Monday, January 03, 2011

Asleep at the starting gate

Happy New Year, or should I say happy arbitrary date on a calendar where people make a big deal of stuff day. I'm not feeling the rush of the new year this year. I'm feeling stunted and numb, like I'm standing in the starting gate of a big race and all the other horses around me are chomping at the bit to take off and I'm just staring into space ahead, not pressing against the metal frame of the chute, not really wanting to hear that buzzer go off and see the door fling open. And when they do go off and fling, I feel like I'm just standing still there. If my jockey is whipping my ass to go, I certainly cannot feel it.

I am numb, and staring ahead, with no desire to run into the 2011 track.

I am not used to feeling this way. I kind of wish I could just snap out of it and get going again. Some sort of renewed desire may rise out of a routine and regimen if I had a job again. Or I could just feel this way as I commute, sit at my desk...

Someone slap me, please. Like Cher does to Nicholas Cage in "Moonstruck." Anyone.

The new year came and went. We didn't celebrate or have a party. We stayed in and had dinner. Jess went to her friend's house and then they came and spent new year's day night here. I should be gathering my stuff together to drive her down to NY where we will spend the night at my sister's house, and then head into the city to put her on the bus. But again, should be packing and actually AM packing are two different things. I have no desire to do so. I know that once I get there it'll be a lot of fun and I'll be happy to see Linda and Ronnie. I just don't want to do a 5 hour drive.

Anyway. I guess that is about it. Gotta get my move on here and go. I figure if I go day to day it's better than not getting out of the gate at all.

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