Geoff is 14...

I have nine and a half years of journal here.

And I have looked back on each month of January that I have and each time my son's birthday is the first or second entry in the month. I confess each time that I have not arranged a party or done anything fun for him. The holidays drain me and eat my soul each year. And this year my desire to crawl inside bed or a bottle of wine outweigh anything else, and I feel I am failing on all family fronts on most occassions.

I'm ashamed for the lack of effort I make for my son.

That having been said, I love that he is easy to please and easy going. He isn't upset that there isn't a 14 yr old birthday blow out festival happening tomorrow. He wants very few things. Get this:

1. To go down to his drum set at midnight and hit a cymbal.
2. To eat at a restaurant of his choice tomorrow night.
3. To go snowboarding for the first time on Saturday morning.

All three of these things I can give him. He is still awake, at almost midnight on a school night and I am not fighting him on this. It is his wish. it is HIS birthday.

Right now, my son is at a weird age. 14 is just downright bizarre.

He is argumentative, bull-headed, opinionated, an oaf at times. He listens to scary heavy metal music that makes me uncomfortable. He fights and disagrees over stupid things. He states he is a "democrat" but I don't he knows what a democrat, republican or libertarian or socialist really believes. He isn't the gentle and adorable child that I've been used to for so many years. He has a mustache of sorts, zits and hair screaming out of his chin. His hair is long and curly and unruly. His voice is low and weird.

Two years ago he was a totally different person, and now ... he's a space alien of sorts.

But he still is inquisitve and investigative. His arguments are usually based in him wanting to learn and expand his knowledge and experience. He is noisy and oafish because his body is something he is not used to. He is just about 6 feet tall and 230 pounds. He isn't a little wee kid anymore and he needs to learn how to BE this size.

He has a good heart, and I love him immensely.

Happy birthday to Geoff - my son, my friend, and hopefully my future heavy metal drummer who makes a lot of money and pays for my nursing home bills.