Quiet, uneventful day...

Doug ordered the drywall for the ceiling today. It'll be here tomorrow. I'm spending the day cleaning the livingroom and prepping the work areas so we can put up the ceiling tomorrow. Yippie!

This week is flying past. Aside from the fact we were away Monday and it felt like a Sunday, which made Tuesday feel like a Monday... I'm confused. I realized that today is Thursday and I need to call some guy in California for the professor project at Salem State. The company whose services we are looking to use for the synchronous video/audio is changing their pricing structure and business plan this month, which could totally ruin the project. If it is going to cost us an arm and a leg, we can't pass the fees on to the students.

This could ruin the project, and all the work and planning she's done over the past several years will go right down the shitter. So I have to call today to see if they decided to let us ride through the fall semester for free, or pre-business plan change fees.

Jack has been a pretty good dog today, one house accident. He's starting to tell us when he needs to go outside, which is so cool. He's got Kinger playing tug of war with him, and seeing Kinger get into puppy mode on a daily basis is cracking my puppy lovin' shit right up. He's such a good dog... that Kinger. Glad to see him being a happy good dog.

Jack is sans collar right now though, due to the fact he ate through his up in Maine on the last night we were there, so another trip to PetCo is in our immediate future. Plus, we are out of doggie biscuits.

This afternoon, hippie farmer boy Geoff got a hair cut. Now he looks like conservative republican army boy Geoff.

Either way, hippie farmer or army boy, he's my baby and he's cute as hell. I love the fact his glasses are crooked in the Post Coif picture because it makes his left eye look smaller than the right, and the right eye looks maniacal. He's too cute for words, that boy. This morning he went out with me and the dogs, and we harvested black raspberries off the vine for pancakes. While we were away, the whole bush went mature, and so we've lost quite a bit of berries, again. Same thing happened last year while we were away in Arizona/Utah. So I want to get as many as I can now, and do stuff with them. Like bake.

We need a trip to the market, but I think I can stretch it out one more day. I'm feeling rather unmotivated to go there. Doug and Jessie are returning all our empty bottles and cans right now, I think I did it last a quarter ago, and it was a ton then. It's a ton now. Doug says "Jeeesh, how much beer do you drink!?" as he schleps the empties up the basement stairs.

Had a little help, honey.

The only other real news is we got back the report from the psychologist at the hospital who tested Geoff a few weeks back. Essentially, she recommends retesting him. I don't want to get too detailed into the report, so as to protect him somewhat from other people's opinions in the world... but the day of the test he was non-compliant so much so that his IQ came back as borderline (75).

She knows by working with him even for just a couple hours that it's a faulty result.

Her report didn't state anything I didn't already know, suspect, guess at, or feel in my gut. But it is helpful to me because it gives us really good guidelines on what to do and what we may want to consider (medication and therapy with a child psychologist).

I really think (and this is NOTHING against her, mind you, she's a very bright and wonderful person from what I can tell...) that she was really wimpy with Geoff. And we all know that being a pushover with this kid opens up the pandoras box of poor behavior. So I think that had a lot to do with his non-compliance on test day.

Someone more like the character of Dr. Emil Skoda on "Law and Order" (if you watch it) would have gotten better results with Geoff. I have no idea why wimpy, soft, mousy women go into child psychology. Geoff gave her little or no respect or regard when he was in there with her, because right off the bat he saw (and I saw) that she was a push over.

Dr. Skoda would have gotten him to comply easily. He's a great character, and I enjoy when he's on L&O.

No.	Yes.
Wimpy Psychological Counseling is bad, m'kay? Right Dr. Skoda?

But no. I get the "now Geoffrey, we need to use our respect voice in this room, okay" kind of doctor... not quite as ridiculous as Mr. Mackey on South Park ("Drugs are bad, kids. M'kay?") but still, not the strong hand he needs.

And the thing is, Geoff's going to run into this kind of soft authority figure in his life outside of this house until he does something really bad I bet. Then, he'll get his ass kicked, and by then, I would bet you a million dollars that he won't give a shit about consequences, repercussions, punishments. He'll end up like some singer of some thrash metal band.

