The other day I was out poking in the garden and cutting some flowers for a little vase that is on the TV table, and I was wondering if I'd missed the anniversary of dad's passing.
And then suddenly I couldn't remember the date.
Or the exact year either. I know it was a July. but it all feels ethereal and far far away.
Why does life feel like an absolute blur? I didn't blog anything around the anniversary, and now July is almost over. While I was deadheading the petunias, it occurred to me that I'd missed it.
I mentioned it to my sister and she said she also kind of let it slip from mind as well. But she's been a bit emotional all month because of all the reasons and this would just add to that. We talked about how neither of us called Mom to specifically mark the date. It is different for birthdays since their birthdays were right next to each other, so if you call her on the 7th, you also acknowledge the 8th.
Still, I was disappointed in myself that I didn't remember.
Year 3 gone by.
I have some friends who rotate around dates and milestones and they never forget, never ever. They spend days leading up to anniversaries of births and deaths alike, focused on their joy or loss. But that's kind of never been me.
The memories remain but I don't get so focused on a specific date on the calendar. The loss is the same whether it is a Tuesday in November or it is July 15th.
Anyway. This morning, again, I was out deadheading the petunias, I thought of him. I don't feel a lot of grief, really. I more just feel a sad and a sort of disbelief that this is life as we know it, three years on without him.
Work was very busy, I spent a great deal of time writing a help document and an announcement that I should have really had done on Thursday and I'd intended to finish it yesterday but I didn't touch my laptop. I let my boss know that I needed more time and he said that was fine, he'd look at it after 2pm. I don't think he did.
It is one of those important things that we need to do and have done, but it isn't like a system outage or product down. We just need for people to know and do and get things caught up before we turn off an application that many are still accidentally using. Get them ready.
I had two meetings with the work bestie. I hit the treadmill and then got a phone call from a co-worker asking for some immediate assistance. "Are you free right now, I could use your eyes..." So I jumped off the treadmill to go help him.
At about 5 I decided to bake cookies, and Doug came home at 5:30 as the last batch came out of the oven. I usually anxiety bake but I wanted to welcome home bake. Just for him.
He hasn't talked much about news from the homeland there with mom. Not sure how things went or what was said or anything, but maybe he'll share later.
After dinner and clean up, I needed 3k steps to 10k, so I took myself for a walk. I went further than I'd intended but it was a good night to be out and about. Far exceeded the steps I needed in the end. Made up for the short run.
Tomorrow, Doug has a 7am meeting so I need out of bed. I also have an important site launch in the morning at 10, so I want to actually be showered and looking like a human being for it.
Toffee was very sad without Dijon but when Doug came home, boy was she thrilled. We had a big cuddle after my walk. She held me hostage. I wasn't mad.
Digits, below.
digits
exercise: 12/12 hours, Treadmill run, 10 min/0.7 mi; Walk after dinner, 36 min/1.75 mi. 12k+ steps by bedtime.
blood glucose:
8:45am: 118
4:15pm: 129
10:15pm: 103
food & meds:
8:45am: jardiance, new meds
1:30pm: english muffin w/pb; met+glip
4:15pm: handful of peanut butter m&ms
4:30pm: new meds
5pm: 2 chocolate chip walnut butterscotch cookies
5:30pm: small bowl of fettuccini and meat sauce (lots of meat)
white wine, no available ginger ale
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