town! And I thought about doing a bigger loop but .... meh. 

Got to 9500 steps by the time we got home and those last 500 steps just happen organically. 

Maybe if I got up at oh, 6:45 am and didn't sleep until 9:15 I could stack steps in and front load the day. Ya think? Maybe.

I've been trying to add 50-100 steps to each hour to help prevent this, instead of the "basic" hourly 250. And I still am not making it up to numbers I like by 7. Makes for sitting on my ass for the last 3 hours of the day a non-thing. 

In other news, I booked a hotel for our holiday party in December. Linda and I are looking at the Hartford  Guster show and accommodations, and my birthday trip with 2 Guster shows in Brooklyn is gonna happen. Doug usually makes a face when I say "so, can we talk about the next Guster shows I wanna see?" And this time he was game for going to Brooklyn. He doesn't have to GO to the shows, Linda only has 2 tickets per night. So he can goof off in Brooklyn or something and meet us after. 

I have to figure out my logistics. 

But the holiday party shenanigans, I wasn't planning on going until my work son asked me if I would. So what we're gonna do, is I'm going to drive down, park in the office garage, we both have rooms at the hotel by the office. The next morning, we'll come back here and he can come meet miss Toffee. We can bake and cook, and do all the foodie things we like that we talk about. 

Maybe I'll get him to bring this cheese they only have in St. Louis called Provel. Geoff has a cookbook that he picked up somewhere that is all recipes from the St. Louis Beacon, and when he cooks stuff from it, we don't have the magical Provel cheese (we could probably recreate it somehow knowing what cheeses are in it). 

But if that magic cheese could make its way to my house, if work son will check a bag instead of just carry on... or heck, maybe he could mail some! 

The possibilities. 

Anyway. No picture, too busy. Digits below!

 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. Treadmill run 20 min/1.46 mi; Toffee walk, 20 min, .97 10k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose: 

9am: 108
4:15pm: 84
9:30pm: 172

food & meds:

9am: jardiance & new meds
9:30am: oikos triple zero yogurt cup w/ 1/2 cup of granola
2pm: met+glip
2:45pm: handful of trail mix
3:45pm: new meds
6pm: cheesesteak meat w/onions, peppers, mushrooms; some macaroni salad
7:45pm: met+glip
no wine/alcohol