Monday, April 28, 2008

Don't take me out to the ball game

"I want to live on a dead end street. I want the traffic to be just my car.
I want the crack of a stickball bat. I want to hear the big dogs,
hear the big dogs bark."
-Jon Svetkey

I confess, I'm not the biggest baseball fan there is. I'm not even really a fair weather fan. When the Red Sox are doing well, that's nice. I don't get my panties in a bunch the way I do about the Patriots, the Steelers, or Brett Favre fading into history and destiny with his storied career.

Saturday was the start of Little League Season here in our town. Our house is adjacent to the ball park. On the whole, little league doesn't bother me. It's nice. It gives the kids something to do. I like hearing the crowd over there, I like hearing that aluminum bat whack a ball so hard you think the stitching is going to rip off of it as it sails all the way over here to my house (a ball has yet to make it all the way over here to my house, but sometimes I hear that sound and imagine it coming right for me. Where's my mitt!) I like hearing the cheer of all the parents and kids as that strike sends that sphere skyward. It's a nice sound and feeling.


Last year they put up BLAZING lights that are brighter than God's own sun. The philosophy behind them is "what if a game goes LATE and it gets DARK and the boys can't see?"

Um, dude? It's still light out at 7:30 pm and it's only April. In August, it is light until like 9pm. Honestly, if your games are going that late there is something WRONG with how the games are being scheduled, played and run. They start early, many teams play through the day, and there is no way game day should run 12 hours into the darkness of night. It isn't winter. It is spring and summer.

But. They put up the lights. And last summer we lived with them. It was the suck.

Even when there is no game or practice, the lights are on. Probably someone doing grounds is over there working on stuff wicked late, and the lights are on, blazing into my livingroom and blinding the hell out of me, until 9:30 at night or later.


Who should ever be out there at 9:30 at night. Go the hell home, people!

Two nights ago I went over there and not a living human soul was around. But the mini-Apollo's chariot of a lighting system blazed on into the night. All for naught.

My guess is the lights are on timer. But if someone is over there and say finished with what all he needs to do, there should be the ability for him to shut the damn lights off before he leaves.

I'll throw the "it's a waste of energy and not Earth Friendly" and "My freakin' tax dollars pay for this" card on the table on this one.

It is especially nice in August when every bug in the northeastern region of Massachusetts is flying around the lights at night, and those buggies too lazy to make it to the big bright lights hang out in my yard. That's awesome.

This year they got a PA system.

Oh Joy. Doug and I were out there and he turns to me and says "Oh PLEASE tell me they're not going to do this all summer long?"

"Honey, of course they are. What, do you think they are just going to do it TODAY?"

We could hear it in the house with all the windows and doors closed. Our dogs were FREAKING out because of it. Eventually we took them swimming because I just could not deal with them barking and freaking the hell out all day. This is nice. I am so looking forward to all summer.

Before anyone snarkily comments "Well, why'd you buy a house so close to the ball field then, stupid?!" I will let you know now that when we bought this house there was no blazing light force, no PA System. It was Just Right. The niceness of little league, the aforementioned sounds of bat on ball and cheering family. Now, not so much. And I'm irritated.

Especially because I don't want to hear the stupid songs they play between innings. I swear if they play "Sweet Caroline" I'm going to go over there with my own aluminum bat and put an end to that. Someone needs to Stop The Stupid Sweet Caroline Crap Already. Enough.

The only saving grace is that all the PA dude is doing is announcing the at-bat names and numbers, and introducing the team and coaches at the beginning. If he starts doing play by play color I'm going to extra super freak out.

Oh dear God help me, I will freak out.

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