Monday, April 14, 2003

Weekend gloriousness

I didn't end up going to the Sunday edition of the play. Our neighbor friends, Shelley & Steve, M's mom and dad and our trick-or-treating partners, offered to take her over. Doug and I had wanted to get out to do some caching, and we figured with Jessica otherwisely occupied and not with us complaining, we'd have more fun.

I checked with Jessie to see if she'd be upset if I skipped the play, and she was all cool with it. She wanted to go to the cast party afterwards, so S&S dropped the girls off there, and I picked up when it was all over. So indeed I only had to sit through the Worst Play Ever Which Was Not The Fault Of The Cast only once.

The cast party was in full and out of control swingage when I got there. Mind you -- this is 6pm and they are fifth and sixth graders, so it was NOT like our cast party in 12th grade for Playfest or "South Pacific." Oy, I still have a hangover from those cast parties! Anyway -- seeing as the Beatles were so heavily configured into the "soundtrack" of the play, they were all singing and dancing to Beatles tunes. Specifically ones that they could sing loud and dance crazy to. "Obla di, Obla da" was a big hit, and all the kids knew all the words. "All together now" was fun because I got in on the act and sang the solo voice that gets echoed, and I yelled it out rather obnoxiously, so the kids fell down laughing and then screamed the response. It was funny.

I had to drag her ass out of the building. I'm very happy she had such an amazingly fun time, and it was fun meeting some parents. When we left she said bye to everyone she passed, and they all said bye to her -- sixth graders too.

I'm especially relieved that she's made some good connections with sixth graders. Especially because her best friend for many years, Megan, is in sixth grade, and this year Megan decided it was uncool to hang with Jessie because she's in fifth grade, so we never see Megan anymore. That's rather sad. I miss her a lot, they were really good friends. Perhaps once Jessie makes it to middle school (7th grade) Megs will realize that it is okay to be friends with someone one year your junior. She's a great girl, and was such a good friend. See, I mentioned earlier that fifth grade is when all the crap and cliques and hell break loose. I was right.


As I mentioned, we got to head out for some Geocaching while she was tied up with the play. Geoff and the dogs are always willing participants in such activities. We went to Danvers to an old haunt, one we hadn't been to in quite some time, and hiked out a little over a half mile to the cache site.

Thing with geocaching is that sometimes it IS the most obvious location that you're looking for. We got to what our GPS said was 10 feet from the cache and we looked around. There was a large hollowed out tree, and without saying it out loud, both of us said to ourselves "Naaah, toooooooooo obvious!" and then we spent 10 minutes rummaging through other bushes and possible locations. I almost put Geoff up into the hollowed out tree, just to keep him busy. That would have been funny if he looked in and said "Hey!" Doug eventually returned to the painfully obvious location and as sure as eggs is eggs, there it was.

We hiked back a different direction and had a good view of Rte 62 in Danvers, the Staples/Stop & Shop mall (if you ever drive up Rte 1, it's on your right just after the exit for 62) and the Danvers State Mental Hospital grounds.

The dogs got good and worn out, as did Geoff. I am still happy that I retained a lot of my hiking strength through the winter. Last year at this time this short hike would have kicked my ass completely. God bless Geocaching!

Every cache we find we log as "watch this cache" on the main site so we can see who comes to visit it after us. I like seeing the username Xeraphas has found a cache on your watch list. That's happened twice so far. Way to go Mike!

One of the caches we did this past summer with our friend Ian has either been stolen or washed out to sea in the winter storms. That's too bad... we put some nice stuff in there and took two pictures on the camera that was in the cache. Such is life. I think we need to get Mr. Ian and take him on some more serious cache adventures this spring. There are still some by his house (Gloucester/Rockport) that we haven't hit.

Aaron told me that he found a place on Mt. Desert Island where he and Michelle went hiking this weekend that would make the Best Geocache Ever. I think this summer we'll need to go up there, scout it out, and plant one for them to be trustees of.

And, there are two places around here that I want to make into caches, before someone else does.

Aaah, spring. The snow is gone. The paths are slowly returning to solid. And a young girl's dreams of caching fancy are back in full swing. Huzzah!

Enough on Geocaching. You're sick of it already!


The swan is still out on the pond by our house, but he won't swim up close to the street anymore. I wondered why, and then I noticed a Canada Goose sitting up on the shore. A few hours later I noticed it again. The next day, there it was -- I believe it's the mommy, and she's sitting on a nest. I also noticed another Canada Goose sitting in the water up on a log, sleeping, with one foot tucked up. That's the daddy. For three days they've been in exactly the same position. When I got home from dropping Geoff off at school, I noticed Daddy Goose wasn't in his spot. The swan was way out on the pond, swimming back and forth and looking very sad.

I decided to sneak in for a closer look at Mama Goose. Daddy goose came from out of nowhere, across the pond, at about warp speed 10 when he saw me walking towards her. She had her head down close to her body, and was growling at me. He had his neck in full ghetto "Don't go there, bitch! *snap snap snap" mode.

Lucky for me, I had a bag of bread.

I threw him several pieces and he stopped his attempts to give me the bum's rush. He gobbled them down -- three days of not moving or doing anything must have him in complete hunger mode. He ate his fill as I slowly made my way towards Mama. I put several chunks of bread out for her and kept walking. I figure she'll come eat them when I'm not around. She got out of her nest and preened it for a while and I got to watch her. She put more leaves on it, and pine cones... as if that would protect them from me if I really did want to stomp them. Duh? Silly goose.

I also fed the swan. He was very hungry, and very pretty.


After church yesterday and before geocaching, I piled some of the wood our neighbor has been cutting and saving for us. He's going to be putting up a fence behind our tree line so we don't have to look at his work trucks. And the wood is in the way.

Between trees he's cut down and dead trees he's chopped up, we've got quite a woodpile behind the house now. I checked with my other neighbor, who is a fireman, and he told me there indeed are no rules for "recreational" burning, so we can have a campfire in the backyard. If anyone complains, he said to tell them we're cooking on it. No one can get after you for that. And, he said that no one in this neighborhood gets their panties in a bunch about burning, at least in the 16 years he's lived here no one has. So he told us to have a good time.

