The Post-Turkey Day Report

Thanksgiving. When last we followed the day to day workings of your humble narrator, the tire was plugged and the merry band of characters got on the road. We ran into a little traffic westbound on the Mass Turnpike, where we should know by now there is ALWAYS going to be traffic. They don't TELL you on the WBZ traffic report that between exits 9 and 10 on the pike it is a parking lot because that would be stating the bloody obvious. It's like saying the whole sky is blue, bear doing business in woods, pope and funny hat thing. It just is. And we should learn to bypass that stretch of road.

Problem is, and this is the part that sucks the most, we need that small stretch of road to maintain "highway speed" on our journey and thus bypass the need to take two lane roads through mountainy stretches of northern Connecticut. It sucks. They should take the tolls away at that exit on holidays... but, being the greedy scumbuckets they are at the Statehouse, they'd never do that. Even though this 10 mile stretch of road is like a tailgate party at a Pats game.

We finally made it through the tolls (thank you grandma Shirley and EZ pass) and buzzed the rest of the way through Connecticut. We ended up on Rte 5 somehow just south of Hartford, instead of Rte 15 (W. Cross Parkway) and that wasn't too too bad. In the past, we've ditched there and it has been a parking lot WITH stoplights. But this time we were one of the few cars on that stretch of road. We got back on 91, where we wanted to be, and ditched in Meriden to take 95.

95 moved well, but it is under such catastrophic reconstruction that riding in the truck was like riding on a roller coaster. There were huge chasms in the road that caused the back end of the truck to fly to the left or right, when the front end was going to the opposite direction. It was kind of nerve wracking... but we survived. We made it to Grandma's in about 5.5 hours. Only a little longer than it normally takes.

Thanksgiving was restful and feastful. The kids were happy to play Grandma's Nintendo Game Cube (my mom is SUCH a 12 year old boy!) and Doug and I drank beer, hung out with my dad, and watched football.

We slept well.

The next day Doug opted to relax even further and the kids and I went to see my friend Jen, who currently lives in South Africa with her husband (not of the same skin pigment as she is) and their two children, Ruth and Sarah. Her kids are not too far off the ages of my kids, Sarah is a little younger than Jess and Ruthie is a little older than Geoff. They are delightful children, and the kids had a blast when they got used to each other.

Jen and I had fun catching up. We all took a wonderful hour long stroll down to the beach. Jen and her family live in the super posh section of our hometown, where the street signs are oak framed. No one ELSE in the township has oak-framed bear left at the curve or stop signs.

I envied Jen a lot growing up, and walking along the sand made me envy her again. For a minute. It was gorgeous out there, cold, no wind. The kids were having tons of adventures... moving so much I couldn't get any pictures of all of them together, but I got these.

	Top left, Ruthie lets her hair extension shine with the colors of the sunset. Her hair is very short, and she had this barbie hair thing clipped onto her dark brown hair... it was purple, pink and blonde. Not her hair color or type, but she loved it. Top right, Jen with the sun setting over the hill behind her. Bottom left, our Jessica. Purple princess.

It was quite an enjoyable visit. We chatted about how we met. I told her I always perceived that she was in the cool Bay Crowd, all the rich kids all hung out together. She was kind of on the periphery of that, but I had always just assumed she was a snobby rich kid. She told me she never felt like she was part of the Bay crowd, and didn't fit in with anyone, which surprised me. We had a lot of classes together, and she always thought I was funny and really smart. Especially in a creative writing class that we took. We both agreed that if it weren't for Campus Life neither of us would have ever had friends. When I think about it, some of my longest term relationships have grown out of that group. It was great catching up with her.

Her parents are selling their house and moving to Florida. So this is their last Christmas there in the homestead. I'm glad she got to come home with the girls, and I really glad I got to see them.

---

Saturday we all packed up and drove Quimby to the Bronx Zoo. It was cold, not too cold, and not windy. Hardly anyone was there. We needed a good walk, and what better place to do so than where they keep monkeys? You know our fondness for Monkey Stink.

The ride over was quick and uneventful, I always seem to think that we're going to die when we go there. Based on childhood fears and prejudices... but the zoo is right off the Bronx River Parkway, with its own exit... Fool proof. We parked, walked, saw tons and tons of groovy animals doing their thing. We were horribly disappointed with the kodiak and grizzly bears, who were the stars of the show the last time we went. Today, they just chilled on their rocks.

I was incredibly impacted this visit by the odor of the zoo rooms. Normally, I huff a little and kind of put my tongue up against the roof of my mouth and seal my sinuses... become a mouth breather while indoors. This time, it was a little too harsh. We were in the World of Darkness, and there was this woman with this horrid perfume walking in front of us. Everywhere I turned, boom! Feh! In the face, whiff! Barf, Gag. Meh!

