(a)musings: Living In The Now

Thursday, January 09, 2025

Living In The Now

Today was busy.

Last night I slept with Toffee in the guest room, Dahlia had taken up my entire side of the bed after I finished brushing my teeth and all. I assessed the situation, and figured it was not worth fussing to get into bed, so I closed the door to keep her in there. Toffee was actually passed out on the couch from all the evening's festivities, and eventually she came to the bedroom and found me.

I fell asleep around 1, I think. Doug got up to go to the bathroom at 6, and the dogs immediately started playing and carrying on but it was too early for that nonsense.,. Doug managed to get Toffee back to my bed, and took Dahlia in with him.

We successfully all slept until 8 when I had to get up to pee. Then we were all up. Because fun was to be had. Brekkie time.

I fed them both separately.

Toffee was fed first, and then I let her out. Dahlia came out to the kitchen next and inhaled her food. She must have been starving, we didn't feed her last night after we got home and I didn't realize it until I went to bed. I then let her out. They ran and played. Ran and played. Came inside and ran and played. Rough and tumble. Six whole hours.

They shed blood, but it didn't stop them and it wasn't violent. It was the right amount of rough play, the kind of play you hope your big huge tank of a dog can get to play and have another dog who isn't afraid to go at it.

So much tug-o-war. So much. The ropes that Doug bought in 2023 when we adopted Toffee, or early 2024 are earning their keep, I tell ya.

It was funny because Toffee's routine is cuddle in my lap and go back to sleep once I start working but that was not happening. No way. No. Effing. Way. She is getting a new routine.

I didn't have a meeting today until 12:30pm, so I could focus on keeping them busy and entertained. When my meeting started, it was still bananas crazy in here and there was barking (throw the ball for me woman!) and bumping into my lapdesk and just big dog-ness going on. I apologized for the chaos happening around me and luckily these were clients who were all about the big dogs. My 2pm, 3pm, 4pm, all same. "Oh hello. This is my foster pup. She's very high energy. She will be vocal during the meeting."

Around 1pm, they both crashed out. Slept like champions. It was a relief. But the second I got up to do something like, oh, pee or get tea, Dahlia was up and following me. She has to be right on my hip at all times.

And I forgot how messy Labradors can be. She basically has stuck her entire head in the water bowl, twice. ENTIRE HEAD! And then there's water everywhere. So I've used 4 towels to clean up after her, and did a load of laundry to be ready for the next swimming session.

So yeah, it has been busy.

The night before we went to pick her up, I was having sorrow and stress about getting her. I had an anxiety filled night with little or no sleep. Too much wine so I couldn't just drive to the gym and walk on the treadmill to try and diffuse the feelings. It wasn't because I didn't want another dog in the house, but because I was anthropomorphizing feelings about her and how she may feel. I was thinking (and feeling so sad) that we were on the edge of fucking up her life.

Where is her "dad," her person? Why is she here? Who are these people? Where are her things? Where is her favorite stuffie? This other dog what the fuck?! What is happening!!!

What is happening, indeed?

I had big feelings on Tuesday night. I didn't know how to express them. I went to the Slack channel at my office for all the pets, it's the best channel. And my coworkers were so kind. I unloaded my feelings, and folks assured me it was going to be okay.

Dogs live in the now. Dogs focus on where the food is going to be coming from. Now. Is the bed warm? Is there food? Is it scary? okay.

She may wonder, miss her person, but she also will feel safe and comfortable. She will have someone to play with (and play hard). She hopefully will see her person again. We want her to see him again. and in the meantime, live in the now, dear Dahlia.

And maybe that's who I am saddest for, her person.

I'm sad that a 53 year old man who lost his partner last year now is recovering from a stroke. I'm sad that his big beautiful boisterous black lab may be too much for him to handle when he is home. I'm sad about a lot of that. But we'll do our best and do our best to do our best.

And play a lot of rope toys and fetch and .... all the things.

So she had a good day. In the moment.

Pictures, and digits below.