Linda got here at about 4pm and asked Geoff what today was. When he said that he didn't know she told him it was New Years Eve. She asked him if he knew what it meant, and he said "People have a big party and drink five drinks and burp all the time."

Well then. Sounds like a plan.

---

2002. My life is sure a lot quieter. It's hard to believe it's almost a year since I was laid off. We've had a wonderful year, and I'm a happy girl even though I fear for our finances. I discovered a lot of great new blogs, made some really nice cyber-friends like Ms. Tess, and I'm a lot happier than I've been in a long while. I did the mayfly project, and I'm one of the earlier contributors. And this is what I wrote:

christine 10/12/2002 02:49 laid off from job, discovered geocaching, camped in maine, played with children, cooked great food, bought huge truck, still overweight.

and my sister did it:

ljf 12/12/2002 01:57
moved to florida
moved back
missed my family
missed my cat
still clueless
unemployed
broke
damn it's cold out!

and carrie did it:

Carrie 13/12/2002 20:21

started a business
financial stress
exhaustion
freedom
braces
porsches
Rachel's separation
lost a bulldog
gained a puppy
a difficult, excellent year

and Elizabeth did it:

Elizabeth 13/12/2002 16:27 Young dog did well in obedience. I got pregnant. Old dog got sick. Lived well for six months. STILL pregnant.

But she isn't still pregnant now is she?

How about you? did you contribute your year in 20 words or less to Mayfly? Go do it.

---

A few years ago I was home alone on New Years. I think Doug was working. I'm not sure. I heard shrieking in the street and in this neighborhood that is something that you don't hear. I got my boots on, and my coat. It was freezing out, the kind of New England clear cold night which many dread. My neighbors were walking up the road trying to get their teenaged daughter to come back in the house.

She was barefoot, in a T-shirt and her underwear. She was running up the road and screaming obscenities at them.

Now, she is second in a line of six kids, the youngest of which is a year younger than Jessica. She didn't see me. I grabbed her from behind and held her arms as her dad ran up to us.

He's a volunteer firefighter, she's a nurse. I had no idea what the circumstances were of the situation, but in my mind I sided with the parents as the sane party in this scenario. For all I knew, she was being held hostage in the basement and tortured on a daily basis and they're getting money from all the other firefighters in town to have gang rape sex with the poor girl. But I doubted it.

The dad looked me in the eye, very sad, tired and relieved. Mom took one arm and looked down as the daughter called me a fucking cunt and a whore. "You don't know what you're doing! You don't know what you're doing! Fuck you! Fuck you!!!" she screamed.

The dad thanked me, and they led her home. I have no idea why she was running up the street or what was going on.

Whenever she would walk up the street and she'd see me, she'd cross the road and walk up the other side.

A year or so ago she moved to Florida. I was always sure to ask her parents how she was. He told me she was going to school and doing well. I have seen her a couple of times, visiting. She looks healthy and happy.

Word around town from people I talked to was that she was seriously addicted to meth, and that she broke into the elementary school and was living there for a week before anyone found her.

Every new years eve I think of her.

And I want you to say it with me -- Katie... God bless you wherever you are. Be healthy. Be happy. Be well. Please pray that. I can still see her as clear as day. And there but for the grace of God go I. In nine years, may I never see that kind of behavior from my children. God willing.

---

My new year's resolution? Well, I don't have one per se, except get a job. I have an interview with Geoff's preschool/kindergarten to sub, but the pay sucks. But. It's a job. It's good.

So in lieu of a new year's resolution I am pledging myself to get my sister some booty.

Yes.

Get my Linda some boot rockin' boo-tay. So. Should you be an eligible non-gay man (gay men are awesome, but probably don't want to get married to my sister. Not for nothin' you can decorate her room but you don't want to be her husband)... and you're wanting a lovely date with a gorgeous and NICE girl, let me know.

Statistically: she is 33. She is 5' 6". She is Sagittarius, cusp of Capricorn (should you follow that). Smokes, drinks and swears like a longshoreman.

No, not really.

She does smoke, and insists she is going to quit. She's no alkie because both of us are cognizant of what being the daughter of an alcoholic is all about... And the swearing thing is no worse than mine. Well.