I had to get out of there fast. You wouldn't think that bats could be so damn smelly. On top of that ... this woman. With her ... stink! Ugh.

Geoff couldn't see too much there, with the speed the bats fly at and his vision, he only saw them a little bit. We left the building pretty quickly and sat on the Polar Express engine waiting for Doug and Jess, who both enjoyed the room more than I.

But still, nothing compares to the skank smell of the same style building at the Brookfield Zoo in Chicago. Voof!!

We would have liked to have stayed for the Holiday Light exhibit that they are doing. They have all these trees decorated with white lights, and animal frames with little lights on them all through the zoo. We didn't make it to the old part of the zoo with the huge granite buildings that they used to house all the animals in, where the fountain and cool statues are. The place is just so damn huge. We were wiped. We went with the intention of getting a good walk and a work out -- and we did.

Plus, there were giraffes. The following pictures are pretty self explanatory, except Jessica in the phone booth. She thought she was very clever... standing there pretending to be a person needing to use the phone but not knowing how to work it because it's in... Chinese. Like the number order would be different or the handpiece would work opposite. She also did this for me, which cracked my shit up:

There was a huge billboard for the new tiger habitat they are building. She made it look like the tiger was jumping on her. Fwah. Funny girl. By half.

And keeping with our "We always see the weirdest stuff" motif, here are two extra pictures of interest.

The first one... we were walking around the lion area and we saw a guy with a camera case, tripod and lighting... the woman in the black coat (with her back to the camera) and the guy in the elephant suit. What they were doing, I have no idea. But the elephant suit guy was really nice... They climbed into part of the exhibit in the Nepal/China area, they are standing in an area where they really shouldn't be. I wish I knew what their deal was. But elephant guy waved to me when I took his picture. He's aces... a class act.

The second picture... Doug came out of the giraffe area and told me Santa was in there. He was dressed for his day off. I didn't see him because I'd been dealing with Geoff having a small temper tantrum over a bottle of soda that I wouldn't let him have, so he (Geoff) was in timeout. We went to the Congo area (didn't pay extra to take the tour, even though they have all these guilt trip-inducing signs up "Will you make the right choice and save the Congo with your entry fee???" Uh, no.)

So Santa comes around the corner, Geoff stops in his tracks. I asked Santa if I could take his picture, and he was gleefully compliant and invited Geoff to stand with him. Jessie was a little too far ahead, and I didn't want to waste too much of this guy's time by calling her back so we only got this one shot of Santa on his day off... with Geoff.

Santa likes the zoo, says Geoff.

We left Grandma's at around noon on Sunday. We knew we were going to run into traffic. It wasn't bad at all until we got to the Bronx and the Bruckner Expressway (95) just north of the Throg's Neck. We stayed with it but should have ditched, seeing as we had a map and GPS with detailed info on the streets. We made it through that bad batch and got up into Cos Cob Connecticut where it all stopped again. We stopped for lunch, and decided to ditch in Stamford, taking Rte 8 north. Rte 8 takes you to Torrington and beyond, but we knew we needed to cut east. So we took Rte 42, which looked pretty straightforward on the map.

It was a twisty, windy, curvy little two lane road up Bethany Mountain. It was nothing like I'd imagined it to be ... I didn't know Connecticut could look so much like Vermont. It was gorgeous. I'm moving.

We got to Rte 10, took it a little ways north, cut across on I-691 to I-91 south of Hartford where the big merge to 84 became a parkinglot, backed up for miles.

We ditched again, Rte 3 to Glastonbury, to Rte 2, to Rte 94, to Rte 83 to I-384, to Rte 44 past the University of Connecticut at Storrs, all the way through to the gorgeous little town of Pomfret, up to I-395. Which turns into I-290, which runs through Worcester, hits I-495 and eventually... the Way Out Inn.

Whew!

Lots of backroad Connecticut traveling. Some of it in the dark (towards the end there), but the Christmas lights and the snow were all out... and pretty.

It took us 6.5 hours to get home. With the two lane highway driving and listening to traffic on WBZ once we hit the Massachusetts state line, we realized we'd cruised compared to the people sitting in Hartford trying to get on I-84, and the people trapped on I-84 trying to get to the Mass Pike, with a six mile backup.

It was a lot of fun. I don't mind taking the little 2 lane highways... when you're moving, you're living. That's my general philosophy.

---

We're home, the kids are at school, Doug at work. Me, I'm home with a car that won't shift out of like 2nd gear and won't go over 25 miles an hour unless you're going downhill. I picked up the dogs and prayed without ceasing that the car wouldn't just explode with me inside. That would be bad. The dogs were overjoyed when I got them, thrilled to see me.

