Gayle to the rescue...

I decided this morning that I needed to have a little fun. My sister ragged on me for not finishing up some grandma stuff, but that's like a whole site, and I only really had a couple of minutes this morning to make myself feel better and give myself a good hearty laugh.

Everyone is convinced we're going to die. Everyone is convinced the coming war will be long, protracted, hard, and will impact our nation like no other war we've seen. Our president, I do wish him luck, keeps using the word "crusade" in his speeches, which is a huge mistake considering the Muslims are still pissed from the "crusades" to irradicate them back in the day, so they now have a really good excuse to defend themselves. Muslims are only supposed to kill if they or their religion is under direct attack, which is the definition of a crusade against them from way back when. So here we go. Osama's gonna say "see? I told you so! Now fight with me" and One Billion pissed of Muslims are going to try and kick our asses. Not good.

So I asked myself: Self, what would make us feel better? I had a dental appointment this morning, got the old chompers cleaned and it all looks super good in there. I'm feeling confident that my own personal little space is okay as long as I don't get laid off, and even then, we have enough to make ends meet, we have gorgeous children, and Canada is only 4 hours away if we need to book it. So on top of feeling pretty okay, I began to feel inspired. What this world needs now is a hero. And that hero is Gayle.

I know I should be kind in this day and age, none of these are mean in any way... Linda, these are for you. I love you. Hope they make your ass fall off as you laugh yourself into an aneurysm and thanks for waiting on the grandma chapter I still haven't completed.

A secret meeting resulted in Gayle agreeing to go out and help. She can handle it! Cheney said that Gayle is "our nation's only hope." (sorry the graphic was corrupted... but the message comes through). cg -6/4/05

She thinks the Sausage Fingered One is too big for his britches, but realized she needed to get her message to a wide audience. So she did his radio program and Howard Stern, but hasn't sent out any pictures from that stop on her media tour. I guess Howard only wanted to talk about her panties and whether or not she's had any girl on girl action since dating Osama... Gayle got mad and left the studio.

Gayle met with bin Laden in a secret but very big library in Afghanistan. He agreed to all her requests and even let her have a picture taken with him even though he was upset that she wasn't dressed right. He normally doesn't like to be around women who aren't in full robe and veil... the day is saved!

Upon her return, a gayle-la (ha ha, get it, instead of gala, it's gayle-la... I know. bad.) celebration was thrown and celebrities came from all over the world to festival with Gayle.

I later found out the man in this picture is Latin singing "sensation" Marc Anthony and he isn't gay. He could have fooled me though.

Pete Sampras showed up at the gala festival, Gayle congratulated him on his victory over the Australians, and he congratulated her on her victory over evil.

Andy Dick attributes his new clean and sober lifestyle to Gayle's help. Man! She's a help to everyone! A true friend and true patriotic American. yay!