Birthdays

It sucks having a birthday close to the holidays. My sister can attest to that. My son's birthday is a few days after Christmas, and I always feel that he is going to get ripped off presentwise.

I also feel that the poor thing doesn't get the things he wants for his birthday. Last year he wanted a bicycle in the worst way.

"Doug, let's get Geoff a bike."

"No. It's too cold out and he'll want to ride it all the time and one of us will have to be out there with him freezing to death because he has no developed nerve endings and negative 20 degrees to him feels like 50 degrees. We'll get him one in the spring."

We didn't.

I bought him a used one at the end of the summer at a neighborhood yard sale. I got it for a buck. It needs work. It's in the garage.

The price was so cheap because it was a neighbor doing the selling, and she gave me everything I picked up for five dollars. I tried to give her more and she pooh poohed me away.

So Geoff does have a bike, and I hope he still fits on it in the spring.

I would love to get him a wicked shiny NEW bike instead of getting the old bike rehabilitated and repaired. Part of me wants to see the look on his face when he comes out in the morning and there is a fire engine red bike under the tree. Another part of me says "Bullshit. That's materialistic, and wasteful. You've got that perfectly good bike in the garage. Fix the damn thing up already and then he'll be a happy guy. Save the earth. Blah blah blah."

So for his Christmas and his birthday, I'm going to do my best to do things right. For the rest of his life.

And again -- to the aforementioned friends and sister... you're never forgotten for your birthdays. Just somewhat overshadowed by other insane thoughts swirling through my mind. Happy birthday and much love. Linda, I'll get YOU later.

Actually, I got her pretty good last year. Not sure how I will top that entry. Gotta start thinkin' now...

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You can file this under too much information if you like -- and you can skip reading if you don't want to hear the intimate details of my life. But I feel the need to purge myself of this burden publicly.

I'm hairy.

That's right -- hairy.

Not the usual hippie leg-hair and bikini line hairy. I've maintained that style my whole life. Mostly in the wintertime. I'm not a heavy-duty grooming kinda gal. I think it is vain and a waste of time and money to get waxed down to the landing strip. I'm not a porn star. I'm just a regular gal.

What I'm talking about doesn't concern the pits and shins.

I'm talking face hairy.

I've sprouted several thousand hairs on my face in the last year. It started with a few after Jessica was born, accelerated to many after Geoff. Now I'm to the point where I'm not able to keep up with the daily plucking of said tiny annoyances.

I've tried waxing, but the little buggers hold on so tightly that I wax off swaths of flesh without any little hairs coming with. And waxing actually made the situation worse. When I tried waxing to get the concretely affixed black little bastards off my chin and neck (and they didn't come off) what did come off was the fine, fluffy-soft, blonde, baby hairs I in the same area. And over the course of a month or so, those fine, fluffy-soft, blonde, baby hairs grew in black and evil like the bastards that refused to budge in the first place.

They Hair-Borg'ed.

They became one with the Borg Folicle. Resistance is Futile. We will take over your whole face. Mwa ha ha.

Aghast and dismayed, I went back to plucking. But instead of 10 or 20 little hairs, I now have 10,000. And I'm officially an beardy old lady.

Last time I saw the dermatologist I asked him about what to do... and the discussion went like this:

Me: Dude - check it out. I'm like the bearded lady at the circus. Or those dog-faced kids from Mexico who do stuff on the trampoline. Where's the nearest circus for me to sign up for? What can I do about this?

Rich Jewish Dermatologist with Very Bad Dandruff: Oh honey, that's so normal for a woman you're age. You're fine, don't worry -- see an electrolysis clinic. Have them zapped.

Me: Woman my age??? Whafah? Uh, what do you mean to say, that electrolysis really works?

RJD w/VBD: Oh yes. It certainly does. Get a couple consultations. I have a list of reputable clinics in the area. It usually takes two or three visits, but it works and it barely hurts.

Me: Barely?

RJD w/VBD: Barely. Everything hurts when you talk about removal. Warts, hair... it isn't the end of the world, though. And the results are worth it. What she may have you do is grow the hairs out as long as possible (I'm cringing as he says this and I'm cringing now) so she can see them better and get a good hold on them with the instrument she uses. There are three kinds of popular methods...

He talked but my brain stopped listening.

I pictured myself walking around with the full beard for weeks while the hairs got long enough for whatever tool will be used on them, method not withstanding. I pictured the snickers of middle schoolers behind my back. The confused look on he faces of children. I could hear Metallica's version of Bob Seager's "Turn the Page" playing in my head ... 'All the same old cliches, is that a woman or a man..."

I thought it wouldn't be bad if I could bleach the hairs while they grew. But then I pictured myself looking not unlike a 15 year old boy trying to grow that first soul patch and having it come in all scruffy and uneven. I'd either look like that person or a nuclear fallout victim who lost half his beard due to radiation poisoning.

Sigh.

I called a place today after putting it off for weeks. I've got an appointment for a consultation. I talked to a couple women I know here in town who have gone to this salon... they recommended her. We'll see how things turn out. Or get pulled out as it were.

Alright. I've got to get a shower, and go down to the lunch professor MF is having for the class members in our class. I didn't go down last week because of the weather, and we were all supposed to go out after class for appetizers and beer or something... but the weather was predicted to super suck. Today we're on for lunch instead. So I've got to go. Never one to say no to a free lunch, eh? Plus MF wants to go to a conference in March 2003 in Worcester to present our experience with this class. She submitted the proposal and wants to discuss the possibility of doing a presentation at another conference in November 2003, in Anaheim.

??? Do I want to go do something like that? Veh. Maybe not. But hey... I could go to Disneyland. I could meet my west coast blogging acquaintances. I could go see Mare and her three little boys who live in Dana Point. I could Geocache west coast style. Homies.

We'll see. I'm not super keen, I don't think we got the results we wanted from teaching this class, and I know my response is different from MF's so our presentation would be a real pro/con kind of thing. It would be a good presentation... I just really want to do it here in Worcester first before deciding to GO to California to present.

MF is all gung-ho about it. I think teaching the class just once and then doing a full analysis is a mistake. We should teach it for a year, two semesters minimum, before deciding what to do presentation-wise.

I'll keep you posted..