The Day Before November

"We were brown and tall, Jew and small, freckled fat, bucktooth flat

black and broken, short and Christian, with teeth and hair in every direction.
We were 20 different ways on how to pitch or catch a ball,

but the day before November was the best day of the fall."
-Vance Gilbert

I would like to share this video of my friend Vance Gilbert singing a song. Go watch. 

Welcome back. I hope you liked it. It is in my head and I wanted to share this gem with you, in this world that is not friendly and not fun, and Halloween not being what Vance sings about here anymore anyway. It makes me sad. But such is our lives anymore. And what a story to tell. As only Vance sometimes can.

It is Halloween night. 

I'm drinking red wine, which is not my favorite. I prefer Pinot Grigio. But it is a kind thing because we are transportation challenged and Geoff ordered beer and wine online, and this was what they had. So I'm not complaining at all because he was thoughtful. 

Thoughtful is outstanding. 

I've been working really hard at trying to fix the monkey's breakfast that a "designer" made of Aaron's website (it's not that bad but I'm super stumped on a few very key elements like how to edit the navigation and how to change the header photos. My head hurts from this, so I gave up for the night and we settled in for dinner and looking out the window. 

Our county is "strongly advising" against door to door trick or treating, or Trunk or Treating, or any contact children would make with a neighbor's front door. 

We thought for certain at least one kid would come a-knocking but no one did. 

We watched a hoard of 15 kids and 10 parents walk down the road, everyone was dressed up, everyone was laughing, but I think they were going to another house down the road with more kids and more parents and making the best of what this all is, together. Without visiting upon folk like us. 

Initially it made me mad, but then I felt like .... okay. They've made an arrangement with friends, they're doing something when folks should do nothing, but they are doing so with their own knowledge and plans. 

I can't be mad. I went to Oregon and all that, right?

But, I missed them. I wanted kids to come to the door or at least down the bottom step and yell. I was willing to chuck some treats into open bags. 

I thought about making a chute to send things down. I thought about decorating and putting something on Nextdoor to let people know we'd be here and we had a sanitary plan. But I had no energy going into this. No heart. No execution. 

I miss the children. I really love when the kids come around. It was kind of a drudgery when I had to do it as a parent, but now? I love it. 

I love saying "you can take more than one." I love the creativity of the costumes. I love getting to know some of the kids and knowing who they are in the neighborhood. 

And this year, without Brodie, there is no barking or surprise for when people ring the bell. 

Last year it was so nice, I was out barefoot. One of the real benefits of living in the DC area is the late October weather.

When we lived in Massachusetts, we only had one house where we got a goodly amount of Halloweeners. Here, we get a great turn out, and this year is just sad. 

Here's a photo of me from last halloween. I didn't dress up for 2019 the way I did when we were in Boston, and the first year in DC when we dressed as Bob's Burgers. 

I wore this shirt again today, and I wanted to show it to people coming up on the porch as an everlasting reminder. But it is not to be. 

Next year, I guess. I hope. I truly hope. 

Trivia Night

 My sister has a friend who is in a band (I guess I'm friends with him too now?) and during the pandemic he has been hosting trivia nights on Zoom on Tuesdays. He has partnered with a friend in England who does the same questions the next day, only earlier on our calendar. 

Tuesday nights at 9pm I'm pretty toasty and done for the day, and 4pm GMT on Wednesdays is while I am still working. I have not gone every week, probably once a month, and I always have a great time. 

The questions are a lot of pop culture or deep pop content, like tonight we went into the 70s into things like Super Dave and when Albert Brooks was a ventriloquist. 

It's always a laugh riot, and I should make myself do these things. I should target the time, and set myself apart from the things and just go. 

It is hard though. I am sick of sitting in front of a computer and working, so now I'm sitting in front of a computer and playing. One week I continued to do helpdesk tickets while playing and someone asked if I was googling answers because the reflection in my glasses was a big white screen - and I was trying to fix something, so I wasn't even paying attention to the questions at that point. 

I feel like I need to just learn how to not work.

Trivia night is a good way to do that, and I was playing D&D with a bunch of people but that fell apart at the end of the summer. We have gone literally 6 weeks without playing and I miss that. I felt like our story was really developing. And I kind of wish I knew how to DM because I'd ask if I could take the game, but, then I wouldn't be able to play my awesome character. 

Knowing how to disconnect and do other things is important.

