So my son turned nine yesterday. And it dawned on me that this is the fourth birthday that has passed for him since I started this journal. Which boggles my mind. Half his life so far (almost) in blog format. How. Auspicious.
It was a much easier to deal with scene, and I'm incredibly glad we didn't have a full-blown party with 9 or 10 boys here. A small gathering of kids and a movie is one thing, but I am not mentally in a position to throw that boy a party. Is it just boys this age that are difficult? Friday evening we had cub scouts and it was out of control. It is like they get together and totally forget they are humans or that adults are present. They become like a pack of feral animals. And they all get in huge trouble. And the following week, they do it again.
By Saturday afternoon I was so exhausted I thought my head would just simply implode, explode or possibly disintegrate and vaporize entirely. I didn't even get any good pictures of him for his 9th birthday. Seems like a total let down and rip off.
Anyway -- I loved the Narnia movie. I felt they stuck incredibly close to the exact story, with a few dialogue exceptions. Doug and I were afraid they'd wuss out with the symbolism to Christ and the sacrifice on the stone table. I loved the white witch, especially at the battle.
There was a family behind us with three really little kids, in the three to five year age range. I cringed when I came in and saw them. I had a bad feeling about them being there, knowing what was going to happen in the story, and hoping for my viewing pleasure the movie was as graphic as the book would be. To be honest, I really don't know if I would have taken either of my kids to this movie at that age.
My suspicions rang true. When Aslan made his appearance, walking out of the tent, I heard all three of them gasp. I turned around and they were beaming. The little girl said "Oh! He talks and he is beautiful!" And I instantly felt like crying. I was swept with this desire to grab all of them and run outside with them saying "Yes, he is a really pretty lion. Let's remember him that way, shall we?" But I knew they would need to see what was coming. And they did.
They were WAILING when Aslan makes his sacrifice. They sat there and wept openly, tears running down their faces and crying out loud and everything. The mom was trying to comfort them while the stupid dad sat there and did NOTHING and I wanted to smack him. Hold the kids! Tell them to watch what happens. Tell them to wait a few minutes, to listen, to know. Ugh. It was hard.
Geoff knew what happens because he was familiar with the story. He did sit there kind of stunned and sad, but "I know it'll all be okay soon. I know the story" was what he said to me.
Eventually, the stone table is broken, Aslan returns, and the kids behind me stop weeping. By the end of the film (I'm hopefully not spoiling this for you, am I?) when the crowns are presented, the little girl in the family is standing up, holding the seat in front of her, beaming as each crown is set, knowing this is a happy ending after such suffering.
I still wanted to kick the father on the way out though.
While it was brilliantly done story-wise. I have a couple of technical complaints that I wish to air here, and I wish that movie makers would stop doing these things because they piss me off.
First: Mr. Tumnus plays a musical instrument. You've seen the scene a million times before in a million other movies. In every single damn movie where someone plays a musical instrument, I wish to high heaven in the name of all that is good and pure that someone, somewhere would make the fingers on the freaking instrument GO WITH THE SOUND OF THE MUSIC. Fingers moving when no notes are changing. Fingers not moving when notes are going up and down. Mouthpiece between lips where it is obvious no blowing is happening to allow air to move through the instrument to make such noise. We are not stupid. We can tell he's faking it, whether it's a flute, a guitar, a piano. Stop. It. Get a clue. It looks like crap. And it ruins the scene. For heaven's sake -- get an instrument and a musician, and film some fingers playing the right damn tune. Stop pissing me off.
Second: When someone is riding in a sled across an open field at high speed, please add some freaking wind to make that person's hair move around, or blow on the person's face so they squint like they're getting hit in the face with cold nasty wind. The manes on the horses move because of the wind, but the hair on the rider or on the passenger of the sledge isn't moving. Fake fake fake fake! Crappy crappy crappy. Stop pissing me off.
Third: Snow melts when it hits flesh. I know the snow is a figurative metaphor in Narnia, as a literary tool it symbolizes imprisonment, death, hibernation, lack of growth. But it's also snow for God's sake. Make it melt instead of sitting on shoulders looking like dandruff.
Fourth: See above for the fact that if it is freezing, and characters are standing there in pyjamas saying "I'm FREEZING," and everyone knows it is cold -- take the time to either film the action IN the cold, or, take the time to CGI in some FREAKING BREATH coming out of the mouths of the speakers. How hard is that? They can make a lion's mane waft in the breeze like a glorious wheatfield, but they can't add in freeze breath? Stop. Pissing. Me. Off.
Enough about what I found fault with -- overall it was a great movie. I'd see it again, and I really hope this team makes the rest of the books into movies, because they are tremendous tales and wonderful stories and I love them. This was done well enough that I bet Lewis himself might not have hated it.
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