Kinger just about exploded in the vet's office... the guy working with them this week is a trainer. His name is Greg. I mentioned to him that I wanted to get Jack training (without knowing he is a trainer) and he said "I wasn't going to say anything... but... now that you mention it..." and we had a nice talk. He gave me some immediate pointers just by watching me with him for a few minutes. I asked if he wanted to barter with me -- training in exchange for a website. His eyes lit up -- yeah! We'll be talking soon.

I haven't heard yet from the college I applied to for a job. It's funny -- when I say "I haven't heard yet from the college I applied to" I know it is for a job, but it sounds like I'm ... applying to college. Too kooky. So I always feel I have to stick that caveat at the end... for a job. Sigh. I'll be scouring monster.com this afternoon.

My sister left Florida. She took the Amtrak Car train from Orlando to Virginia, and that got her on the official highway this morning. She called me at ten from the VA/MD state line. She called me a little while ago wondering if she should have taken the Jersey Turnpike or gone through Philly. I got the map out and told her she's doing fine, gave her further directions from Trenton up to Staten Island... she may call me again, or she may just breeze right through. I feel the need to keep an ear out for her call in case she's desperately lost. Glad I can read a map!

Glad she has no roaming on her calling plan!

One thing I learned in the past couple of years is that a map will get you anywhere... you just have to pay attention to it. We learned that this weekend with leaving the Bronx Zoo and heading back through the city. Sometimes... you gotta take a risk and do something you wouldn't normally do driving-wise. The way you're accustomed to going doesn't always have to be the only way to go. Trust the map. Read the map.

And a GPS doesn't hurt either.

Enough for today. Gotta find something to eat, gotta play with the dogs (actually, they are sleeping very soundly...) gotta figure out what to do for a second vehicle because I have stuff I need to do this week that I can't walk to. Sigh.

More later -- hope your adventures this thanksgiving weren't nearly this boring

What a gorgeous fall day. Last week I was sure the nor'easter blew all the leaves away, but today we went out hiking and there sure is enough green still out there, with yellows and reds still on trees, to make me feel that winter hasn't got us in her grasp just yet.

Plus, it was in the upper 60s today, which is just purdy if you ask me. The sky was overcast, so it wasn't a vibrant and bright kind of fall day, but a beautiful one no matter what. We did a geocache today, skipping church in order to get out there in the world and experience the fresh air and the stewardship of nature. I feel God doesn't mind if you aren't in church -- as long as you are making good use of the time. And our being out there enjoying the bounty of His blessing was sure a way of celebrating.

Unless you turn the interpretation of us getting 1.5 million ticks on us as a scourge of God, a chastisement for skipping His worship time. I'm going to ignore that as some sort of message from Him. The ticks are just PART of His perfect world. Just a little something for us to deal with in order to enjoy the bounty of blessings He gives us.

Seriously -- we went to Harold Parker state forest today. We were there a few weeks ago. We were CERTAIN that the ticks would all be fast asleep from the 20 degree temps we'd had night after night after night for the past few weeks...

Well, a little upper 60s woke their little bodies RIGHT up and they were in full hunt for a host mode.

Poor Jack. Poor Kinger.

We re-frontlined them when we got home from our otherwise very wonderful and fulfilling excursion into nature. We all got undressed out on the porch. I'm still finding the stray tick walking across the hardwood floor or linoleum of the kitchen -- but it beats them being ON my body. I'm not going back to Harold Parker again. We did the two caches that are out there, and even if someone puts a third cache out there I'm not going back.

Doug thinks that the reason the park itself is so incredibly ticky is because of its popularity -- lots of horses, dogs, humans... the river, the location. We went weeks and weeks this summer without getting a single tick. Today -- we got a summer's worth. Fucking little blood sucking bastards! Hate them.

Anyway -- we all worked up a good sweat, and seeing as tomorrow as a holiday it should be kind of lame weatherwise, we figured a walk out today would be better than no walk out at all. And ticks not withstanding, it sure was.

We saw a ton of horseback riders in their wonderful clothes with glowing bright horses, doing dressage and trail rides. It made me envious for a minute. They were just damn lovely. I took a couple pictures and really loved looking at how beautiful they all were.

Geoff made a comment to Doug while we were hiking that knocked us all on our asses. Essentially, he noticed after a mountain biker went by that mountain bikes don't poop on the trail. Doug told me this when we got home and I laughed for about 10 minutes.

As nice as horses are, Schwinns don't crap in public.

All told, it was a great day.

Tomorrow, we're going to go down to Cape Cod to see my grandmother and take her to lunch. If the weather allows, we'll do a geocache or two. I love Cape Cod in the winter and late fall. No one is there, and it is still just plain beautiful.

September Morn...

When Doug and I were first dating, he would sing Neil Diamond's "September Morn," to me in a schmaltzy Vegas style that would crack me up. I bet I've mentioned this before. I should read my September Archives... So every September I start laughing, waiting for him to do it again.

