Elliot Smith

Elliott Smith was a musician. A fine and talented songwriter who committed suicide.

I didn't own a single copy of anything he recorded, but I knew his music, and I thought he was incredibly talented. I impressed the impressionable into going out and buying his stuff, and for that my thanks was nothing but praise for turning a friend onto the man's amazing music.

That Said.

I followed a link off of Googlenews today to Billboard.com and as a web designer I know that no one sat there and planned this page's layout because all of it comes from a content management feed.

But look at this:

The picture of Elliott is a tiny assed thumbnail, and the page story is broken up with a big fat advertisement. For Ebay. For a damn golden autographed Celine Dion Microphone.

The man's own photograph, his own presence in this column and in his obituary column are smaller, less significant, less important than the advertising.

Just about everything on this page is for someone or something the quote pretty much speaks about... the quote being pasted by me (thank you photoshop) and the important section highlighted. Friend and peer Russell Simins is quoted there as saying:

"There's so much bulls*** around, so many unhumble people who are all about the glitz and the glam and the bulls***. What we lost is a very, very, very, very truthful, truthful, honest star. I think both as a person and as a musician, as an artist. It's really sad because he was just brutally, brutally honest. And very smart. And if you put the two together, it's undeniably appealing."

So my major complaints are:

1. Billboard needs to have an online eye to edit advertisements OUT of obituaries and articles about the deaths of people. I'm sorry. I'm all for making money and advertising and shit like that, but... this is inappropriate in my opinion.

The ad in the actual obituary is for a Versace pocketbook that holds an Absolut Vodka bottle, and you can pour your vodka out of your pocketbook. How lovely on an obituary about a man suffering from depression and addiction. Right.

2. The content management system should also be organized to not pull the major headlines up in the side bar. I put the quote from Russell Simins on top of the headlines intentionally because they all were about how Beyonce's new single can't be stopped and how the Dixie Chicks have a new DVD, and Clay Aiken's new album has hit number one.

3. A Celine Dion microphone advertisement shouldn't be bigger than the dead person's photo in his own obit. Fuck that.

I know some people reading this like Clay Aiken. I'm not necessarily dissing him -- he released an album. People Bought It. Whatever.

But how insulting after death to have your picture and your memory put side by side with that big hyperlink headline? No Elliott Smith CD ever hit Number One anywhere. But hey! Clay Aiken's has!!!!

Having worked with content management systems, I know for a fact that stories/news releases/articles all can have their templates designed so that if something is an obituaryesque/friends mourn the death of kind of a story, no matter who the story is about, the template can have an option to not include advertisements, or navigation on the side. A radio button can be put in. The navigation screen can vanish and a link can appear that says "Return to Billboard.com's front page."

There are landmarks and events in life that are news. New CD releases, Exciting announcements about someone's career. Hell, I've been all about my love of BNL for this last week have I not? But if there was an article about "Shopping" on someone's obit -- I'd feel bad.

So Billboard.com, bite me. Fix your site so it has some class.

That is all, boys and girls.

Elliott Smith -- I'll remember you. I will forget who Clay Aiken is in five years. I promise.

---

Carrie sent me an email. She says:

you should write a discourse on what being a fan means, or maybe there's a funny one out there to link to.

you know. all the kinds of fans. club fans. fans that get dressed up. Fans that travel to see the shows. insane fans. normal cd buying fans. radio listening fans. people who wouldn't walk across the street to meet marylin manson in person.

I so agreed with your comment about the white stripes song, absolutely love it, but have no interest in seeing them in concert = not a fan.

Or, top ten things to do if I get crowned king would be to have Bruce Springsteen or Bono play at my birthday party = fan

I doubt she would ever be crowned King, but...

I've thought about her email a lot over the last two days. What really does it mean to be a fan? What is the nature of "celebrity?" I say earlier in this entry that I like Elliott Smith's music but don't own a copy of anything. Does that make me not a fan? I downloaded a few MP3s, which yeah, stole money from his pocket, but it got me interested in him, educated me about him, and I've almost purchased his CDs.

Albeit now in death, a lot of people will probably will buy his CDs. Learn even more about the songs he has written that I have not heard, and more about him.

I have always loved a lot of bands. There are artists who make me cry, break my heart, reveal my soul to me on stage or while I'm listening to them on the radio. I've bought multiple copies of the same CD in the past, mostly because I loaned a CD to someone and they took off with it, they liked it that much. Case in point -- "Whatever and Ever Amen" by Ben Folds, I'm on my third copy (and last damnit!) Because coworkers at two different companies wandered off with them.

I've bought multiple copies of the same CD because my kids have ruined my copy. There are some I still need to replace. My kids like the same stuff I like, and so it's refreshing to not have to fight over what we're going to listen to in the car if the drive is longer than five minutes.

Until last month, to my honest recollection, I've never been a member of any "fan club."

I joined the BNL Ladies Room because I like the band AND wanted discounts on tickets to concerts... so joining for a year has already saved me money and prevented me from buying tickets through ticketbastard 2/3 of the times I have needed tickets thus far. So I had an ulterior motive that was bigger than the postcard schwag.

