Sneaky Pete

Last night I stayed up late answering some helpdesk tickets and had a Slack discussion with one of the clients out west because he couldn't get something to work. He said "oh my god - what time is it where you are?!" and I laughed. Dude we are getting shit done. So proud of you. 

We accomplished our goals, I started looking at some youtube videos and next thing I knew it was almost 1am. Shit. Dagnabbit.

I usually take tylenol PM at bedtime, but passed because of the hour. It won't make me fall asleep any faster but I sleep pretty deeply. I wanted to be sure to hear my mom if she got up to putter about. 

At 5:45am she came down to use the bathroom. She is very quiet and stealthy when she is walking, and if she only pees she doesn't flush, so as not to wake me up. But I heard the bathroom door creak and sat up in bed. When she came out of the bathroom I cleared my throat. 

"Hey Sneaky Pete," I said. Busted not using the walker. But I'll be honest - she's walking fine. She's much stronger, steady on her feet, doing a good job.

I got up to pee myself, and we started the coffee. I got her morning pill that she has to take on an empty stomach and she went to play computer games. 

I waited about 20 minutes, brought her coffee, water, and 2 slices of lemon loaf. Patted her on the head and went back to bed. After a while I just gave up. Could not fall back asleep. Up for the day I guess. 

Not me running on less than 4 hours of total sleep.
Yes me running on less than 4 hours of sleep.

I got dressed and got the car keys. I went to Lowes and Walmart at 8:30 (wow, they both open at 6am so in theory I could have gone earlier). After I got back and got everything put away I dived in to an incredibly busy work day with failures and successes. And some laughs. But mostly me feeling like there are some things people shouldn't be allowed to do, such as manage their own DNS. 

Long story but I spent the afternoon shaking my head.  

Mom had a friend visit for an hour today, which was nice. While she visited with her friend, I made banana pudding for her dessert, and then took a walk. I talked to Linda for like an hour. Met a cat while out for my walk. Enjoyed the neighborhood and people. Like the cat's owner who was a very nice lady. 

She seems in very very good spirits. 

Today she also had a visit from Physical Therapy. The PT took her vitals and we talked about goals. Mom said she didn't have any goals and I said that's not true. You want to go to the market and Walgreens on your own. You want to drive your car. You want to go to your fave restaurant. You want your independence. She shrugged. The PT took her for a walk up to the stop sign and back, using the walker. She said that she can use the cane if she wants. She's strong enough to just stand. She's going to bring her a different style cane on Friday, because she feels the one mom has is too short. It was a good session. Mom seemed fired up and focused on doing some exercise things.

The PT told her no more eating in bed. Eat at the table. 

So tonight when I served dinner, I put it all at the table and told her to come on down for noms. We sat for 45 minutes chatting. She ate 8 tiny cheese raviolis and sauce, and I ate more of the pasta I shouldn't be eating, with a lot of meat added in. 

We talked about Israel and Palestine, we talked about how she thinks my kids are so wonderful. She had bad things to say about her mom. It's the most my mom has talked about anything in a long time.  We talked about how her clothes are all too big, and I offered to go get a couple pairs of pants in small/xsmall for her to try out, I can always return them. I extolled the virtues of yoga pants but she made a face. I said "once you go yoga pants, you'll never go back!" 

She told me that sometimes it is scary getting to the bathroom in time, I told her I have the same experience (and some of you do too!). I asked her if she would want to move down the hall to this room, Dad's room. She made a face and shook her head. 

She said no - that's his room. 

I said no, this is your house. You can do whatever you please here. 

She said it wouldn't work because of how the internet is set up for down at the other end of the house. I told her anything could change. If she was down here, with all her stuff and her computer, she'd be literally right next to the bathroom. No fear of making it on time. 

She's not convinced. 

Pictures below. Cat, especially. His name is Sammy. He's very very nice. His right eye is wonky, his owner said he's very healthy but for that one thing. I want to see Sammy again. Will plan to walk that way again.

And someone in the neighborhood has a sense of humor, I tell you what.

digits

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps.  Dedicated 10+ while talking to Linda on the phone. I think it was close to 25 min total. 

blood glucose:

9am: 147
6pm: 115 (checked it 2x to make sure it was true)
10pm: 142

food:

coffee, water
11am: 1 slice of mom's bread (the heel that she hates) with PB and full sugar jelly. Metformin.
between 2pm - 5pm: several handfuls of mixed nuts
7pm: metformin+jardiance; more of the rotini noodles w/lots of sauce and ground beef.
White wine+diet cranberry.

Camp Grandma in Old Folks Land

When the children were weans, we used to need a place for them to spend some time during the summers. During the years of a lot of No Money and No Options. 

My parents always welcomed them. Never a hesitation. On the record, I'm forever thankful for them and their hospitality.

The kids weren't too sold on being here, though. They called it Camp Grandma, even though my dad was here. 

I'm at Camp Grandma. 

They also always referred to this place as Old Folks Land, because you had to be 55 or older to live here. I'm officially and Old Folk I guess. And I could live in Old Folks Land officially. I'd be like, one of the youngest people living here, but as Guster sings "This could all be yours someday."

Watch that video. It is so precious and wonderful.

