Life is Just a Fantasy

"Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?"-Aldo Nova

Doug is having a fantasy.

Based on the discussion with his mom in the other entry, he has had it in his mind that he needs a real vacation.

As mentioned, he thought he'd take a week, and go up to help, and that would be his vacation.

"I was gonna vacation in XYZ Township but now I guess I'm not!" he declared loudly after the phone call.

Kind of a good thing because I am way past wanting to take vacation time doing manual labor for others.

She lives close enough that we could leave on a Friday after work, it's still light out by the time we're safely out of the woods and mountains (Western Maryland is scary dark and I'm always worried about breaking down out there in the middle of nowhere). Then we could be home around dinner time on Sunday. Or even take a Monday off. I do not mind that.

But 5 days worth of my blessed vacation time, Lord have mercy, no. So now he's thinking we need to go away. Just go somewhere. And here's his fantasy.

• Fly somewhere. Like... Vegas
• Rent an RV
• Camp in the RV
• Get easy to make foods for ourselves, or take-out on the road in different places
• Stops along the way based on mileages: Reno (I have a friend there and a drive-by Social Distance greeting would be a blessing. Ashland, OR, where we did a semester in college in 1988. Would love to see that place again
• End up in Astoria to see Aaron and Serena and the baby that is due any day now
• Drive to Portland, return the RV, come home

It is a reasonable plan, I think.

A different idea, we can fly into Phoenix, see my aunt and uncle for a couple days, maybe Amy Reb, and then fly to Portland from there, and maximize people time instead of road time.

Doug likes the maximum road time aspect because we won't be exposed to anyone for too too long, just ourselves. I'm more inclined for the people time and just be incredibly safe and clean and careful.

Like, not even stay in my aunt and uncle's house - stay at a hotel away from them. Stay at Aaron's mom's cottage across the street (if she's not there post-baby). Or a hotel. I'm willing to stay at a hotel and be away from them physically. But be there nearby. Do some dishes. Spend time with their daughter as I'm sure this will all be so huge on her. Run to the grocery store. Help like the best man in the wedding is supposed to help with future life events.

Part of me also knows how bad I'll want to snuggle that baby so hard when it gets here. And I'll pretty much keep my distance, though it will break my heart. But I'll survive.

And no matter what we do, we'll be exposed to people. No matter what. But I do know, we need to get away.

I thought going to Pittsburgh would be easier for us too, with Brodie Dog being in her condition.  She's doing somewhat alright, mostly sleeps, poops on her dog bed on the overnight but it is always like super solid and easy to clean up. I can't believe I just admitted to the world that my dog poops in the house - but to be honest, it's like... no big deal. And she doesn't even know she's done it. And sometimes we don't either. She has no urge to let us know she needs to go, she just poops.

She goes out twice a day right now to pee. The only time it is weird is night time when we go to bed, and then she paces in here and falls down... The pacing thing has been a constant for months now. But at least with the living room rug, she gets traction, doesn't fall too hard, and can get back up.

I feel it is kind of unfair to leave Geoff home alone with her to care for her by himself and just deal with this. So I was willing to stay here and have the boys go up and do things for Mom.

A really big trip out west, well, 10 days of us leaving him with her... I'm not sure how well both of them would do.

If it was Jess, I've got no concern that it would all be okay. I have no idea why I trust them more than Geoff. It's just a mom thing, I guess? I don't know. He's not going to hurt her, or get mad at her... maybe I'm just being unreasonable and he'll do great? He did fine with her at the beginning of June when we went away overnight.

But still, this is a lot. Well, not right now. This right here:

(Oh, I just noticed there is a little kibble of doggie food right by her face which makes this even slightly more pathetic, if possible).

I mean, basically this is what she does. She tries to stand up and struggles so the harness is very helpful in getting her up. Most of the time we let her struggle but encourage her and watch her. Her  leg strength is getting worse so if we always help her, it'll deteriorate even faster.

Getting up a few times a day is a big workout.

The hard part is the going up and down the stairs outside to pee.