Problem with reading my September Archives means I have to read all the entries I wrote around September 11th. And I just don't want to do that. Not in the mood. My summer was great -- I'm feeling mentally stable and very happy. I don't want to dip back into the memory bank and start feeling scared and shitty.

I don't know about you, but I'm not looking forward to TV over the next couple of weeks. Our national heritage is worship of the dead it seems -- monuments, memories, slow motion replay reels with sappy music (none of it Neil Diamond though) and all for what? The Barbara Walters "I made you cry in an interview" kind of feeling where we bite back tears by holding our bottom lip between our collective teeth? No thanks.

This has been a busy weekend. We went to Maine for the day to see the residents of the Hyde-A-Way, and special guests from Western Mass., my old roomie Laurie and her husband and kids. We went to Old Orchard Beach, a place I can honestly say I've never been. Only we didn't go up into Old Orchard Beach Proper -- we went to Ocean Park, which is just south on the coast, and a lot less crowded. Most of the coastal beaches from there down to the cape are usually maniacally crowded, but this one was different -- there were a lot of people, but no charge for parking and we drove right up to a choice parking space in town. It was lovely. We got there at about 2:30pm, and the tide was coming in, the waves were amazing, and the kids had a blast.

Normally I would never set foot in the Atlantic ocean this far north, but found myself in the pudding, as it were, when Geoff went fast as possible up to the middle of his chest and I was convinced he was going to die.

The water temperature was lovely. It was cold, yeah, but not bracingly death grip instant heart attack cold. I showed Geoff how to ride a boogie board on his belly. He never got the gist of it, but I had fun. And I got a good work out. Sarah and Jessie were way out there with the real men (E, Wayne and Chris) riding waves and having fun. For as sore as I was after playing in the up close surf, I'm sure Jessica must have been stiff and sore the next day tenfold.

Here are some Kodak Moments:

Laurel and me in one of my silly hold the camera out arms length masterpieces.	Mary and Natalie digging in the sand. My pasty white son is visible just behind Nata.
Jessie and Sarah take a break from body surfing	Mary is by far my favorite kid on earth. I've said it before and I know I'll say it again.
Pete and Mary in the truck pit. Pete broke his arm last week when he was running in the yard... so he was breadbagged and cautious	Peteman grabs some waves, erm, some sand... looks like a pro though...
	Unlike my son who looks like he is trying to fly instead of surf. I love the concept of surfboard on the shore... these kids don't get it do they? What a riot...
Sarah, Nata and Jessie decided that the dogs all needed a bath. After they decided, the dogs went for a mud swim up at the Hydepond... so their want turned into true need... Abby was first.	Here's poor Jack, not sure why he is tied to a bench and hating it.

We barbecued in the Hyde yard, a feast not to be forgotten, and we sat around the dining table drinking a few beers and talking about college. Doug came into college well after I was already friends with Laurie, Chris, and Wayne... E was there but I think I never met him while he was there, and Marcia went to UVM, but we all had a great time ragging on each other and talking about Christian College Relationships (handholding and making googly eyes meant you were practically engaged! Chris was practially engaged to 100 girls at once). And the kids had a blast together.

Next summer I really want to borrow Sarah for a week and take her someplace with us. She and Jessie have such a good time together, and when they are together it is as if they were hanging out just yesterday, even if they haven't seen each other for months. They know how to be friends... none of this awkward "I'm not sure who you are anymore or if I'm going to like you still" crap that pre-teens do. It's refreshing.

Saturday was a hang around the house day. Nothing interesting to report.

Sunday I worked like a madwoman on Professor MF's site because it has to be ready for this Thursday. My mom says everytime I put MF there all she sees is "mother fucker" in her mind, but it isn't... those are just the unfortunate initials of said professor. I'd use her name but I doubt she would want me to, even though she's a public figure of sorts.

Doug took Geoff geocaching, and Jessie went to her friend A's birthday party. She ended up being invited to sleep over, so I brought her stuff to her. Doug and I watched 100 episodes of Law & Order on A&E (some sort of Labor Day Marathon thingie) and a rebroadcast of the 2001 Agassi/Sampras US Open quarters from last year. Yes, a year old tennis event. Don't laugh. It was thrilling then, and still thrilling to see a year later. Amazing match. And I barely like tennis.

Today it is pouring. It is actual Labor Day, the day so many view as the last hurrah of summer. I'm sure a lot of people are cashing in their chips at their vacation tables and rushing home early this year. Most of the Mondays in Labor Day Weekend over the last few years are fresh in my mind as rainy ones... seems like such a sucky way to end the summer. Good thing TNT has picked up the Law & Order marathonning so I have something to watch on this rainy day!

For me, though, it ain't over until I can't walk barefoot without getting frostbite. It's summer until I come screaming into the house after taking the dog out and I'm yelling "Damn! It's cold!!!"