I have not been using social media nearly as much as I used to. It used to be fun, but now it is just toxic and not a lot of fun. I started reading more. I finished one good book written by my friend Jim and started another that I was not sure I'd enjoy and had put off, but I am almost done with it, and can't wait to keep reading (like why am I writing this right now? I could be reading!) 

Taking myself away from the social medias and focusing on other things is important. I'm finding that my heart is lighter, and books are there, and if I need to be in front of a computer, well I have projects I can be working on like Aaron's website and all. 

Tonight's trivia night was fun. Let's put a pin in it for next Tuesday, shall we? and I'll promise to play. 

Goodbye to the Essie

Today, we said goodbye to the VW. The "Essie Mobile." 

When my aunt Esther died, my cousin Joe sold us her car. Shortly after we moved here, we found ourselves in need of two new cars. 

The Lincoln had been sideswiped, knocking the side view mirrors off, and our Chevy Blazer was on its last legs. 

Neither vehicle would pass Maryland state inspection. 

Doug sold the Blazer, got the Pontiac. And Joe didn't have a need for this car,  so after my aunt's funeral, we went over his place and bought it from him, then traded the Lincoln in for cash. 

The Essie was a good car - just what Geoff needed for driving to work every day. Small and zippy. Good mileage. Not a looker but a doer. Sturdy. 

I always like the unique sound of a VW door closing. It is firm and solid. Not flimsy like some other car doors. 

And I had a soft spot for the Essie. Having my aunt's rosary beads, which used to dangle from the rear view mirror relocated into the driver's side door made me feel like she was with us in the car, guiding and guarding.

We recently noted a heavy smell of exhaust coming into the car, we had the tailpipe replaced and another part of the exhaust patched. But that only fixed things for a little while. 

As Geoff was the primary driver of this car, he never complained. The car went. He got to work, and if the exhaust was annoying he rolled the windows down for fresh air. 

The check engine light was on, the car didn't have the usual pep. It backfired on me when I was driving it to the market. And the exhaust stink was a bit much.

On Monday I took the car to the guy who had fixed the tailpipe for us, and he said the catalytic converter was shot. Replacing it, and the exhaust parts it would require would run about $1200 without the labor. 

"Chris," he says, "The car is maybe worth $600 and I'd recommend not doing this replacement and just letting it go." 

So we decided to do just that. We went out and bought a used Jeep Liberty which we're going to pick up on Wednesday. And we sold the VW for parts to a local shop. 

We got about 300 bucks for her. I felt a little sad, but a parts car isn't like selling a car that is going to go to auction and make another family happy. The parts are going elsewhere. 

Everything except the catalytic converter, I guess. 

While the mechanic was going over the car, taking photos of the VIN and the odometer, and the engine. I stood off to the side watching, playing Pokemon. 

A cardinal flew into the tree beside me and chirped loudly at me over and over again. He  was very vocal, very loud. And I had to laugh because of course it did. I haven't seen a cardinal for months, but here we were. Visited by a talisman. The concept of a cardinal as a visit from a loved one looking over you hit on me. Oh hello. You are not happy with me selling your car, Essie? Or are you happy that we had it. We still have you. You're still with us. 

He sat in the only tree in the parking area that had converted to the fall colors. His bright red body stood out among the orange leaves. He held quite the conversation. I'm still not sure if I was chastised or told it was okay. Either way, he took off and we signed the paperwork to transfer the title.

Essie will still be with us.  The rosary beads will go into the new Jeep to keep us company. And I hope this new ride does Geoff well for his needs. Up the highway and back. 

And he can probably fit a kayak on this one, so that should make him very happy. Kayaks don't fit on VW Passats.

I'm your vehicle baby, I'll take you anywhere you want to go

"I'm your vehicle woman, by now I'm sure you know that I love you, 

I need you, I want you, I've got to have you child. Great God in heaven you know I love you."

-Ides of March "Vehicle"  

Flashing you back to the 70s, this song is stuck in my head right now, for a lot of good reasons. First off, it's an absolute banger. I never knew the name of the band until I went to find the link, and I watched about 6 versions before picking this one of a much older ensemble, I think this is from 2014 maybe, compared to their 1970 version. Second, that horn section. Shut up anyone who can't get behind this. And finally. It's a banger. 

Doug and I are looking for a new car right now to replace the VW. And we may have to replace the Pontiac too. 