She's NATURALLY blonde (and has some great blonde moments) One tattoo. Loves "Office Space," "The Princess Bride" and "Full Metal Jacket." She knows her way around an operating system and the inner guts of a PC. She is very funny. She likes music from Rap to BNL but her obsession musically is Peter Gabriel in all forms (except for the new album, which needs to grow on her...).

She deserves a great romance. She deserves to meet someone who isn't a stalker from Albania (not that she has in the past, but internet dating results in many an inquiry from strange muslim dudes from countries where she's sinned enough to be stoned 100 times over).

Here is a picture of her from a recent cruise where she did NOT get botulism.

She
is
a
great
person!!!

and you need to be with her. She is my mission for 2003. So. So. So... So email me. Now. Make 2003 your love year.

She's standing behind me now saying "I'm being pimped on the Internet by my sister." And yes. She is.

Happy new year. All y'all. I love ya. More fun in 2003. And perhaps a wedding? (she's smacking me! She just wants someone to take her to a movie at this rate!!!!!)

hee hee hee.

Have another mai tai!

Local Radio

We have a local radio station, 92.5 the River, based out of the next city over. They've become kind of a big Boston area station. And I've been listening incessantly for the last week to the morning program to win admission to a brunch with The Wallflowers.

Normally, the River is a good station. They were the first station to play Barenaked Ladies in the Boston area on a regular basis, and even had their studio taken over one afternoon by Ed and Steve in what was probably the funniest on-air entertainment I've ever heard. They also have some decent local folk musicians like Peter Mulvey and Ellis Paul in their common rotation when new albums come out. I've submitted a lunchtime "select a set" that I hope they play someday. A couple songs in there are specific to my sister, and it would be great to hear them on the radio because no one plays them.

But, sometimes it is a grown up easy rock listening station. They keep playing a lot of Sheryl Crow, and you know I dislike her. I went to their website to get some details on this Wallflowers thing (by the way, the last opportunity to win admission to the brunch just went past, and I didn't get through, of course. All morning I got through but was like the second or third caller when they wanted the seventh or tenth).

On their website, they have a java script box showing what song is currently playing, and of course, they were playing Sheryl Crow's "Steve McQueen" song because they play it like every frigging hour. The funny thing was... this is how it appears on the website:

You can see that the form box cuts off at a certain point. I highlighted the funny part. Now, whenever I hear that song I'm going to sing "Like Steve McQueer..." in my head. Bwa. ha ha ha. By the way, I in no way shape or form dislike gay people or call them queers, unless they tell me they like being called queer. I actually love the word "queer." It has such a great sound when you say it... and I'm sorry that it is a slander against a lot of people. But I'll stop. I just thought it was funny to see the n at the end of McQueen get cut off like that.

Another thing about this particular radio station that annoys me is they are pushing this horrid remake, and boy howdy do I mean HORRID, remake of Aerosmith's "Dream On," by some chick called Fisher. It makes my skin crawl. She's headlining their CD release party at the House of Blues in Cambridge in mid November, and I'm thinking of leaving the country because she'll be too close to my house and I may spontaneously combust. Go to the website and read the bio information... I laughed. I'm sure she is a nice person. But honestly. I never want to hear another song from them because of this particular horrid remake. She sounds like a wet cat singing this song, not that Stephen Tyler doesn't, be she does even more so. I'm not a huge Aerosmith fan, but honestly -- there are some things you just don't mess with. And Dream On is one of them. This particular remake sounds like something they would do on American Idol. Poorly. I'm forever adverse to this band. No one can convince me otherwise. All their other songs could be , masterpieces, orgasmic epiphanies of musical genius, but I will never hear that. I've been sullied. Meh!

By the way, their website is the single most boring musician website I've ever seen.

How's that for me being opinionated on something. I'm sure I'll get "Why do you hate Fisher so much, they're awesome" emails the way I get "Why do you hate Derek Jeter so much, he rules!" emails. But that's alright. The beauty of the internet is I can say what I want about what I think and bite me if you disagree.

I also hate Chris Isaac, but that's an entry for another day.

