Today we went to a funeral. My roommate from college's husband died in December. His name was Mark.
Since he passed away, I've thought a lot about missed opportunities. He and I had been talking about getting together after work, or for lunch, but that would involve me going into the office. But I told him, just for him, I'd schlep into the city. He worked really close to my office, we discovered before the pandemic, and it was often a cloud talk kind of thing. Let's ... do this eventually. Let's just talk about it a lot and then.
We said oh yes, do let's.
A week after our last discussion, when we planned on a post-new year get together, he was dead. Suddenly, unexpectedly. Thanks to his obituary (linked above) we all found out that he had a heart condition as a child and surgery at age 26. Who knew? He was a super athlete in college and so no one had any idea about his internal workings.
We often don't know all the things about our friends. Until we find out later.
He would get into these modes once in a while where he'd deep dive into old 80s classics like REM, English Beat, and INXS, and a lot of the 80s and 90s new wave stuff and alternative rock. I wasn't into the new wave stuff much, but he and I always connected on REM. Doug has never been an REM fan, he kind of can't stand them, which is sad because I so like them. So much.
So Mark would get on FB and start posting lyrics to songs, and tagging friends. People would get into discussions and share youtube videos of their faves.
It was kind of nice, seeing as social media is mostly a cesspool of nonsense. But he would always tag me in REM or Indigo Girls posts.
"Remember this one, Christine?!"
Of course I do, I still listen to that [fill in the blank] song all the time.
You could feel his nostalgia.
We got to the funeral home 10 minutes before the service was to begin. The place was packed, and we had just a short bit of time for big hugs, where my old roomie sobbed in my arms. I felt the weakness in her legs, and I prayed to God to hold me up so I could hold her up. I wiped her tears, and brushed her hair from her face. Then she saw Doug behind me, and burst into waves of more tears. Outright uncontrollable sobbing. And I felt this in the center of my heart. She introduced us to the folks around her, friends, his sponsor, her sons.
During the service, she talked for 2 solid hours to eulogize him. She laid it all out there and to be honest it was refreshing, illuminating, and perfect. I was so afraid there would be no mention of what happened.
She bared it all. Her entire soul, heart, tears, anger, everything. She begged people in attendance to get help if they have a struggle or problem with alcohol or drugs, to not wait until it is too late. He wore a T-shirt that said "Sober AF" very proudly. And he was. Once he got there, where he needed to be. And he had a great year or so before everything came to an abrupt end.
There was a mercy meal afterwards, and Doug and I thought about going home, but I had a feeling not a lot of people were probably going to go. His "work wife" had stepped up to help and she handled the catering. She ordered her heart out - and there was so much food. I'm glad we went. I'm glad we had time with my old roomie, and the boys. The boys are so interesting. I wish I'd met them under different circumstances.
Anyway. It was a long and emotional day.
I'll be listening to a lot of REM over the foreseeable future. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...."
digits
exercise: 10/12 hours. Missed 2 and 3pm because I was sitting and listening. 5k steps by bedtime. No walk.
blood glucose:
9:45am: 178
n/a pm: no reading taken for mid day.
11:15pm: 187
food:
coffee/water
11:45: Metformin
4:30pm: grape leaves, hummus, pita, some shrimp & artichoke spinach stuff.
5:45pm: nachos, chips w/melted cheese, meat, sour cream, avocado
7pm: metformin+jardiance
a couple handfuls of M&Ms
white wine
9:30pm: pepperoni & cheddar cheese
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