For long time readers, you know that the VW Passat was sold to us on the cheap by my cousin when my aunt died. We call it the Essie Mobile in honor of her. It has been having some exhaust issues, and the catalytic converter is dying. We had someone at a local shop weld the pipe in place to the converter last year, and since our state has rules like "you don't have to have it inspected again ever" this is no big issue. The car has run fine.

But the pipe and the converter are no longer friends, and we find ourselves with an exhaust leak into the car, power and acceleration issues, and a check engine light. The estimate on the catalytic converter was 1200.00, and KBB says value of the car is about 700 bucks. 

Ha. 

Looked up the Pontiac on KBB too and trade in value on that isn't even 300.00 so I'm dying laughing. Oh, cars. 

Anyway, Doug and I have very different opinions on car shopping. I've drawn the line on him buying any more cars from some guy at his house. We lucked out with the Lincoln that we got from the guy in NH who was dying. I would like for us to go to a dealership and buy a used car from a dealership. 

Dealerships are required to make sure the vehicle passes inspection (you only gotta do it once!) without it costing the buyer any money. So that's on them. I like that. Second, I'm willing to take out a loan, but Doug has his life-long "I'm never getting a loan because a bank is not going to get a fucking penny out of me in interest." But. We could get a 0% financing loan - and the bank would very much not get a fucking penny out of him. 

We have a good amount of money in the bank, so we could put a decent down payment on a car, and pay a small monthly payment but pay it off faster the way I've been paying bills. But he's vetoed that and wants to buy a car outright. 

Add to the fact that I want a hatchback if we get another dog, because I didn't like having the dog ride in the back seat and fall all over the place when we took turns. It wasn't fair to any of our dogs once we didn't have a hatchback. So I told him he better buy one. When we have to replace the Pontiac, if he wants some sort of another pimpmobile, he can get a pimpmobile. 

And, I've gotten spoiled with having the rental car in Oregon, and a rental car now while we're shopping, and I want bluetooth. Living in Radio Jail is the worst, and being able to listen to all the stuff I want to (mostly Guster related) 

And, I would like a car made in this millennium. Not partying like Prince wanted us to in 1999. 

He asked me how much I thought we should spend. Knowing that a new subaru would be like 45,000 dollars, and that's just insane, and knowing what I kind of want, I told him I was prepared to put down 8000 and get a loan for the rest for a car made 2016 or later. Like, a 20,000 car. 

He clutched his heart like he was Fred Sandford and he was going to join is wife in heaven. 

He said he could do better, still make me almost happy (probably not the bluetooth part) and spend a fraction of what I thought we should spend.

While I for sure respect the no bank's gonna get a fucking penny out of me philosophy, I really feel like we're getting too old for this shit, and I'm a pretty princess who deserves bluetooth, and a hatchback for her yet non-existent dog. 

So we will see what we end up with. He's deep in his research and is looking at dealerships (thank goodness). He may have found something for his price that meets what I'm hoping for and we'll maybe go see it tomorrow afternoon. 

More to come. I am sure.

Emmily

 

I keep thinking about Emmily. 

When we met six years ago at the wedding we hit it off great. As usual, as Jess often observes, I have a tendency to set fire to children, and Emm was no different. 

Within minutes Aaron was trying to reel her in while I just encouraged shenanigans and hilarity. Classic.

Going out there to visit, it was right after her 12th birthday, and what a joy it was to visit with her and spend time again. She opted to ride with us everywhere (to give us directions to places that we knew how to get to), and she told us all kinds of great stuff about her friends, and music she likes, and just talking to us about life. 

She told me that she's kind of lonely, and not going to school in person is hard but she's doing the best she can. 

And being the Big Sister to a newborn, there is a lot of pressure on her to help out. She rises to that challenge, and she does an amazing job. The baby responds so well to her, and she sings BTS songs to him and dances with him, and he absolutely loves it. But I could feel it, she is kind of isolated, and at 12 you need your people. 

I bought her this sweatshirt as a gift - taught her about the Maryland State Flag and how wacky it is. She loved it. When we went out to dinner that night, she wore it just to show it to me. 

Emmily wants to go to medical school and also minor in dance. I can imagine a Doctor or Physician's Assistant grooving into an exam room, beautiful red hair flying and great moves - right before asking "so why are we here today?" 

We were riding in the car over the Astoria-Megler bridge on the way to the boat, looking out the window at the Columbia river. She told me it was boring living there, and I thought how can you look out the window at this, looking east up river at the ships, the sky, the mountains, the beauty of it all, and then looking west to the Pacific, where a storm was out there, but not yet over here. 