---

I'm chaperoning a trip for Geoff's class next Wednesday. Huzzah. What am I thinking. Yesterday the pancake breakfast resulted in all the children at my table telling me that they still want me to come work there. These are the same kids who gave me career advice back in January, to either work in a barn or come to the school and be a mommy teacher. I appreciated their love for me, but told them I didn't think it was a good idea if I were ever a teacher, because I'm too much fun and kids don't take me at all seriously. I then put carrot eyebrows on my face.

---

I think the verdict is in -- I believe my baby sister is planning to move back to NY. She's been giving it a go in Florida, but it just isn't working out for her. She can't find a good job, which pays well. She can't find a job where she isn't miserable. She feels that she's imposing on her friends who have been putting her up. The homesickness is debilitating for her, and I know how she feels. When Doug and I moved to Atlanta, I felt exactly the same way. I feel horrible for her but totally understand.

She talked to her former boss, and asked if there was any way she could come back to the company where she was working. Her boss told her that it looks good but she has to talk to the head cheese. While it isn't the greatest place in the universe to work, she was good at what she did and had friends there. She isn't making any friends in Florida... she's finding that people say things like "I've lived here 20 years and haven't met anyone to be friends with..." or that people are just plain assholes. It sounds to me like she's living in New Jersey with Palm Trees.

The bummer thing is she's heading back to NY and she should be out on her own forging ahead and doing the grown up thing. But the great thing is if she goes back, we can do more Gayle photoshop stuff. Mwa ha ha ha.

If anyone wants to go down there and drive back to NY with her, email me and let me know. I'm broke, and going off unemployment due to the fact it runs out on my ass in 3 weeks, so I don't have the cash to take off down there, drive back to NY, and then fly back from NY to Manchester, NH. I don't want her driving back solo, but that may just have to happen...

---

Oh, and finally -- Dan and Honey did have their baby a few weeks back. I forgot to mention it.

His name is Ben, not sure if he's actually named for our buddy Ben there, but it sounds it to me. He's a cute baby. I've not gone to see them yet, but I will do it next week when I go down for Professor MF's class, barring any unforeseen circumstances. He's saying "ooooh! My dad putts like a girl!" here.

One of Chad and Remi's boys came home from the hospital. Jacob is doing great... Jadon's still not ready to come home. Keep them in your prayers. I still can't believe I know someone with twins. It seems surreal. No one I know has them. Well. Now there's an exception.

I need a weekend from my weekend.

My parents left this morning after staying at the way out inn for an extended period of time. We did ditch the kids ont hem twice but should have ditched them nightly. We could have had much more fun. Oh well. Coulda Woulda Shoulda. My Aunt Carole and Uncle Jim celebrate their 40th anniversary this month so their kids threw a whizz bang shindig for them. They didn't get to have a big old wedding reception back in the day, so this was what they deserved.

We all went down and got to hang with the extended cousins crew, the little ones got to dance like freaks which is always good... wears them out as if we'd worked them in a factory for 13 hours a day. Geoff was out cold in the car before we hit route 3 north on the way home. I won't write in detail here about the names and faces of the cousins, it isn't appropriate. Suffice to say I dig their stylie selves and wish we could spend more time together.

---

I did however get to spend some fun time with my sister Linda (pictured here in most unflattering form doing her "Grandma" imitation...and isn't she just SO going to kill me for it too...). She came up from New York for the weekend and we had a nice time. We both kvetched about life and mom and little annoying things. She has an amazing memory. I can't remember half the shit from our shared childhood... I should write down stuff I remember to see if it triggers other stuff. But Linda just has this detailed memory of all the little things, and it cracks my shit right up.

Take for instance this little anecdote: our washing machine bought the farm last week and even though Doug worked his ass off trying to repair the old girl (SO proud of him, yes I am!), we've determined that it is not worth it... and she'll just have to go and we'll use that all important tax "refund" to buy a new one. So when I told Linda, and she heard the words "Washing Machine" she launched into this little song that we used to sing when we were little...

"Washin' Macheeeeeeen, washin' macheeeeeen, washa washa washa washa washin' macheeeeeeen!" We used to stand in the water at the beach and swing our arms back and forth like the inner workings of a Lady Kenmore and sing this ridiculous little ditty, all the while laughing our little asses off.