I was remembering Camp Grandma and Geoff yesterday as I did my dedicated 10. Two times around the circle plus one loop around the house is 10 minutes, and I measure in minutes. Mom told me four times around is one mile. Someone measured it a long time ago so she remembers (so, aka, once around is a quarter mile. Got it). 

Geoff would bring his bike down here to Camp Grandma, and ride it around the circle again and again and again, each day stating he was going to break the record from the day before. My mother said one day he rode 100 plus times. She lost count after 100, and made up a number to satisfy him. 

He said, "I'm not going to try and beat that one tomorrow." 

Between my 10 and 11am meetings, I walked once around the circle quickly to get my hourly steps, before the rains came. It poured for about 3 hours and then the sun was burning through, pushing up the temperature.  

Later in the afternoon, I did twice around the circle and needed 3 more minutes for the 10, so I walked to the end of the road and back to accomplish my goal. Maybe tomorrow it is 3 times around the circle and I'll exceed the 10. Or 4 times. For that mile. 

Maybe not 100 times around. 

Tonight I worked until after 8pm, it was a lot. There was a lot going on. And this is the first day back after 3 days out.

Mom has been eating pretty well and I've been having some fun with her. She only got snippy with me once today, and that was calendar related. 

She keeps a paper calendar, and told me earlier the OT person was coming again tomorrow but it is really Thursday. 

So when PT called and said she wanted to come tomorrow, meaning Wednesday, she was mad. She thought it was both on one day. 

But now she has nothing to be mad over. No two-a-days for her!!  

I can need to Lowes tomorrow to get a mount for the shower head that is at half-height for her. Cause that's what the OT wants her to have. 

Okay lady. 

I wanted to get a decent hot meal into her today, but a hefty filled monster tuna sandwich had to suffice. 

She's all about sandwiches and sweets. 

I whipped up a banana bread this afternoon in between my work chaos, and it came out really nice and moist. She was very happy but only had 1 piece.  

I had to actually buy a loaf pan the other day because honestly.... for all the cooking stuff she has, there is no loaf pan here. Two or three of everything else, but, damn. No loaf pan.

Guaranteed I'll find 4 of them at some point. But for now, yay, we have a loaf pan.

I used a lot more sugar than I usually do when I bake one at home (a full cup instead of a half) and no nuts because of her dentures.  I wished I had one more banana, but, it was still noice.

I asked her if she wanted butter, but she said no she prefers cream cheese. Crud.... we had none. So I'm going to run to the market tomorrow. Which I wanted to do. I feel the deep need for a salad. Deep in my bones. An omelet with spinach and mushrooms and red onion. Yes please, 

Lord Jesus. Give me some veggies.

My mom does not want any veggies. Her friend Donna made a beautiful sauce with zucchini and onion and meat, and put it all over rotini. Mom turned her nose up at it. Linda had a little, and I've had it twice this week even though I'm technically not supposed to. I just hate the idea of throwing away actual food. 

I'll keep eating it until it is gone. Thankfully she put a ton of meat in it so that gives it some protein. I may buy more meat to put in sauce and increase it for a while. And the veggies are divine. 

Ha. I'm getting veggies and you are not.

Digits below, and even though it is late, I'm thinking of a quick once around the circle. Here's the sky in the break of the rain. 

No foliage here to speak of. Doug said the same thing tonight about driving across Pennsylvania, he thought things would be much further on.

Wonder how it will progress over the 2 weeks I'm here? 

digits

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps.  Dedicated 10 around the circle. 

blood glucose:

8am: 147
5:45pm: 165
10:45pm: 167

food:

coffee, water
11:30am: a couple spoonfuls of Tuna salad
2pm: a couple more spoonfuls of Tuna salad, metformin
3:05pm: tuna melt, on the higher carb bread because mom doesn't eat the heals of bread and I hate wasting food.
6:30pm: slice of banana bread (I made it for my mom but she was napping, so. I ate it).
7:30pm: metformin+jardiance
8pm: bowl of rotini & sauce a la donna
white wine+cranberry

Getting Oneself Out Of The House

Doug left a little after 8:30am. He left me with the 3 slices of left over pizza and part of a box of Wachusett Beer and Jack's Abby. He took the rest. He went to stop by mom's, say goodbye, and then head to Pittsburgh. His mom has some medical things this week, so he's going to help out and go to appointments and things. 

Compared to my mom, Doug's mom has done very well the past few years since Doug's dad passed away. I have to say I am so proud of her. A lesson in grace. She bought a condo and has been moving into that very slowly. There isn't a rush - she owns her house free and clear and she's responsible with her bills and everything. She doesn't ask Doug for help, she leans more on Doug's sister. I worry she does a little too much, just because geographically she's so much closer. But Doug continues to volunteer for things, and this time, when he offered, she took him up on it. I'm so happy for that.

I talked to Geoff to let him know that dad would not be home today, that he was headed west instead. He understood and then told me that he didn't want to come up to visit my mom because he had heard me talking with Doug or Linda about how she is being, acting. He said with her decline in health, he didn't want to see her that way. 

Yeah dude, I get it. I feel the same way. That's not the mom I know. But. 

But not coming to see her, thinking that she's going to be better by Christmas or something. Well, she could be a lot worse. So you go, you don't hesitate. And if she gets worse, you go. 