I told her to be thankful when she can, to look at these things and realize she's actually in the thick of gorgeousness. There is nothing boring about where she lives, just where she feels. Don't blame the scenery if she feels bored. 

I'd love for her to come visit. I'll show her some of the most boring scenery she'll ever imagine and she'll go back west and suddenly awaken to the truth that it spectacular there. 

Kidding, she'll probably still think everything is boring. 

I made dinner tonight, and she loves spicy food. When we were at a restaurant she had ramen with extra spice. The chef even told the waitress to ask her if she was certain she wanted that amount of spice. And she did. We sat there, I watched her smile and sweat through the soup. And she was exceptionally proud of how she loved this soup. Tonight's dinner would have made her super happy. I'll have to remember how I made it and serve it up for her. Sweating through my own dinner it put a smile on my face. 

She's a good egg, and when Aaron said he'd give us the friends & family discount, she was surprised "oh! He called you family!" 

yes. And you are too.

The weird dreams of this week

A few times since returning from Oregon, I've had dreams about water travel. 

I dreamed that I worked on Aaron's boat, that I was the tour guide while he drove the boat. Six people were in the salon with me, and I was telling them stories about the Columbia River and history like I really knew what I was talking about. Everyone was looking out the windows, and hanging on my stories. I was taking photos with a tablet device, so I could automatically upload them to social media during the tour.

Get this: I'm such a nerd, you guys, that even in my dream I gave people photo release forms at the beginning of the cruise and made sure those who didn't want their pictures included in social media were protected from having their images shared. 

How weird is that detail? 

At the end of the cruise, back at the dock, Aaron and I helped people disembark and the smiling passengers shook Aaron's hand, and they hugged me. Catch that fact - people... hugged me. 

I dreamed about a world where I could get hugs from strangers without thinking about "this person is closer than 6 feet, this person is touching me, none of us are wearing masks." 

Aaron and I were talking the other day and he said he would love it if I was the tour guide. Long time readers of this blog know that Aaron and I throw a good party. We plan really fun things. I really do bet we'd have one hell of a great tour with him cruising up the river, and me telling stories. 

Upon waking, I wondered if I truly hate my job. I mean, I love my job. But if I'm dreaming about other jobs where I think I'd have more fun, or I'd be happier, that's telling. Even a job that would probably pay a pittance of what I earn now. 

A lot of my co-workers have relocated to other spots. My boss moved to Vermont. One co-worker is staying in his mom's condo on the Eastern shore, because she can't Air BnB it and so he's paying rent to her to keep the place from going into foreclosure. Someone asked me if I would move to Astoria and work from there. I have been fantasy shopping for house rentals - nothing is available in my price range with 1.5 baths. Gotta have that second shitter, yo. 

It's a tempting prospect. I could work my job, and then do tours in the afternoon out there (long after East Coast Hours are over) or weekends. 

Huh. Hmmmm.... yeah. 

I've had a rough couple weeks. The first week back from vacation was alright. Last week was an epic shit-show and I made a terrible mistake of something, I avoided people who wanted to ask me questions, I found out one of my very favorite people in the "building" (we're not in the building, and who knows when we ever would be) gave his notice, and twice last week he postponed having a little time with me. 

It was an emotional week for sure, but not an "I'm going to quit my job because this is the most worst." 

Last night I had a dream where we are in a car, Doug is driving, and there are people in the car with us, and the car is driving on the water. So kind of like a boat. Jess was in the front seat, I was in the back, and the other people in the car were identified as new next door neighbors to a house we'd just moved into. 

I have no idea where we were going but they were talking very hatefully about homosexuality and trans people. I was calling them out on it, Doug was trying to keep the car steady, and Jess was incredibly uncomfortable. 

I woke up from that very angry that I couldn't get them to shut up and stop being so cruel. There's no reason for it - it's no skin off your rosy nose if someone's whatever they are. Just let them be. 

The vehicles on the water thing is very interesting to me. It seems to imply journeymaking, having a destination somewhere. The social aspect of being in a vessel with people outside of my family (and even Jess, who does not want to travel or have us come up to visit because we're in a pandemic and all that) means I probably am longing for people and company. 

But in one dream the people were all fantastic, and in the next they were horrid. It is a true fact, well known across the nations.