When she sang that, I was shocked. It took me a minute to recognize as I had TOTALLY forgotten that song. But suddenly, there we were, clear as a bell at Gold Star Beach in Huntington standing near the concrete pipe that brought runoff down from the streets of Southdown, singing "Washin' Macheeeeeeeen!" And I bet at the time that she couldn't have been older than two. I can see her with her long white hair and her little tiny buddah belly, and me with my short little shag haircut, doin' the washin' macheeeeen.

It's amazing.

She also has an uncanny ability to read my mind. Right when my mom does something that drives me crazy (do NOT ask me for an example or we'll be here all damn day) or I'm tempted to SAY something to my mom, Linda will not even make eye contact with me, but say softly "let it go... just let it go. It isn't worth it..." and I start laughing.

We decided that someday when Auntie Lee Lee gets married (BAAAAAAHHHH! inside joke) we're going to do some half drunk retarded karaoke duet, with her in her gown and me crammed into a corset and a dress that makes me look like a natural casing sausage, and we'll make everyone laugh their asses off.

We are two funny babes when we get going.

Maybe we'll sing "Washing Machine..."

Here's one of my favorite pictures ever of Linda, with my kids, about 2 summers ago, maybe three, and the kids look more like they belong to her than to me. Funny.

---

We also dog sat this weekend for my buddies Dan and Honey. They went to Baltimore for the weekend so we got their two dogs, Tiger and Buddy. I enjoy these dogs a lot, and Kinger does too. He likes having playmates. They all got along so well, and we played hours of fetch. I was sad to see them go when Dan came to get them.

Dan and Honey also picked up an Orioles Tshirt for Geoff... and he loves it. So they are king and queen in our book. Geoff does the funniest thing, when he has to leave Dan or our other buddy Ben, he gets so sad and does this horrible weeping/melodramatic heartbreaking departure scene, and cries for a half hour as if his entire soul is being wrenched from his body... He doesn't do that when I leave... which bums me out. But it is cute to see him love someone so much that it makes him cry.

---

What else can I report on... Oh! The best news of the weekend is Bonnie and Duncan had the baby last night! I called their house just hoping to leave a message inquiring on how the belly was doing, and much to my amazement found they had their calls forwarded to the cell phone or hopsital room or something, and lo and behold she'd hatched. Baby Girl, Chloe Mae, 7lb, 15oz., healthy, and mom sounded relieved to be done. Congrats to them! Their hospital posts baby pics online, so when that's available I will link over to it. Or just steal the picture, heh heh. If they don't mind.

---

I rented "Saving Silverman" on our Blockbuster 30 movies deal... It wasn't very good. But my buddy Jack Black, pictured left, ("High Fidelity," "Mars Attacks!" and "Tenacious D") was in it and was really funny.

Jack plays J.D., a really stupid moron who grows up with his two best friends, Wayne and Darren. Darren is sad because he keeps getting dissed by women, and longs to meet his one and only, his special someone. In attempts to be encouraging, they push Darren over to Judith, played passably by Amanda Peet. She begins to control his life down to "allowing" him to masturbate, and the two losers left behind then realize that Judith isn't the right kinda gal for their lifelong friend and they try to save their buddy from the grasp of the controling manipulative bitch.

The premise of the film was funny... the overall presentation rather pedestrian. A couple funny scenes, a great chase scene, horrible ending, and some incredibly dumb dialog pretty much sum the film up... In the end, everyone does find their special someone, complete with a wedding brawl and a gay marriage... and they live happily ever after, we suppose.

The BEST part of this movie is the fact the three friends are in a Neil Diamond tribute band. Neil Diamond actually saves the day in the film. Damn funny plot twist there. And he seems like a really good sport. See pictured above wondering to himself "How did my career ever sink this low!" Jack Black is rocking out there in the middle next to Jason Biggs, who I swear is about 20 years younger than Jack. Whatever.

I rented "Barenaked in America" a documentary about my favoritest band to date, Barenaked Ladies. I went to watch it last night with Jessica and there was a big warning about sexually explicit content, nudity and adult language and themes... so I rethought allowing her to see it. I'll watch it tonight and determine if she can see it... she's a big fan as well.

Well this entry certainly is much longer than I originally intended. Damn. So much to say, so much to say, so much to say... open up my head and let me out. Little Baby!