When this is all over...

My dog paces the house and stops on the side of the bed to "tell" me that she needs to go out. She doesn't issue any whimpers or whines, but her feet stomping like a herd of hippos on the hardwood floors alway wakes me up. Usually she will just give up and go back to her doggie bed and flop down. Last night, well, last night was different.

We had an epic adventure at 3am, wherein she had an accident and wherein I had to use cleaners and a mop to fix things. There is nothing like the smell of household cleaning materials at 3 am to get you all the way, wide awake. And I was.

After all was said and done, and she was back on the doggie bed snoring away, I was in bed staring at my bureau and just thinking. I didn't get back to sleep until almost 6 (I kept checking the time).

While thinking, I started to make mental lists of all the things to do when this is all over. Here is a partial list. In my head, it was all a lot more poignant and poetic. Exhausted this morning, it isn't quite as flowery and delightful and if more things come to me I will add them. But here are some of the things.

Also, here is a photo I took of myself yesterday (it is backwards from Selfie mode because I forgot to flip it). My cousin Jimmy asked for signs of life and how we are doing. I thought this would suffice.

Note, I cut my own bangs a week or so ago, and they actually came out really good, so there's a tiny victory.

When this is all over, I am going to spend more time with my friends.

When this is all over, I am going to hug you.

When this is all over, more concerts and more fun. Right now though, my bank account is very happy with me because we have not been eating out, there have not been concerts, and I have not exercised any retail therapy extravaganzas. And not just Guster, but of course, Guster.

When this is all over, I will still bear my dislike and uncomfortableness with large crowds in public, but probably even more so because it'll feel like PTSD, and I will relish more time in wide open spaces. I will go on more trail hikes. We will visit more places. We were really getting into that, and with spring arriving, I was so looking forward to going places and doing things. Winter just feels like it is still heavy around my head.

When this is all over, I am going to the ocean as soon as I can. I'm finding a place on the Eastern Shore, or Annapolis, or Delaware, and I am going away to be with the ocean.

When this is all over, I'll probably go back to church. We kind of picked one but never went. We drive past it and Doug says "oh, there's the church that I don't go to." I miss the fellowship, and I know that when this is all over, not while it is happening (I'm really pissed off at churches that are insisting on being open during all this!) I'm going to be comfortable entering back into that kind of a relationship.

When this is all over, I am using my vacation time. I have a lot of it. I was talking to my aunt in Arizona. It's been 5 years since we visited there and I really want to go back. She's terrified they are not going to make it through this. I told her to keep the faith, and be patient, and that I'll be sure to come see her.

When this is all over, I'm for sure going to Oregon to see Aaron and Serena. They're expecting a baby in July, and I want to see that baby. As well as them. Maybe it'll be on the same trip. Not sure. Maybe I'll take two different trips. But no matter what, I'm going.

See that note up there about more fun. And my bank account will start hating me again.

When this is all over, I want some of you to come visit. You know who you are.