Monday, June 06, 2005

My Grace...

"Excuse me please, one more drink. Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think. She broke my heart. My Grace is gone. One more drink and I'll be gone..."
- Dave Matthews

There's something I can't write about yet. Suffice to say -- something happened in our circle which causes me deep grief, but nothing compared to what our friends are feeling. And nothing compared to what my sister is feeling. I didn't get any sleep last night. I am sad to the core. And there is nothing I can do.

I cannot yet write in detail and address what happened or how I feel about it. But I do want to say something. Because I will not sleep tonight unless I let these words out.

I want to tell you about my sister. I want the world to know the kind of person she is. And I want you to think about people in your life, and the kind of friend you are.

I want to tell you that if you are my sister's friend... she will be the first person to drop everything and rush to be at your side in your dire time of desperate sadness and need. She will feel what you feel, and feel it in a way that you probably never could imagine someone outside of your shoes could possibly experience. But it will be as close to your real pain and surprise and suffering as if it were hers to own.

She will put her life on hold to come hold you. She will give everything she has and everything she is for you, her dear friend. She will thumb her nose at work and conventional wisdom, and she will weep with you. She will be your guiding light, she will do things for you that most people will not even get from their families.

She is your angel, she is your best friend, she is the light of your soul and while she cannot remove your pain or make anything better, she is right there beside you and holds you up until you can be better on your own.

She will do the same for you in your moment of joy. Giving and doing and helping in ways that boggle the mind.

And this is the truth, my dear reader: If there is a heaven, I know she will be there because there is no selflessness like hers. There is no ego that needs fed in her. There is only this beacon of what God wants each and every one of us to be like.

The big part of why I am so sad right now is because I know what she is feeling, and I know that there is nothing more in this world that she can do to help -- and that hurts me... to know she's helpless in this situation.

What kind of friend are you? Are you the saint? Are you the one who does what Linda does, who gives as Linda gives? To the point of foolishness at times, yes?

Please let her be your model. When someone you love needs you, please be there like Linda. Be the one that turns mourning into dancing, if you can.

I love and admire her so very much for what she does and who she is, that it hurts. This is not the entry I wanted to write tonight. But this is going to keep me awake for the next few nights, and letting a little of it shine for her -- in praise of her and what she is and does -- is all I can really share.

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