Don't want to go down that route, ya know? So when it comes time to pick a psychologist, I'm looking for a man with a set of balls. No softies. No squishies. All about being understanding and tough with the boy. And I hope that it works. I'm not sure how I feel yet about medication... I think it would help a lot, but I feel as a culture we just throw pills at everything, and that perhaps Geoff's not nearly as bad as we think, he just needs some serious one-on-one teaching and training. Problem is, that isn't the case in daily life. I'd have to home school him and work with him constantly, which would bore him and piss him off. And public schools aren't equipped to deal with kids unless they take their meds.

Anyone out there with any real world experience or advice? Your own experience or that as a parent to a child with ADD with impulsiveness and possible hyperactivity?

Feel free to fire it over.

Anyway. I've got to get some more cleaning and work done before Doug and Jess get back. Have a super day. It sure has been here!

Doctors Appointment Redux

The trip to the doctor went as well as I think it could have. I think he's worn out from the test. The doctor was a very nice woman who reminded me an awful lot of a friend of mine's wife... only slightly older, a bit more dowdy and a lot less hip. So that was sort of creepy for me. Initially Geoff thought he was going to get blood work, but she explained that she doesn't do that... he was obsessed with it though and wanted blood work done. Kept talking about it too, which I had to explain away to her.

He didn't answer any of her initial questions -- did this kind of hedging thing where he'd avoid answering questions by giving bullshit answers, or "non-sequitors" as she called them. It became rather annoying. I left the room so she could start her testing, and after a half hour he came out on his own. She told me he was non-compliant, in every way shape and form. I volunteered to come back in and sit with him, reminded him that he wanted to go to Burger King after the test and the only way he was going to BK was if he got through it.

That made an impact.

I knew that he was going to give her heck, and it was just what I wanted because it showed her that I'm not insane in thinking there's something wrong with my kid which required behavioral testing.

Like the initial response to my inquiry by this hospital's staff MADE me feel. Thank you.

He made it through only one test. There was a second one that he could have taken for another hour after lunch, but the doctor and I decided it was pointless and he would be in complete rebellion if I brought him back after lunch... He had entered silly phase, and every answer to every question was a quote from Veggie Tales or from the Iron Giant. "Welcome to downtown coolsville, population us!" It was frustrating but the one test gave her something to go on and she'll be able to work up an analysis for me. She seemed positive and supportive, and very nice. Which made me feel less like a manilla folder in a filing cabinet. She deserves a thank you note.

So we left. She said she'd call me in about a week. She advised I set up time to meet with his kindergarten teacher to start looking at an Ed plan for him for the fall. We'll see what else she has to say. She said that auditory processing may be an issue, that ODD was something on the list based not on what she got to view but on his history.

I feel like a nap is in order. Unfortunately, Geoff is running around listening to Jimmy Eat World and yelling the words that he can figure out to "The Middle," his new favorite song, which, in his opinion "ROCKS STEADY!"

He's such a magnificent kid, and I'm hoping Jimmy Eat World has assessed the situation well in said song, ignoring the fact that he says "Little Girl," which you can read as me or change to Boy for Geoff:

"Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle, it'll up the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine,
Everything (everything) will be all right (all right)."

Everything will be all right, allright!

I met a really nice mom who has a six year old who was taking a reading screening... he has serious reading issues just like her daughter did only no one believed her when she talked to the teachers in first, second, third grades... so when she saw the same trend with her son, she flagged it (and he's at a different school so this group of teachers agreed). Her daughter has an anxiety disorder now because she is petrified she's going to do badly at something, after doing so badly for so long. She's finally gotten over the reading problems, but now is anxious about schoolwork because she is afraid the reading problems will come back again.

Poor thing.

So the mom and I had a good talk about language acquisition, reading, speech (her son has been seeing a speech therapist since he was three) and how happy she is so far with this hospital, the therapists and the testing. Sounds like she's been through the wringer. But she agreed that getting her kids seen in the first place was a bitch.

My good friend GPJ once told me after going through ADHD screenings for his own child, that the hospitals, the schools -- none of them have YOUR kid's best interests in mind. They want fewer patients, not more. They often will dismiss what you think is wrong. I'm glad that Doug is in on this family because he KNOWS the other side of the fence, and knows how to deal with the testing, the results, the findings, the doctors. He has written IEPs before. He isn't biased to Geoff's side at all, and in fact asked me repeatedly why I wanted to go through with this sort of testing, knowing that getting the knowledge is a pain in the ass.