Down works out alright, holding the harness usually means she gets to the bottom upright. On the way up though she tries to get a running start, and sometimes wipes out 2 steps up. If you're not right there to grab her - she can go straight back down.  I try to stand right behind her and grab her ass, hold her up. She fell so hard the other day, right off the steps and into the flower bed, and I could not get her out. She looks stunned and surprised, and just stays still - it is heartbreaking for me to see.

But I've got some considerations that make my face wrinkle a little bit.

Work-wise, I'm not sure how I'll fit in a full week and maybe a day or two on the opposite sides of a weekend. We're in the midst of a lot. And I totally mean, a lot. It is the most.

I could fit in some work maybe as needed, or emergency help, but with a trip like this through the landscapes and geographies in question, internet may be hard to come by. I know when we went for Aaron's wedding in 2015, getting internet out in Washington state was a real challenge.

Us east coast humans take a lot for granted. The whole no work on vacation is a big consideration for me. And one I feel I am struggling with but I have to leave go of that. I deserve a vacation and work will live without me.

So maybe it'll be okay. I don't know. We'll have to think, and see.

Lease update

We got it all figured out with our property manager and the homeowners.

At the beginning of June, she told us that our lease was up at the end of this month but it isn't. After several back and forths, and some uncomfortable silences on her end, she finally got back to me.

We had signed a lease agreement, but they did not. So we were in the right. They do want to sell, and would like the house on the market by spring, so we have had our lease adjusted to the end of March next year.

Relieved that it worked out, and we were happy to negotiate. I think if we want to cut out early we may be able to, the homeowners would take that well. Since they'd like us maybe to be leaving now.

So, there we go. Resolution to that problem. One less thing for us to think about.

Time to start thinking about getting ready

Doug's mom is buying a condo.

She is moving out of a house she's lived in for about 50 years. She has a lot to go through we understand and appreciate this reality. It's a daunting task. We are sympathetic to the gargantuan effort ahead. Gary has been gone over 2 years, and I'm proud of her for making a big decision that has a lot of emotion tied to it.

Here are the discussions we just had:

Her plan: After closing, I will measure and order furniture and blinds.

Our suggestion: You have 2 more walkthroughs. The walls and windows are actually in. Why don't we come up with for one of them, or the day of the closing, and take the measurements for you. Record them. Give them to you. And you can start shopping for furniture and blinds now.

Her plan: I will bring a few things over one or two boxes at a time.

Our suggestion: Have a couch, a table, a bedroom set delivered for the week of the closing, and bring your coffee maker, a cup, a mug, a place setting, change of clothes. And sleep in your new space. Make it your new space. Make it official. And bring the other things over as you need. Start with this simple step.

Her plan: I am going to put boxes in the car, put things into the boxes (she can't carry more than 5 pounds at a time for medical reasons), drive the car over, take the things out of the boxes one by one.

Our suggestion: We can come up, rent a small U-haul, pack many boxes at once, between Doug, Geoff, Doug's sister/niece/nephew/husband, and maybe Doug's cousins Johnny and Jeff, and I don't know.... a bunch of the other family people, cousins, nieces, nephews and stuff...  move a bunch of things all at once.  (or you could just hire some movers already).

Her plan: I still have so many things to go through, I don't want to start putting things in boxes and have the boxes all get in the way.

Our suggestion: Then don't do that. Go through the things and purge/throw out whatever needs to be jettisoned. The more of that you get done now the better and the less stuff is in the way. (retort: "Oh, I've been doing that. I found this box of pictures and papers from 1967 and there was this picture of Gary, I didn't recognize him, from survival training in Washington State. And .... " 20 minute story ....).

(I guess going through one box and taking 7 hours is the way it's gonna be. And there are thousands of things to go through.

Her thought: I don't know if I want to bring our bedroom set. When we were looking to move before Gary died we were going to buy a new bedroom set.

