Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise

Because of the election coverage today, and the nature of our jobs, my boss did some creative time shifting of our team's schedules for today and tomorrow. 

I worked 9am-1pm today, then time shifted with1pm-5pm off. Back at it at 5 until 9pm. To be honest, I like the big block of no work in the middle of the day. To be honest through, it would have been no big deal to work through, make dinner at 5 or 6, and then come back to work with the elections coverage. 

Ending at 9pm felt a little early, so I did not. I didn't stop paying attention. Laptop still on lap, watching the East, Central, Mountain time zone reports coming in. 

Our teams work on web widgets to show election results. I love how hard the team works and makes things. We test them, we put them out, we trust our clients to use them, and tonight we have folks on hand to help if things go wrong. Me being one.

I worked long past 9, watching the results flow in, watching my colleagues working so hard, checking the helpdesk tickets, worrying about the website handling all the requests, worried about the traffic, hoping things didn't break. Chatting with the team. And feeling really sad. 

And I was thinking about songs that bring me solace. Lots of Guster songs obviously. And in my sad I thought of a song by the Avett Brothers, here for you below: 

There's a darkness upon me that's flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what's wrong and what's right
And it comes in black and it comes in white
And I'm frightened by those that don't see it 

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected
If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it

Scott and Seth are right. Decide what to be and go be it. 

Be happy, Be kind, Be amazing, Be loving and supportive, Be the best person you can ever be. And I have a head full of doubt tonight but know we're on a road full of promise if we're on it together. 

This was a long day. And it'll be a long day tomorrow. And it'll be a long 4 years. But come with me. Let's decide what to be and go be it. Let's get out of bed tomorrow. 

And as Guster sings, "Onward..."

 Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. forgot to start my fitbit to count the treadmill time, Kicked it in 2 min late. after I started, fitbit reports, 31 minutes/1.30 miles.  10k + steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:45am: 187
5pm: 188
10pm: 191

food:
coffee/water
10:30: everything bagel with onion/chive cream cheese
11am: Metformin
12pm: bowl of mac & cheese w/bacon, extra queso dip mixed in.
6pm: metformin+jardiance; bowl of rice topped w/thai sauced chicken and asparagus
High Noon seltzer (it is election night, after all)
7-8pm: 2 giant bowls of popcorn
9pm: 2 baby bell cheeses

I was not going to vote

I live in a county where in 2020 Biden/Harris absolutely brutally crushed Trump/Pence. The dems won Maryland in 2020 with over 60% of the vote. And it appears, unless something wacky happens, it'll happen again this year. 

The vote by mail ballots arrived, and Doug filled his out and sent it, laughing that it doesn't make a difference who he voted for. Robert F. Kennedy is still on the ballot, so for shits and giggles, one could vote for that Class A moron just to vote for someone and maybe send a message of "you gave us rotten cheese A and rotten cheese B to pick from so we choose rotten cheese C. (That guy is particularly insane and dangerous, an absolute monster). 

I sat looking at my ballot for days, and finally filled it out today. I dropped it at the post office, it is being sent Express Mail by law because your girl can't get out of her own way to do a thing. So I've actively spent government money foolishly. There is allegedly a ballot drop box near the post office but I couldn't find it at all. 

If I wanted my vote to count, it may not be counted until later this week or some shit, but, that costly piece of paper went out into the world. And it is done.

I'm not a fan of either candidate, I'll be absolutely honest. 

But in my heart of hearts, deep in my little baby soul, I can't abide by Donald Trump returning to the presidency. I just can't. 

Every day he says and does things that make me want to just walk up to people who support him and ask "how. How can you support this. Did you hear what that man just said? Did you actually hear it. Do you not understand that he's not a stand up comedian. This is not funny."

I may feel like Harris says a lot of words and maybe is making a lot of promises and pledges and there's a lot of Idiot Wind coming out of her. But. 

She spends a lot of time saying "I'm not Joe Biden," when people ask her about Biden initiatives and horrible dumb things his administration has done. Which is the wrong answer. Own the stuff you've been part of for 4 years. Instead, the far more important thing is she's not Trump. 

