Saturday, March 15, 2014


With my leg being swollen and uncomfortable, taking a shower is a challenge. I tend to go as quickly as possible, the quick body wash and shampoo only. Conditioner has not touched my hair in a month. I just don't have time to stand there and let it sink into my gorgeous locks.

Doug thought it would be nice for me to take a bath. He went out and bought some "relaxing bath salts" to ease sore muscles. He's deeply thoughtful that way. Jess scrubbed the bathroom and the tub for me yesterday so I could go up and luxuriate in the tub.

This morning I did so.

My conclusion is that baths, or at least every bath in every bathtub I've had in my life, are overrated.

Turning the water on, I lowered myself into the tub. With one bum knee (right) and a swollen thigh and blood clot in the left knee, this was a challenge. I got seated and then kind of realized that getting up might prove to be a huge problem and possible nightmare for getting out.

But I figured ... I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

I started by washing my hair quickly, because it needed it badly. I did not apply conditioner. I wrapped my bath towel around my hair and realized I maybe should have brought two towels into the bathroom with me. Stupid.

Then I turned the water spigot up to the hottest water temperature  possible, which really wasn't that hot - I wanted REALLY hot water. Like hot tub hot water. I sat there as the bath salts dissolved, and the tub began to fill.

Now, if you're like me, your upper body sticks up out of the tub. This is uncomfortable when the room isn't really warm. I lathered up the bath scrunchie with some special dry and sensitive skin body wash that I'd bought for Geoff, and soaped the upper body part of me up nicely. This was temporarily very soothing.

Rinsing off, I then realized I was going to be even colder than before because now ... I'm wet.

The tub was finally filled up, and basically from right below my waist downward I was in the water... head, arms, back and shoulders freezing. The immediate instinct is to maybe scrunch down, bend the knees and get the back part of my body into the water. But my tub isn't really long enough for repose.

I'm miserable at this point. And I feel like such an ingrate because my loving husband was so excited to get relaxing muscle body bath salts for me and treat me to something nice.

I force myself to stay in the tub, putting water which is quickly becoming cold water up over my back and shoulders again. How much longer do I wait? I decide I've waited long enough and hit the drain stopper. The water starts to sing the song of its people as it heads to the septic system, and I realize I have to get up.

The challenge I predicted it would be, it was. Pushing myself up by my arms proved no good, the side of the tub on one side is too small for a hand to palm and push up off of. Trying to push with both arms on one side was no good either. I ended up getting onto my bad knee and uttering blasphemies while rotating the body to the point where I was on both knees and could get the left leg under me to stand.

I considered calling out for some help but once in the right position, even though I was wet and freezing, I was home free and got the towel from around my head (it served its purpose there) and wrapped myself up.

Coming downstairs, Doug asked me with a big smile on his face if I enjoyed my bath.

Yes, honey. I did.

So here's what I want in life. I want a big, huge "two person" bathtub that is close to 4 feet deep, with a seat on either end of it, with jets and the hottest water a body can tolerate. I want a nice shower hose thingie that I can take off of the wall at the end and rinse myself off with (because in general, I always feel like a bath is you sitting in your own dirt in the long run...) And I want more of those bath salts, so I can truly love and appreciate the gesture.

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