I put the picture I wanted to put in the Christmas cards on a floppy disk and took it to my neighborhood Brooks drug store, where they do a really nice job with film and stuff. They couldn't get my picture off the disk. It is black and green and looks like black and green ass. They told me to try another disk... and come back.
I was all set to do that, then it hit me.
No -- not the flu.
Not a cold.
Not the sudden realization that most people take the pictures they get in Christmas cards and chuck them in a drawer never to look at them again.
No.
I got hit with vertigo.
"Vertigo so dangerous you'll have to sign a waiver" vertigo.
Tuesday I felt dizzy after working for catering man, and then on Wednesday I tried to get out of bed and nearly fell down, so I flopped backwards back into bed. I felt like Bridget Jones after a night out with the girls.
I started to panic. I'm having an aneurysm. "Maybe it's a tumor" ("It's NOT a tumor!") from Kindergarten Cop was going through my head.
Doug left for work and after he was gone it became painfully obvious to me that there was no fargin' way I was going to be able to drive Geoff to school or anyone to anywhere. I called Doug up and asked him to take me to the doctor. He was in the middle of a painful staff meeting, so I saved him. Heh heh.
My doctor ruled out a lot of things... ie: it's not an aneurysm because my symptoms aren't in line with one. It isn't dehydration (this happened to me one other time in the last year and it was due to dehydration after geocaching... so this time I drank a ton of water hoping it would clear up and it didn't help) because she checked my mucous membranes and I look fantabulous. It isn't my blood pressure causing dizziness and possible stroke because my BP is 110/80. It isn't a migraine, because my migraine medication didn't clear it up when I took it the night before thinking that I was coming down with one.
So by process of elimination, she believes I've got an inner ear infection which is viral in nature. There is no pain in association with this, and the way I described my symptoms leads her to believe this is the case. She can't give me anything to clear up the infection because viral infections have no cure -- they have to run their courses. She gave me an anti-vertigo medication and it seems to be helping a lot. Good news is most of the time these infections clear up after 48 hours. Bad news is they can take up to three weeks. If I've still got vertigo after 3 weeks, I am not sure what the course of action will be. I want an MRI and a CAT scan. I want bloodwork done. I want answers. Shit. I can't live like this. I don't know how anyone does -- especially Anna Nicole Smith. Or Ozzy. This is what the must feel like every damn day.
Doug and I keep joking about me being like Anna Nicole ... have you watched her show? It's a damn trainwreck -- it sucks, and I hate her, but I can't tear my eyes 
Me (gesturing away from me with my eyes glassy, staring into space): Doug, go over there and get mfsomdunnthoe"
Doug (in his atty Howard K. Stern helpful voice): You want some donut holes, Anna?
Me (still as Anna): Mfghyhyh
Cue Anna theme song -- "Anna Anna Anna Anna Anna Nicole, you're so outrageous" as I fall down sideways. Kerplunk. Oof.
Me: Ooof. I fell. Get the [bleep]ing farting dog off my head.
Good Lord, Anna I feel your pain. I know just how it feels to be you. Without the money or the parties or the shoes or the big big boobies.
I slept all day Wednesday, most of Thursday in my non-Bobby Trendy styled bed.
I feel fine but just incredibly disoriented. Sitting up for extended periods of time (ie: here at the computer) is difficult. I'm very tired. Jessica keeps sneaking up on me and surprising me with things that she should tell me long in advance... "Mom, I need a grab bag gift for school" was the latest one, at 5:30pm last night, while Doug was out at his staff Christmas party.
Whafuh??? I go into Anna Nicole mode. You need what? When? Are donut holes involved? Where's my farting dog?
I need this to clear up and go away because it isn't like I don't have a million and one things to do in the next four days.
Sigh.
Anyway -- not much has happened in amusings land. Jessie had a band concert on Tuesday evening, which was the last time I felt really normal. I was impressed with how good the band was, compared to last year when they sucked. She attributes that to the fact the sixth grade and her grade (5) play together as "advanced band" and last year it was just fourth grade "beginner band." They put the sixth graders up front, and they rock. She says the fifth graders are still really lame. I told her that in a year she's come a long way, and next year she will rock like a sixth grader.
And the chorus always does such a nice job. The chorus director is a crunchy chewy granola lady, a little older, unmarried, probably has a lot of cats. She always has them do multicultural numbers... she's big into Latino and African American music for this totally white-bread group of kids. And she is the nicest lady. I really like her. And the kids like her too. It is very obvious when you see how they respond to her.
I was very impressed with my daughter's performance. They did a song with a lot of hand motions (an African American spiritual Christmas tune) and Jessica was so animated and so on the money with her motions... quite Broadway.
After the performance we went out to Friendly's for ice cream. Here are my gorgeous and well behaved children:
 |  |
Yesterday Geoff's class went on a Christmas Caroling field trip at the local nursing home. They did performance numbers on a stage with hand motions and drama and the whole 9 yards. I stayed home in fear of falling over sideways. I'm sorry I missed it. His teacher told me he had a great time and was very well behaved. The kids walked around and gave out candy canes to the old folks, and wished them Merry Christmas.
That's pretty much the extent of the excitement here. Christmas shopping is almost done. We still don't have a friggin' tree though. That must be remedied ASAP. There are a few things left to get -- I'm hoping to go get them this weekend without the kids tagging along. Hopefully by then I won't be falling over sideways. More later
No comments:
Post a Comment