And so yeah. She got my vote. My one vote that in my county is just going to rack up to a giant ass whooping on Trump. And I wish every county would contribute to a giant ass whooping on him but so many places are 49% to 49%, and what the hell. Where's the margin of error. I feel like my conscience is better for this choice. And I'm okay with that. 

Once upon a time, I thought myself conservative. Heck, I thought myself libertarian until libertarians went completely stone cold bonkers crazy off the deep end, and then conservatives invaded the Capitol Building in what I honestly see as an insurrection. 

I can't.

I can't anymore with these people, and four years of this president - again - I don't think I'm going to be able to maintain my sanity. 

And also yeah - it's true, for all the "whataboutism" things that people spew at me, I can't with the Antifa protesters and people taking over cities like Portland Oregon and college campuses. I can't with those motherfuckers either. 

I feel like those people are who I was maybe when I was 18. I may not have ever taken place in any sort of sit-in or occupy the college administration building and make demands civil or uncivil disobedience movement. But I feel I could have been talked to, educated, reasoned with, participated in dialog with. 

Not sure the vast majority of Trump fans can. 

Of all the people I've blocked on FB recently, all of them are Trump groupies. Not a single person I know who is not a Trump person has garnered a block. Because they're not constantly vomiting up their love and adoration for Harris or anyone else, in the horribly misogynistic, racist, disgusting ways some of them have.  

I've blocked some good people, family members, some old friends. I'll wait a couple weeks and unblock them to see if it is safe but if it is anything like 2020 some folks will stay blocked. 

For the most part, my peace of mind is better. If they just went back to posting about sports, their kids/grandkids, music, their pets... life would be fine. But just as much as I can't stand hearing from Trump, I can't stand hearing from the peanut gallery. And I'm fine with that. 

I voted. Like I said, in my county, it doesn't matter. I don't have to stand in line for hours. I don't have to do a single thing now, but wait.

With the rest of you.

Digits below.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. no walk, 6k by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:45am: 188
xpm: forgot to take a reading
10pm: 210 (see late metformin and apple) 

food:
coffee/water
9:30am: giant chocolate chip cookie
11am: metformin
12:30pm: grilled turkey & gouda on oat nut bread
6pm: 2 cluck pucks, on rolls, 
8pm: metformin+jardiance; apple w/pb 

The Daylight Saving Switch Hangover

I did not drink alcohol last night. But I feel like I have an epic hangover. Sick to my stomach, pounding headache, lethargy, foggy brain. Dehydrated, dry mouth, shakey. And it happens every year. Doug asked if I think I am getting sick but no. This is par for this course. 

It's just an hour. Why does this impact me so badly. 

No real entry today. I barely ate, did nothing fun. We were going to go to DC for plant swap at the brewery but I just could not rally. 

I may even call out tomorrow. 

Meh.

Digits below. 

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. 17 min. .5 mile walk inside. 5k steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

9:45am: 165
5pm: 143
9pm: 200 

food:
coffee/water
noon: metformin
a lot of Tea & Lemon
6:30pm: slice of french bread pizza (thanks for cooking, Geoff)

Tangy and Brown Cider Town

I didn't feel like doing an entry yesterday. 

I was incredibly tired, with a banging headache. So much so I was worried I had covid. I had a call with a client at 2pm that absolutely drained my energy.  There's a long, bad history with this guy going back to our Boston office that I won't write in detail about here. But suffice to say when my Work Bestie told me he wanted a call, and a demo of our content management system, we both inserted many "why" and "sobbing" emojis into our discussion. 

I did the call. 

I was gracious and friendly, even though it took him less than 5 minutes to bring up my former boss and how they 'didn't see eye to eye,' and all the troubles the team, "MY" wonderful team gave him. I thought for sure there's no way this guy does not remember me. But after a while I thought yeah, he does not. 

Continuing to be gracious and friendly, I set expectations about what our product does and let him talk and talk and show me the things their website does. "We need to set ourselves apart from our geographical neighbors, and all their websites look the same, and our brand has to look completely different and unique." 