I understand his feelings, and honor them. We had a good heart to heart chat and he said that he wants to come up soon, so we'll figure that out. 

And it is actually very good he didn't, because he'd be going to Pittsburgh. Nowhere for him to stay here. I am relieved he has no dog right now, although he was so good at caring for Phineas and I'm sure feels lonely. He has not yet found a job, and in theory yeah, he could have come here, then gone there, and everything would be fine.

Really glad he opened up to talk to me about why he decided not to come, I just wish he'd talked to me before. 

Lin picked me up at 10:45. We ran some errands. Mom wanted some money from the bank (not that she spends any but Linda was spending some of her money on Groceries etc, so the stash was depleted a little bit). We got good coffee (yay!) and talked about food I can't eat. We have another friend who has diabetes, has lost part of her foot thanks to it, and how I don't want to be that person, even if I want a slice of strawberry cheesecake. I like my feet more than cheesecake. 

We came back to the house after a little toodleaboot with me hitting pokemon stops and making my app happy that I haven't missed a day this week. 

I realized it was Monday and not Sunday. 

Lin gave me the run down of all the stuff to do and where everything is, what her expectations are, how she likes things, what meds at what time (not a lot - hell I'm on more meds than my mom!) and how to properly set up the coffee pot. I set up the little dish strainer and washed what was in the sink while Linda finished her work for the day. 

Mom wanted a PBJ, it was around 1:30 and so we got that set up for her. I also ate lunch since I realized I had not yet eaten myself. So I too enjoyed a sandwich. No J though because I didn't have low sugar preserves. Next run to the store!

After she had lunch, she futzed around finding her paper calendar so she could get things written in it. Linda describes it as "getting a hair across her ass" about something that she doesn't need to get a hair across her ass over.  I'm glad we got things ironed out. She has a Dr. appointment she thought was in November but it is is actually October 20th. I'll probably still be here. Then she has a hair appointment on the 27th. 

"For sure you're getting a shower before then, lady." I told her. 

Lin left, and I already miss her. I tried to convince her to stay. "I'll pay for a hotel for you. You get a reprieve." But she wanted to go home. Okay, I get it. I should have let my hair down. I look weird.

I started a load of laundry, I put things in a box. Mom has like 6 containers of OxyClean spray and 3 bottles of Tide, and 4 boxes of Bounce dryer sheets, and and and. So I combined some of them, got more organized. For someone who has so much cleaning stuff, she don't use it. Linda did. Linda cleaned the fuck out of that kitchen. Whew.... 

Mom laid down to rest, and I had a long chat with my friend Rob from high school. Then one of mom's friends came to visit. Since mom was resting, she invited herself to chat with me, and that's okay. I want to get to know some of these people who are in her life. 

Part of me is incredibly tempted to go to Vel's and get some Scallops but I'll save that for another day.

Tonight for dinner, I offered either cheese raviolis with her favorite tomato sauce, Ragu (not mine... but I did grow up on it so I'm having flashbacks to back in the day) or grilled cheese with or without turkey. She brightened up at the idea of grilled cheese, so I said alright - score! She's been taking lactaid, because for a long time there she was having belly issues and that's part of why she stopped eating. Now we're keeping track of her food. I may put it here in the blog with mine.

Mom's washer and dryer sing little songs when they are done running, and the song startles me every time. 

I'm looking at the weather for this week and the temps are going to be really nice. I'll be working on the porch. Just like Porch Life or back at my first house in Maryland, only smelling a little more like an ash tray than I'd like. I'm sure I will mix in some/a lot of cleaning here and there. Use some of that cleaning stuff and clean some things. I went out to lock the porch door and everything smelled like dryer, and it was so delightful. 

My big task tonight is to set up the coffee pot. Gotta make sure that's all put together because she wakes up around 5-ish and will hit the start button and go back to bed. I'm sure the smell will wake me up. And then I'll be up. All the way up. There are pills to distribute and maybe a bagel to toast. For her, not for me. We have a lot of eggs so I can make some scrambled eggs or an omelet for her if she wants.

For dinner I made her a grilled cheese and turkey sandwich, she ate the whole thing very happily. Felt like a victory. 

My schedule tomorrow is relatively light. I'm hoping to catch up with a few things and I just checked email to see people are having a problem with a thing, but no emergency pages have come in. Old me would call them. Now me says "It's a holiday, stupid. Wait until tomorrow." I answered a few tickets, 

She's got a bill from an orthopaedic doctor that I tried to get in touch with in August. They don't have an online payment system (what is this, 1974?) and so I want to call them and get the full balance she owes and get it paid. JC Penney for her life insurance, I can drive over and pay that or set up an account on JCP for her. She always paid it in person because it got her out of the house. 

I'm already thinking of ways to get me out of the house. Not just doing my steps and walking around the circle, but actually do a thing. I have her car, and I started it (It hasn't been started for almost 3 weeks) and realize it needs an interior cleaning, and an exterior one too. Car wash? Yeah maybe. A little pokemon drive (daily?) will happen. Take out from Vels! Maybe OoooooOOooooo I forgot a thing at Walmart. Like the low sugar preserves. And the Nilla Wafers for her banana treat!

I'm already feeling all the "I need to be outside" feels, instead of how I feel at home where I never want to leave the house. Ever. I'll make good use of this time. 