We intend to.

A lot of the wood is really wet still from this winter, so we may not be able to have a good fire as of yet. A few solid weeks of drier weather and a lot of the smaller stuff will be ready. I feel that with us not being able to spend a lot of money on a summer vacation that we may as well camp at home and have some serious fun here. Why the hell not? Geocache all day, come home, roast weenies by the fire. Set a tent up. Camp here.

Anyway -- that's about all for me today. I've got some work to do for cateringman's website and I really REALLY should get out and rake the yard up. Spring is here, boys and girls... spring is here

Saturday, April 12, 2003

Babies and Plays

Aaaaah, he's back from Vacation. Baby Ben and his mom and dad and their dogs went away to Orlando for over two weeks. I missed him horribly. Friday I got to go hang with my boy, here are some pictures I stole off his dad's webpage. Isn't he just the cutest little pischer??? I love this baby. And... he loves me. He saw me and his face lit up -- Oh! I know you!

We had a wonderful time together.

I brought my two dogs, because Jack had been pretty much confined to his kennel for three days while I was out working at Geoff's school and for Cateringman. I felt that a fourth day in the kennel would be hell for him. So they both got to ride in the truck and hang out with Tiger and Buddy.

Jack was in his glory. He and Buddy did what we call "Face Fighting" where they pretty much lounge all over each other and bang their teeth together while making snarley faces. Kinger and Jack do it all the time. Jack was a wild man. He would not leave the baby alone -- wanted to lick his face every two seconds. Ben didn't enjoy that. Once Tiger saw that Jack was getting all licky licky, he got in on the action too. Tiger knows better.

They were banished to the outdoors until it started raining. But, Jack and Kinger both slept like the dead last night. Wore them out good. Wore me out pretty damn good too.


The children have been steeped in the arts lo these past couple of days.

Thursday night saw Geoff's school's annual chapel night, where all the classes get to sing songs together and sing a featured song each. It's always really cute. And seeing as it's a Christian school, even the most hard hearted ole cynic gets a teary eye when a three year old class of cuties is up there singing praise songs.

Last year they did all the classes on the same night--toddlers to Kindergarten. It was two ungodly hot hours, with tired and distracted kids, sweaty and exhausted grown ups... they changed formats and the younger kids went last week. Geoff's concert consisted of the 4year olds/preKindergarten group, and his group of K's. It went very well, and was only one hour long.

The clincher of the night was the whole group of kids sang that horrible Lee Greenwood "God Bless the USA" song. Now, as happy as I am to be living in this country, and as convinced as I am that it kicks ass to be American, I hate that song. I've always hated that song. But, 50 little kids singing it loud and proud, my cynical and hardassed heart was melted. God indeed bless the USA, y'all. Nice job, shorties.

I'm going to sorely miss this school when Geoff moves on in a few very short weeks. First week of June. Sniff. Weep.


Last night it was Jessica's turn. Every year the choir kids from fifth grade get to participate in the sixth grade play by being... the chorus. Some kids get speaking roles, depending on whether or not there is an over arching need. Sometimes they can't get enough sixth graders to participate in the play.

This year's play is called "Kid Country." And it is, in my humble and very strong opinion, one of the worst plays ever.

EVER.

Oh my God. I've seen some horrid plays in my long life, and this is probably.... second on the list of worst plays I've ever sat through. Ever. Don't get me wrong -- it is in no way, shape or form the fault of the kids in the show. In fact, they -- the actors and chorus -- were pretty awesome.

But the concept and content of the play was supreme dreck.

The play concerns a small town inhabited by parents who think their kids are out of control because they listen to loud music and are late for breakfast, and kids who think their parents are mean and too controlling and won't listen.

This theme is established very quickly, and then spent 40 minutes repeating it over and over and over. Until finally, the kids decide to revolt!

Oh yes! They decide that they're going to overthrow the town!!!

Look out parents!

Aaaah, but little do they know... While the kids are plotting the overthrow of their evil sires, the parents are at a PTA conference and they decide to put the boot down and crush the crazed children!

The "older" kids are all hippies who hang out in the park all day, and they tell the younger kids that violent revolt is bad, man. Way bad. Dude, it's harshing the town's mellow. So like, dude, you should like be like Ghandi and MLK, man. By nonviolent means instead of by any means necessary, dude... m'kay?

What ends up happening is the town has an annual "Gimble Government Day" where the kids can play the role of adults. They scheme to do Gimble Government day ON election day, and pit a kid to run against the standing mayor.

The kid wins of course, by one vote -- her old dottering granny comes out and votes for her, and the town is afraid they'll have a 15 year old as mayor for the next few years! She steps down, saying they only wanted to prove a point and get their parents attention. Everyone lives happily ever after.

Two and 3/4 hours later.

That's right. Two and 3/4 hours.

The main reason why this play takes so friggin long is that it is interspersed with Beatles and 60s protest songs. The play itself would have gone on just fine without all the ridiculous musical vignettes, with lyrics changed to fit the scenes at certain times.

The kids mostly sang along to a sound track. Some of the songs are sung by soloists -- the girl who played Granny Gimble kicked ass singing "In My Life," the Beatles classic.

Some of the songs are simply musical numbers while the set changes take place behind the curtain. There was a very peculiar interpretation of "Lady Madonna," which sort of gave me the creeps, and a rather intricately choreographed stick fighting scene to ole friend "War, what is it good for..."

All told, the kids were great. The play was ass. Sorry. It's the truth. My husband asked my daughter if it was going to be like the Simpsons where the kids sing "The children are our future," and they lyrics are

"Are you ready for the children, yeah yeah yeah
The future is a comin', woah woah woah.
Children! Children! Future! Future!"

and he also asked her "Am I going to think 'I've never wanted a beer more in my life!' the same way Homer Simpson did at one of his kids' presentations."

She said... yup. And she was right.

She had to go to rehearsal almost every night for the last week and a half. She told me it was borderline maddening and insufferable to have to go to these practices, because they (the 5th and 6th grade choir members) had little or nothing to do with the play scenes. All they had to do was know their songs, and once in a while dance and stuff.