Fair. But there are ways to do this, and why do you feel this way when 5 other geographical neighbors are also geographical neighbors to the other sites, and they seem to be working just fine with websites that "look" similar. They all have a very unique flavor. There are ways to make you stand out. 

I didn't get to demo the back-end of the product at all because he just would not let me get a word in edgewise. His content manager was on the call, and very interested not so much in the "what are we going to lose" if we move onto your content management system but "what are we going to gain." 

I wanted to talk to that guy so much. Because honestly, the couple things you'll lose do not outweigh the many things you'll gain. 

After the call, I took an almost 2 hour nap. I didn't intend to - I just wanted to lay down for a bit, close my eyes, but. The windows were open, it was cool and comfortable in the guest room, and Toffee was a little baked potato of comfort next to me. 

Part of me really hopes this client does not come into our fold. Please do not. Since you left our services, I've not thought of you, have not been stressed out by you. I've enjoyed working with not you. 

But another part of me recognizes that we can give him more than what he's currently getting, even if he has to give up a cool widget that makes an ocean wave motion (even if they're not on the coast, i don't know why he thinks this is so important....) 

I get to schedule a follow up call next week to actually do the demo of the product and test drive them around. 

The nap was good for my brain, the company was very nice. Golden Hour Toffee.

Jess came up last night to grab their car, go back to DC, load up their things they brought with them (laptop, monitor, duffel bag, many things for three weeks of a stay) and then bring the car back to our house. There was no parking available for their car where they house-sat so I'm glad we're close enough that they could keep the Subi here, and not worry about it. We're in a rather safe neighborhood, with tons of parking, so I was comfortable and confident having it here with us. 

Because none of us had gone to the market for anything, and we ordered Chinese food on Halloween, we didn't have dinner stuff handy. Initially we'd thought about going to the Brewery and eat at the food truck, but I had no energy to do so. I hadn't even showered. I sent Geoff to the market to get stuff for dinner and Jess arrived. 

Jess pointed out that this timing was actually good, they could take their car back to the city, temporarily park in the neighbors' spot, load up the car and bring it back, and then eat. 

Perfect. 

We ate a late dinner and watched a bunch of Bob's Burgers Halloween episodes. All super quality. The absolute best. Here's a list from Vulture, and I have to agree with the top 3. Perfection. I was really super tired by 10 and decided to turn in so Doug took Jess to the train and I was out cold before they texted me that they were "home at Coco's house."

I was already sad and missing them, and maybe that's why I'm so tired. I deal with sad in weird ways. 

I woke up before 1am, shockingly (not) and went to the guest room. Windows open, soft breeze, actually required the big purple blanket. Toffee eventually joined me. I started several podcasts and fell asleep before the ends of them. Repeatedly. 

Because Jess mentioned the goal was to "depart in a single digit number hour," I thought (ha) they'd be here by 9. I set an alarm clock for 9:30. They texted me to say they were getting on the metro - it took a little while to get tidied up and prepare the house for the folks coming home today. Plenty of time to wake up. 

I took a shower (note: when you feel shitty sometimes just take a shower, the hot water and heat can just make you feel more human). Jess got here at about 10:30. 

What was so great about the past couple weeks is that it would take literally an hour or 90 minutes for them to get here. And we weren't up each other's asses with "come for dinner, let's do this, let's go here, do you wanna..." The first full week and weekend Jess had all the autonomy they wanted. They love getting away from the roommates, and staying with someone's animal/s and this was precious time for them. 

But as mom, precious time for me, too. I'm glad we had the one brewery trip, and Halloweening, and dinners, and just basic hanging out. I'm glad they got to meet our neighbors and their insane pittie pupper. I'm glad there was ample cuddle time with Miss Toffee. 

And I'm sad to see them go. They left a little before noon, and I hope they make it by 9pm to the next destination. They're house sitting some more, for a colleague of a colleague (they've house sat for this lady for well over a year now) on Cape Cod. Jess will take Grandma out to lunch on Saturday next week, and I think they'll be there for Thanksgiving too. 