Absolutely. 

And I miss this jerk already. Sad face Linda. Sad face.

digits

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps. Dedicated 10 walk 2x round the circle.

blood glucose:

8:30am: 156
4:15pm: 162
9:30pm: 165

food:

coffee, water
8am: 2 sausage patties, one egg round, slice of cheese
1:30 Metformin; pb on Keto bread from Arnold (11g carbs minus 8g fiber for a whopping 3 net carbs per slice. Better than 647 and a lot heftier a bread too!)
4:30pm: mixed nuts; wine w/diet cranberry
6:30pm: metformin+jardiance
7:15pm: bowl of rotini noodles smothered in veggies, ground beef, sauce. Mom won't eat it because she doesn't want veggies. So, I shouldn't eat it, but I did and I will again, probably.

Tuna Fish Tantrums

Saturday
Doug and I headed over to mom's. Linda was deep into a Bee Gees and wine-fueled cleaning session. She stripped everything off the counters, out of the cabinets, and was just scrubbing the hell out of everything. I went through mail and found things that needed to be paid, info from the Retirement Fund in NY State for my dad, a letter about continuing benefits payments from Social Security. 

Doug changed the shower head to the detachable one and tested it by letting it run. He put smoke detectors up because a long time ago mom had my dad take them down, they kept chirping. They were 20 years old, so yeah - they were dying and letting you know. So. New ones, and Doug was not sure it was a good idea to put one up at mom's bedroom since she's now smoking inside. 

"It's actually all the more reason to put it up, especially if someone is living in the bedroom down the hall, so they can be alerted that she set the house on fire by smoking in her bed. And it is state law. So." We were both very judgey of her, but, he did the job. 

Then he used a "lint lizard" attachment to the vacuum to suck out the dryer lint that was building up. The dryer was less and less efficient over time, and Linda found this device in a closet while looking for something else. Dryer is now much more efficient. 

Doug was big helpful yesterday. 

Jess arrived to visit around 1:30.  Mom came out and sat with us and chatted. The weather was beautiful. We opened all the sliding windows on the porch and let the warm breeze flow through. 

The plan Saturday was to get her in the shower now that she has a better shower head, and take her to lunch. But she was tired by the time we were ready to get her going, and she said she just wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a nap. 

We obliged, got her set up and we went out to eat. 

The same waitress that took care of us at both of Dad's funeral dinners was on and she was extra hustle and helpful for us, like we were royalty or something. It's true. We're royalty. But we also tip incredibly well. Doug hit for over 200 bucks on Keno so we were jubilant. Yay! You just paid for this entire trip.

Doug decided he needed a nap, so he went back to the hotel. Lin, Jess, and I went back to the house with intentions of doing a little more work, but we sat on the porch and chilled with some wine. 

Mom came out ripshit angry because someone moved her cigarettes and she wanted a pack to put in the bedroom. That someone was me, because I was trying to clean and organize the dining table and they don't belong in the middle of the dining table, so I'd put them on top of the microwave where they would be seen. 

But she didn't see them and lost her shit. Linda got after her for pitching a fit over something so stupid, especially because she still had cigarettes in her bedroom so why are you fussing.

"They're in the house, it isn't like they grew feet and walked away." 

This was always a staple in our home growing up when Lin or I couldn't find something. Mom would yell at us to look harder, the thing we were looking for had to be right there - they didn't grow feet and walk away. 

The other one we heard all the time was when we'd find something that was sitting there in plain sight, she'd yell "If it was alive it would have bitten you." Yes mom. If my sneakers were alive...

So her little temper tantrum was labeled "A Tuna Sandwich Tantrum," stemming from a recent fit she pitched when Linda wanted her to finish her sandwich and she didn't want to. That'll carry forward I'm sure.

It was getting late, I felt I should eat some food, so Jess and I left (without saying bye to her because she was so mad) and went back to the hotel and the 99 restaurant in the parking lot. We had more wine, some appetizers because the kitchen was super close to closing. We got kicked out when the restaurant closed at 10:30. Back to the hotel room to hang out with Doug. 

My medication schedule was messed up - I didn't get to take my dinner metformin+jardiance until 11pm when we got back to the hotel. Sunday, I plan on better discipline. 

Sunday
Doug and Jess both slept until 11. I was up at 8 and didn't want to disturb them. I went to the cafe downstairs and had some scrambled eggs and extra crispy bacon, played pokemon. Got the 9am and 10am steps in and came up to the room with 3 coffees, thinking they'd be awake. But no. They were still hard snoozin'. I caught up on work email, and drank all of the coffees I brought up. When they finally woke up, I went down and got more coffee for all of us, and we brewed the weak ass hotel room coffee but doubled up the coffee pods and it was so much better. Victory. 

Linda told me today that last night mom apologized for her tantrum and her attitude. She told Linda that she is frustrated with all of this, and gestured indiscriminately. Linda asked for clarification. And mom basically is frustrated by all the things we're doing, and being up in her shit. Linda explained that we're not doing any of this to be bothersome, but to get her into a good place to stay safe when we can't be there. We're helping her with her bills, and her food because she won't help herself. We're encouraging her with the PT because she doesn't want to use the walker, but, she has to until she is strong enough to not need it. So we're not there to frustrate. But we get it. We get it. The kids are not supposed to have to take care of the mom. And maybe soon we won't have to. Put on some weight, do your exercises, and for the love of God, get a shower. 

