It was kind of a nutty week, one in which I was relatively sure my dad was going to die

My mother called me on Tuesday morning to let me know my dad had been taken to the hospital by ambulance. That isn't the way you usually would like to wake up.

He woke up very early that morning and went out on the porch for some fresh air. He was having trouble breathing and didn't feel right.

Eventually, my mom called the ambulance and they took him to hospital.

While there, they began to treat him for pneumonia.  But who gets pneumonia in July when they didn't have a cold or something leading up to it...

I told my mom flat out it sounded like Congestive Heart Failure and she'd better tell them to knock it off and test him for that.

Meanwhile, they were testing him for that.

And that is what it was. (Read more after the break by clicking on the link below)

Safety advice for parents

I normally don't pay attention to the bobbleheads on the morning news, most of that content is not very interesting. Oh, Egypt is burning, 30 are dead? Let's do a segment on how to get the perfect beach booty!

Anyway, the other morning the news was on and I was moving through the room to go get coffee and heard a safety expert talking about things to be aware of during the July 4th Boston Fireworks. They were talking about how there would be extra security, you couldn't bring any coolers in, which is bullshit if you ask me as it was 98 degrees with 80% humidity on the 4th and people come early to get their seats! Sure, no coolers but we won't give free ice water away to people to keep them from baking to death. This is why I don't go to these things...

but I digress.

The man then said one of the most brilliant things I've ever heard: Every time the family goes somewhere with the kids where they are in a large public venue (Baseball park, playground, fireworks in Boston...)  Parents should take a picture of their little kids right when they get there, or a short video to capture the child's look, clothing, voice, in case the child goes missing, there is some sort of incident where people flee and the family gets separated, or if the child is abducted.

Everyone's got a cell phone camera now, even the least fancy have a good camera on them. A photo of the child at the location showing exactly what they look like and what they're wearing gives the authorities something immediate they can post to get the word out that the child is missing.

A video is even better because the voice and mannerisms can be captured and people will be able to recognize a voice even if hair color or clothing are changed.

How smart is that?

Do you remember how many TV shows or news reports you used to see with these crappy out of focus or really out of date pictures that would be used? Parents only have a school photo from the beginning of last year and now it is July of the year following? Parents sometimes didn't have money to spend on getting film developed, or the pictures all came out awful, and there would be nothing really visual available to go on.

Our town used to host a Kid ID day where they would bring the kids down to the park, fingerprint them, take height and weight measurements, photograph them and do a quick "interview" of the children where they would say their name, their favorite food, their favorite TV show... and parents were given a free copy of the VHS tape. That was as recently as six or seven years ago because I think I still have Geoff's from one of those events.

Fascinating that even that kind of technology is obsolete. Almost as much as a blurry picnic photo from last year, which is "the most recent picture I have of my kid..."  Temporarily totally impressed with this advice.

And just like that

Tuesday night, we looked at the apartment, the duplex really, the huge half-a-house with 2 acres of land in the back. Three other families were interested, including my friend B from town here.

She rejected it outright after viewing it, even though it would have enough space for her and the three kids. She told me her daughter "is a snob" and could never live in an old house with small bathrooms and small rooms. The house is old indeed, but not as old as the house I'm in now so I didn't think a thing of the age. I told B that she can't let her daughter dictate where they live, if her daughter doesn't like it good luck to her - she can go live with her dad. Considering there are literally no options for rent, I was shocked that she rejected it.

B decided on a two bedroom condo that was rehabbed/rebuilt in 2007 with all new everything. There is a small office - she's giving her daughter that room. I thought that was justice, and told her to stick to it - the two boys have to share a room, so there is really no reason why her daughter can't take the small room.




I am going on way too long in this entry so if you want to keep reading...

what i won't get my hopes up about

i figure the last entry was unfair.

Tomorrow night we go look at a 4 bd rental the next town over which is in our school system. It is the only listing we've been close to able to afford in any of the towns, and we're also competing with my friend B who is looking for a place too. She has three kids and a crazy ex husband, and needs a safe place for everyone to live that is not in the same town with him (our town). I worry for her. But for as much as I worry for her, she has no pets, there are a few other options in the school district that she can take that she hasn't taken advantage of. I think she should but I can't tell her what to do.