I was mad proud of her though, seeing her up there and doing her thing. At one point, they were all swaying to the music and she put herself in the way back... and I saw her swaying in the opposite direction. I tapped Doug and pointed it out... we laughed and laughed.

Best part of all this was Geoff loved it. He sat through 96% of it, only running out of patience and gas at the very end. Doug took him back to the truck right before the last big musical number and then we all went happily home.

I am skipping tonight's performance, but I'll probably go tomorrow even though Jessica told me that I don't have to.

My camera wasn't with me last night -- but I'll be sure to bring it for Sunday so you can check this all out. There's a big cast party on Sunday afternoon. Should be fun. I think that all the kids, even those like Jessie who have little to do with the overall production, are doing great work. I just hope to hell next year's play is a better play.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Well Child Physical

We just got home from having Geoff's look under the metaphysical hood appointment. His school required a physical before Kindergarten, so we had one done in January of 2002 and the paperwork sent in to prove it.

Right after the new year I got a note saying they needed proof of physical for entrance to Kindergarten. School's only been in session for four months... so I talked to the director and she said that the January 2002 physical was "too far ahead of the September start date for school" according to the state Office for Children. They sent a representative to review all the paperwork on file and make sure everything was up to date, and I guess that she didn't like Geoff's date for his physical. They wanted us to have another one.

The director had accepted what I'd given her and both of us stood there and shrugged our shoulders. Whattaya expect from the State?

I called immediately to make an appointment, and we couldn't get in until today. of course. Four month waiting period for a well-child check up.

Nancy, the school director, said the Office for Children person was calling all the time wanting to know if Geoff's records had been updated. So pretty much on an every other week basis she'd ask me "when is this appointment finally happening?"

When I picked him up this afternoon, I popped my head in and said "Today is Physical Day!" Towhit she cheered. The poor woman must be getting harassed by this bureaucrat. I'll be happy to hand her the report tomorrow morning. Part of me is somewhat happy there is a such thing as the Office for Children, looking out for folks best interests and all when they are like... short and pre-schooled.

Another part of me thinks -- Damn. Why they gotta be so ... picky assed!

Geoff really enjoys the doctor. He asked her all sorts of questions about her equipment, her family, why she was touching his neck, how his reflexes worked... it was fun to watch him with her.

All told, Geoff's engine is running great, he's healthy, he's in proportion but in the 90 plus percentiles for height and weight, and she (our doctor) was happy to see him. His behavior was without a doubt the best its been in weeks... A good afternoon, all told.


So far, many of you have found the Jack ate my shoes story intensely funny. Thank you for laughing at my pain and emailing me to let me know. Others have offered me hand-me-down dress shoes (which I am sure are gorgeous knowing what the owner of said shoes looks like) to replace them. And they will be hidden like Saddam in a bunker, if you know what I mean.

And someone else emailed me to let me know that I shouldn't wear black flats and white pantyhose. She further postulated that this combination must be the reason why no one will hire me. Hmmmm. She may be on to something. I'm switching to nude pantyhose in future.


Today I worked for Cateringman. He's already under the gun and it's only mid-April. From what it sounds like, I could be his almost every day for the rest of this year. If I get this part-time HR generalist job, working for cateringman would work out great for me. This could be a great combo.

I made 100 stuffed mushroom caps. Prepped salad for 150. Baked 500 cookies for a cookie/brownie/petit fours basket. Helped my buddy Chris tray up several hundred hors D'ouvres. My lower back hurts a little from standing 8am to 2:45 (except the brief lunch sit). I'll sleep well tonight!


Doug went to pick up a prescription the other night and saw signs that K-Mart in this particular plaza was having a close out sale, so he stopped in. They were pretty wiped out of stock, starting to put price tags on the shelving and the stand-up refrigeration units. He managed to find a hand-held back massager by Homedics... regularly 45 bucks, marked to 19. He even got a fondue pot (I hear you laughing!) same pricing structure as above. Now, to me, fondue pots are pretty fancy stuff. He laughed at me when I told him I thought that was sort of upscale, even if it was ... sorta 70s. We were talking to Aaron on the phone and I mentioned the fondue pot purchase to him... "Woooo, pretty fancy!" said Aaron.

So I'm not the only one who thought that was pretty above the pale. Aaron and I were joking around about needing champagne glasses and we're gonna have to eat at the TABLE or something now when they come visit... "I'll have to wear a shirt and tie!" said Aaron. "Me and Michelle will need DINNER DRESSES!" I added. Might have to wash our hands and stuff.

The entire time, Doug is sitting there "pfthing" us for our Cletus-ness. It was really funny. Or so I thought.

So we're in search of wicked super fondue recipes. If you have one, fire it over. We'll chef it up and enjoy.


I got a weird e-mail today from a company claiming that they are looking into doing a TV series on blogging, and they thought my blog fit with what they wanted to see. So they want me to submit a 12-minute video of something I'd blog about with my commentary to go along with.

Now, while it sounds like an interesting idea... who the hell wants to watch my unemployed life and fat ass? Seriously now. How the hell did they pick me??? Did anyone else reading this get an email like this?

I mean, maybe 40 people on earth read this stupid thing. I can't imagine there'd be any sort of widespread interest in this journal (it isn't a blog) as opposed to say Crazy Tracy or James Lileks.

I'm going to re-read their content and check out their site, see if I can find out if these people are for real or if this is some sort of major scam, and then decide if I'm at all interested in participating. I'm quite suspicious of anything that comes to me unsolicited, so my forehead is currently furrowed and the look of skeptic is in my eyes (if I were to make my video right this second you could see it).


Many of you know I am probably the world's most elderly viewer of "The Real World." Second oldest is my sister. It should be against the law for me to watch this show.

Anyway -- last night was the "wrap up" for the Las Vegas season, and I had to tune in and see the "where are they now" updates on the whole drunken crew. For some reason (I missed the first 4 minutes) Trishelle wasn't there, but all the others were and it was fun to watch, just to see if Irulan and Alton were still disgustingly cuddly and cute with one another (yes, they were).