Today our mission was to go to Walmart and buy stuff for mom, and stock up on some things for me because I have specific dietary needs that are not lemon loaf and white bread. 

Before the trip to the store, I asked if she needed more bread, if she needed more peanut butter. She said Linda had bought her a banana pudding parfait, which barely had any banana pudding in it. The graham cracker crust was very thick, then a just a thin layer of banana pudding, and a giant bunch of whipped cream. I told her I can do better, I'll make you a banana pudding dish that'll knock your socks off. She seemed incredibly happy about that. My plan is a base of Nilla wafers, a small layer of Cool Whip (she likes that better than whipped cream) then banana pudding and bananas on top. I'm going to rock her world.

The one thing I couldn't pick up was Nilla Wafers, so I'll go to Shaws tomorrow and grab some. 

Linda has been deep cleaning the kitchen for days, and was almost at the point where she could start putting things back on the counters and in the cabinet so I didn't want to derail her and have her come with. So Jess and I went happily and had fun. 

They didn't have 647 bread but a Keto bread that had low carbs, so I got that. I neglected to get some salad stuff, but heck, I know where Walmart is. 

Mom needed some other non-food things like a drain cover to sift things when she showers (because we do not want whatever it is we're gonna scrape off her to clog the drain) and plastic hangers. I wanted a loaf pan because I'm going to make banana bread. More lemon loaf from the bakery. Raviolis and Ragu. Jess came with me and we probably did dedicated 30 to be honest. I never know where things are in Walmart. It says "Home" or "Pharmacy" but why aren't there signs that say Kitchen, Bath, Shampoo. So we wandered a lot.

One of the items we didn't need to pick up. Linda said mom has been using paper plates and only a coffee cup for her daily coffee. No real use of plates or glasses. So she has for a long time just hand washed what she uses and sets it to dry on a piece of paper towel on top of a cutting board. Linda was using a lot more utensils and making food, so she wanted a dish strainer for the counter. Turns out, Jess had an extra one in the back of the car. Huh. How 'bout that. So we got that taken care of. Magical victory.

We put all the groceries away, trying not to put anything where Linda was working. Mom came out to the porch to visit for a while and said that it was freezing, she was so cold. It was much cooler than yesterday but still very nice. We decided she would go back in and have a pbj sammitch, and a nap. 

Jess decided to stick around for dinner, we ordered pizza and Doug and I started to snooze a little after we ate so Jess took that as the cue to go. I walked out with them for big hugs and big thanks, so happy to have spent time together. I will miss them. 

"I'm here next weekend, and the weekend after... probably!?" I shrugged. Perhaps another visit will happen.

We still haven't gotten mom into the shower. Linda is probably leaving tomorrow. She has to do payroll for work, and then after that get going. But maybe. Just maybe. We'll succeed. 

The goal ultimately is to get her into her familiar for lunch after she showers, so, if we get her cleaned up, well heck. Maybe Linda will stay. Big victory.

"If you stay, I'll sleep here and put you up in the hotel for a night. You deserve it. Saint that you are."

The below picture is a shot of the fried seafood plate at Mom's familiar. The all scallops plate is super expensive but the 2 choice seafood plate is half the price so, I got the popcorn shrimp with my scallops. They are pretty excellent. Doug ate my fries. 

digits - Saturday

exercise:  9/12 hours of 250 steps. Lots of house cleaning and activity.

blood glucose:

9am: 211
xpm: no afternoon reading
xpm: forgot to measure before bed

food:

coffee, water
some cheese before going out the door (I forget when, 11am?) Metformin
3pm: scallops and popcorn shrimp at Vel's; 2 beers; a chocolate martini because the bar accidentally made Linda's order twice. Had to help.
7pm: about 10 Ritz crackers, 5 with peanut butter; lots of wine w/Linda and Jess
10pm: buffalo chicken bites and fried mozzarella, wine

digits - Sunday

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps. A walmart marathon

blood glucose:

8:30am: 177
5:15pm: 163
9:30pm: 170

food:

coffee, water
8:45am: scrambled eggs, bacon
11am: metformin
3pm: handfuls of car peanuts (Jess has a jar in the car all the time, for moments like this)
5:15pm: 2 slices of sausage and mushroom pizza
7pm: metformin+jardiance

Motherland

This morning we took our time. I woke up at 9, got my steps in, went downstairs for coffee and brekkie.

Doug was still sleeping, so I took my laptop with me because I got a text saying my EZpass payment was declined. One of the joys of getting an updated Debit card is trying to remember all the places you put in your card or your bank ACH info. I guess this one is the card. I tried to log in, noting that I did successfully  log in day before yesterday to put the Mini on the transponder. But somehow, I had already forgotten my credentials. Knowing I had to get the transponder ID out of the car, I just gave up and futzed with Facebook and drank coffee until the dude started vacuuming the hall carpets and it was just too loud to deal with. 

I'll fix this asap but as of this morning I was "fuck that guy" and just looked at instagram updates. 