Our suggestion: Then don't move it! Buy your new one, and keep this one at the old house so if you are there doing a lot of work and you don't feel like driving home you have something to sleep on. Move it later, and put it in the guest room. Or don't. Donate it or something and get a guest bed set. It doesn't have to be fancy. But this bedroom set is really good, solid furniture - just buy a new mattress and box spring for it, it's about time.

Her thought: ....

Our suggestion: Oh fer crikey chrissakes, woman.

I think that the fact she does not have to sell this house in any hurry is part of the problem. There is no fire lit to hasten this along, no date that she has to be gone.

"I need to evaluate what I need, and organize it and take it. Then what I want, and organize it and take it. Then what I don't want, and what to do with it."

My philosophy is you decide what you do not want first. Once things are out of your way, it's easier to see all the other things. Right? If you get rid of all the unwanteds/unneededs, you can then evaluate the phase 1 and phase 2 of moving. The immediate need for life of comfortableness and staying over in the new location, and then the okay this other stuff can come over next, I know what shelf to put this on.

This house will still be full of stuff for maybe 5 more years or something.

I asked Doug what happens if she dies and this house is still full of things, like how do we even deal with it. "If she never moves all the things out and sells the property, you know we're going to inherit all of this. You and your sister are going to inherit not only the property, but the things."

He did not want to talk about it, and it is the kind of thing that gives me hives. So I'm kind of feeling like maybe I'm projecting my sense of urgency on this, that she needs to take care of things sooner than later, and do all the good right things and move on to the next part of her life.

I also thought it kind of wild that we could inherit the house with his sister, and she has a house, but we or Jess or Geoff could move there. That possibility would exist. I wouldn't want to live there the way the house is laid out and some of the things that would need to be fixed up. But, that's something I said to Doug a few months ago. He shrugged his shoulders and said anything is possible.

That's a discussion for another day.

I thought of my friend C's house when he passed. C and her sister and both of their spouses came to the house to do the big clean up. Her brother in law came through and just put everything in bags to throw it all out without going through anything at all. Just pitch it all.

There were a few treasures the girls wanted of their dad's, not a lot, but when you have no true emotional connection to the thing it is as easy for you as cleaning out a fridge before you have to turn it off and open the door.

There is a balance between 7 hours on one box, and complete chucking of all the things.

I'm for sure in the middle but close to the jettison end.

I'm sentimental, will look at the thing and then it's gone unless it is priceless or truly needed. I don't have the same attachment or need to talk about the event in the picture from 1967 for 20 minutes, but I also know that you keep pictures for the most part, and you sort through and throw out the other detritus. Unless you think there's going to be a scrapbook made of these things, it's time to let them go. And also, label everything so you're not putting a pile of pictures on a table at a family reunion on a hot July day asking everyone to pick through and choose the photos they want, photos of people they can't name. No one can name.

It's her life, her plan, and we're here ready and willing to help. But get a move on a little bit. Like, do some things now. Do them. Our willingness to be of service is here for her plan.

One of our running jokes about her is we were all dressed and ready to go somewhere (I think I've written an entry about this) and we are sitting on the couch waiting. She says "Well, it's time to start thinking about getting ready." We all looked at each other like "you've got to be kidding me."

Doug's plan was to go up after the closing, use an air mattress and bring soap and a towel, and stay at the condo location (fuck that, I'm staying at a hotel). And then during the day be down at her house helping. None of this put a box in the car and then put some things in it and drive back and forth. We'll put 20 boxes in 2 cars and drive them up.

Nothing will be in the way in the new house if you pick a not-in-the-way spot to put them in, like the guest room. Start there. Staging Area. Then when it is time to unpack the things. You unpack them.

So on the phone today, she told Doug she doesn't want him to come up in August, but maybe.... late September would be better.

She is thinking about starting to get ready. The rest of us are on the couch fully dressed and she hasn't gotten out of her pyjamas yet.

He got off the phone with her, and he is pissed off. All the way pissed off.

He was in his mind banking on a week off in August to go up and help.

But sometimes his plans and thoughts are obviously not in sync with what others want to do and that's a Doug thing. Dealing with that is hard for him to do. And he just has to accept what she wants.

I have a couple of big fears here.

