Thursday, August 02, 2007

Atomic Weight of Dog

It is about elevendy-million degrees here in the computer room. It was a hot day out in the world today, and the air conditioner downstairs just doesn't push enough cool up here. Plus, this little lofty room here is just beat upon by the sun all day, making me think some huge-assed solar panels on the roof would have us making our own power to last a year on just a few days like today. A few more days like today and we'd be selling power back to the grid... and making money off this joint. Colonial architecture meets progressive environmental energy policy.

In the meantime, I have no solar power, I have a fan pointed straight at my face and one on the floor between my legs, because there is nothing more uncomfortable when you're chubby than a fat whoo-ha.

And you girls and boys who are less (more?) than svelte know from whence I speak, don'tcha? Yeah. I thought so. Cough. On that note, we proceed.

Luckily in just a few minutes, I will be in my freezing cold bedroom, falling very very quickly to sleep. The air conditioner in this smaller space does a perfectly cromulent job. At about 4am, I will wake up and curse myself for forgetting to put a blanket on the bed. Because it will be just that stinking cold in there.

Aah. I planned ahead. I walked in there and put a blanket on the bed. So I won't be cursing myself at all at about 4am. Problem is, Brodie will be on top of the blanket, and will be nigh to unpossible to move out of my way so I can unfold the blanket and get cozy warm again. She's a big pile of dark matter when she sleeps. By day, she is adorable and 50 pounds. At night, she morphs into about 800,000 metric tons. Sleep does something to this dog. Transforms her, changes her atomic structure, her physical being.

No longer dog, she is planetoid.

So I will have to put a second blanket on the bed. One for her, and the other for me to whip up on top of myself and become all cozy.

See, I've got it all planned out.

Speaking of planned out... I planned on writing all week. But I knew August was coming, and a new template would have to be generated, and I didn't want to do it the other day. Then, that bridge collapse thing happened last night as I was starting to work things out and I got distracted by watching the horror unfold.

So I had things planned. I did. I just ... had to put it off. I'm digging for something to write about and am having a hard time.


I have an ear infection, that's news I guess.

I haven't had one in like 10 years. I used to get them all the time, huge horrible ear infections that no one knew why they were happening. I went to ENTs, all kinds of doctors, and they just gave me drops and told me to take ibuprofen and just deal with it. So this has been a pain, literally and figuratively, for about 10 days. I went to the doctor on Wednesday afternoon and got some drops. And he said "hey, you haven't had this for a long time, have you?" He remembered. That's a good doctor.

He's equally confounded as I am. I haven't been swimming. I haven't changed shampoos so it isn't like the Ph balance in my ears has shifted and caused normal bacteria that live on my (and your's) body to go haywire. Perhaps it is too cold in my bedroom. Perhaps the air conditioner is to blame. Who knows?

All I know is that it sucks and it hurts and it makes me a senorita crankypants and I don't like it.

Geoff got his football uniform and all kinds of football related doo-dads this week. That's kind of exciting. He'll have practice two or three days a week, and will miss just one game when someone we know gets married in September. He's really excited. He's trying to do push-ups (he's so bad at it) and sit-ups (he can do some but not a lot) and is running every day. So that makes me smile. He tried wearing heavy hand weights on his arms and ankles but the ones we have are too big for him and they fall off. And then he gets pissed and throws them. One should never throw 10 pound weights in the house when pissed.

Well, I'm exhausted. I'm terribly worn out tonight with this ear pain. I want to catch the headlines and go to sleep. I'll try and be more pithy and entertaining later. Until we meet again my darlings, be well and keep cool if you're way hot.

By the way, Jess says the atomic weight of dog is three girth units. Which really made me laugh. Watch all the way to the end to get the reference.

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