When I went back upstairs, Doug was up and drinking the room coffee. He said he was very confused that I was gone, and thought I'd be bringing him coffee. I asked why he didn't message me or call and he said he just ... assumed I'd be back. With coffee. 

Some couples call and text each other constantly, Doug just figured I'd be back.

Well, I was back but not with coffee for him. Lucky there was the aforementioned room coffee. If he had messaged me, I'da told him where I was, and would have brought him coffee. 

While drinking that weaksauce room coffee, Doug was fighting with his PC, and I started dicking around with phone games. Eventually I got a shower, and we headed over to my mom's around noon. Linda told me she'd asked when we were coming over at about 8am. Lin said they got in super late - cut them a break. Linda was still working, it being Friday after all, so we had a visit with mom while she took care of stuff.

She was in very good spirits. Linda has been taking very good care of her, even though the two of them make faces at each other and my mom is being somewhat of a stubborn brat. Mom brought her walker out, and she sat on the porch being a nebshit and looking at all the goings on in the neighborhood. I asked her if she had been coming out often. She said no, that she used to come out and sit and smoke and my dad would come out too. So she'd go inside.

It made me really sad because all he wanted was to spend time with her.

So she hasn't really been outside on the porch since maybe July. She was kind of stream of consciousness blabbing around in circles about this person and their dog, a court date about some guy named Bob who got beat up by some guy named Rob and how the case was dismissed and the jury was tampered with and then her neighbor and his friend were walking around doing yard work so that was very interesting. 

She was fussing because my sister got a window fan to suck the cigarette smoke out of the house and my mom didn't like that the heat was going out the window with the reverse fan.

"Don't smoke in the house then." my sister said. 

"I'm ready for my peanutbutter and jelly sandwich."

Lin feels bad for me once I start staying there because she said that even though she smokes, she hates being in the house with the stench. She has the windows open, but it's going to get cold soon, and well, I'm probably going to have to close those windows. My mom doesn't seem to care. I told her it's like someone walks into a room and lets out the most devastatingly evil farts and isn't bothered by them, and can't understand why others are. She ... disagrees. It's her house. So we're going to buy an air purifier, and I'll do my best not to die.

We were there about an hour, and then we decided it was time to eat so we went to mom's watering hole. The folks there have paid close attention to her for months and patrons and staff alike are on the watch for her. 

They have kick ass fried seafood, and so we enjoyed a great meal and a couple beers. We came back to the hotel for naps. 

Linda gave mom a pedicure of sorts today. No polishing and prettying but just straight cutting. Her nails had not been trimmed in God knows how long. It was on her list of things she wanted to get done before she goes home... Saint that she is. After she finished, she declared that mom can no longer swoop down and grab small animals and children and fly away with them. Mom had some talons. 

Earlier in the day Doug asked if she wanted to go to her watering hole and she said not today. After we left, she told Linda that she would like to go this weekend. 

Linda said she needs a shower badly, so I think the plan is that tomorrow Doug is going to swap out her shower head for a nice handheld hose dealie. We'll get her in the shower and hose her down (she has not showered in .... months?) And gussy her up to go over to the place. 

Wish us luck. Here she is soaking her feet to soften up the claws.

digits

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps.  Not a real dedicated 10 today but got a lot of steps in. 

blood glucose:

10:30am: 204. forgot to take my reading before coming down and eating breakfast
5:15pm: 202 (thanks beer)
10:30pm: 193

food:

coffee, water
9:30am: 2 sausage patties and a mcmuffin egg
11:30am: Metformin
12:30pm: lots of slices of cheese
3pm(maybe 30?): Scallops & Haddock fried seafood plate, a couple french fries, Coleslaw; 3 beers
7pm: metformin+jardiance
8:30pm: 3 slices of pizza (pepperoni+onion), 1 beer

For the Love Of God, I Hate You Connecticut

We left at noon. 

We did fabulously until we hit the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut, where Waze told us estimated time in traffic was 37 minutes. Fuck that. We bailed off some exit and I put "Westport" in as a destination, because it was south of us, and on the map. And I figured there would be something there to eat. Doug was getting hangry. It was 7pm. 

7 pm and we had only just gotten into Connecticut. 

We found a cute little Thai restaurant and bailed. We had carbs, but they were delicious and I regret nothing. NOTHING. Shrimp and duck and sauce and pad thai and so much scents of peanut, basil and lemon grass, and a view. 

We relaxed and breathed and spent about 45 minutes here. Through the glass of the window, looking at the tree in the distance you can see a bunch of little white things. Those are birds. Not seagulls, but we think they are herons? One would take off and fly every once in a while. Initially we thought they were maybe Halloween decorations until we saw flight. 

This was wonderfully worth it. By the time we got back on the road, we thought for sure we'd be buzzing through the state but no. It is construction season on 95. Season. Every couple of exits, left 2 lanes closed. Then back to normal, then, again left 2 lanes closed. Oh here, right two lanes. 

We sat and sat and sat. Light was fading, and we were nowhere near New London yet. 

Finally, New London - where Connecticut becomes cool and easy going. But no. More construction. Mystic, Southport, and then the Rhode Island line. 

And then fog. Fog. Rhode Island welcomed us with fucktons of fog. 