First is the what happens if we inherit the house 42% full of her old life. But I can't necessarily control that. That would be something different.

Second, Doug's sister lives very close to her and I have a feeling a great burden of things will be placed onto her. I don't want to see that happen.

Doug's father had to do everything for his mom, drove to Ohio 3 days a week to the nursing home where she lived. Took care of all her things, mail, laundry, everything. Periodically, his sister would swoop up into Ohio and bark orders and yell "why is this happening?" "where did this come from?" "who is doing blah blah blahh?" and Gary would have to deal with her intrusions, demands, and then the mess in the wake of her departure. Never got any help, only got criticism.

Doug is not going to be like that, I know.

He is very engaged with his mom, but I don't want for his sister to feel that he is not helping because he or we don't want to. I know in the past he's had to tell her that his offers were summarily rejected, and she's been very surprised. So they need to communicate, and she needs to be the person, I think, to let him know when the need is real.

They don't have that kind of a good communication relationship.

The next several weeks will be interesting, I think.

Hail and Well Met!

I started playing D&D recently, with my friend Matt as DM. It has been about 30 years since I played D&D.

And I'm having a blast.

Matt has a lot of friends in this world, so he found a group of us ready to start playing together, from Florida to Massachusetts to.... me. Some have never played, and others of us are wandering back into it after several decades of not.

Matt and I rolled and created my character together (I like the DM guidance for building a character) and I'm a mixed breed, half-elf (human) and I am a recent graduate of the local Academy to the town where we are based. I have a kind of Hermione Grainger Very Smartness vibe, no street or tested smarts.  I'm incredibly green. Eager to become an adventurer, but man I have no idea what i'm doing.

I named her Rhea Travis, for Rhea Seehorn from "Better Call Saul," and Travis McElroy, our Middlest Brother, and probably my favoritest McElroy.  Watching Rhea play Kim Drexler on "Better Call Saul," who is a fucking badass. And probably one of the best written female characters in recent years. Travis, well "Thank Travis for Travis," is something I sing often. I love him. All aspects of Travis McElroy make me happy. And his playing has been inspirational.

In the first The Adventure Zone, known as the Balance Arc, his character Magnus Burnsides is always all "Magnus Rushes In...." (do not watch if you do not wish to cry) even before the instructions are given for what they're up against.

I wanted to pay homage to my favorite actor right now, thinking Kim as my Elven half,  and probably the most wonderful and brave human D&D character I've known, ever, good old Magnus.

I think I've made a good character and I so far love her. I love being her. She is a little more Lawful Good than I am (she is a trained but not tested cleric and sage healer). And I'm having a lot of fun playing with these new folks.

I should write up my character back story, so I have it. I have a very clear idea of who she is and what she's like.

The town and adventures are actually similar to what the McElroys are doing right now with The Adventure Zone: Graduation. But the focus is not on the academics, more the town itself. Ravens Folly is the town and we have all recently met at a tavern. a disjointed band of folks pulled together by someone who needed help.

Because the Adventure Zone players are into character voices and behaviors, I thought about that a lot and my character likes to yell "Hail and Well Met!" when meeting strangers.

Rhea they are much smarter than they really are - on paper, very smart. In real world, not so much. The first encounter with using Hail and Well Met was with a race that speaks Draconic, so they called this out to them, and Matt had me roll for it - I rolled a 2.

I ended up insulting their grandmother with sexual overtones.

Oops.

Next adventure, she went to whack someone with my mace and yelled Hail and Well Met! but my role to hit the guy missed him completely. In Matt's words, "you whiffed it."

So, "Hail and Well Met, mother fuuuuuuuuuuuucccchhhhhhhhhaaaahhhhhhhhh!" was basically what everyone at the campsite heard as I beefed it.

I ended up bad-assing it by grabbing onto a crossbow bolt lodged in a bad guy's shoulder and making it light up so the camp was well lit and our human rogue could see what they needed to see. It was a very bad ass move. Matt's face lit up when I suggested it was what I wanted to do with my light cantrip.

