I can't remember if I mentioned that our Dodge Avenger died. Doug got the title mailed to us (when we bought it, our address was listed at the old house, so we never got the title), and we're having it towed away on Monday from the garage where she sits. I appreciate our mechanic very much.
Now the mini is doing horrible things. Bucking, not accelerating, check engine light. Tomorrow morning Doug is taking it up to a different mechanic (our shop doesn't service Mini). The last time we needed work done it was the computer, which this shop we use can't work on, so it ended up at the dealership.
Hopefully, we can get her fixed up at the local mechanic, and not have to go back to the dealership.
Tomorrow, we'll have no car. And right now we need groceries. Which is sad. We have a lot of things that don't go together. I could make a nice quiche if I had pie crust OR the skills to make a pie crust from scratch. Maybe I'll learn how to do that tomorrow morning.
We're almost out of milk, but Geoff needed half and half for a recipe last week and we do have some left over.
I could walk to Aldi. It is 2 miles. I could take an uber back, because I wouldn't want to carry any groceries 2 miles.
I feel kind of like, I can't make decisions to do things, and I can't motivate myself to do things. My brain isn't kicking into "Do It" gear the way I am used to it ... and I feel stuck.
Today, I let the dogs out before a 4pm meeting. Usually that's not a problem. I was doing my steps for the hour, and I happened to be standing in the livingroom when a young hight-school aged girl came running up my walkway to the door, I'd never seen her before, she looked anxious. I went to the door, and whipped it open. She apologized, and said "your dog jumped over the fence."
I thanked her, profusely, and told her I was getting my boots on. She ran back down the walk and I got my shit together. Sweatshirt, boots, out the door. Toffee was losing her mind, and the girl had Dahlia by the collar on the other side of the fence.
I thanked her again, profusely. I asked her name, she told me, and she pointed to where she lived. Thanking her again, profusely, as Doug took Dahlia back to the house.
Dahlia is now on house arrest.
She's not allowed out without supervision. Busted. And also. Fuck. It is so easy to let these jerks out to do their business, while I'm working and now I'm going to go out with them. I took them out at 10:30. Soon it will be warm enough for flip flops but right now it is winter boots and coat time, still. I supervised while they both did what they had to do, and ushered them back into the house. No shenanigans. None.
We had a team meeting today and my boss' boss, our Senior VP, asked how we're doing at the end of the meeting. I kind of opened up and shared that I'm not doing very well. I hate everyone and everything, and I am barely holding it together. I can't focus, I can't get anything done, I start tasks, get distracted, and fall onto something else and then get mad because I didn't do the other thing that was more important.
Confessing to my 4 coworkers and to her, that I am not my usual self.
As always, I go to music, and lately it has been a lot of Frank Turner, especially this Haven't Been Doing So Well tune. Among others.
It's a day with a Y in it so obviously I'm over it.
I said I'm not used to feeling like this. This isn't how I am. I'm the pollyanna. I'm the one who says "okay lads, let's just pull together and get through the day, shall we?"
My work bestie told me when we met this week (we meet weekly to talk work and talk shit) "This is not very Christine of you," and she's right. One of my colleagues in the meeting recommended I might try and make use of some of the mental health resources our office provides, and he's right. He's absolutely right.
He said, "I know you have friends to talk to, and co-workers who know you so well like [work wife] but sometimes the perspective of someone outside of your immediate cuddle circle is the person you should be talking to. I know this helps me."
I think the nature of the universe right now, the "Flood the Zone" nature of what our administration is doing, the impact of all the things on the lives and well being of thousands of people, the uncertainty of what may happen to my own company (and whether or not it impacts my job?) I don't know. The car, the dogs, the fact I may not have enough milk for coffee tomorrow, Damn, son. It's a lot.
Another Frank Turner lyric is this:
"The first time it was a tragedy
The second time is a farce
Outside it's 1933 so I'm hitting the bar."
Referencing the first Trump administration and Nazi Germany, the first time it was a tragedy (WWI and T45) the second time is a farce (WWII and T47).
And yeah, I have been drinking a whole lot less over the past couple months so it may be 1933, but I'm not hitting the bar, and I don't think that's the solution but.
but.
Wow I'm super negative today.
In other news, it's Thursday. And we're almost through the week, friends. Almost. That's the spirit, Chris.
Maybe I just need a Guster concert. And I'm getting two in a couple weeks. As long as nothing changes. As long as they or the Kennedy Center do not cancel. I'm hanging my hat and my mental health on this right now.
Something I've been procrastinating on is the plans for that weekend. Tonight, I booked our hotel for the weekend. Me and Linz. Can't wait. I guess maybe yeah, I feel better already spending money on hotels when I live 6 miles away from the destination.
Sorry not sorry.
No picture today (you can tell when I'm in a shitty way when I'm not taking pictures, right?)
digits
exercise: 12/12 hours. Indoor walk, 10 min/.43 miles. 6600+ steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
9am: 124
6pm: 134
11pm: 90
food:
coffee/water
9am: phentermine
10:30am: metformin+glipizide
12:30pm: multigrain toast w/pb and a smidge of cherry preserves
3pm: ramekin of kettle corn
6pm: metformin+glipizide
6:30pm: chinese food: pork and garlic sauce, some shrimp lo mein, general gao's chicken, 3 pan fried dumplings, 1 spring roll.
a very very strong vodka tonic (to kill the bottle)
9:30pm: jardiance
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