I was starting to die, and Doug was driving 90+ 

We finally got to the hotel at 10:30. Linda had gone shopping for us for beer, wine, and snacks (omg thank you). I am on my fourth cup of wine and I am ready for bed. No alarm clock set for tomorrow. We will wake up when we wake up. More wine please. 

Here's a highlight of the trip. Doug followed a Cars Only sign as we approached the Delaware Memorial Bridge, and I almost had a small heart attack as I realized the cars only lane was Northbound on the Southbound span of the bridge. 

If I was driving I'd shit my pants...but Doug was all WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO YEAHHHHHH! As I laughed and quaked. 

And that made it very good. We were still having fun right here, about 2 hours into the trip. 

Fuck you, Connecticut. I will hold this hatred in my heart towards you forever.

digits

exercise:  8/12 hours of 250 steps.  Trapped in the car, a lot. not really a dedicated 10 today either.

blood glucose:

9am: 163
xpm: x
11pm: 236 (ooops)

food:

coffee, water
11am: metformin; turkey and swiss on 2 pieces of 647 white
7pm: pad thai with shrimp, and pineapple duck with some white rice; 2 glasses of iced tea; 
7:30pm: metformin+jardiance
11pm: WINE! and cheese and pepperoni (let's see how bad tomorrow's reading is)

Bee and Adventures

I went out to grill tonight and there was a bee hanging out on the railing. I almost ran my hand down over it, and it didn't notice me or move. It was 80 degrees out, so it wasn't so cold out that it would just fall asleep right on the railing. 

Not sure what it was doing, but it was just there. I grilled dinner, went up and down the steps and checked it out each time. It's gone now, but I got a picture of it. I wonder if it was just tired from a long day of doin' pollination and shit. 

It gave me something to think about instead of mom. 

Linz told me about adventures at Old Folks Land tonight, which is what we call mom's neighborhood. Someone called the cops to say that a woman and two kids were looking in their windows. So Linda and another neighbor were running around the circle, following noises and stuff ready to throw down and fight. The cops were laughing at their zealousness over wanting to shank a bitch. 

Doug and I are getting up tomorrow and heading up north. Jess went to see Amythyst Kiah tonight in NH and loved her. I'm so glad they went - I knew it would be a good match musically for their ears. 

Anyway. Here's the bee. I'm off to bed.

digits

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps.  Dedicated 10 on the nose

blood glucose:

8:45am: 139
5pm: 154
11pm: 163

food:

coffee, water
10am: handful of fritos
11am: metformin
11:45pm: turkey sandwich on 647 white, w/mayo and handful of spring mix greens; last of the potato salad
3pm: 1 piece of 647 bread w/peanut butter
6:30pm: kielbasa and grilled onions and peppers
4 Toll House Cookies and white wine

Baking Cookies and Emailing Attorneys

Tonight, I emailed an elder care attorney to ask his advice. Our cousin referred us to him, and, well, it's time that we start thinking about starting to get ready to make some decisions maybe. Since mom is kind of very non-compliant, what could we do for her. 

Not too her, but for her. 

To make life better? Linda and I talked a bit over the past couple of days about this and hell, we may not be able to keep her where she is. 

I don't think I can work from her house for 2 weeks at a time, like Lin has. 

I can do it temporarily, but I'm not sure that is a sustainable model for either of us, to be trading off and staying there. Especially if she does not want to do what she needs to do to get and be healthy. 

Deeply saddened by this thought. 

Doug and I are headed up that way on Thursday. Our initial plan was we'd be heading up to do Dad's interment but. ya know. Things. Stuff. Changes in plans. Out of our control. 

Tonight, I baked cookies. I had been meaning to, and had butter sitting on the counter for a couple days just looking at me as I moved it from one spot to another. Tonight I decided to commit. And I baked some fucking kick ass cookies that Doug and Geoff loved.

I want to send a care package to Phin's original mama. She just bought a house and I want to do cut out flowers and paw prints, and peanut butter and chocolat chip assortments for her. Chances are, I will not get a half dozen of what I baked held aside for her. My monster son and husband will eat and enjoy them, so I will have to bake again. 

If so, so be it? I guess? 

Anyway, I told my sister she is free to leave and go home this weekend, and I'll stay with mom for a while, and see how we do, and then determine next steps. 

Linz needs a break. 

And I need to step up.

So. I'll be up that way. Jess is happy because they'll be able to come visit. And I know that may do mom some good to have Jess come say hi. I'm not sure if Geoff wants to come with us on this trip or not - I have to ask him in the morning. 

We booked a hotel. Here I come to Marriott Gold Status as a result I guess. A positive side effect. 

I can work from anywhere, so I'll be prepared to do so, and do so. So help us all. 

Anyway. 

I was going to throw in a picture but my phone is in the bedroom and I'm out here, so. No pic today. I'm sure I'll have something soon. Digits, below. 

digits

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps.  Dedicated 10 plus 2

blood glucose:

9am: 163
4:30pm: 136
10:45pm: 173

food:

coffee, water
10:30am: pbj sandwich on 647 white
noon: metformin; small bowl of mac & cheese w/ground beef
6:15: chicken breast grilled w/ big salad
7pm: metformin+jardiance
some cookies and cookie dough as I baked tonight
Vodka tonic w/ splash of cran

Dedicated 10 Again

I've been neglectful of my dedicated 10s. 