Our most recent adventure was a cliffhanger, where some undead dudes come out of a room towards us. As we all closed the action, I yelled my signature catch phrase at the skeletons.

Hail and Well Met, indeed. We all had a good laugh at that.

I am having a load of fun with these folks, it is a tremendous respite from the work things.

Watch for more nerdstuffs from yours truly in this manner.

Why am I awake?

I woke up early. I slept through the night soundly. I'm wired. I almost started watching the film version of "Hamilton" but realized it is almost 3 hours long.

Maybe not the best option for viewing tonight.

Normally, I'm out cold by 10:30pm, happy to be asleep. Tonight is something different. I'm wired. I am awake. I'm not interested in media on TV or music. I am just happy to be in the quiet.

Part of me is waiting for Brodie to wake up so I can take her out to pee. But I should just give up on that. She's out cold. I should close my eyes. I should just lay down on the couch, and if she wakes up at 3am then we will go out.

Why am I awake?

Life has been wild and wacky. Time means literally nothing to me but I try and make sure I'm in the work hours mode and I'm "on duty" at normal hours between 9am and 5pm. I'm often working much later. And thinking about work things.

I had a friend tell me the other day that he is honestly afraid for his job. He has nothing to do. Nothing. And he sits at his laptop all day and waits for email. Emails never come.

He's afraid he will be laid off. He is surprised he has not yet been laid off. I told him organize files. Digitize things. Come up with some sort of plan. He has done all that, and his own boss has done things. Things are all done, as we are now months into this, and not days or weeks.

I told him to make sure he's putting money in the bank. Just be patient. If they haven't laid people off yet, they are just hoping things get better by August. September. Just hang in there.

He is a wreck.

I'm busy. I'm busier than I think I've been in a long time. And this is good. It feels like our team is too small, and we need more people. There are days that I work so much. And still have work. I offered to give my friend work. He declined.

And I'm awake.

Tomorrow will come too soon. I have a 10am meeting I need to be on task for. I hope that I can go to sleep, get some sleep, and be up and at'em by 9. We'll see.

And the dog still sleeps. I so very want for her to wake up and go out to pee.

Maybe at 3.

nothing to update

It has been rather quiet. Nothing really to speak of updates wise. I've played DnD a couple times, I've got a lot going on at work but don't want to talk about it.

Brodie continues - we've closed off the living room with a baby gate and she stays in here. I have slept out here a few times, but found it was alright sleeping in my bed, without worrying about her. She sometimes wakes up and paces, but falls down safely and goes back to sleep.

Only a couple of times she's cried out for help. The other night she got her head stuck between the chair and side table trying to get something from back in there, and then couldn't get out. It was comical and not the end of the world.

Each day, I'm happy to wake up to see her, and allow for her to let me know when it is she wants to go out, and she wants to eat, and whatever else she requires.

We ordered delivery on Friday night, it was just Doug and me, and I had a rough week, didn't feel at all like cooking. We even ate at the dining table, with the dog at our feet, and it was bittersweet in a lot of ways.

I wanted Thai food. Doug has been doing a lot of our cooking, and I'm very sick of everything he's making. His Keto recipes are often tomato or chili-related. And I'm longing for other flavors.

So after the rough week, delivery was where it was at.

Our usual Thai place closed in February for kitchen and plumbing work, and they have not opened. Another really good place does not deliver and one of our cars is in the shop, so we were really in need of delivery.

I've been burned by choosing places we've not tried. The last time we ordered out it sucked and I was very sad. I was about to give up when I found a place that not only was open, but they were delivering. The online reviews were pretty great.

Can you really screw up pad thai? Let's find out.

Ordered the food and it arrived 20 minutes early and was outstanding. I thought I might cry. I'll order from there again for sure.

Literally that's the most exciting thing to report.

Oh - I know recently I had mentioned that our lease was maybe up/expiring. My property manager negotiated with the seller that we can get a lease extension to March 2021. Turns out, we signed our lease to July 2021, but they didn't.

So they would like to put the house on the market in the spring. And we're happy to stay here and not have to move until then.