That may be sooner than I want -- two nights ago I was out there in fleece pants with my breath vapor visible in front of my face. So Sad.

Not to complain -- my favorite of all seasons approaches. Fall. See the October archives for that.

Alright -- gotta get some work done. There is a slim chance Aaron and Michelle may come visit. They are spending the weekend with other friends (gasp! They have OTHER FRIENDS!!!??? No way! I thought we were exclusive!) and they may stop by before heading home. Then again, they may just go home. They're moving from their house to spend the winter on Mt. Desert Island at Farmer Matt's farm. So we may go there Columbus Day weekend and hang. That's still to be determined. Funny to plan ahead when this holiday weekend isn't yet over. Next week is a busy one for me. Tuesday meeting with Professor MF (stop thinking that Shirley!) and actual class time on Thursday. Finishing up Professor CM's stuff. Damn. No rest for the weary.

Roadtrip Report. Chicago will never be the same...

Oh my...

In a nutshell, it was from here to Chicago and back in 9 days, a station wagon, a little boy with ADD, my period in the middle of the zoo (ugh), pillows left at a seedy motel in Ontario, and the strong temptation at times to throw myself in front of a train or off the edge into Niagara Falls, and I've survived.

It was a great vacation.

Don't get me wrong by that little paragraph of whining. I had a great time. But I'm feeling that I don't want to be in a car for long stretches of time anytime soon.

We left on Saturday after I got out of bed early and worked on Professor MF's website for three and a half hours. I was making amazing strides, but there was work to be done. I had everything packed, Doug took Jack to the kennel for boarding, I did the dishes, we watered the garden, and we hit the road by 12:30. We got to the homestead at around 1am, and spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday at Doug's parents.

We made two trips to the mall to get Geoff's glasses fixed, the lens keeps popping out and we can't get it to stay. It happened again in Canada and we just didn't bother going to find a lenscrafters. I think I have to go buy an new pair.

Anyway, we bought toys at the mall... including a very cool air pump plane which gave us hours of entertainment. We also got to hang out with Doug's sister and her husband and their little girl who is about 17 months old I guess. She's a doll.

My boys get ready to play...	After the maiden voyage
The neighbor's garage... not the best place to have your plane land!	Elyse. She looks like her daddy.

There was an amazing thunderstorm on Monday afternoon that shook the house and caused great sheets of rain to fall, first rain since before July 4th I guess. The lawns were all dried straw and gardens were in death throes. It made me long for my lovely green yard and ripening tomatoes and big full hydrangea bushes.

We left western PA and had breakfast with Doug's grandmother in Eastern Ohio. She was tickled to see us. She gets such a kick out of the kids, and gave them their Christmas presents early that way she doesn't have to ship them. I think she thinks she's going to die. I hugged her and told her I would see her soon, and she started crying. "I don't know if I'll be around long enough to see you again, you are so far away." Guilt. Sadness. Reality.

I hugged her and kissed her on the top of her head (she's pretty short) and told her to hang tough, that I'd see her again. I mean really... way to break my heart grandma. We left there around 1pm and made it to Chicago by 9pm their time. A little lost and wandering, we called from a payphone in the pouring rain because I'd left the directions home. The GPS got us within a mile of the house, but put us way up north of their house on their street. They live in the 3600 block, and we were in the 6700 block. Eventually though we found ourselves in Down Town Scottsville and hanging with the Man, the Myth, the Legend himself.

Good God. I'm in CHICAGO!!! Jebus! It amazed me. Their apartment is so nice, three bedrooms, dining room, huge bathroom... beautiful built in hutch and fireplace and bookshelves... I had apartment envy. It's a gorgeous building, and so close to cool stuff in the city. Drool. Drool. Envy. Scott and S were lovely hosts to us, and we simply loved visiting. I can't believe I don't see that guy every day anymore. It hasn't been years since the days where we hung out all the time, but it feels like it was just a few months ago. My heart was silently breaking as I walked around Niagara Falls a few days later and I pined for him.

Oh yes, I pined.

Anyway, our first full day there we went to the Brookfield Zoo. Scott gets the official "surrogate uncle of the year award" for actually putting up with my kids and spending 6 ungodly hours at a zoo. When he could have been doing anything else on earth. So he wins. All you other surrogate uncles out there -- you've got nothing.

We got a real kick out of the baboon island... if Geoff had been more compliant we could have spent all day there. We were trying to figure out whether or not baboon's asses hurt (they sure do look like they do!) and the baboons were having turf wars on baboon island... there were four of them who were obviously paired off as teams and they were having these screeching biting fights which caused all the females to run and hide.

Scott and I had fun doing crazy stuff in the kids play area, we pretended to be animal doctors in a MASH kind of unit, Scott pretending to be the Vet from the Simpsons. We got some kids going and acting all crazy. Including my kids. See below.

