On Dedicate Live, they show a video and there is a box scrolling a "dedication" on the screen. On most of them it's "from X to Y, Yo whassup, math clas waz sik today. yu rock. letz smoke tomorro afternoon l8r." The dedications are categorized by love, hate, %*@)#, which I guess means I Really Do Not Like You.
They showed "My Immortal" by Evanescence, a video I've not actually seen but a song I'm familiar with. I've seen "Going Under" a lot more, and I wanted to see "My Immortal," as it reminded me a lot of stuff I've heard from October Project, only with more of a dark, sharp edge.
Most of the little dedications along with this song were sheer nonsense. The way they usually are. They had nothing to do with the song. Not sure why anyone would pick such a song to do a dedication to someone about "Yo, math class sux."
I was pretty much ignoring them, watching the art and the chiaroscuro of the skyline, Amy Lee's face and flowing clothing, all in blue, black and white. I was feeling very still and very moved all at once.
The dedications scrolled on... and then one jumped out to me, and put me on the brink of outright wailing.
It was from a girl in Connecticut to her mom. The "To" was "Mommy" and the message stated something along the lines of "I still can't believe you are gone -- I miss you." And then her name, and Feb 1955 to Oct 03, 2003."
And I didn't know what to do.
The sudden thought of a girl writing to her mother, not knowing what age she is, not knowing why she lost her or what happened or the state of their relationship at the time of death... coupled with the powerfully sad lyrics and the gorgeous images presented in the video caused me to just start bawling.
For most of you who know me, I do a lot of emotional transference. I cry at inappropriate times, when I cannot cry for the right reasons in my own life. For instance -- I didn't cry at Clayton's funeral, but the day after a TV commercial made me "lose it." It's a release for me. And I haven't had a lot to cry about in my life lately, there's been some stress but it's all under control.
But thinking of how this girl in Connecticut must feel, and how she has this Christmas for the first time without her mommy -- I felt for her. And I let it all go.
The next dedication made me laugh and took all of those tears away. Again, it was addressed to "Mommy" from another girl. The message stated "Hi Mommy -- I wanted you to hear this band. I love their music and I know you'll love them too. Please buy me their album for Christmas and let's listen to it together."
It made me think of Jessica, and how we listen to so much of the same stuff. Seeing "Hi Mommy" on the screen made me think of her little voice when she says that to me. And I was very happy that there was a girl out there who is like Jessie who can say to her mom "listen to this -- I think you'll like it..."
And I hope the mommy does.
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