It was my property manager's responsibility to make sure all the buttons were buttoned up, and she admittedly blew it.

I'm happy that it all worked out. I do not want to be looking for a place right now.

I always look at Zillow for house rentals, I'm like a bad girlfriend with a wandering eye. Got a good boyfriend, I don't need to stray... but... look at this yard.

We love living here, it is a great house. It has its issues but on the whole, this is a fantastic little neighborhood, and I'm just happy and content. I wouldn't see myself here in this house forever, but for the right now, it is just right.

My former boss has to move from her place by the end of August. She needs to try and keep her son in his middle school, and our neighborhood actually is part of that school district location. She and her little one came by today after looking at a place literally around the corner, and we had just the nicest visit. I had bubbles on the porch from the birthday party back in June, and her son loved blowing bubbles. He loves Brodie, but she was very very asleep inside, so we ate cookies, drank lemonade, and just had a nice visit.

It would be nice if she was around the corner. I would love to be able to have them stop by or me stop by there, and just have visits and fun.

And then we'll move. Who knows where to.

In the meantime, bubbles on the front porch, shrimp on the grill.

My friend R's son calls grilling "fire food," so I laughed a little as I made these fantastic shrimp skewers on the grill tonight. Fire food indeed. And they were amazingly delicious.

Pupdate

We survived the night! Here's our girl wearing her fancy new shoulder harness, fast asleep.

Geoff got home from work, and as I thought, Brodie woke up to see him.

We all three went outside. I showed Geoff how the harness works well with helping her down the stairs, and is a good rescue for if she wipes out on the way back up.

Surprisingly, she made it up the stairs without help. Geoff was astonished. She sometimes gets a running start - and if you're not right there to either put hands under her bum or grab the collar when she wipes out, she can tumble down very easily, and then she wants nothing to do with going up the steps.

We came in, Geoff got a snack and a beer. Some nights he watches wrestling when he gets home and last night was one of those nights. He takes our living room chair right up in front of the TV, and puts the sound on 2 so it is just barely audible. Doug and I are both usually asleep, and our bedroom is right off the living room, so he doesn't want to disturb us.

It's all rather thoughtful.

Since I was planning on sleeping on the couch last night, just to make sure B was gonna be okay, he was a little put off by that. Wrastlin' and all. Don't want to share it with your mom. I get it.

But I told him to watch, I wouldn't ask a bunch of questions or make any commentary on his show. Doug makes fun of him for watching wrestling, but I really don't care. Have a fandom. Shit, I sure as hell have some.

 He said it is over two hours and won't be done until after 2:30am, but I told him I was awake, and I was writing blog entries, so yeah - go ahead. Watch. I don't care. Have fun.

I liked Chris Jericho's Maple Leaf jacket for Canada Day (even if I didn't quite recognize Chris Jericho). Made me think of Don Cherry and his Hockey Night in Canada suits! So even though I don't know anything that's going on with wrestling, I at least knew him.  Geoff and I enjoyed Private Party as the tag team contestants to watch.

Maybe I know slightly more than I am admitting. Hmmm.

Geoff went downstairs and Brodie was already fast asleep. I was anticipating she'd get up to do her walk abouts, but she didn't so I shut the lights and got comfy. She slept through the night, and at 7am I heard Doug wake up and go in the kitchen, and she started eating some food. We made an almost solid 5 hours of sleep! I felt pretty well rested, she and I went outside where it was already blazing hot.

So this was good. I may sleep in my own bed tonight, and let her be in here solo. She is using her bed, she has food and water. She has not tried to tip over the baby gate. I think she'll be alright on her own.

I hope she'll be alright on her own. We shall see.

A Dream about Owen and Parker

A few nights ago, I had a really wacky dream. I shared it with my sister and friend Virginia, and they both howled laughing at me.

I was driving from Boston to DC, and my car broke down somewhere. I pulled my car into a rest area to be safe. I knew what was wrong with the car, and decided that I just needed to get to an auto parts store and get the thing I needed, so I called for an Uber. The Uber arrived, and there was another car in the parking area, and these two guys came out and said that they needed a ride to the auto parts store too. Could they come with?