For weeks now, I have not gone for a 10 minute walk, outside or inside.  It was too bloody hot out, and inside, I just didn't care to do it. It gets boring. 

I would watch Doug leave for his walks, feel guilty about not being more active. 

I know the heat is one thing, and I did well doing steps for 10+ minutes in the house for so long through the winter. Taking a good walk yesterday reminds me that I need to be more active.

I need to do the thing. Even if I hate the thing. 

For all the orneriness and non-compliance to guidelines and recommendations that my mom is throwing at Linda, and all the arguments she is giving (Linda called her The Kraken the other day and I laughed), I think about my life and how I do not want to be like that. I do not want to be that person: stubborn, obstinate, rude, disrespectful, and to what end. Why? Why be that way. Just do the thing you need to do, because if you don't there are consequences.

But I am that way, when I don't want to do something. I roll my eyes, perhaps inwardly. I don't stomp my feet or make a fist, but, in my heart I do. And I don't want to become that person as I get older and allow for my refusal or unwillingness to be worn as a forward facing attitude.

I need to take care of me, make me better while I can. 

I don't want to be my mom in 25 years. I really don't. 

Someone told me recently that how you act when you are in your doterage (not a word but, it sounds like one) is a reflection of your truest self. While mom has pretty much always been kind and loving to us, she's got a mean streak that you wouldn't believe. She has cursed people out at ATMs and in the grocery store. She can be an absolute monster. In the past couple weeks, she has been horrible to Linda. And Linda does not take it. She will fight back. I sometimes will just walk away. 

Anyway, the point of the post here is that I'm going to get back on my bullshit, as the kids say, and do the dedicated 10s. I forgot to record Saturday's so I'm going back to edit the post. I took a Pokemon walk. It was dark out and started to rain but I got the solid 10. And then yesterday was a good half hour plus, solid. Good walk, kind of hot but not too brutal. And flat. I liked it. A lot.

Yay me. 

digits below.

 

digits

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps.  Dedicated 10 pokemon walk

blood glucose:

9am: 154
5pm: 151
9:45pm: 156

food:

coffee, water
11am: Metformin
12:30pm: pbj sandwich on 647 white
6:30pm: 2 chicken patties w/american cheese; potato salad
7:15pm: metformin+jardiance

Plant Swap and Beer Visit

Doug surprised me a little today. It is Sunday, after all, and I thought for sure nothing would be happening today. But he suggested we go to DC to one of our favorite breweries, Atlas Brew Works. The first Sunday of the month is Plant Swap, and our favorite beertender was working. So. Okay. Yeah. 

We headed in and had a couple beers and peeped at some plants. I hadn't brought anything to swap, so there wasn't anyone just offering me free plants. There is a "free" table that people put things on, and I'm very sad because these are unwanted lil'babies that will end up discarded. I took a Money Tree home with me at the end of the day. 

After our couple of beers, we took a walk. The section of the city where this brewery is has a reputation for being kind of rough and bad. Before we moved to the area we looked at an apartment building in the neighborhood and I couldn't believe how affordable these places were. Well. Yeah. There are .... reasons. 

There is a fish distributor right in the heart of everything too, and it is smelly. Restaurants seem to try being there and go out. There was a City Winery in the neighborhood but they closed. Too bad, it's a nice place to see a show. There is another brewery that we haven't gone to yet, perhaps next trip. 

We stopped at Ivy City Smokehouse for lunch, and that was fun. Then we walked back to Atlas for more beer. Doug was playing a pinball game and it kept giving him free lives. It had to be over an hour he was at the flippers. I sat at the bar and talked to a really nice person with her new baby. 

The other beertender today had her dog with her so I got to hang out with him a whole bunch. His name is Kobe, and today is his 16th birthday. So it was nice to have some snuggle time with a good soft fluffy boy. At one point she was holding him like a baby and offered him to me to hold so she could wait on customers. He was very sweet, and snuggly, but after a while I wanted to drink my beer so I gave him back.

I was especially thankful for her giving him to me for some puppy time.

My sister is still up at mom's. Today she busted her ass doing stuff in mom's bedroom. I hope she's not too sore tomorrow. Mom is fighting with her about food. And she fell today while Linda was outside, thankfully it wasn't while she was at the store or the market. She isn't being cooperative about getting herself stronger and in a better place, which means Linda and I may have to think about putting her somewhere safe. We don't want for her to not live in her home. And she doesn't want to give it up. But for sure, if Linda's not there (Or if I'm not there, I'll probably be going up in a week or so) and she doesn't start wearing her medical alert necklace like she's supposed to, well then. Well then. She needs to be a willing participant in all this. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. 

Anyway, here's me and a dog. Not an easy angle for a selfie. 

digits

exercise:  11/12 hours of 250 steps.  Missed 9am from sleeping in.

blood glucose:

My meeter was malfunctioning this morning so I left without a reading this morning. Fixed it by removing the battery when we got home from being out.
xam: n/a
6pm: 214
10pm: 158

food:

coffee, water
noon: metformin & slices of roast beef
2 beers at Atlas
3pm: wings, buffalo chicken sandwich, cole slaw
2 beers at Atlas
7:30pm: 6 grilled chicken wings in buffalo sauce
8pm: metformin+jardiance