We just baked brownies. I feel a cup of coffee, brownie and some chocolate almond ice cream pulling at my elbow, calling me with their sweet little voices. And I'm going to scan the radio dial until I find that Jimmy Eat World song for Geoff again. You can't go more than 5 minutes in the Boston airwaves without getting it. It'll make him a happy camper.

Oh, in non-Geoff news, Jessica's birthday is Tuesday, so she told everyone at school she was having a party.

Great.

Doug and I had alternate plans, where we were going to take her, Natalie, A. and T. to the movies to see "Spirit," and then have dinner out somewhere, like Macaroni Grille or TGI Fridays or something. We wanted it to be a surprise. We told her we had something planned and that she should just shut up and not worry about it. She jumped to the conclusion that it was going to be a party after school. So already two moms have called me about it.

What the .... ooooooh! Kid!!!

So we told her what the surprise was. Told her to go back to school today and apologize to EVERYONE and let them know there is indeed no party. I'm still waiting to hear back from T's mom as to whether or not she can go. Truthfully, I'd prefer it to be just Natalie and A., but we'll see what pans out.

I don't really WANT to see "Spirit." It is probably one of those "White men expanding to the west are evil, and indians and horses are better" things... and I'm so tired of the widely pitched White People Suck theme. But the girls only see the "horses are cool" aspect of the film. In many ways they are being undermined and brainwashed completely into seeing that westward expansionism which gave us California and Arizona and the like (which would have belonged to the Japanese if the Battles of Midway and Coral Sea hadn't worked out the way it did, but I totally digress...), and they'll get a negative message in the end.

Feh.

I want to see a movie where there are GOOD people trying to build this country. For a change. They tried that a little in Pocahantas, but most of the whities were just opportunistic and greedy jackasses.

I hate kid movies. Except Brave Little Toaster and Iron Giant (which has an anti-gun message, but it is an important one, because it defines the giant in the long run. If you've not seen it. Please do).

So that's our birthday plan. I know she wants her own CD player, but I have to find out what CDs she'd want to go with. Stupid kid, turning 10 on me.

Doctor Appointment

When Geoff was in school we decided that he needed to be behaviorally tested. We made some phonecalls, got bossed around by bitchy hospital secretaries, begged for an appointment, finally got one even though this one particular bitch claimed that the "doctor says" annd the "doctor indicates" that Geoff doesn't need behaviorally assessed, he needs to see a psychiatrist.

Well, I'd agree with that if I had some sort of behavioral test to take with me to the psychiatrist, bitch. Give us an appointment.

Today is the day of the appointment. 10am in Salem. Our family practitioner really wanted us to go here, and for some reason they didn't want to see us. When I called our doctor's office back after dealing with the initial bullshit, she was angry and called THEM.

We got the appointment.

Geoff is getting dressed and told me he'll do everything the doctor asks him to do. He's actually really excited about this.

But here's the thing... in the last several weeks, his behavior has improved markedly, I'd say 10 fold. He's more obedient, blows up only when really really tired, has learned to control his temper, express his feelings without throwing things. He's doing really well. Doug doesn't think we need to go through with any testing at this point. My rationale is that he's great NOW because I'm home with him, we've been working on his behavior management, he's happier than he was 5 months ago. What happens when he needs to go back to school, and NOT be with mommy all day.

Hmmm?

Will the same behaviors rear their collective fugly heads? Will he turn back into Angry Geoff? What can we expect? I'd like to have a CORE eval done, and then figure out which direction we need to move in.

We shall see what happens. I will of course blab my heart out here. Don't I always?

Pencil Stabbing Freak

In light of Geoff's behavior over the past couple of months, I just read this news story and it kind of unnerved me. Is this our future? I think the pudding throwing kid could have done this, and I don't doubt that Geoff is capable.

Meh! I'm not psyched about the possibilities. Geoff's behavior has improved markedly in the past couple of weeks, but once he gets into a school situation again, I can hardly imagine what he may do. Read on... and pray for this kid and my kid. [Emphasis added below is mine].