In another dream, no cars, no boats no water, we were moving into a new house. Strangely, the house was an old colonial, so it couldn't be an Oregon house. No such thing there, really. 

It was similar to the brown house we lost to bankofassholica years ago, but more modern. There was a giant hearth in the dining room, and the dining room bled into the living room - no walls separating them. So you could look from the dining table straight forward to the giant double windows in the livingroom. Doug was setting up a flat screen TV against the wall of the staircase going up to the second floor. 

I was setting the dining table for dinner, and walking back to the kitchen which was on the other side of the hearth. The hearth was central - you could walk to the left or right, and get to the kitchen either way. To the right was a nice wall of windows looking at the yard. On the left, if you went that way, there was a butler's pantry you'd have to walk through, with lots of storage and shelves and it made me think a little of the kitchens in places like the mansions of Newport, RI, only much smaller. 

The hearth had two openings, which was super cool, I've always liked that look. In the kitchen, the walls were all grey, white and black tile. There was a six burner gas stove, double-door fridge from Sub Zero, giant butchers block in the center, ample counter space. 

Jess' friends from high school came down a second set of stairs into the kitchen, Byron (Jess and Byron aren't really friends anymore since Byron dumped her best friend/his fiancé a while back) and Nick. They both did Shakespeare camp with Jess back in 2010. I like both of them (even if Byron flaked out on Molly, but ... she dodged a bullet there I think). They were doing a reenactment of some Monty Python sketches, and I was laughing pretty hard. 

The wall of windows by the hearth had a sliding glass door out to the garden, it was wide open. There were two dogs coming in and out - no screen to stop them. I didn't get a good look at them but they were happy.

We have to move in March, and I guess I'm also fantasizing about houses. And dogs. And again, people I have not seen in a long time, people I love and miss. 

My mind is doing interesting things and going interesting places without me. 

Oh, Technology...

I bought myself a new personal computer. I got an HP laptop, as I couldn't justify getting a Mac. 650.00 vs. 2100.00, it was a no brainer for me financially. 

Set the whole thing up and was super excited to download the pictures off my camera from not just my past vacation, but a couple trips we took to West Virginia and the Shenandoah valley. 

I said to myself "you should drag that folder into drop box..." but I figured I wanted to buy photoshop, install it the next day, and then work over the pictures... and then I'd upload everything to drop box. 

Windows updates needed to run, so I set them up and went to bed. It was late. So I just let it run and figured out I'd have a fun time in the morning.

The following morning, the PC was asleep, and would not come out of sleep mode no matter what I tried. Called support for the laptop, and they wanted me to ship it back for factory reset. 

But. 

I'll lose all my photos. I specifically took great photos of Aaron's boat for him, for his website and marketing materials. The tech and I discussed it and he told me to take it to Best Buy and see if they can get the photos off the hard drive. 

If they can, great. If they can't.... they're lost and gone forever. Either way. 

It has to go back. I'll get it replaced or reset. And fingers are crossed that my date with a Geek at Best Buy on Monday night will get good results. 

On top of everything with the personal computer, my work (Mac) keyboard decided it wanted to just start flinging extra letters out while I type like a monkey throws poop. It is a known issue, covered under our agreement with Apple, so it gets fixed. 

Me: Hey IT guy what do I do?
IT guy: go to apple, they'll ship it out and get it fixed. Do you have a computer that you can work on in the meantime?
Me [looking at my dead brand new laptop]: Well, not really. I'll tell you a funny story...

IT guy tried his best to walk me through getting it to wake up and ended up saying the same thing as the person who helped me from HP. 

So I didn't have a computer. Doug had bought us a computer last year for us to share, but since he's been working from home, that's the computer he uses. I was out of luck. 

IT guy hooked me up with a loaner and I went to pick it up yesterday. It was weird going back down to the office. The neighborhood was kind of a mess, lots of weeds, no one cleaning up the sidewalks. It was a ghost town, no dogs at the dog park, and just a feeling of drab abandonment. 

I miss the office. I love working at home, but seeing the building and knowing how many wonderful people I know who I haven't seen in forever, it bummed me out. 

Waiting for the Mac to come back hopefully next week. I'll return the PC right after I get used to using it, and then ship my HP laptop off for some love and care to get that back eventually. 

sigh. 

That's about it for an update. Nothing really important going on other than the possibility of losing all those photos. I'm happy I have the day off on Monday. Doug does not, but the weather is supposed to be awful, so I'm going to be happy to just hang out and maybe read.