One of them was my former neighbor, I'll call him Parker. The other was Owen Wilson. Owen indicated they were brothers, and his brother was kind of a dick so he apologized up front for any shit the guy was shoveling. The Uber driver and I shrugged our shoulders.

What the heck, sure, you can come with.

The Uber driver was super excited to drive us to the auto parts store. His brother owned the store! He decided he wasn't even going to charge us for the trip, he was that excited to take us.

He said that he wanted to show us the best view in all the city! Could he drive us to this overview, and show us the city?

Owen Wilson and I were amenable to the idea, but Parker was griping and complaining that he just wanted to get this all over with. Owen declared that 2/3 rules, so the driver takes us to this overlook very much like Mt. Washington in Pittsburgh only I think we are looking at Boston or something. I recognize the buildings, it is beautiful and shiny and glowing. Owen and I are loving this.

Parker is wandering about complaining that this is a bunch of bullshit. At the overview, there was a billboard with three llamas on it, and the way that their eyes were on their bodies it looked like it was one llama with six eyes.

I started laughing and Owen Wilson asked me what was funny - so I showed it to him. He thought it was hysterical. Who made this billboard! How did it make it through creative and out into the world. I asked him if he knew about Peppa Pig. He didn't, so I explained how she is a cartoon for kids, but the way she is drawn her two eyes are on one side of her face, so someone drew a rendering of her with four eyes.

Behold.

Owen couldn't believe this and he and I were just howling over the six-eyed llama and Peppa Pig. Parker was getting more and more irritated, so the Uber driver took us to the auto parts store.

Parker had a notebook, and was scribbling things in it the whole time that Owen Wilson and I were just having a blast. We got to the auto parts store, and I had to pee pretty badly so I asked where the bathroom was. The employees were slightly reluctant to let me go, but Owen was the man of the hour, and said that they should let me pee. We were both about to spend a lot of money there, and the Uber driver agreed. Yes yes! The bathroom is okay for you to use go ahead!

The bathroom was a disaster. A complete disgusting mess. The door was labeled "Women" but the two stalls were both men's bathrooms with shitty urinals in them, full of vomit and shit. I had to go so bad that I just cried and went. I then realized the toilet paper roll had been peed on by someone and was a total crusty disgusting mess. I was stranded. I could just shake it off, and pull my pants up but I really needed TP.

Owen saved the day by finding me some clean TP and Parker started screaming that I sucked so bad. "Christine is the WORST, she can't even just go to the bathroom without needing help!"

"But dude, did you see the bathroom?"

"Fuck you - you suck, you're the worst. I can't believe we have to spend time with you. God I hate you."

"Now now," Owen intervened, let's just pay for our stuff and go back to the cars.  My feelings were hurt because honestly, dude, the bathroom was truly the worst. I wasn't the worst. How could anyone tell me I was the worst?

We went back to the car, and I picked up Parker's notebook, which was full of drawings and comments about how he was angry Owen was spending so much time with me. He just wanted to go home, and he didn't understand the llama thing, and we were making fun of him for not getting it, and that's kind of where the whole me sucking so badly came from.

"Did you think we were making fun of you for not getting the llama thing? I'm so sorry. We weren't making fun of you? I am so sorry we didn't explain it to you and why it was so weird if you didn't initially see it. Oh Parker."

I was so sorry. I never meant to hurt his feelings. I didn't realize that Owen and I were just getting along so well, and he was being left behind.

Uber driver took us back to our cars, it was a hairy drive through a divided highway in what looked like Mattapan or Roslindale in Massachusetts or something. It looked familiar to me, but I knew there was no way I was where my mind thought I was.

We got our cars running, Parker and I made our peace and we all said goodbye.

I drove down the highway and a half hour or so later my phone rang and it was the Uber driver checking in to make sure I was alright. Owen called too - he and Parker wanted to make sure everything was great.