ANTHONY, Fla. A 7-year-old boy has been charged with aggravated battery, a felony, for allegedly stabbing four elementary school classmates with a pencil after he was asked to share his crayons.

No one was seriously hurt during Tuesday's incident about 70 miles north of Orlando, police said.

The boy began yelling during class after he was asked to share his crayons, police said. The 7-year-old then began chasing students and stabbed a classmate in the back, causing a puncture mark. The boy also stabbed three other children, causing red marks, authorities said.

"Everyone went ballistic," Kristin Irvin, the substitute teacher overseeing the class, told the Ocala Star-Banner. "All the other students were afraid of him. He was making threats."

The boy said he stabbed his classmates because he "didn't like them," police said.

...

The boy has had discipline problems in the past but has never attacked other students, school officials said.

...

In January, an 8-year-old boy at another Marion County school, Fessenden Elementary, was arrested after school officials said he stomped on his principal's toe.

The stomping on the principal's toe thing is kinda funny. I mean, principals ask for it sometimes. Principals should get combat bonuses in certain schools. But this is kind of scary to think that a kid is going to go ape and stab people with a pencil.

Geoff got mad at a kid who picked on him one day but waited three days to punch him in the nose when the kid didn't expect it. I sure hope we can have his behavior in full control by the time he starts school for real.

He has an appointment June 5 to see a behavioral neurologist and have a CORE evaluation done. They told me they didn't think they needed to see him, I argued back and said he did need to see them because I needed to start the screening process.

They recommended we take him to a psychiatrist. I agree. He should be seeing someone. And we're waiting to hear back from a few people, notably our insurance company, as to whom we should see. I'll keep you posted.

Seriously though, his behavior has been so much better since I've been home. So getting laid off was more of a blessing than I ever think I could have admitted or accepted before. Let's hope he keeps up the good work.

When I was subbing, (note, the teacher above was a sub as well. I feel her pain; I wore her pudding) I noticed that compasses don't have points anymore.

They have these dull, stubby, metal tips which look absolutely useless.

When I was in school, back in the days of dangerous playgrounds, hooded sweatshirts with strings and no seatbelt laws, compasses had these two-inch long death points which were awl-sharp, eye-piercing in appearance and shape.

I always thought then, and still think now, that they were the most dangerous classroom based instruments aside from the Bunsen Burner, which I later grew to fear greatly.

I remember dropping a compass on the top of my foot in elementary school one day while wearing sandals. I recall the point puncturing the flesh, the swift pain and astonishment, and seeing the spot of dark red blood appear around the tip.

My teachers always had band-aids in class, I remember getting my share of them over time.

We used to have to put cardboard under the paper when drawing circles because they would damage the desks.

These things were wicked. I am not amazed that someone finally said "Jesus H. Christmas, lookie here at these dangerous math and science related tools!" The new ones don't look like they require cardboard to stay on the page. They look like they'll slide all over if you go to whip up a good circle... but at least, they are now less dangerous than the old Ticonderoga Number Two. I wonder what they'll do next for kid protection in the class. Pencils = Death.

I shouldn't joke.

What kids think I should be; ticks on the dog

Doug woke up at 7:35 or so this morning, usually that's the time he's walking out the door.

He was mad because he didn't set the alarm or someone turned it off. I pointed out to him that I heard him hit snooze twice, and then I didn't hear anything after that.

Suffice to say, he was very late.

Geoff was sitting on the couch. He'd been awake for a little while, long enough to get the TV turned on and go to the bathroom. The fact he didn't come in to wake us up made me sad. I'd gotten used to the 6:30am crawl that he'd do, up into the bed with the pig, smelling warm and sleepy... I think that phase of our relationship is either over or suspended.

Doug rushed to get ready, I got the kids ready and knew I'd be taking Geoff to school. He was amazingly cooperative when I asked him to dress, clean up his dishes from breakfast, get his shoes and socks, get his backpack.

Geoff and I went to his school and I sat down on the rug with him to tie his shoes and say a quick prayer with him to get his morning going on a positive note.

Within a split second I was surrounded by four or five preschoolers, about 4 years in age, all telling me that they are puppies or kittens or babies for the game of "house" they were playing right there in the reading nook. I expressed interest in finding out who was a puppy or a kitten.

