Life is Just a Fantasy

"Life is just a fantasy, can you live this fantasy life?"-Aldo Nova

Doug is having a fantasy.

Based on the discussion with his mom in the other entry, he has had it in his mind that he needs a real vacation.

As mentioned, he thought he'd take a week, and go up to help, and that would be his vacation.

"I was gonna vacation in XYZ Township but now I guess I'm not!" he declared loudly after the phone call.

Kind of a good thing because I am way past wanting to take vacation time doing manual labor for others.

She lives close enough that we could leave on a Friday after work, it's still light out by the time we're safely out of the woods and mountains (Western Maryland is scary dark and I'm always worried about breaking down out there in the middle of nowhere). Then we could be home around dinner time on Sunday. Or even take a Monday off. I do not mind that.

But 5 days worth of my blessed vacation time, Lord have mercy, no. So now he's thinking we need to go away. Just go somewhere. And here's his fantasy.

• Fly somewhere. Like... Vegas
• Rent an RV
• Camp in the RV
• Get easy to make foods for ourselves, or take-out on the road in different places
• Stops along the way based on mileages: Reno (I have a friend there and a drive-by Social Distance greeting would be a blessing. Ashland, OR, where we did a semester in college in 1988. Would love to see that place again
• End up in Astoria to see Aaron and Serena and the baby that is due any day now
• Drive to Portland, return the RV, come home

It is a reasonable plan, I think.

A different idea, we can fly into Phoenix, see my aunt and uncle for a couple days, maybe Amy Reb, and then fly to Portland from there, and maximize people time instead of road time.

Doug likes the maximum road time aspect because we won't be exposed to anyone for too too long, just ourselves. I'm more inclined for the people time and just be incredibly safe and clean and careful.

Like, not even stay in my aunt and uncle's house - stay at a hotel away from them. Stay at Aaron's mom's cottage across the street (if she's not there post-baby). Or a hotel. I'm willing to stay at a hotel and be away from them physically. But be there nearby. Do some dishes. Spend time with their daughter as I'm sure this will all be so huge on her. Run to the grocery store. Help like the best man in the wedding is supposed to help with future life events.

Part of me also knows how bad I'll want to snuggle that baby so hard when it gets here. And I'll pretty much keep my distance, though it will break my heart. But I'll survive.

And no matter what we do, we'll be exposed to people. No matter what. But I do know, we need to get away.

I thought going to Pittsburgh would be easier for us too, with Brodie Dog being in her condition.  She's doing somewhat alright, mostly sleeps, poops on her dog bed on the overnight but it is always like super solid and easy to clean up. I can't believe I just admitted to the world that my dog poops in the house - but to be honest, it's like... no big deal. And she doesn't even know she's done it. And sometimes we don't either. She has no urge to let us know she needs to go, she just poops.

She goes out twice a day right now to pee. The only time it is weird is night time when we go to bed, and then she paces in here and falls down... The pacing thing has been a constant for months now. But at least with the living room rug, she gets traction, doesn't fall too hard, and can get back up.

I feel it is kind of unfair to leave Geoff home alone with her to care for her by himself and just deal with this. So I was willing to stay here and have the boys go up and do things for Mom.

A really big trip out west, well, 10 days of us leaving him with her... I'm not sure how well both of them would do.

If it was Jess, I've got no concern that it would all be okay. I have no idea why I trust them more than Geoff. It's just a mom thing, I guess? I don't know. He's not going to hurt her, or get mad at her... maybe I'm just being unreasonable and he'll do great? He did fine with her at the beginning of June when we went away overnight.

But still, this is a lot. Well, not right now. This right here:

(Oh, I just noticed there is a little kibble of doggie food right by her face which makes this even slightly more pathetic, if possible).

I mean, basically this is what she does. She tries to stand up and struggles so the harness is very helpful in getting her up. Most of the time we let her struggle but encourage her and watch her. Her  leg strength is getting worse so if we always help her, it'll deteriorate even faster.

Getting up a few times a day is a big workout.

The hard part is the going up and down the stairs outside to pee.

Down works out alright, holding the harness usually means she gets to the bottom upright. On the way up though she tries to get a running start, and sometimes wipes out 2 steps up. If you're not right there to grab her - she can go straight back down.  I try to stand right behind her and grab her ass, hold her up. She fell so hard the other day, right off the steps and into the flower bed, and I could not get her out. She looks stunned and surprised, and just stays still - it is heartbreaking for me to see.

But I've got some considerations that make my face wrinkle a little bit.

Work-wise, I'm not sure how I'll fit in a full week and maybe a day or two on the opposite sides of a weekend. We're in the midst of a lot. And I totally mean, a lot. It is the most.

I could fit in some work maybe as needed, or emergency help, but with a trip like this through the landscapes and geographies in question, internet may be hard to come by. I know when we went for Aaron's wedding in 2015, getting internet out in Washington state was a real challenge.

Us east coast humans take a lot for granted. The whole no work on vacation is a big consideration for me. And one I feel I am struggling with but I have to leave go of that. I deserve a vacation and work will live without me.

So maybe it'll be okay. I don't know. We'll have to think, and see.