One particular girl, Brynn, started out as someone who was prominently featured in the unfolding drama of seven people picked to live in a casino and get sloppy drunk and screw around all day. But, throughout the season, she seemed to be... shown hardly at all.

At one point, I thought I'd missed an episode somewhere along the line where she announced that she was leaving -- and then she left. But, she was there two weeks later.

She herself brought that up last night... stating that she was there all the time and when she watched the show she realized that she was hardly shown in it and "got the shaft" as it were.

That got me to thinking -- if you are part of a group that is supposed to be some of the more interesting, weird, out there, worth-looking-at types of people on TV and the producers decide to not show or feature you in any way, what does that say about you? What does that say about the show producers? I guess they picked her because she was the crazy drunken bi- chick, and she turned out to be a normal, calmed down, and in love with a guy from back home chick.

Not exciting enough I guess.

Certainly not as exciting as Alton and Irulan having one of the most brutal wrestling matches and examples of domestic violence I've seen in a long time. And certainly nowhere near as funny as Arissa's mom calling up the house drunk all the time and screaming at her. (The best was when Frank answered the phone and talked to her and f'ed with her head for ten minutes, and finally told her that he was Steven. Mwa ha ha!)

All told, I personally believe there should be a real world for people 30 to 37.

I think it'd be a lot of fun. And I'd volunteer. I'd be the kind of normal, mommy type with the hidden streak of insanity -- more than just dancing in the grocery store aisles. Yeah. That'd be the ticket. Put me in with:

  • a really disgruntled and southern divorced truck driver guy who just lost his job,
  • a liberal gay New Yorker guy,
  • a hot Texas stripper girl who thinks she can get the gay guy to change teams but is constantly being oogled by the truck driver, and she doesn't like that at all...,
  • a straight but way too hip for his own good software engineer from Atlanta,
  • a black guy from Toledo who wants to be a rapper but his family wants him to grow the heck up already and live a rapper-free life, and
  • a Miami latina who has political aspirations

and we'll see what happens.

Or, email me and suggest what you think my real world cast should be like. I see my friendship with the liberal gay guy as the strong one. We sit around and pfth about the stripper girl, and pfth about the rap guy. And I'll do my NY accent with him and we'll just rag and whine and complain about EVERYthing. It'll be fun.

Oh, and it all takes place in .... hmmmmmmmm, Denver.

Why the hell not.

Monday, April 07, 2003

mndyblrgh, awesome geoff drawings, dog eats my shoes

Since the war began, weekends are not mine on the PC unless I have pressing and urgent money paying business to attend to. The money paying meaning that someone is paying me money to do something on the PC, not me paying money through the PC to places elsewhere. So the appalling lack of entries over the past several days is par for the course with me. I spend much of my time on the couch, trying to watch TV that isn't war related, watching just enough to know what's going on, and trying to keep Geoff quiet because he is just too damn noisy and energetic.

I should be thankful. I have one couch potato of a child. I should be filled with joy that the other one isn't like "man, doing stuff sucks. I'm bored. I'm bored..." all the time. At least he's willing to go out and do things that don't involve the TV.

But it gets exhausting when you have days when you just want to kick back and watch the Real World/Road Rules Battle of the Sexes Marathon and drink coffee.

He gets up so early, and gets in so much trouble just because he wants to do everything for himself. I have to hide the chocolate milk mix. I have to hide food because he'll just help himself and make a disgusting gigantic mess. It's distressing to wake up to milk all over the counters, and him dipping our mop into the sink trying to rinse out what he managed to collect (or push around the floors). Then, while I'm cleaning up the mess, he's off in another room messing that one up. Or jumping up and down on the dog. Or trying to get Jessie out of bed (yeah, right!) at 6am.

Two or three times over the weekend I just kind of threw him out the front door (fully dressed in snow gear. Not like naked or anything... although I was tempted) and made him play outside. He's getting to the point where he can be trusted out of doors by himself, thank God, and he has a great time going on journeys and adventures. I'll sometimes make him shovel the porch, or clean the snow off the car. He does so with a willing heart. And it's a beautiful thing.

But, after 15 minutes he returns to the homestead, sopping wet because he took it upon himself to stand under the dripping edge of the porch and let the melting ice and snow coat him in just-above-frozen-liquid-state water. And he's back inside making noise, soaking wet, cold and naked. The cycle begins again. He's a challenge.

He has taken to playing a couple good math games on the computer. That keeps him busy, but Doug has to be not on the computer in order for that to happen.

Combine that with Jessica IMming her friends all the time, and I get a brief opportunity to check mail and scan my eyes over a few of my favorite journals before someone's standing next to me going "Mom/Honey, can I use the computer now?"

So welcome me back with open arms after this long hiatus.


One of Geoff's longtime ongoing hobbies is drawing. For years now he's scribbled on every possible surface: walls, floors, notebooks of ours from college, his sister's school work, walls, and reams of printer paper from Staples.

I've saved a good deal of it, some of it is just damn funny.

Lately he's been doing a lot of writing -- story writing and song writing. He draws a lot of pictures of people, and he likes maps. A lot.

And because I never use my scanner nearly enough, here are some good samples of his work:

This one should look familiar to you if you have any kids' science books. He's been drawing pictures of stuff and labeling body parts and things the way the science books do, with lines over to the different points of interest. I have no ideal what "Lies" is that he's pointing to. I meant to ask him. But you see "Feat," for feet, and I know for a fact that "Axc" is Axe.

This is some sort of warrior in his armor, at least Geoff says it is.

One afternoon he decided that he was going to make a calendar. He drew a picture for each month, boxes for the squares where the days go, and wrote the name of the month. Here's April. This was hanging on our fridge. And he has May waiting to go up as soon as it's time (won't be a moment too soon, I must say. Can't wait for real spring...)

Geoff is obsessed with camping lately. He wants to go on a camping trip, and this winter has got him nothing but pissed off.

Here he's got himself and me fireside, toasting marshmallows.