The kid's play area of the zoo was the best ever. I put on a lemur suit (a vest with a lemur tail) and went into the pretend to be a lemur area. The kids there didn't think I was right, but they eventually warmed up. On my way out I tried to hand my lemur suit to another mom and said "wanna be a lemur?" and she gave me "the look" which said "what are you fucking out of your fat mind?!" and said "uh, no."

Loosen up lady. Be a lemur. Unfortunately Doug didn't get a picture of me lemuring. It was funny as all hell. He laughed and laughed at me. I don't get that kind of reaction from him too often, where he isn't mocking me. He laughed towards me instead of at me.

Facepainting, she asked for a bear paw. Best I could do.	Scott is amazed at Geoff's care for the plants in the botany room.
Geoff was diligent... he squirt bottle watered every single plant in the room. Most of the kids ran around squirting each other. He took good care. Will make a great gardener some day...	Jessie with one of the millions of large polar bears around the zoo. There was a red, white and blue one. She liked this sea creature themed one.
Geoff the Junior Zookeeper. Those were nice shirts. He looks the role...	Yup. The box says "Poop." In the junior zookeeper area, there were many boxes, with fake food for the fake animals. And fake poop to clean up with the broom.
Dr. Geoff carefully inserts body parts back into an alligator.	"Let's see here.... is this his heart or his spleen?"
"Ah, yes. Ms. Tiger. All the lady tigers are getting lypo these days. Here, let me take a little unsightly patch of fat off your shoulder..."	The real thing. The lion exhibit has a cubby with a glass wall where you can see the lion up very VERY close. He was snoozing.

Anyway, right after that I got my period... talk about a buzzkill. It was five days early, I was so unprepared for such an event, and all that walking around and pretending to swing from vines must have brought it on. I got really crampy and tired that night, and slept like crap.

Which made the next day a challenge.

We went down to the Shedd Aquarium on Thursday, where Geoff was a holy horror and Jessica gleefully wandered off and did her marine biology thing. She's incredibly into sea creatures and could spend a thousand billion hours in an aquarium.

On the way into town, we noticed jet planes zooming in and out of the city, between the buildings, all over the place. Scott recalled that the air and water show was running that weekend upcoming, and it being a couple days away the jet planes were practicing. We got to the aquarium, and you wouldn't even hear the damn things and they'd be right on top of you, zooming right over your head close enough to see the friggin pilots in the cockpits. I tried to take a good picture... but they were so damn fast. This was the best I could do.

I was already a nervy mess from getting my period, but seeing jet fighter planes zooming around a city sort of put me ill at ease. I was scared for the first time in months. I rode in the back seat watching for them, and thinking that if I didn't have someone in the car with me who knew what was going on, I'd probably be bricking.

Scott and I talked about how living in the city makes him sort of nervous. I told him that I'd be sick to my stomach daily.

Jessica was pissed because we didn't go downstairs to the Oceanarium area, but we knew we wouldn't have enough time to see everything, and we'd spent 8 hours at the zoo the day before and we were non-humanoid creatured out. The benefit of going down to the lower level is, of course, to sit and look at the view of Chicago, which you can get by walking around on the cement boardwalk behind the building... Doug and I didn't really mind skipping the beluga whales, but her nose was out of joint. Geoff, as I mentioned, was a complete nightmare. He fought with Doug, screamed, tried to bite us... it was scary. Eventually he got in control, but it was not so a good time. That's when throwing myself in front of a train was looking mighty tasty.

Scott, Jessie, Doug and Geoff walking along Lake Michigan towards the Aquarium from the Planetarium.	Us in front of a nice view of the windy apple.

We went out for Thai food that night, to hook up with Doug's friend Lee from High School, only he was in one restaurant and we were in another.

Ooops.

So I didn't get to see him and meet the fiancée. I haven't seen him since about 1995 or 1996, when we lived in Lynn, before we moved up here. That was his last visit to the Boston Area. He's getting married in October, and we're not sure if just Doug will go or we'll both go -- how will we swing it? Who can we ditch the kids on? Hmmm... that's a topic for another day.

We went to the Sears Tower Skydeck after breakfast on the last day we were there. It was a beautiful view, an overcast day, but that meant no squinting and no blinding glares. Chicago is such a beautiful city. I could live there. Totally. The traffic sucked, but honestly, where doesn't it?

Scott getting hammy	Don't fall out the window, kids!
We were down there yesterday! Right there, at that round thingie	A view looking north...
From the ground, a quick shot that didn't betray me being a tourist.	Jessie is all urban and hip.

The funniest thing about the Sears tower was the ridiculous crap 10 minute movie they made us watch before we went up. We waited in line to buy tickets, then waited in line to be shuttled like cows into a boxcar theatre where they showed this 10 minute infomercial of how Chicago used to be all farms and stuff, then trains came and it changed everything... then some guys played blues music and a big building or two got built.

