No More Messing Around...

“Someone, someone could tell me where I belong. Be calm, be brave. It'll be ok.
No more messing around and living underground, or New Year's resolutions.
By this time next year I won't be here. I turn on, turn on MTV. The volume's down
Lips move. They say... It'll be okay."
-Guster 'Come Downstairs and Say Hello'

Unlike the subject in the Guster song I chose to quote for today's entry, I am not at a threshold of telling myself tomorrow I move in a new direction. I don't need to be assured to "be calm, be brave. It'll be okay." I'm not at a point in my life where I'm at the bottom looking up hopefully that I can reach a better place.

I've had a really good year, and looking back over this journal's history, I can say that this has been the best year yet. Not an astronomically mind-blowing wicked amazing good year, but there were great highlights and few low-lights. Even the low-lights were dealt with well, and I'm feeling okay and optimistic on this New Years Eve Day.

That said, I know there are many of you who are good, dear friends who are not in the same place.

I know there are wonderful, super people who read this journal who have had the most craptacular year ever, or the most craptacular string of bad years ever.

Sadly, I know for a fact there is nothing I can do for you. I can offer kind words, I can tell you I love you, and I can mean it from the bottom of my soul. I can buy you things when I have money, I can spend time talking to you on the phone, in person, over the internet.

But I can't fix things for you. It kills me inside, it makes me feel impotent that I cannot find that home for someone who has to move, hold that friend whose marriage has fallen apart, help cure the friends who are at the nadir of their sadness, or fix the child who is in rehab again and again or fix the pain faced daily when one knows that their daughters should be passing certain landmarks based on their ages, but they're not because they've died...

All year, and for the past couple of years, I've sat here trying to figure out what to do for you. In the end -- I know that words are all I have to give. Words, prayer and time. And over the years, I hope that I've given a few of you one or two small things to hang on to in order to help in the process, to start to feel better. To "be calm, be brave" and know "it'll be okay."

Over the past five years here, I have watched people who were happy slide down and people I was afraid for rise up. I know all our lives are circles or roller coasters or have peaks and valleys. It's all so trite and cliche.

Regardless -- in the process of this year upcoming, I wish you all the best. All the best.

Be calm, be brave. It'll be okay.

---

So, how many of you make New Years' resolutions?

I don't. I never do, because I know they won't be met. I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist. And I know that setting myself up to failure will set myself up for disappointment and ... well, that's not fun.

However, I would like to set realistic goals and objectives for myself like a tried and true HR professional (which I'm not but have been influenced by in the past). And here they are:

1. I will do a better job of getting unpacked and organized. We've been here since the end of May, and I still have boxes to unpack and things to find.

2. I will make use of hangers and my closet. No more using the foot of the bed to put the hang-up clothes on the footboard... I will make a better effort to hang things up when they come out of the wash, and put them directly into the closet. I've already taken hangers downstairs. Wish me luck.

3. I will return to walking all 3 dogs more often, not just one. Or none.

4. I will make a better effort to help Geoff get organized and learn to keep his life in order. I've already started with taking him to a psychologist and getting him to think of how he orders his life. He's doing a great job with homework and school belongings, so I'd like to transfer that to his life skills. We've made a lot of progress with him, and now I'm hopeful for the rest of the year...

5. Get back to geocaching.

Well then. Those are reasonable goals. I hope I meet them.

As for you, I wish you the best 2007. Be well, be happy and keep visiting.