My daughter has decided to leave college.
She won't give us a real clear and honest reason. She told me that she no longer cares about what she is studying, she no longer cares about linguistics and foreign languages. She hates everyone. She hates the people. She hates being there. She "cannot bear" to spend another semester there.
So she wants to come home at the end of this semester. I asked her if something happened to her, if someone said or did anything? Was it the homesickness? Was it the fear of having 90,000 dollars in student loans to pay off? What. Give me a reason.
Doug isn't hearing it from her. "You're depressed. Everyone gets depressed in college. Work through it, find a counselor or an adviser to talk to, and stay in school. Dropping out now will do you no good. If you think you're going to come home and find a job that pays more than 9 bucks an hour, you're wrong. Just stay there, and get a degree that will make you marketable."
But I have a degree and no one wants me. Does she see that and feel how fucking painfully USELESS everything is?
I think I've got that part of her experience figured out.
I know she had a good summer. She was very happy, and it was so good to see. She enjoyed working at our church, she loved working at the cooking school. She did a week of volunteer work at a christian rock concert up in New Hampshire and at one point I remembered she posted "I'm surrounded by people who care about things. I wish I cared about things."
Part of me agrees with Doug and the other part of me says to her, "come home, regroup. Take some classes at Salem State to stay on track. Change your major. Maybe we'll buy you a plane ticket and you can go to South Africa and go visit the women who visited us this summer from East London RSA. Go there for a while. They said they need teachers, they need smart women with big hearts. Go. And maybe you'll fall in love with something to care about. Or, just come home and wallow in it with me. Lord knows I'm not the chipperest happy person on the planet of late. Lord knows I prefer to watch 11 episodes of South Park back to back and work on stuff on my computer for Jo and then email it to her. Lord knows that mustering up the energy to go to a football game or to the freaking Grocery Store is a half day battle. Maybe if you're here, we can both yell at each other until we do things. Or watch another episode of South Park."
I don't know.
She told me today she didn't register for any spring semester classes (enrollment was 2 weeks ago) and that "by now, everything that I would maybe want to take is full. So it is pointless."
I honestly just don't even know what to do.