Panic

Last night I could not sleep at all. Yesterday, we got a letter from an attorney hired by BOA to collect in full the balance of our mortgage, plus fees, totaling $324,000. I have to fax the letter to our attorney today. He seems nonplussed about it, as does Doug.

I tossed and turned, I could not get comfortable. Between the shoulder and my fears about BOA and losing the house, which of course is where my brain goes. My brain does not go to "this will all work out okay and everything will be just fine and you should be all chill like your lawyer and your husband and go the hell to SLEEP ALREADY!"

Yeah.

I just could not get it together to calm down enough to fall asleep. At about 2am I remember listening to something on the radio, and then woke up again at like 5am and listened to the Wall Street Journal radio program talking about how government regulations for making washing machines more environmentally sound has ruined how laundry gets done. It was an interesting program. And I started thinking about my washing machine, that we bought right after we moved in here, the weekend after Doug's uncle died...

And my brain started swimming again.

Geoff had decided to ride his bike to school today, so I watched the clock until 6am, listening to him putter around getting ready for school. He needed to leave by 6:10 to be at school by 7am (he rides slow...) and it was still dark out, and I was really nervous about him going.

And I started to think about what I would do with THREE DOGS if I had to move out of here any time soon. HOLY CRAP what am I going to do with three dogs? Why do I have THREE of them??? I could understand having just Brodie, or just Jack, and being able to rent an apartment (we'll never get another mortgage if we get foreclosed on... I know it). And so I stood here in the living room in my pyjamas hyperventilating.

Geoff came down to leave and I helped him get his backpack on while he sat on his bike. He has about 30 pounds of books and crap in his backpack. I worried about him balancing with that stupid thing on. Thought about driving it over to the school and dropping it off for him, to make his life easier... he told me no, that he could do it and he'd "get a great workout."

I watched Geoff ride off on his bike, a bike that he has outgrown... realizing that if he is going to ride it on a regular basis (he insists he is going to ride at least once a week) that I am going to have to get him a bigger bike.

Really ... this is my life right now...