As Homer Simpson once said "I've never wanted a beer more in my life."
Today I got to take a three hour online training class for ADP Benefits eXpert, or Ben eX. Or Ben X. Our payroll girl says "Who is this Ben X and why is he such a pain in the ass."
She couldn't be more right.
The system is buggy and tweeky, and that the customer service from ADP has been less than lucid. I've gotten very used to the system, we've figured out back-end adjustments and work arounds to get information into the system without the 90 day waiting period. We have temp to perm employees and if they've fulfilled 90 days of temp work, they are eligible for med/dent benefits immediately.
But the system is set up so that new hires get factored in 90 days waiting for med/dent, and 90 days for std/ltd/life/dependent life etc...
So we've got some work arounds and A and I have the system DOWN. yo. We've got mad skillz.
Still, we had to go through online training.
It's pretty cool. They are using Centra Symposium, which does everything professor MF wants done with her class except there is on video. If there was a video component it would be beyond the pale for what we'd need. The interface is easy. We had an hour "intro" class last week to test audio and mic settings, and make sure everyone knew how to use the icons and tools and stuff. It was really good. But, even though they make you go through this hour intro class, there happen to always be one or two jerkbags who still haven't ironed out their bugs, and they come to the training class with hiccuppy systems that are flaky and fluky and the session leader spends forever and an hour helping them... while the other ten participants sit in their chairs and ROT.
We sat there and rotted y'all.
I ended up writing emails over to A, my co-worker. Both of us frothing at the mouth and making each other laugh.
I also got to sit and watch a bunch of little birdies cavort in the bushes outside my window. And I praised God himself for the fact the window was there at all. If I was stuck without a window, I might have had to kill myself right there at my desk.
The training class was all fine and good. I found myself volunteering to answer every question. I was a wicked schmartypants poindexter. I asked questions that made the session leader say "hmmmmm? I'll have to look into how to do that, but that is an EXCELLENT question!" And Amy would send me an instant email saying "you ass kisser you!" And I'd laugh.
The class leader also told me I was a model student. A thought THAT was worth getting out of her office and dancing in front of me.
Seriously, all told there was an hour of material in the three hours. And it was painful. Very Very Very painful. All I know is, I want to find out how much these people get paid to do this training job. Because I could do it 100 times better. No. Lie. Meh! Meh meh meh!
By the way, when on the roads and in my immediate vicinity, if you are going to cut me off when I'm driving my big honkin' truck, either by cutting a left turn in front of me or by pulling your ass out in front of me, do yourself, me and my brakes a big favor -- step on the damn accelerator. It's the pedal on the right.
M'kay?
Massholes.
I've had a rash of lefties and pull outs this past week when I'm cruising along at warp speed 10 where the driver sees fit to jack rabbit in front of me, but then do nothing. Get out there in the mix, and then... eh. What next? Oh yeah. Go. I've used the horn more in the past few days than in months previously. My truck is big. And red. Why sit there staring at me for a quarter of a mile as I motor towards you, just to hop out in front of me and nearly kill us all? Is there something mesmerizing about the big red truck? Perhaps the shiny chrome and the great big scary looks like it could eat you grill on the front.
All I know is I hate people who drive like that.
There are some really good monkey references going on. Yesterday's Howard Stern show was chock full of monkey thoughts and ponderings as the guest was Marky Mark Wahlberg. He should have bitchslapped the whole crew for some of the interspecies sex questions they were throwing at him. But he handled it all pretty well and got out of there unscathed and without crying.
By the way, if you're keeping track of monkey references, let me know. I do know Mr. Garfield is. He sent me an email saying that ever since I mentioned it
Tomorrow Doug is going for an in-person interview at the medical company based out of Connecticut. He'd work regionally, get paid very well, and we'd stay here. If he gets this job. If he doesn't, I'm encouraging him to take the school district up in northern New Hampshire seriously.
But, I have no reason to doubt that the medical company will not hire him. He is smart, talented, savvy, very wise, great with people, and he'll kill at the interview. So he technically could start working right after the school year ends. We'd have to figure out what to do with both shorties for the summer. Geoff's an easy call -- keep him where he is. Jessica... we'd have to figure something out. I don't know what though. So we'll see. He'd have to go spend a week in Florida at the end of June, poor baby. We'd send Jessie to his folks for a week. Geoff and I could hold the fort down here.
I am nervous and excited. I can't imagine how he feels.
And on that note, I will of course keep the world posted. I've gotten some cool email from people asking what's going on. I feel like you care! And some of you do -- you're long term friends who want to know if you'll be obliged to help us pack and schlep, or, will be obliged to come to our house here for a cook out after we have some more serious money in the bank after he works for a couple months. In the end, either option is good. So we'll see what works out.
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