Next thing I know I'm there for about 45 minutes with kids taking turns sitting on my lap, reading stories, talking about favorite colors, finding out how one girl's grampa died last month, who lost a pet, who lost an uncle. Kids this age usually volunteer this kind of information willingly, to anyone who makes eye contact with them. You get a life story, a complete "Did you know my dad likes to watch football?" kind of thing.

I'm that kind of an adult. Doug is too. For some reason, we are kid magnets, always have been. I remember going over our friend G&K's and their little boy I became attached to Doug like nobody's business. We were amazed.

Some little kids hang back a bit, but when they see four or five others, they creep closer and begin to spill their guts on whatever the topic is. First it was favorite colors, then death, then uncles and aunts who live far away (I told them how Geoff's Aunt moved to Florida and they all have been to Florida at least once), then who has gone to Disney World, who was in a wedding... it wasn't going to stop. The teachers seemed amused, the director kept popping her head in to see what I was doing, and was laughing that I had such an audience.

One little girl, cute as can be, was missing her bottom front tooth. I was surprised and asked her when it fell out. She was three and she tripped and hit her face on the side of the coffee table in her house, and the tooth fell out. It's been gone ever since.

"What are you doing today?"
"Are you staying here with us?"
"You should take your coat off."
"You have gum on the bottom of your boot."
"Why are you wearing winter boots?"
"What kind of job do you have?"
What kind of JOB do I have?"

Uh, well.

"I don't have a job right now. I'm looking for a new one... any suggestions?"

Well, of course. These four year olds are very opinionated.

"You should be a teacher here. You'd make a great teacher. You are very friendly and Geoff already goes here so you should be our teacher," said one girl followed by several nods of agreement and big, hungry smiles. Aaah, a victim to lure into our lair they seemed to say, with their tiny teeth showing and eyes glinting in the fluorescent lighting... vampires these kids are. Vampires!

"How do you know I'd be a good teacher?" I asked.

"You sit on the floor," said another girl, "and you look like a good teacher, and Geoff is really smart."

Hmmmm. Geoff is really smart. That's the most positive feedback I've heard on him from anyone in a few months, from a four year old at that... So I must be doing a good job teaching him, according to this little girl. Okay. Let's keep going.

"You can be a mommy teacher. A mommy who works here and is a teacher like this mommy and that mommy and her mommy..." they were still hung up on the idea that I should be a teacher. I finally got them to move on from teaching.

"I think you should be a fire fighter."

"Why do you think I should be a fire fighter? That's a really hard job."

"You look like you could drive a fire truck really fast and you look really strong so you can rescue people from burning buildings when they can't breathe and they fall down."

Not bad... nice suggestion. I look strong too. I like how kids these days don't see gender as an issue when picking jobs for someone. Keep going...

"You can be a farmer."

"A farmer? What would I do on the farm?"

"You can work on a barn (note, on a barn is what the kid said... not in a barn or on a farm. On a barn. How funny is it when kids are still acquiring language) and you can take care of the horses and they'll listen to you."

Great suggestions, but I'm not in shape enough to be a fire fighter and I bet mucking stables doesn't pay more than unemployment.

So I got some good suggestions from kids. I doubt I will follow any of the career paths suggested, but

---

Jessica has the MCAS test today, and didn't remind me, so I didn't get her up early enough for breakfast... I threw a granola bar to her on her way out of the door.

There goes her academic future... she'll fail miserably and her "young girl dreams of Vassar" will vanish (to steal from Lisa Simpson).

Kidding. She'll do wonderfully. Last week they spent a whole day doing a "practice" run for today, which I found appalling... that they would spend a whole fucking day practicing to take a test. It's a full day test with a break for lunch and a snack break during the morning and afternoon. It has caused a lot of grief here in the state of Massachusetts, parents and kids all up in arms about the test. Failure to pass the one that you take in high school prevents you from graduating.

The first phase of MCAS that she took last year she scored in the 98th percentile I do believe. I think that it was reading comprehension. I don't recall what it is (way to keep up on the parenting here, Chris...) The rest of her class was in the 96th for average. So the school here is doing an amazing job with the kids. The pass rate for MCAS in our district is very good. I had to take very similar tests in New York State when I was growing up, I distinctly remember them. I remember not answering the questions but just filling in circles in a pattern. I tried to make a flower out of all the dots without checking two circles in the same line, which would be bad. No lie.