Scott and I both were thinking we were getting put in a room to be euthanized.

Actually, the movie was so boring I was thinking that maybe it was the precursor to the mass drowning or gassing that we were going to suffer through, we'd all be stunned and sedated from the boring movie so fighting the actual method of death wouldn't happen. It would have been a relief...

I mean seriously, I don't want to be infomercialed everywhere I go, damnit! I want to go up to the top of the damn building and look out a window here, people! Why put me in this room and "entertain" me with this crap when I could be talking to my friend in line and READING about the architecture and looking at cool assed old pictures?

It took us forever to get up there, then we had to wait in line to come down.

Doug had a great theory -- they should make it so that admission is FREE if you walk all the way up and all the way down. Your calves would hurt, but you wouldn't have to pay to stand in a room with a million other sweaty, tired tourists watching a movie.

The views at the top were splendid... and it was funny to hear all the different people talking about the city. Australians were in the house in droves. They were a riot.

We left Down Town Scottsville and headed east, driving to Port Huron, MI. We got there in less than 7 hours. The middle of Michigan is kind of flat and boring... I had hoped it would be all woodsy and thick, like from the pictures I had in my mind from the Hemingway biographies I'd read. But that's up north in Horton Bay (I called it Horton's Bay once and Ms. Shelley corrected my geographically challenged ass right quick like).

We chose to go to Port Huron because Detroit is the bigger city and the more popular crossing point. We spent the night at a decent motel with a pool filled with chlorine and a little water, and slept very fitfully with the AC cranked to 50 degrees. There was frost on the doorknob when I opened the door in the morning.

And we left two brand spanking new pillows at that hotel (the ones I bought a couple weeks ago when Doug's folks came to visit because we didn't have guest pillows. We decided to bring our own pillows traveling this time because it's always such a hassle to get the surly hotel front desk jerk to give you a second wafer thin pillow. As if the one damn crappy cotton ball they give you is enough to support a tired head and neck, and you asking makes you the friggin' princess and the pea.

So we just now realized we left the two yellow pillow case covered pillows in Port Huron. We're mentally defective.

I had totally stressed before leaving the house, insisting that we had to have our proper IDs or we would be screwed trying to enter Canada. It was a breeze. We got right in without any eye contact from the border guard. Okay... that was odd and I was sort of disappointed.

We made reservations to stay in Niagara Falls from the road in central Ontario, around London. Good thing we did too. The place was mobbed when we got there. The guy at the Info Centre (spelled it Canadian like, eh?) said that the past 9 nights every single room in town has been booked. He wasn't kidding. I've never seen that many people there. The hotel was a cheap and sleazy place called the Marco Polo, but it had an outdoor pool with little or no chemicals in it. The used some organic stuff, and it was much easier on the eyes. Geoff was a fiend in the water -- he swam for hours that night and the next morning.

This hotel also now owns three of our pillows. Two with matching white and brown cases and one with my favorite flannel case.

What the hell is wrong with us that we forget pillows when we travel?

Someone shoot me.

Anyway, back to our story. We spent that first afternoon looking at the falls and walking along the very crowded viewing area... and walking through an unbelievably crowded Clifton Hill. Niagara Falls is a great place to people watch. Every one from all over the planet comes there. It's somewhat affordable, the view is amazing. There's something for everyone... so it brings out the entire Indian family from Bombay and the Mennonite honeymooners from New Wilmington, PA.

The next morning we did the boardwalk down low after the falls but before the whirlpool. We'd never gone down there before. It was amazingly beautiful and scared the shit out of me at times. That water is so fast... I couldn't imagine falling in. Or my kids falling in. Meh. Nightmares.

My family, note the boy has to make a goofy face in pictures lately...	Doug has a tight grip on him...
There were a TON of these Mennonite girls and guys running around. They were all dressed EXACTLY the same, no variation. I told Doug that it must be the team uniform.
	Jessie is silly. And not a Mennonite
Me, looking sunburned and quite tired.	Me and my new boyfriend, My baby's daddy. The alien from my encounter.
A motorcycle went by and Geoff didn't like it.	Again, Jessie is silly.
	And it never fails. Everywhere I go. Something reminds me of CAL. A harmless tiny triceratops in a box filled with dinosaurs. And this one was all the way off by itself, away from the others. And all I could do was think of him.
Jessica leans over the railing at the boardwalk along the river...
A nice shot of the girl under the Whirlpool Bridge.	Daddy and Jessie examining the river...
Proof positive that once in a while my daughter is kind to my son. She held his hand and they walked together for all of a block.	Danger boy by the Danger sign...
	My turn to be subjected to picture taking...

The best part about Canada is this:

Yes, that sign on that bus bench says "Dial A Beer."

My kinda country! Jessica spotted this and laughed, and I agreed. Dialing a beer delivery is damn funny. So I had to get a picture of it.