Geoff is not a multi-color colorer. He picks a color and colors in it all day long, as evidenced by the camping picture above. I asked him to color it in, with the fire being orange and yellow, and we could have on different colored shirts, but he opted not to. This is a rare sample of a multi colored drawing by the man himself.

That's me driving the brown car. As for everything else, he claims this is a map, to get to treasure. I hope I'm driving towards it.

He's a fun kid. But he's way too full of energy and it's been a long, long, long winter.

A fun Geoff fact for you (it's all about Geoff today, isn't it?) is that he loves the new single by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Can't Stop." He has been singing it all the time. His favorite part is "East side love is livin' on the West end." And today when we were walking into the school building, he was singing "Can't stop the spirits when they need you. This life is more than just a read through." Which cracked me up. He sings it loud and proud, too.

All the other kids are listening to boy bands and Britney. My boy rocks out to Green Day and RHCP. Hell yeah.

Daylight savings time came and went on Sunday. While the rest of us seem a little out of it, he stayed up until 9pm last night, and managed to sleep until almost 7am this morning. Much more like it. I did hear him get up at about 5am and was worried that he was up for the day, but he just wanted to go to the bathroom and then sleep on the couch, so I let him... and it was dark in the house, and his little internal clock obeyed the darkness. Back to sleep he went. It was very nice.

But soon it will be light out at 5am again. By mid June, I bet he's up at sparrow fart once again. Such is life...


I just got back from a job interview, the one for the HR generalist part time position. I think it went very very well. The first part of the interview was with the person who'd be my boss. She asked the Oh-So-Very HR kinds of questions like "Where do you see yourself in the future?" and "What do you feel is your greatest weakness." I had to laugh.

"In the future I see myself flying around in a hover craft! Where do you see yourself!!!??"

The second part of the interview was with the überboss, as Scott Anderson would say. It was supposed to be 10 minutes. Turned into 30. Always a good sign... at least in my book. She was very interested in me, but I got the inevitable questions of "You're so over qualified for this kind of job. Why do you want it?" and "Be completely truthful and frank with us -- if you get this job, what will keep you from leaving if something else comes along?" We were very frank and honest with each other -- her emphasizing that the job is entry level in scope, me emphasizing that she could rely on me until the most awesomest job comes up and bites me on the ass, and at that point, perhaps if I meant enough to her to keep on she'd see what she could do to retain me.

I think I bring a lot to the table that goes well beyond what their expectations are -- she was very interested in hearing about my experience at my former employer with online enrollment, the designing of an intranet and portal... I understand a lot about data integrity, the HR process, privacy and confidentiality, and that I wouldn't require a lot of training. We'll see what may come.


Today when I was getting ready for my interview I realized the dog had chewed up my dress shoes. He chewed up my blue shoes last week... and this week he chewed up my black flats. The little shit.

So I needed to jump in the truck and rush over to Pay-Less, the nearest shoe store to my house, and get me a quick pair of black flats. On my way over I was stopped by the police in order to let a funeral procession go through. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why the hell it was taking so long, and then I remembered -- one of our local High School students died Thursday night in an accident. She and a friend were on their way to buy shoes for the prom. Her dad is a prominent local businessman, an insurance agent and very popular member of the local chamber of commerce.

Car after car after car after car... all driving in front of me. The policeman directing traffic advised me to cut across through the neighboring town and cross the river by the other bridge, "this will be a while..." as he put it.

So that's what I did. I was pressed for time... I trotted into the store and said "Quick! Black Flats! Size 10! Stat! Late for interview!!!" and the girl behind the counter jumped to action, running right over to them for me as I rifled through the display case of panty hose looking for a pair of off whites. I was out of there in three minutes.

Payless shoes -- not so great; Payless service -- a class act!

Traffic heading back into my town from the bridge closest to me was backed up for miles, I knew I had to go back the way I came. A ten minute trip turned into a half hour. It was so distressing, but... I made it, and with the thoughts of "there but for the grace of God go I" running through my head.

Everyone in my town it seems was at this funeral. Parents, kids, classmates, younger kids whose brothers and sisters knew the girl... I feel horribly for her family, and I started crying on the way back to the house just thinking about the pink and purple ribbons that people had on their antennas to identify themselves as part of the processional... because obviously there weren't enough of those little funeral flags in town to go on all those cars.


Anyway -- you'll notice I've not complained about the snow that is creeping this direction.

I should. I wanted to drive down to the Cape tomorrow to see my Gammy and my mom, who is staying with my Gammy. But the snow may thwart my plans. My to go visit past weekend were thwarted but not by the weather.

Jessie's participating in a play at school (the fifth graders in choir get to be the chorus in the sixth grade play) and there was rehearsal from noon to three both Saturday and Sunday. There's rehearsal tonight until 6. Tomorrow night until 6. Thursday night dress rehearsal (while Geoff has his school spring presentation as well). Performances on Friday, Saturday and Sunday... cast party Sunday afternoon. Jebus. The price of having a kid participate in the arts!

So I'll not complain about the snow. If it does snow -- then there is no rehearsal tomorrow should the schools be closed. We'll get a respite from all this driving to rehearsal!

That's quite enough for today. I hope you enjoyed Geoff's artwork. I should do more with his stuff and put it on his site. Perhaps I will, next time I can get near this thing. TTFN.

P.S. I just went into my bedroom for something, and Jack had climbed into my bedroom closet and took one of my brand new cheap assed shoes from Payless, one of the shoes I just bought less than 4 hours ago, and he ate it. He ate a third pair of shoes.

What
the
FFFFFFFFFFaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuddddddddge.

only I didn't say fudge.

Thank God I shop at fucking Payless. This pair of shoes was 9.99 bucks. Could you imagine if that was a pair of 40.00 Nine-Wests or some shit? Oh my God! IN my closet. He went all the way into the back of the closet where I hid the fucking things, and got them out.

Grrrrrrr

Friday, April 04, 2003

A sad, sad day for education

Sleet. Snow. A mix of crap. Grainy like sugar. Cold like death. Well, not as cold as say it was in the middle of February when our night time temperatures were far too often well below zero.