But. If I have to move out of our district, I don't want to move to the wrecked place in Salem NH. I have thought long and hard about that place and I honestly don't think I want to be there. I don't want to move to Haverhill or Methuen. Really do not.

Today a friend of mine from church sent me a listing from a place in Newburyport from her mom's and tots group. The woman posting it is the tenant in the other half of the house who got permission to privately share the listing with the group before it gets advertised.

The listing is a half house, 3 bedrooms,  one bath but a second bath will be installed after the current tenants move out in late July. The price is exactly what we're looking for, and it is next door to our church.

And I love our church. And I love the neighborhood. And how cool, how very very cool, would it be to live in downtown Newburyport really.

 Jess was excited because it is walking distance to so many possible employment opportunities for her that she has not pursued because of the driving distance from here.

If I had to leave our school district and have Geoff go elsewhere, this is a good second choice. In the long run, I'd so much prefer the place in our district but dude, how so very cool. The woman and I emailed each other back and forth talking about this being a good opportunity for us, and she picked up the phone and called the real estate rep before I could just so she could tell the woman to get in touch with me immediately.

Now, I've thought long and hard about things. I know that in my heart of hearts everything is going to work out. I know it is. But I've gotten my hopes up twice, and had them dashed.

So.

I will not get my hopes up. I will not get my hopes up...

i will not get my hopes up

i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up i will not get my hopes up.....

yeah.

housing update

I really thought it would be easy to find a place in our school district so Geoff could stay here. After a solid month of looking, it seems to me that we may have to look out of district. The superintendent's office has informed us that there are no open school choice spots available... and the fact that he has only two years to go doesn't account for anything. So while we're waiting for something, anything, to open up in our district, we've also begun to look out of district.

Geoff is pretty confident (or at least puts on a brave face) that he'll be okay changing schools. To me, it's devastating. I don't want him to change schools, start over at grade 11. Part of me feels like sure, it's a fresh new start... and another part of me feels that it is ridiculous to start over when so close to the finish line. I worry about his social abilities, and how he'll manage his anxiety. Because I'm the one who has to deal with him the most when he gets these anxieties... and then I get anxious.

Anyway.

Here's a rundown of what we've seen for houses...

1. Mid May, we had lined up a rental but it fell through. Miscommunication and what I think is a slightly shady landlord resulted in us losing out on that one. Part of me feels we dodged a bullet, another part feels nothing but regret.

2. Day after we lost option 1, I spoke with another possibility here in town. The husband was all gung ho to rent it to me. The wife has a different idea of what to do with the rental and it does not include us. Got my hopes way high up on that one. Disappointed.

3. Two places in the next town over (also our school district) both way out of our price range.

4. Next town beyond that (we are a three town school district) has a 3 bedroom, in a complex. Not sure we want that. Everything else is a two bedroom. Technically we can't do that - kids can't share a room. Chaos will ensue.

5. Started to look out of district. Looked at a gorgeous place in Haverhill, in the woods, on a hill, perfect. Great size, deck, gardens... everything. Then looked at the Haverhill schools and decided it wouldn't be a good fit for Geoff.

6. Looked at a great place in Methuen, newly restored, perfect floors, brand new kitchen, great backyard, nice neighbors, one town away from the Lawrence line but that's okay by me. Cop for a next door neighbor. Then we looked at the Methuen schools and decided again, not a good fit.

7. A duplex opportunity opened up the next town over and is in our price range.  The owner said 43 people submitted their names for consideration which he found slightly overwhelming, so he sent everyone back a list of questions so he could try and decide who to pick. We made the cut, with three other possible renters, so we get to see it on Tuesday night. I think it is right across the street from my friend Beth's house, and Jess is house sitting for Beth right now so she's looking at the house to see if anyone is coming or going, packing and moving. Right now, this is my first choice for a place. Fingers crossed.