The WORST thing about where we stayed was the TV coverage. They claimed to have cable. We think they HAD a cable in a box, and that was the cable they had. There were 13 stations on the TV, most of which were like FRENCH, and we weren't even in the Frenchy part of Canada, so that baffled us. Luckily for my cranky self Doug took the kids out to get icecream and I got cleaned up and this was on TV:

That's right ladies and gentlemen, That's Tom Brady. They were showing the Patriots Pre-Season game. So I got to thoroughly enjoy some football while splathering myself with cucumber and ginseng body lotion and relaxing sans children. The Patriots sucked majorly, but at least it wasn't French TV.

We spent the afternoon goofing off, and on our way out of town to cross back into the USA we went to see the humongous floral clock at the far end of Niagara Falls.

What a gyp.

They touted this floral clock as being so cool. It was dumb. We thought so at least. We were punchy and silly at that point, so it really could have been wicked cool but we were up to mocking something.

Doug yelled out "I don't appreciate your ruse!" from "Clerks" (Kevin Smith fans will get the reference) and we laughed and laughed at ourselves. The stupid thing is a million miles away from anything else remotely interesting. I pity the poor bastard who stays on Clifton Hill and rides a bike out there in the 90 degree heat just to see that stupid thing.

We crossed over into the USA again without being asked to show ID, but the customs guy made eye contact with both of us. Doug almost wanted to kill me for giving one wiseass answer to one of his questions:

Customs Dude: "What is your nationality?"
Doug: "American."
Customs Dude: "And you?" [looking at me]
Me: "American."
Customs Dude: [eyes the children in the back] "What are you bringing back with you?"
Doug: "A couple of t-shirts."
Me: "Memories."
Customs Dude: "Uh, you, smart asses pull over we're SO searching the CAR!" [radios for drug and bomb sniffing dogs].

But that last thing didn't happen. The guy didn't look amused though. It just kind of popped out. Sometimes I just can't help myself. Stupid things that I think are funny fly out of my face. I'm an ass.

We stopped at Virginia's house in upstate NY and met her husband and kids. It was a lovely visit. It is so funny to visit with someone you haven't laid eyes on since 1987 and feel like you saw them just last week. It was great to meet her husband (Doug was sort of embarrassed that I told him I think he looks like H.I. McDonough, if you know the reference...) and the kids had a blast playing together. Geoff and Andrew hit it off instantaneously, playing Toy Story with Andrew's Buzz Lightyear laser hand. Geoff talked about him for an hour after we left the house, and then passed out and slept all the way to Utica.

Heather smiling behind the suckie.	Jessie and Heather got along great. It was fun seeing Jessie play with a little one.
Andrew gives mamma Virginia a big hug in front of the blue house...	The two kindergarteners!

Virginia confessed to me that she owns a jogging stroller, mostly because her husband is so tall and those strollers work better for taller folk. Let me just say that I don't hate ALL people who own jogging strollers, my point was that this particular woman, using that particular item of yuppiedom was pissing me off fiercely in my last entry (return to it to read my bitchfest). I love Virginia... I doubt her husband would be a blonde jogging bimbo with a cell phone who doesn't look both ways when crossing the street. That woman did though and she incurred my wrath for that day.

We stopped for dinner and guestimated that it would take us at least another 4 hours to get home, it was already 8:30pm. We were tired. We were at a really nice restaurant called Jack Appleseeds, and they had Saranac IPA on draught. The food was delicious and filling. Before we knew it, we were checking into the Motel 6 across the street.

We moseyed home today after a fitful night's sleep and a morning of cartoons and reading in bed. We had a million pieces of mail. 957 email, of which 800 were offers to make Doug's penis bigger because I want it to be bigger and I'll leave him (according to the emails...) so I deleted them so as not to give him some sort of complex.

Our garden is beat to shit. Well, at least everything except the tomatoes. I guess it didn't rain once the whole time we were gone. I meant to tell Pete upstairs to water the flowers if he thought of it. The morning glories are growing up along the deck but the buds aren't opening. None of the sunflowers are open, but one is about 8 feet tall. The cherry tomatoes and the others are bursting out all over the garden. The squash and zucchini are dead. And the blue hydrangea? All but dead. I watered it liberally this evening and then let Geoff water himself liberally. I hope it rebounds. It was so pretty when we left.

Now it's nose to the grindstone to finish Professor MF's stuff and finish the two projects I have for Professor CM. We need a trip to the market and a trip to Walmart to get new pillows (cue Chris Farley pounding his forehead with the palm of his hand screaming "Stupid Stupid! STUPID!!!!!") Geoff has kindergarten open house on the 22nd. Jessica starts school a week from tomorrow. Then it is Labor Day. I wonder what we're doing that weekend???? Where's the summer gone?