Our phone rang at 5:50. It was the school psychologist calling to let Doug know there was a two hour delay. I was shocked at how light and bright it was outside when I woke up... then I realized that not only was it light and bright from snow, the sky was light and bright because the sun was up. Geoff was up. The world was up. I can't wait for Daylight Savings time so I can get Geoff to stay in bed another hour! I'm going to have to buy light-eliminating curtains from his room. Or better yet -- take out the damn window!

So Doug had a two hour delay, Jessie had a one hour. I went back to sleep, and at 7:50 I could hear Jessica putting on her shoes and getting ready to go outside to the bus.

I jumped out of bed and told her about her delay. She was thrilled. But rather than go back to sleep for an hour, she played with Geoff and watched TV. We slept until about 8:30 when Doug finally decided he should get up and get going. I got him to take Geoff to school for me, so I've had a stay in pyjamas and drink coffee sort of morning.

A sad day for education maybe... but a good day for our family. Nice and easy morning. Mellow and relaxing. Aaaaahhhhhh.

I can't remember if I've already explained the "sad day for education" concept. I probably did the other day, but I'll spew it out again. Doug jokingly refers to snow days and delays as a sad day for education, because the kids are losing out on the time with teachers. A sad day for education, but a good day for Doug!

Almost as good as the teachers union at Springfield Elementary declaring an emergency caucus on Blizzard Friday, the last day of school before Christmas break when Skinner doesn't call off school so he can keep his Cal Ripkin like streak of school openings going...

Conga line -- Krabapple up front, martini in hand, cha-cha'ing through a ski chalet singing "Caucus Caucus Caucus! Caucus Caucus Caucus!"


You guys know how much I love the writings, rantings and Bleatings of James Lileks. Lately he's been writing a lot about the nightmare of trying to get a toddler to sleep in a big kid bed. I feel his pain.

And periodically he writes about his thoughts on the war.

Today he featured a little anecdote about the soldiers and their demeanor in this war... how a great deal of our military men and women are taking this whole thing very seriously.

He painted a picture of Robert Duvall in "Apocalypse Now" and offers that our soldiers are behaving quite the opposite.

Whiskey! Democracy! Sexy!

"This is, of course, what a liberated Iraqi shouted to the American troops as they rumbled past. This was what America meant to him. You may say it’s a crude reduction of a shallow culture.

"I say we put it on the twenty dollar bill."

- James Lileks "The Bleat, 4/4/03"

Our culture? Shallow? Hell yeah. But isn't it a beautiful thing? If this is what it boils down to, I'll take the USA any day. These are three things that Iraqi guy probably wants most in life. Being free, drinking a bit, and checkin' out dames who aren't wearing light-eliminating curtains over their heads.

Bring it on, boys and girls. Give the man what he wants. And I'm with Lileks -- let's put it on our money. Everyone whines about the "In God We Trust" bit... Democracy Whiskey Sexy is a far better motto. Don't you think?

If you're with him on this concept, Lileks provided that small logo up there for the taking. Swipe it from his site or from here, and proudly display your colors baby!

From all of the tape and the photography I've been seeing, the men and women of our military, and Great Britain, Australia, and anyone else by our side, are all very anti-Apocalypse Now. There is a tenderness that you sometimes don't see in a militarized human.

There have been some amazing photos. This one I lifted off the Fox News site, and it makes me cry. [photo missing]

I saw another cool picture of three soldiers sitting on a bench, and they were in full chem warfare gear. Two were playing Game Boy. My son wanted to know what games they were playing. There is a six year old boy here in Massachusetts who admires those guys because they like the same games as he does. And why they are there is so that other six year old boys can live free like mine. That's the way I see it.

I was going to talk about Jessica Lynch, but it's wearing me out. All I can say is that I'm glad she's okay, but sad that others were lost and still can't be found, or have been found and are dead. The nation is rallying around her, she's an icon. A 19 year old who wants to be a kindergarten teacher. She couldn't afford the $10,000 a year it probably costs to go to college in West Virginia, so she joined the Army to get money. She kicked ass. She survived. She's one hell of a brave girl, on a maintenance crew. If the maintenance chick can kick your ass, you know you've got a problem.

I hope that her recovery after returning home is full, and that she gets that job as a teacher, and is a hero for many years to come, but in a very different way.

That's my two cents on that.


The other night, South Park was all about toilet papering. I almost spit my water across the living room when they came on.

The boys were all mad at their art teacher because they made a great big clay penis and thought it was funny. So she gave them detention. They conspired to toilet paper her house.

Now, I wasn't in fifth grade when I was an expert toilet paperer, I was in high school. But the episode immediately prompted me to call my buddy Rob (mind you, he works in the public schools, it is 10pm, and I'm peeing my pants laughing).

The boys are on line at the grocery store buying two shopping carts full of TP. I'm peeing my pants, screaming... the clerk is scanning package after package of TP and not batting an eye. The boys are afraid they will look conspicuous so they get some lip balm or something, and the clerk gives them a ration of shit for buying the lip balm! I'm not able to control my laughter...

Rob answers his phone and I yell "Oh my GOD!!! DO YOU HAVE COMEDY CENTRAL ON YOUR TV!!!!!????"

He has no idea who is calling, but he says "Yeah... why?"

"Turn it on. South Park is about toilet papering." Now he knows it's me, and he flips it on and starts screaming as he sees rolls of toilet paper flying through the air as the boys do their Charmin Dance beneath the night sky... oh the memories!

We talked for an hour, laughing our asses off... going over most of the TPing exploits and capers we'd committed in our youth. Our 20 year anniversary (gah!) from high school graduation is next year. And we conspired to meet somewhere and go together to another friend's house in upstate NY and toilet paper her house... she was oft a partner in crime, and we think it'd be a riot. We need to pick a date.

Any one of many hot summer nights, 1983-84.
Setting: My living room

[phone rings]
Me: "Hello?"
Rob [half in a bag, several people laughing ass behind him]: Duck Rocker! The forecast for tonight is SNOW!!!!! Will you come help us plow!!!
Me: Hell yeah! Where's it gonna snow?
Rob: John Davies Lane!!! We'll pick you up in 10 minutes.

