That which is so sad is revealed...

A couple of weeks ago I posted this enigmatic entry about how my sister is the most wonderful friend someone who is hurting could ever have. A lot of people have left comments expressing support for whatever was going on, and others have emailed asking if we're all okay. I wanted to give it some distance. I wanted to give it some thought. I'm ready to write a bit about what happened, and I am ready to share some of the sadness with you, if you're ready to read it.

My sister has a lovely friend, someone whom I adore. Someone I will refer to as V. V is married to S. V and S are lovely wonderful people. V and S have always been the best and most wonderful folks, and I've watched from the sidelines as their life together has started, grown and has flourished into a family.

V and S had a little girl.

This little girl, very lovely and looking much like her daddy, suddenly died at age 14 months on the overnight of June 4, 2005. I used the Dave Matthews song of "my Grace is gone" on the entry that I wrote for my random quote. That was her name and I'll never ever be able to hear it without thinking of her, at age 14 months, leaving our lives.

"Excuse me please, one more drink.
Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart -- My Grace is gone."

Dave's song speaks of a woman leaving him, and his stint at a bar crying into his drinks. In this instance, the woman never got to grow to leave anyone. She was a baby, and she never got to stick it to the likes of Dave Matthews.

I never got to meet her, I have some pictures of her. I remember the happiness I felt for V for becoming a mom. I remember shaking my head as my sister hopped on an airplane and paid probably way too much money to immediately fly down there to be by her best friend's side and celebrate this birth.

My sister is that kind of friend, who will pay through the nose to be by your side when you need her -- in happy and sad times. I applaud that. Money isn't something she has, but it is never an object. More friends should think outside their wallets.

Grace died unexpectedly, suddenly, and has ripped a hole in many a heart. V has many siblings. The entire extended family on both sides is obviously devastated at this event, this moment in their lives.

I can only hope and pray that V can recover, that S can recover... that together they can move past this event, and whatever their future holds together -- no children or more children -- that they always and forever cherish this beautiful Grace, and recognize her influence on their lives. No matter how short a life -- we all have influence.

I'm sorry I never got to play with you. I'm sorry my children never got to dance with you. I'm so sorry that My Grace is Gone.

God bless and speed you, Gracey.

This is the fourth child in my life to die. My friend Sheri and her husband Steve lost their son to a congenital heart defect. A friend of Doug's from High School lost a son who was a week old. This past week, a former co-worker lost his 3 year old son unexpectedly.

This is an incredibly hard subject for me to even put out onto the screen. I have friends who are expecting. I have friends with little babies, with newborns, with toddlers. I have friends with teenaged children who just had aneurysms for crying out loud.

Children and the evils that befall them are often not the topic of discussion here. But. This happened, and bad things happen to little people. Rob R-H happened to mention a great quote in his entry of June 22nd, "Sometimes it's a hard world for small things." For those of you who know me, you know that's from one of my top five favorite movies ever. And it's the damn truth.

I've had several friends bear children with disabilities. Even my own son is classified with all kinds of labels and problems. He's great, he's funny, he's alive. But honey, shit happens.

Shit happens. And what are we supposed to do?

Why do I have both of my kids, and why do my friends and people around me lose theirs? Why is my roommate from college's son Autistic? Why is this other friend going through life with a child with cerebral palsy? What makes the difference? Where do we find the answers? Who deserves to suffer, who deserves to see the child walk down the aisle and dance at a wedding? Where is God? How does this happen?

What did any of us do wrong?

Why can't kids just be born, be healthy and grow up to dance at their weddings with their parents in joy and happiness?

I'm forever surprised and amazed that both of my kids are alive and walking today. I'm amazed that Jessica survived lead poisoning at 2 years to be the intelligent and beautiful woman she's becoming today. I'm surprised at Geoff just BEING most of the time, with the life of super danger he leads.

I have no idea how we got where we are today. I have no idea if tomorrow something horrible will happen to Geoff at camp, or on the way home from the grocery store. A year ago I lost him at a park. He wandered away from me and decided to walk home. I remember the terror I felt when I could not find him. I remember how the police suspected me, and asked me questions as if I'd thrown him into the river and then feigned his missing status.

I remember the dry mouth and heaves that came when I heard over the police radio that they had him, and he was okay.

I cannot possibly imagine what S and V went through and are going through, and will go through over time. All I can say is that every minute of every day they are on my mind. They are in my thoughts. They are in my prayers.

With the events of my last entry, and the people I speak of who are planning to picket service personnel funerals in Massachusetts -- all I can say is "Dude. There are much more important things in life to do."

There are such important things to do and to consider.

And that's why I'm writing this entry. Not so much to talk about friends behind their backs, because goodness knows they're not reading my journal right now. But because I want each of you, whether you have kids or not, to just stop being petty and ridiculous. To love one another. To touch the lives of other people, like Grace did in her short tenure amongst us.

I want love to rule... I want to see, hear, experience and know that those around me are doing love. Doing kindness. Doing things which bring joy.

I want each of us to make an impact on another person, and to do so in a positive, loving way. I want love. I want you to love. I want you to feel. I want you to shed the sarcastic attitude and just do something wonderful for someone. If you have a child, watch that child grow and change and teach that kid to give love to others. If you have no kids, just freakin' hold the door for someone sometime.

There is so much that is so important in life. And as of late, I truly believe no one is seeing that which is so beautiful around them.

So do me a favor... In Grace's name -- do something kind. Do something loving. Let her be a legacy to you, even if you never met her, got to play with her, got to dance with her. Just exhibit her namesake -- Grace -- to another. Stop bickering, stop whining about who parked crooked or drove past and splashed you in their Lexus (guilty as charged), or complaining about your body or your boss or your apartment or your debt.

That's all. That's all.

Thanks.