There is a backstory to the title, don't worry.
Last night Jess and I met Linda and Ronnie for the Dave Matthews Band concert at the Meadows in Hartford CT. A good time was had by all, with plenty of opportunity to watch drunk assed idiots behaving like assclowns in public. Read on. Read on, gentle reader...
Instead, Jennifer Glass was playing. She was okay, but trying way WAY too hard to be Sheryl Crow. Little black dress, cowboy boots... the whole scene. The thing is that she is more cross-country than pop, so she was far more listenable (long time readers know that I do not enjoy Sheryl Crow).
Her band was fantastic. I really enjoyed them a lot. They did a great job. I could have watched them all night. There was a guy behind me screaming "show us your tits!" in between every number, and I found that to be probably the most unbelievably disgusting and rude thing ever. Classy.
By the way, she didn't. And good on her.
And I never did find out where VaCo were playing, so that was disappointing.
We headed to our seats while we waited for Linda and Ronnie to call and let us know they were there. We knew the opener would be starting around 7, so we were looking forward to being in our seats. I didn't want to miss this band.
America, it was hot in there last night. It was so damn hot. This is a semi-outdoor arena, with a roof and a big lawn in the back... we were inside the pavillion and the minute I walked in there I knew it was going to drive me to pay actual money for water.
The air inside the shed was just hanging -- hot and heavy and humid, like nothing I remember ever sitting in before in my life. It was brutal.
The audience was going nuts -- what audience there was inside the shed. The vast majority of people were still outside in the parking lot or outside the arena, waiting for Dave.
Those folks missed a great performance.
The Mule were awesome as ever. It would have been nice to have seen them play longer. There were a lot of Gov't Mule fans there last night -- lots of older dudes who were obvious Allman Bros/Grateful Dead fans. And lots of younger hippie kids with their "got mule?" gear on. It was a really good time.
And now for the intermission and the hilarity that ensued while we waited for Dave. The title of this entry comes from a t-shirt that a guy three rows ahead of us was wearing.
He was this weird looking guy, kinda short and pudgy with weird puffy lips and thinning hair. He was rather drunk in the early moments of the show. He and all his buddies were hanging out and gabbing with people and the entire time he's facing us and he had this stupid "I heart hot moms" t-shirt on. They were talking about all kinds of randomness, like how his wife was home with their two month old baby, and that's why he hearts hot moms, because she's all hot and whatnot.
Quietly I wondered if she had a t-shirt that said I <3>
They were hi-fiving everyone who showed up to sit behind them, like it was some sort of a class reunion. There's a lot of this behavior at Dave shows, or jam-band shows that I've noticed. People just show up to their seats, and people who are already seated in the area are like "Hey!" and they go for the hi-five, like they've known each other for years, when in reality, this is the first time they've ever met. More oft than not the newcomers reciprocate and don't leave a brother hanging. Sometimes the return hi-five is not enthusiastic or interested. Other times the dude is like "Alright! Yeah!" and the Fives get spread all around.
After a while, some guys came by and I missed what went down between the I heart hot moms guy and the two white t-shirt backward baseball hat abercrombie guys, but it got ugly fast.
Mister I heart hot moms was held back by security and two of his friends, and the two other guys walked away, mouthing off over their shoulders from a distance, knowing that if they threw down, they'd be thrown out. Neither of them were drunk, so it was obvious they had their common sense chips firmly in place and they headed out to their seats without incident.
Mister hot mom lover was not satisified. They were holding him back as he's screaming and yelling and getting all out of control. I thought for sure security would politely escort his hot mom lovin' ass out of there.
The woman behind me and I were trying to figure out what happened, it happened so fast. I said that I bet he went for a hi-five and these guys left him hanging, and he wanted revenge.
Security let him stay once his friends sat him down, and...
they handed him another beer.
Excellent idea, guys! When your drunkassed friend is so incredibly drunk so early in the night that he's willing to throw down on two guys who are younger, bigger and obviously more physically capable of delivering an ass kicking to some drunk jackass... put more beer into this man.
Round of applause, and here's your Darwin Award in advance because eventually you'll earn it so I may as well hand it to you now...
It was shortly after that when the girl three seats down from Jess threw up.
All this before Dave Matthews took the stage.
Hot. hot hot hot.
They opened with a couple of big hits among them "So Much To Say" and "Too Much." And there was plenty to love for the jam band fan when they dropped down into a 20 minute or so version of Seek Up. There were some newer songs, stuff that I wasn't familiar with off the last album because I didn't like the two radio hits so I avoided it
And they played a couple of songs that I didn't expect at all like "When the World Ends" and a new, very beautiful song (new to me, not sure if it is new to the rest of the world) called "Sister" which he played Sister by himself in the spotlight, soft and acoustic... very personal and sweet. Again, sweet enough to make me cry.
They played Say Goodbye, and then later on played #41 with Warren Haynes on guitar, followed by a long slow elongated jam that just went on and on and on and... well. Jam band style.
Then Dave said "We're gonna play some new stuff, I hope you like it." And everyone left the shed and went to the lobby for a beer. People do that whenever a guy says "We're gonna play some new stuff..." The mass exodus of people who only want to hear "What Would You Say?" or "Satellite" begins when new chords of something not yet on a CD release start flowing.
I don't remember the name of the new song but it was alright.
There was a guy in a Papelbon Red Sox jersey ahead of me was standing there screaming what song Dave was going to play next. Through. The. Entire. Show.
"Oh yeah. He's so gonna play _fill in the blank_ next. He's got the electric on. What other song could there be?"
"Oh yeah. Totally gonna play Dancing Nancies and go right into Ants Marching. Right guys? Am I right?"
"Louisiana Bayou. He's so gonna play that. Look where Stefan's standing. That's where he stands for the opening of Louisiana Bayou. That's what they did in _fill in the city name and year_ and Dave's got on the black electric."
He's yelling to people all around him, looking for confirmation. Two guys down from him there was a guy responding to every possible musical prognostication saying stuff like "Nah, he's gonna play Shotgun. He's got the little guitar out. You just watch!"
And then they'd argue. Dudes! Please! Just shut up and let Dave play what comes. Gah.
In the end though, Mr. Papelbon Shirt was right. Louisiana Bayou starts up and he sticks his hand up for the hi-five, because he was right! Yes he WAS!
Everyone left him hanging. It was kind of funny. He was so fishing for the hi-five, he ended up getting it from his girlfriend.
We went out to the lobby at the end of that song, figuring we'd wait to hear what the encore was and if it wasn't something we weren't into (ie: American Baby) we'd leave. Linda and Ronnie joined us, and indeed they didn't play American Baby but they didn't play a huge it... it was a really slow song and we could hear everything from outside. We decided we'd walk the mile back to our cars and get a jumpstart on the going while listening to the encore.
We were out of our parking spot in less then 5 minutes, and were home by 1:30am. Not too shabby.
All told, it was a really nice show. A little too far away to go, and I think that if Doug and Geoff were at least staying at a hotel up in Vernon or something waiting for me and Jess, it would have been a nicer night. A much more expensive night, but nicer nonetheless.
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