A Good Friday

Usually on Friday mornings I have a check in with a co-worker, mostly for her sanity and mostly because we greatly miss one another. She has a baby who is about 15 months old now, and this is his first passover that he's awake, aware, alive, attentive. 

She canceled our meeting because she was off for the holiday, and she messaged me pictures of the babe on slack, and said he really had a lot of fun at the passover seder.

I told her that was delightful and beautiful, and that I love when passover and easter coincide. 

She asked if we have any special plans for easter, and I said no. Not really. 

Life and things are so different than they were when we had someone in our lives her baby's age. I look back on this blog of all the dyeing easter eggs and church events, the family dinners, the traditions we worked to establish. The easter baskets, the candy, the nice clothing. 

One could say we "did it for the kids" but we did it for us. My heart is always full when I listen to hymns like "O Sacred Head," and "Jesus Christ is Risen Today." These are my faith anthems, celebrating our Jesus.

I told my friend I feel completely detached from "the church" anymore, but not from God Himself. Not from what I have grown to love and believe about Jesus and His love for us all. I pray every day, I notice the little things, I ask him to take fears and burdens. I pray a lot for C and her business, for Jess, and for Geoff that he'll get a job soon. Sometimes I feel like there isn't a lot of traction on the issues I lift up, but I continue to do so. I continue to do that.

I told her that ... I just have grown incredibly disappointed in the Church In America. But I am never, ever disappointed with God.

I miss the traditions and the fun, and in fact when I get home on Sunday I think I'll set up some egg dyeing shenanigans for us and if I do it by myself I'm okay with that. I've asked Doug to go to the market and get a ham or something that we can enjoy. I'll happily make scalloped potatoes. And maybe something green to go with it too. 

I told my friend that as of late, in my "faith journey," I ponder things deeply and quietly in my heart. Part of me misses a church family like the one we had in Massachusetts but honestly, I feel alright with where I am in all this. 

What's lovely is having a really religious jewish friend that is open to talking about both of our faiths, and supporting each other in our walks. Together, side by side. 

After our unofficial check in, the work day went fast. I enjoyed a couple meetings with clients, one of which is coming onboard our CMS in late July. So they have plenty of time, and we had a fun training together. 

Before that meeting, I did the treadmill. I messed up the timing of things, I thought I had an extra half hour after the treadmill and before the meeting but. Oooops. All was well I just didn't get to take a shower, but they didn't notice, we were on Zoom. Geoff had made a marinade for some steak so I set up some potatoes and onions and put them in the oven in olive oil and herbs. He grilled at about 6pm, and everything came out delicious. I hope he makes this one again. 

After dinner Doug and I decided to take Toffee for a walk, so I did my 2 miles on the treadmill and we took her for a more than a mile stroll. It was an absolutely beautiful night, the perfect temperature, no bugs, no rain, lovely sunset. 

And in my heart of hearts as we walked I thought about Good Friday, and the weight of love and sacrifice. My own easter vigil as it were. 

Tomorrow I am happy to go to Sara's and I'm going to stop and get a little gift for H. He's not too old for an easter basket, so I can touch that part of my heart and memories by being a good Auntie. 

Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours.  Run on the treadmill for 2.14 miles in 30 min. Then Doug and I took Toffee for a walk, longer than I expected he wanted to go. 1.34 miles in 30 min. 13k+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

9am: 119
4:45pm: 134
11pm: 86

food & meds:

9am: jardiance+phentermine
11:30am: bowl of mac & cheese w/hamburger
12:15pm: met+glip
2pm: 4 celery sticks & pb
5pm: 3 girl scout cookies
5:45pm: red wine & diet ginger ale
6:30pm: marinated steak a la geoff, and roasted onions & potatoes
7:15: met+glip; more wine+ginger ale
9pm: mixed nuts