I had a big smile on my face that these guys were checking in, making sure I was alright.

By this time next year I won't be here

Right now, I'm waiting for the dog to wake up.

Doug and I went and bought her a harness tonight, which for some reason we thought would be longer and go further down her torso. It just goes around her shoulders.

She is confused by it. I cannot say as I blame her.

We bought it to help us lift her when she wipes out. I think we also need something for her hips/back legs. But this shoulder harness is not bad... she's tolerating it, and we went down the front steps with great ease at about 8pm. We'll give it a go.

I want to go to sleep, personally. I'm kind of wide awake, but also very much wanting to sleep.

She's been out cold for hours. You know what will happen right? I'll fall asleep and she'll wake up and begin her pacing grind. So I may as well just wait.

I am on vacation, so it isn't like I have to get up and work at 8:30am. I can do whatever. I can drink gin and tonic in my underpants on the couch while waiting for her to wake up.

Nothing's gonna stop me.

Last night I decided to put her in the living room and sleep out here with her.

If you can call it sleep.

I waited for Geoff to make it home. He said the car was acting badly on the way to work, and I was kind of anticipating the possibility of having to go pick him up. He works 20 minutes up 95 from us, and gets out of work at midnight.

He got home at 12:30 and I was asleep at 12:45.

Brodie woke up at about 2:45am, and did her pacing thing.

I just let her pace and pace. The light was on, she could see where she was. It was very calming and nice.  Every time she walked past me, I'd rub her back, and she'd stop a little for the scritches.

I lost count at the circling around the coffee table at 124.

Not kidding.

Her food and water are in here, so she was stopping to eat and drink in her route. Walk, stop, munch, lick lick lick, walk.

Eventually she laid down, next to me. I rubbed her shoulders and back, and we went back to sleep.

She got legs stuck under the couch so when she woke up at 4:45am, she was unable to stand. And she barked when I tried to help get her out of her predicament. She was frustrated, I was frustrated.

Harness will probably help with that situation when it happens too.

Eventually she got up and we went outside. And then came in and promptly collapsed back to sleep.

I'm kind of impressed that my phone was able to take this picture in what I thought was too dark of a room, but there she is. The light hadn't started to filter in here yet, so I'm happy to have caught this of her.

Last night I had a lot of waking time during the wee hours. I played games on my phone while she paced. When she came in and passed out, I also passed out.

Doug got up at 8, puttered about, made coffee and kept quiet for me as I was very asleep but I got up, crawled into the bed and slept until noon.

All told, I got plenty of sleep last night, just not all at once!

Oh - and there's this.

One year ago yesterday, my boss' son turned 12 and he asked for a play date with "Miss Brodie."

This came up in my Facebook Memories, and I had to smile. I can't believe this is the same dog that I'm dealing with now.

The stick, the running, the excitement, the everything. I'm so missing this.

I'm also loving that Josh wanted to have her come over, and it was his actual birthday wish for me to brring her over.

They had such a wonderful time with her. These are the fantastic memories that I'll never lose of her. I'm glad that the boys who can't have a dog had times like this with her here in Maryland. I'm so in love with our relationships, and how she was so cared for by this family when Doug's dad passed away. It is so great to have a dog in the middle of everything in life. I love JW and the boys, and the love they have had for this pup.

Not the same dog but yes the same dog. And we love and care for her fully.

I think of the Guster lyric of "By this time next year, I won't be here." This time last year, it was a different dog. And this time next year, we probably won't be having her with us. I so very doubt she will make it through the summer. I'm amazed she's made it through June.

By this time next year....

We actually won't be here either, as our lease will be over July 2021. We will either be moved or packing to move at this point.

Will there be another dog in our lives? We've had a dog or two (and even three!) at the same time since 1994, so I can't honestly imagine not having a dog at all but sometimes I feel like a dog break may be in order.

Part of me was thinking it might be a good idea to just get a new dog now while we are on quarantine and telecommuting entirely, but Doug said to not think about that right now.

We'll see where we are next year.

Tonight, we just need to go out and pee at some point.