That said, I have considered myself a pretty serious fan of the band since 1999, and I get bigger (not just "gaining weight at the precipice of too late...") each year that I learn more about them.

I don't allow their political or dietary positions to impact me. I think the song "Shopping" is great satire, and allegedly was written in response to GWB's comments encouraging the nation to go out shopping after 9/11. What I think was misunderstood in those comments was GWB didn't necessarily say "hey America, don't be bummed! Go spend money! You'll feel better" more than he said "Don't be afraid to go outside and live your life." Hell, Woody Allen and a mess of "celebrities" did TV advertisements to encourage people to come "shopping" in NYC after 9/11 and I don't see any political satire aimed that way, but, I digress.

For instance, I love Moby.

But, I'm an evangelical, conservative, meat eater. Do I respect and honor his life choices to not be a Christian, not eat meat, and support John F. Kerry (as exciting as plywood) for president? Yes I do. I'm not going to suddenly read his journal and say "Woah. Moby's so RIGHT! I'm voting for Kerry!" But I am going to read his journal and agree that Telescopes are cool, and have empathy for him that he adopted a dog from a shelter and had to return her because she was far to aggressive. I'm not going to write him a long and heartfelt sob story letter to let him know my experiences with our dog, I'll just read it and feel for him.

Back to BNL... I don't have any MP3 files of their rare, unreleased stuff. Andi was stoked last night that she got to hear "Steve Page is Having a Baby," and I thought he announced that he and Mrs. Steve Page were once again expecting. She thought I was really retahded, but that's just it -- I had not clue about the song's existence. For a lot of reasons. I don't get copies of rarities, unreleaseds... Things "fans" slather and drool over and cannot wait to get their hands on. Things that I could have gotten if Napster hadn't gone to the dogs... these things I don't have (if anyone wants to burn me a good quality CD of every non-commercially released BNL tune, I'd pay you money for it...)

Add to the fact that I don't have a decent internet connection and downloading anything during the Napster heyday turned out to not be 100% worth it to me. There were things that I downloaded that turned out to be pure dreck. Horrid quality (I downloaded an MP3 of them doing Prince's "when doves cry" and whoever recorded it was sitting next to someone who talked through the whole thing. I gave up trying to find another version from another user because everyone HAD the same version that day. Gah), damaged or incomplete recordings, really bad quality vocals (I downloaded a song by Vertical Horizon once. The guy was really drunk and forgot the words. Delete!)

I do love the band, and would love to meet them... backstage passes, run into them on the street. Shake Kevin's hand and tell him I'm so happy he Kicked Cancer's ASS!. So yeah, I think I'm a big fan. Maybe not as mentally deranged as ...... you? Per se.

The other person I can think of on this God's Green Earth that I'd want to meet is Michael Palin.

I would shave my head and dye my shiny baldassed scalp kelly green if I had the opportunity to every meet and spend a decent amount of time with Michael Palin.

I can't think of a single movie star, athlete, TV star or anyone else that I'd even remotely care to have dinner with. I wouldn't mind having dinner with David Sedaris, but part of me thinks he's actually not a great conversationalist and we'd end up just sitting there. Matt Groening, perhaps to shake his hand and say thank you...

So in that aspect of fandom, I am a massive failure.

I doubt that I'd ever bring a big sign to a concert or sporting event... Not because I don't want to send a message to the band, but the people behind me wouldn't be able to see through the damn thing, and that's just rude.

For fans who obsess and stalk, (cough Tess! hee hee hee hee) or throw panties (or long to, cough, Andi! hee hee hee hee) I think they have a level of passion and interest that surpasses mine.

Are they bigger fans? Yes. Indeed. Do they love them more than I do? Perhaps not. I don't think that an outward overt display of affection and admiration for a celebrity makes a bigger fan. If you're the dress up kind of fan, the make homemade T-shirts that gush with your massive adoration -- that's all fine and good. Just be careful when you go to a show that your really nice handmade star worshiping clothing doesn't get torn on the ghetto seats or have beer spilled all over it by a rowdy assed fan.

In any respect, for anyone to love one song or an entire catalogue (even of the mystery songs and the National Anthems of Foreign Countries) each of these people makes the band proud and in short, that's all that matters. Fan is short, obviously for fanatic. And I'm simply a few prawns short of a galaxy in the whole "fanatic" realm. Except for that dishy Michael Palin. So weird that I think a 60 year old man is dishy.

Anyway -- Those are just some loose ruminations on fandom. If Marilyn Manson was walking down the street towards me, I might stop and shake his hand and tell him to have a nice day and wish him luck amongst those who don't "get" him. Same for Rob Zombie, who I totally "get" but don't really enjoy. If I met Celine Dion walking down the street I'd grab her by her skinny chicken neck and pour her shit perfume down her whoring and money grubbing throat. Derek Jeter? Don't get me started.

Right then. On that note, I haven't had a good night's sleep since two nights before the concert, so I am crawling to bed. Hope this entry was... quality.