8. Today we crossed the state line and went up into Salem NH. School system there is better than Haverhill or Methuen, not as good as ours. But hey. It's better than I expected. The house we looked at is on 2.5 acres of land, right around the corner from a pond with canoe put in. Nice neighborhood, less than a mile from the main drag with all the stores and shopping you can ever need. The house itself is TRASHED. The rental agent was a little shocked at the condition of the place, as it was her first visit and she rented it out a year ago to a family. Turns out they had about 11 kids staying at the house, 5 adults, and a mess of dogs. No one took care of the yard, it is completely overgrown and wild. It is going to take a lot of work to get it into living condition, even the ceilings need to be washed. The listing agent was happy we could "see through the mess" to see it as a livable option. I feel bad for the owner. Really bad.

So, right now, this is where we are. Fingers crossed.

addendum to the last entry

Remember the last bit about 12 year old girls? ha. ha ha ha ha ha. Add a little sugar and they become monsters. I'm not sure what it is about me and kids, but I do bring out the devil in them.

observations on a birthday party

Where I work, we host birthday parties for kids. And for those of you who do not know where I work, it is a cooking school. I work in the office. I'm a decent cook myself, but I'm not a culinary expert so teaching classes isn't something I do. I run stuff in the office. I book parties, events, format documents, correct misspellings in recipes ("Flay the chicken..." oh... Perhaps... filet?) when they come to me cut and pasted or typed out fast by one of our chefs.

As for the birthday parties, they start at age 5, and most kids usually don't want to have a cooking birthday party past about age 12 or 13.  We have several different menus, some are simple (pizza) some are a touch more challenging for the older kids to take on (Asian, Hawaiian...).

I'm working this beautiful Saturday and managing for the day, which is something I don't get to do often but I actually enjoy. I don't think I'd be a good birthday party chef instructor. Managing is fun. For the most part. At least, it has been for me. I'm lucky that I haven't had a horror show of parents, petulant bitchy children, or an absolute chaotic nightmare of a day.

There are four parties today. Two in the morning, two in the afternoon. I'm making some observations here.

1. If you tell kids to do something in small instructions, they tend to do it. Give them 20 instructions in a row and you lose them. I learned this from parenting Geoff.
2. Make them repeat the four things you just said to them back to you and hold your fingers up and count them off.
3. Invariably, one kid will always still screw up. And that's okay. No blood, no foul.
4. Keep it slightly light, be a little silly.
5. I have a tendency to bring out all the silly in the kids... which is very very dangerous. Then, I lose them. So far, I've managed to not bring out all the silly. Just the right amount.
6. Sometimes, the birthday girl is a crying, whining baby, even if she's 10. Trying to help her cheer up sometimes is a lost cause. Hopefully she'll cheer up when she gets some sugar.
7. There is nothing sadder than waiting for the birthday girl to come out of the bathroom while all 9 of her friends are in the party, ready to go.
8. I'm so glad my kids didn't do stuff like that.
9. Sometimes, 12 year old girls are angels and I could spend all day talking to them. Today is one of those days.
10. A happy parent is worth a million bucks.
11. Ask at the beginning of the party if they wanted gift bags or not when the sheet doesn't indicate yes or no. Waiting until they are ready to go out the door means you're building 10 gift bags very, very fast.
12. Cupcakes are addictive.
13. When you tell a parent "No, you do not have to bring food and drinks and appetizers for the parents of the other kids" they won't listen to you... and then they sit there with two giant trays of sandwiches and fruit and drinks for all the other parents, who dropped their kids off and left... well, it's kind of amusing.

Geoff and the Book of Job

My son is mad at God right now and is kind of living a Schrodinger's Cat experience with whether or not God exists for him... He neither feels nor sees an existence of God in his life, and right now things are so negative for him, that he can neither believe nor disbelieve until he gets some evidence of one versus the other. He is very upset about our housing situation and where he may have to go to school (or not) next year.

He keeps saying "maybe your God can figure this out soon" or "why is your God doing this to us?"