I'm surprised as hell they didn't pull me in and say "what the hell is this? A 10th percentile?"

I'd have admitted it to them if they did ask. I was bored, the tests were stupid and boring. I wonder if I accidentally filled out every single right answer. Regardless, I made it out of the elementary school and in high school took the test correctly, and obviously did well, but have no idea what my scores were. In New York, the test was a general Regents test... and then there were Advanced Placement tests. A ton of my friends were in AP classes, I took AP English, which I was told I didn't belong in by some of the teachers, but I loved English. My grades weren't great, but I stuck with it. When I took the AP test, I got a four. Yup. Highest grade you could get was a five. Ha. Made you think for a second I got four out of 100. Proudest achievement of my academic career was the four on the AP English test.

I have no worries about her, with or without breakfast, she'll shine. She isn't worried or stressed, for her, it's just another day. Some kids freak out when presented with just the concept of a test. Not her... She loves tests.

When Doug was in graduate school, he would bring tests home for preschool and early elementary school aged children and practice administering them on Jessica. He had to get the flow down, how to turn the pages, how long to give a kid, how to score the tests... and he had a willing subject in her. She loved it.

One test that he gave her corresponds very closely to an IQ test... the score you get is limitless, and is supposed to pretty much equal what your IQ is. She got a 174 on the test. Doug thought maybe he did something wrong in grading it. So after a few weeks he gave it to her again. The second time she got a 170.

"I'm afraid," said Doug to me as he held the scoring sheet. "I'm terribly afraid."

---

Geoff wouldn't sit still for the pre-preschool tests, which Doug took as a bad sign right from the start. He still doesn't sit and test well.

I sent in the paperwork to have him screened by a behavioral neurologist at a local hospital to see if he has anything that can be diagnosed. I don't want to stick a label on the kid, like "Oh, he's O.D.D. [what a great acronym, eh? Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Like kids aren't screwed up enough and they find out they are odd...]

I want to find out what we can do to work with him, if he needs medication or not. If it is strictly behavioral... and find out now. Doug has kind of dragged his feet on this, but the past week has shown that we have to get a handle on what's going on in his little head. So I'll be sure to keep people posted.

We got a great book called "The Explosive Child," which was recommended to Doug by his school psychologist. Doug is reading it now and is almost done, and yesterday he did a few things which he read in the book to diffuse Geoff's temper when we asked him to do something and he fought back. It was almost like magic... Geoff stopped the arguing, and did exactly what we needed him to do. I couldn't believe it.

One thing that we're both applying to Geoff is something that Doug shared with me last night -- never try and out yell your child. Your child will always win, and will piss you off and frustrate you and you will then lose your temper. Never try to out yell... which I always try and do. What I've been doing instead of yelling is talking softer and setting up the consequences. By talking softer, Geoff has to stop yelling to hear me. Then he hears the message. Bingo - he gets it.

Wow.

I never thought I could learn something new but there ya go.

We'll keep you posted on Geoff... pray for him if you pray. He can use all the mojo he can get.

---

It is tick season.

Last week I was sitting on the couch and noticed a lump right between Kinger's eyes. It was a tick. I pulled it out, dashed him with a swab of alcohol, and then sent him on his way. Doug later pulled one out from his cheek.

The next day I had him pinned down on the floor and was pulling and picking all over his big furry body... I got 20 frigging ticks off that dog. Twen-teee. Good gracious.

So now I am constantly checking his furry bod. He's got thick heavy fur, so you have to get your fingers in there tight and close to the skin and crawl around, which he absolutely loves. I brushed him twice this week, going against the grain, looking at the skin as the brush passed. He's never been so well groomed. I called the vet to get some tick medicine, which normally we don't put on him until May, but the incredibly mild winter has obviously benefited the tick population.

I think I'll take him swimming today because he can't go swimming for about 24 hours after the medicine is put on his back... and you know this dog loves to swim. So have a great day, stay on the look out for ticks, and enjoy the nice day (if you are in New England) before the rain comes tomorrow