"We" in that case was any mix of a number of good friends with some sort of personal vendetta against someone in our school.

Now, keep in mind -- this wasn't a nerds vs. preppies, hitters vs. freaks kind of thing. The targets in these TP ventures were usually all on the same level social/political/group playing field. Sometimes it was competition between people running for class office. Or people in band. It was never us "targeting" someone in a lower class, or someone less fortunate or smaller in standing.

In fact, I was the smaller in standing one -- I lived in the ghetto. But all my friends during my last year of high school were up there in the "cool" crowd. Kids with nice houses. Kids with families and their own cars.

I lived in an apartment. I never got TP'ed. One of the benefits of livin' in thu ghetto. yo.

The residence on John Davies Lane was a popular spot. Rob and I can't figure out why we hated this kid so much -- he was preppy and into school politics. To be honest, I barely knew him. We were never in the same classes -- he was a brainiac prepster. I think I hated him because he wore khakis and Izod shirts daily and was too pretentious for his own good.

Perhaps he dated someone and broke her heart. Pissed Rob off in some other way. This kid "S" got more snow in the four years we were in highschool than anyone else I know.

The funniest thing ever was when his younger sister, who was in 9th grade when I was in 12th, approached me and said "Can I ask you a favor, can you guys stop TPing our house? My dad's getting really pissed."

Of course I looked at her funny and said "You've gotta be joking, I'm not the TPing sort. You've confused me with someone else."

One night, another friend and consummate TPer "Frieda" as she was nicknamed (Rob was Rocky, I was Clifton D. Rocker, Duck Rocker, or Gertie... and this other girl was Frieda. I have NO idea how that got started either...) had it out for a girl who lived across the street from Rob.

We all went to the store and Frieda picked out ORANGE toilet paper.

Honest to God. Orange. Not peach. Not salmon. ORANGE.

We went to the goal house, and our get away would be easy because all we'd have to do was run into Rob's house upon completion. Orange TP flew all through her trees and shrubs. It was priceless. As we fled the scene, Rob twisted his ankle and had to go to the emergency room.

The next day when the girl's parents came over to yell at Rob and his parents, because the girl so knew it was him.

Rob's mom said "I have no idea what you're talking about. Rob twisted his foot at "Frieda's" and we ended up at the emergency room getting X-rays all night. You got the wrong man."

HA! We laugh and laugh to this day.

And the icing on the cake -- the victim of the TPing was running for a school office and she had made a poster with a beautiful tree on it. Frieda saw the poster and ran and got an orange magic marker... and drew TP dripping out of all the branches.

Priceless.

So Rob and I talked extensively last night about all the TP adventures. And it was a good laugh. Just the thing I needed.

Anyway. I started this entry hours ago. I'm just now finishing it. I've got so much to do. But I'm still cracking up as I recall my youth and bad behavior. In five years, I wonder if the forecast will be snow in my own front yard? Good thing we don't have any trees or shrubs up front! They'd have to come in back. And the dogs will alert us. I think we're TP proof, but time will tell. Time will tell.

Thursday, April 03, 2003

why did the turkey cross the road?

You know it has to be some sort of omen.

It is widely considered bad luck if a black cat crosses your path. But what is the superstitious equivalent of a wild turkey crossing your path?

I was driving to pick Geoff up this afternoon, and on a street running between our creek and the Merrimack river, a turkey stepped out in front of my truck. I saw him/her/it from quite a ways off, and he/she/it showed no concern that a large red truck (that thing got a HEMI in it?) was about to squish it. I slowed to a stop. It meandered along.

I hate when you don't get the nod or the wave when you let someone cross the street or turn in front of you. This turkey -- didn't nod or wave. Stupid jerk.


Yesterday's interview went very well. I know I'm not going to get that job offered to me.

You can tell during the interview, when they are asking you specific questions about your basic knowledge and each of your answers are

  • "No, I haven't had to use that yet"
  • "I haven't learned it..."
  • "I have a book on that but haven't...."

I am 80% of what they are looking for.

I interviewed with a nice guy J., who seems to be 20 and very tech savvy. I would work most closely with him. We had good rapport, but... I'll bet he's thinking I'm not the girl.

He asked me if I visited their website and understand what the company does. I did and I do. I explained what I thought it was all about and he told me I was 100% correct. I interviewed with one of the the principal owners, the husband in a husband/wife business team. He's tech/sales/marketing. She's HR/payroll/accounts payable & receivable. If I get a phone call from her, that means they're considering an offer. So far, the phone ain't ringin'.

My only hope is that they take me seriously when I say "I may not know 100% of what you want me to know, but if you hire me, I'll work at a lower pay rate than someone fully proficient, and in no time I'll be your gal."

Cross fingers and toes, but know it probably won't be the case. Why would they pick 80% when 100% probably walked in the door right behind me?

Enough about work and jobs.


Yesterday I had a fabulous meeting with CM in regards to the course we'll be teaching this summer. It's going to be a lot of fun. We worked up the course reading requirements, we also pounded out the topic outline, what each of us will be in charge of covering.

The class is called "Information Technology, Society and Culture," and it basically is an examination (briefly) of the history of the internet, communities, security, what was it like before the Internet, what should we postulate will happen in the future. Nice.

It is a five week summer class, asynchronous in nature except for the required chat room visits, which will probably be on Monday nights from 7pm to 9pm. Depending on how many students enroll in the class, we are going to break the students up into groups of 5, and each group will have an assigned 1/2 hour stint in the chat room. Each week we'll mix the groups up so people get to sort of know one another.

We are going to require that the students start a blog, and CM and I went over the layout and ease of use of journalspace... he thinks that'd be the best starting point for the kids because of its incredible ease of use and the fact no one needs to download any software or have any design knowledge.

I'm obviously covering the "communities" end of things -- what are netizens, what is nettiquite, what constitutes a community, how has the Internet impacted real live meatspace relationships and other issues. I have people I'm going to interview (perhaps even you!) and there are several readings I'll be assigning to go along with the content. CM will cover the historical aspects of things.