We talked about when the next time is I'll see them. Probably Christmas if I go up to be with Shirley. Most likely Christmas and I will go up and see Shirley. 

After Jess left, Doug and I went for a ride up north of us to a farm stand. He had read about how they have some of the best apples in the area. It's a very low-key not fancy place, and we got some cider, two big bags of apples, gawked at the dutch apple pie and some of the baked goods. 

It was a nice trip, and I thought we'd go do more things after the farm stand but Doug wanted to come home and have some cider and take a nap. Oh, okay. I showered for this. Anticipated a little more, but. 

Pictures of farm stand junk. Everything was so colorful, and I had to grab snaps.

We killed the half gallon of cider (with Geoff's help) in a matter of minutes.  Doug went to nap, and I messed with Pictures and Pokemon, and took Toffee for a very brisk and energetic walk. 

Digits below the last farm stand photo. Digits below.

Friday digits

exercise: 8/12 hours. Missed a couple, 2pm because of a meeting 5 and 6 because of a nap, 7 because i didn't feel like it. 3600+ steps by bedtime

blood glucose:

9am: 154
5pm: 130
11pm: 183 

food:
coffee/water
10am: english muffin w/pb
12:45pm: metformin
5pm: pb sandwich on oat nut bread
8pm: bowl of baked ziti, heavy on the meat sauce, 2 pieces of garlic bread
8:30pm: Metformin+Jardiance

Saturday digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. 17 min/ 0.7mile walk with toffee. 7k by bedtime.

blood glucose:

10am: 184
5pm: 183
10pm: 145 

food:
coffee/water
11:30am: BLT Salad
12:30pm: metformin
2pm: a whole bunch of Apple cider (label said it is very high in sugar. oops) w/a little white rum
5:30pm: left over Cod and shrimp w/broccoli
5:45pm: metformin+jardiance
6:15pm: pb sandwich on oat nut bread
8pm: one giant chocolate chip cookie

It happens every year

Previously here in the blog, I've mentioned how Doug's mom refers to Trick-or-Treaters as "Halloweeners" and it is my favorite thing. I mentioned this to Jess the other night and they had no idea she calls them that. So it was a big laugh. Heh. Halloweeners.

We were at the hardware store the other day and they had so many cute and fun Halloween things. I don't really need one of those yards, full of inflatables and spooky things, but ya know. A fun ghost here and there. Bats or some shit.in a tree. Just a couple. But I never buy them. 

I bought a cute hat and necklace, and that was ... well. It.

I don't have costume things. I had a cool witch hat but hell if I can't find it now. I had some big plastic pumpkins that were fun to put strings of white lights in and set out on the porch. 

Living here in the DC area, I have looked over the past few years of Halloween and it has been really fun for us here. Tonight was pretty great.

We ran out of candy for the first time in a long long time. 

Well, Doug ate a lot of it. But. He insists only a little. I think it was 1/3 of what we bought. Not worth an argument, eh?

So many kids, so much fun. Dogs and kids and friends. It felt really good for halloweeners. 

I took Jess to the metro and they missed the last train. What world class city has zero trains from the suburbs beyond 11:30pm, I ask you. Jesus. 

We came back to the house and I got them an uber because I had too much wine to actually be a responsible drive my kid back to DC person. Realizing now this will publish on 11/1 and I should maybe make a 2 day post but. It is all good. 

Here's a pic of my neighbors R and J with their friends, with nothing but love for the Samhain and Halloween night. Digits below for 10/31 indeed.

digits

exercise: 12/12 hours. 18 min/ .72 mile walk around the yard; 7100+ by bedtime

blood glucose:

8:45am: 172
xpm: n/a forgot to test in the afternoon
11:30pm: 167 

food:
coffee/water
11am: Some sort of omelet disaster (not enough egg, too many ingredients) so let's call it a cheesy scramble. Chorizo, mushrooms, red onion, spinach, 2 eggs, some shredded mexican cheddar.
noon: metformin
2:15pm: Apple w/pb
6 something pm: some chinese food, not a lot
7pm: metformin+jardiance
wine