Good Day, Bad Day

Doug recently was told that he has diabetes.

He's taking it well and today we went to the nutritionist to talk about food, how we prepare food, what food to eat. Doug's family has a history of Diabetes, but that is something he can control. Whereas the fact that his family has a huge history of hypertension and heart disease, which no matter what diet he eats and others in his family eat can't be controlled. Genetics is a bitch.

We had a nice meeting, and it brought back memories of when I was pregnant with Geoff and they told me I had Gestational Diabetes. I "failed" my test by one point so they put me on a diet. When I delivered Geoff, my daily blood sugar reading each morning was between 60 and 70 whatevers per whatever (I'm not good with this stuff) and the nurses would ask me "are you SURE you have gestational diabetes?"

The thing is, when you follow instructions, do what you're supposed to do, you're all set. I also weighed 10 pounds LESS when I delivered him than what I weighed when I got pregnant with him. I liked that diet.

We'll be back on that diet, or one similar to it. It was a good meeting, and we talked about food science, how I totally refuse to use margarine instead of butter. I know we need more salad at home and less mashed potatoes. Doug talked to her extensively about beer. She wants him to reduce calories so she kept pushing light beer and ultras, and we're all about Craft Beer, so he wanted to know if the beer itself would hurt his carbohydrate balance and blood sugars. He was less concerned about the calorie intake.

It was a fun meeting. We actually had a lot of laughs. Doug has been grumpy about this but is good with it and is ready to tackle it. It falls upon me as the person who makes dinner to know that shrimp isn't as good for your blood sugar as scallops are. Who knew?

On Tuesday, next week, we get to go be deposed by BOA's lawyers. For almost a year now I've been moving money into a savings account since BOA has been refusing our payments. It was going great until December. I'm about 4,000 dollars short of what should be in the account due to the fact that my unemployment ran out about 6 weeks ago. I spent money that I should have put into that account to get repair work onto the front of the house (facia boards and soffits, because water was coming in and wrecking the ceilings in Jess' bedroom).

So we're short on what we should have, I think my lawyer is MAD at me for this. But honestly, unemployment paid 50% of what I was earning before I got laid off, and it was just right for the amount we needed to have coming in. Now that it isn't... well... It kind of sucks super bad. We literally have like 10 dollars in the bank And Doug got paid today.

I really thought I'd have a full time 60k a year job by now. But I don't. I just don't. And it pisses me off to no end. I love that Jo keeps me employed and lets me do stuff for her in the office and at home. I LOVE MY PART TIME JOB. I just wish it was a full time hugely lucrative well paying job.

I don't like that my lawyer is mad at me because we're falling short. I don't want to fall short.

So I kind of feel like this morning's "shit" situation with the nutritionist that turned out to be loving and fun and educational got blown to almighty fucking hell at 11pm when I checked my email and had a message from my lawyer that makes me wonder what I'm doing and why we're bothering.

I'm truly sick of everything. I just want a nice normal life again.

In the mean time.... I'm not sure if I should even be publishing this so if you read it now and it is gone tomorrow you'll know that I came to my senses and pulled it down.