CM and I both agreed that the topic of this war will play into things deeply. Recently I saw someone quoted as saying what CNN was to the first Gulf War in 1991 blogging is to this war. With the first war, people got to watch it all on TV 24/7, now they can do that and get online and argue about it.

We'll have them read Gibson's "Necromancer," Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein," and Douglas Coupland's "Microserfs."

Why Frankenstein? Aaaaah -- here's where CM's whack logic comes into play. Is technology (not just the Internet, but science in general) like a Frankenstein monster, something created out of pure experimentation which turns horribly wrong and destroys its creator? Hmmmmmmmmmm. Food for thought. We'll also give them extra credit for renting and writing about Metropolis, the Matrix, some hacker movies, and ... this is funny, the USA networks original movie "The Pirates of Silicon Valley," if they have it anywhere for renting... like Blockbuster or something. While many think the film version is grossly inaccurate, Anthony Michael Hall makes a wicked awesome Bill Gates... and Noah Wylie, wow. His Steve Jobs performance was ... amazing and bizarre.

CM is so much fun to hang around with. We had a lot of good discussions and laughs. He thinks Dave Grohl rocks on fire, too. The only downside is that I got paid to do all this last summer. I got paid well, too. So now it's time to pay the piper, I guess.

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

Photos from April 2003


























Avocado and Mysterious

I just got off the phone with yet another company looking for a designer that will probably interview me, get my hopes up and then dash my heart to pieces on the floor. The interview is tomorrow at 10am.

The technical recruiter called me and basically didn't phone interview me, she wanted me to come in for an interview, and that was it. I remembered sending my resume to them, so I expressed my surprise. I sent it on a lark, for shits and giggles, because it is so geographically close to me that I felt it couldn't hurt to throw that spaghetti against the wall.

She said "Well, you may feel underqualified, but your cover letter is excellent and you made it past the screeners so they feel you've got something."

Alright then.

I still feel horribly underqualified. They want someone who has backend database integration skills on top of design skills, and to be honest, I don't have that in any way shape or form. I can throw around terms and act like I know ABOUT stuff. I told the woman whatever I didn't already know I'd be willing to learn if they'd be willing to have me.

So... here I go. Getting my game face and my "I'm not going to get hurt again" heart in place. So that when they do offer me a job I will be more surprised and thankful than ever. And if they don't, I'll crank up some Eminem and flip them off in the parking lot as I do donuts in my very big truck.

Kidding.

I know I've whined about my situation way too much and I thank you for reading on and on with this. The fact that I'm getting called in for interviews at all should give me a great ego boost -- that people are seeing SOMEthing worth calling me in on. And I'm so incredibly psyched about it. So I'm thankful, hopeful, and promise not to get all manic and depressed on you in a day's span.


Not much going on in the world today. Here are a few muppet updates:

A fabulous local band announced today that they are waging a full scale attack against Satan. And all I have to say is -- it's about damn time. I thought no one was going to step up to the plate and stop the wicked one's evil deeds. Amen Brother Jim and fellow band mates! Amen!

And, the band taking on the Prince of Insidious Wickedness also is featured in a very interesting video for one of his newest songs, Cautionary Tale. The song is featured as a backdrop to a video of sorts. Packaged together, it's called State of Security.

While I may not agree with the sarcasm being put forth in these very dark times, I think it's an interesting song and interesting video. I've always pimped for Jim Infantino in his various incarnations... softspoken uberfolk zen master to un-Pop Rock Star. For over 13 years he has been of my very favorite Boston musicians.

So I offer it here for you who may be interested (Raye, I think you'll get a kick out of it if you're still reading me)... and if you don't like it, don't watch it again.

Jim's music is very well thought out, very creative. One of his all time greatest hits is "Y2K, Horray!" and it also has a fabulous Flash video for you to watch.

Gah, I love Jim Infantino and Jim's Big Ego! You should too. Click here to go to the Sounds page on his site (the Non-Flash version, so it'll load fast. you can go to the root directory and hit sounds/MP3s, but this is the same stuff... just faster for us dial-up networking troglodytes). Download you some Jim to sample. Watch the Flash videos for Prince Charming, Little Miss Communication, Concrete, Stress... the whole schmear.


Geraldo Rivera is allegedly getting kicked out of his embedded reporting position by big cheeses at the Pentagon. His crime? Drawing maps in the sand on TV so the enemy knows exactly where he is embedded.

Perhaps someone will embed a missile into his head.

I've never liked Geraldo. I can't believe that guy has a career after that whole Al Capone's vault thing. I freaked out when FOX news hired him -- truly turning themselves from what I considered to be an okay news reporting agency into a three ring circus of sensationalism and fluff.

Geraldo. Pfth. Go help some victims of Satan recover molestation memories, the way you did in the 80s man, and then do a documentary for Jim's Big Ego so he has fuel for his anti-Satan battle! Jim will need an embedded journalist by the time they reach the fifth circle.

By the way -- the term "embedded" makes me think of ticks on my dog. I'm grossed out by it. Completely. Cringe, cringe.


My Gammy had an operation on her arm today.

She's like 82, and last year she broke her arm. When it seemed to be well on the way to being healed, she reinjured herself when her patio door got caught in a gust of wind and flew back and hit her. To keep the door from hitting her in the face, she blocked it -- with her injured arm. Bang.

It hasn't been right since, and she's gone from one incompetent doctor to another. Finally they have decided to put a plate in there (they had one put in around September, but it wasn't working out).

A year of this. The poor thing. So huzzah for Gammy and making it through. My mom is staying with her, so she's just a scant two hours away from me right now. I may take Geoff out of school on Thursday and we may take a ride down to see her and hang for a while.


The toilet that I believed was buried in the pile of snow in front of my house never materialized once the snow melted. I'm stumped. Steve, my neighbor, and I cannot figure out where the hell that avocado toilet ever ended up. It isn't in his yard, it turned out not to be in mine. The trash guys didn't pick it up...

Mmmmmmm. Avocado and mysterious.