For some of you of faith you may be shocked that he's in a God is neither dead nor alive place, a place of anger and doubt. Others may say that it's good that he goes through this period of refinement of his thoughts. And others yet will say that it is good that he has lost his belief because God does not exist.

Whatever happens, Geoff certainly is developing. And in some ways I think we all are always developing.

Anyway, our pastor is going on sabbatical, but for a year or so he's been offering to take Geoff on a fishing trip in his little boat. Geoff loves the ocean and the water in any form, and he was thrilled to go. He had to catch one fish for his fishing merit badge, as he had done all the other work on that badge at last year's summer camp. But the entire week, the fish weren't biting. Rob wanted to help him finish the badge,and this past Saturday it worked out that all three of them were all free, so Rob extended the invitation to go out and fish.

I wanted Geoff to have some more time with Doug without me, and some time with the Pastor Rob. I told him it is safe to share his anger, doubts and fear with Rob. Rob is kind and understanding and I think you could even go so far as to say mean horrible things about God and Rob would understand. Unlike a lot of pastors that might pitch you into the sea and yell "get thee behind me Satan" or something like that. There are few people for Geoff to talk to on earth outside of these walls that will love and understand him and not get angry with him. And Rob is one of those guys. 

We got to the marina, I left, and off they went. Rob had three fishing poles with him, and one had a quadruple hook rig on it that he called a Christmas Tree. He gave that one to Geoff in hopes it would quadruple the chances he'd catch a fish.

Geoff cast the line into the water, and in 90 seconds the pole dipped. He reeled it in and all 4 hooks had fish on them. Three mackerel and a pollock. Rob was kind of stunned. "Beginner's Luck!" he said. Geoff said "hey, I've been fishing dozens of times! I am not a beginner!"

They spent three more hours out there and only caught one other fish. They went to clean out Rob's lobster pots, and Geoff was a natural out there, banding the claws, doing the measurements, scooping up the buoys with the hook stick and hauling them on board.

When they told me the four fish story, I had to laugh.

Geoff had a need, to catch ONE fish and have his picture taken with it, and in literally the first breaths of the trip caught fourfold of what his need was. If I was there, I would have pointed out that maybe Geoff  maybe should have started to think a little bit about God giving him more than his need right at that point... Rob held his tongue too but thought the same thing. But we think Geoff had an inkling about time, provision, and how things work out sometimes.

When they got back to the marina, Geoff said to Rob "so, I caught some fish. Maybe your God can find us a place to live next."

Rob let that statement go and didn't point out that "hey, isn't he your God too, maybe you can turn to him and ask him for his help." That fell to me and Doug on the way home. Sometimes asking someone else's God to do something for you may only result in you getting nothing. Except angrier that things aren't working out the way you want.

Doug talked to Geoff about the book of Job. I never like to use Job as a talking point with people because it starts out with the devil and God making a wager on Job, and how Job would react to the suffering that was to come. I really hate that concept. But some of it resonated with Geoff, and he has softened his anger. Knowing that God comes to Job in the whirlwind and says "there's a lot going on that you don't know, won't understand, and don't need to know. Were you there when I created the heavens and the earth? The whales and the animals?" Doug said that it is basically a "listen, smartass" response from God to Job, and that we do not and cannot understand what God's plans and reasons are. Job accepts this answer, the devil gives up and says that God wins, and God then blesses Job tenfold.

I hate the book of Job. I really do. But if it is the thing that helps my son connect to his place in the universe and in creation and in the process of what's happening with us now... heck I'll take it.

Anyway. Apologies to those of you who don't like the God stuff. It's a big part of my life so it is included. If you do pray (or, if you prefer the term "send mojo) we could use the prayers and positive energy.

Cast your line on the water... see what you get back.

Photos of the mountain climber...

Stolen from the Troop Scoutmaster after he posted them to our private FB page. Doug is bruised badly, sore, has slept most of the afternoon. Can't say as I blame him. But even after the fall he took, he managed a couple smiles for pictures. And to think, I almost lost this guy. For reals, not even exaggerating, it could have been so much worse. I'm so relieved.