Tuna Fish Tantrums

Saturday
Doug and I headed over to mom's. Linda was deep into a Bee Gees and wine-fueled cleaning session. She stripped everything off the counters, out of the cabinets, and was just scrubbing the hell out of everything. I went through mail and found things that needed to be paid, info from the Retirement Fund in NY State for my dad, a letter about continuing benefits payments from Social Security. 

Doug changed the shower head to the detachable one and tested it by letting it run. He put smoke detectors up because a long time ago mom had my dad take them down, they kept chirping. They were 20 years old, so yeah - they were dying and letting you know. So. New ones, and Doug was not sure it was a good idea to put one up at mom's bedroom since she's now smoking inside. 

"It's actually all the more reason to put it up, especially if someone is living in the bedroom down the hall, so they can be alerted that she set the house on fire by smoking in her bed. And it is state law. So." We were both very judgey of her, but, he did the job. 

Then he used a "lint lizard" attachment to the vacuum to suck out the dryer lint that was building up. The dryer was less and less efficient over time, and Linda found this device in a closet while looking for something else. Dryer is now much more efficient. 

Doug was big helpful yesterday. 

Jess arrived to visit around 1:30.  Mom came out and sat with us and chatted. The weather was beautiful. We opened all the sliding windows on the porch and let the warm breeze flow through. 

The plan Saturday was to get her in the shower now that she has a better shower head, and take her to lunch. But she was tired by the time we were ready to get her going, and she said she just wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a nap. 

We obliged, got her set up and we went out to eat. 

The same waitress that took care of us at both of Dad's funeral dinners was on and she was extra hustle and helpful for us, like we were royalty or something. It's true. We're royalty. But we also tip incredibly well. Doug hit for over 200 bucks on Keno so we were jubilant. Yay! You just paid for this entire trip.

Doug decided he needed a nap, so he went back to the hotel. Lin, Jess, and I went back to the house with intentions of doing a little more work, but we sat on the porch and chilled with some wine. 

Mom came out ripshit angry because someone moved her cigarettes and she wanted a pack to put in the bedroom. That someone was me, because I was trying to clean and organize the dining table and they don't belong in the middle of the dining table, so I'd put them on top of the microwave where they would be seen. 

But she didn't see them and lost her shit. Linda got after her for pitching a fit over something so stupid, especially because she still had cigarettes in her bedroom so why are you fussing.

"They're in the house, it isn't like they grew feet and walked away." 

This was always a staple in our home growing up when Lin or I couldn't find something. Mom would yell at us to look harder, the thing we were looking for had to be right there - they didn't grow feet and walk away. 

The other one we heard all the time was when we'd find something that was sitting there in plain sight, she'd yell "If it was alive it would have bitten you." Yes mom. If my sneakers were alive...

So her little temper tantrum was labeled "A Tuna Sandwich Tantrum," stemming from a recent fit she pitched when Linda wanted her to finish her sandwich and she didn't want to. That'll carry forward I'm sure.

It was getting late, I felt I should eat some food, so Jess and I left (without saying bye to her because she was so mad) and went back to the hotel and the 99 restaurant in the parking lot. We had more wine, some appetizers because the kitchen was super close to closing. We got kicked out when the restaurant closed at 10:30. Back to the hotel room to hang out with Doug. 

My medication schedule was messed up - I didn't get to take my dinner metformin+jardiance until 11pm when we got back to the hotel. Sunday, I plan on better discipline. 

Sunday
Doug and Jess both slept until 11. I was up at 8 and didn't want to disturb them. I went to the cafe downstairs and had some scrambled eggs and extra crispy bacon, played pokemon. Got the 9am and 10am steps in and came up to the room with 3 coffees, thinking they'd be awake. But no. They were still hard snoozin'. I caught up on work email, and drank all of the coffees I brought up. When they finally woke up, I went down and got more coffee for all of us, and we brewed the weak ass hotel room coffee but doubled up the coffee pods and it was so much better. Victory. 

Linda told me today that last night mom apologized for her tantrum and her attitude. She told Linda that she is frustrated with all of this, and gestured indiscriminately. Linda asked for clarification. And mom basically is frustrated by all the things we're doing, and being up in her shit. Linda explained that we're not doing any of this to be bothersome, but to get her into a good place to stay safe when we can't be there. We're helping her with her bills, and her food because she won't help herself. We're encouraging her with the PT because she doesn't want to use the walker, but, she has to until she is strong enough to not need it. So we're not there to frustrate. But we get it. We get it. The kids are not supposed to have to take care of the mom. And maybe soon we won't have to. Put on some weight, do your exercises, and for the love of God, get a shower. 

Today our mission was to go to Walmart and buy stuff for mom, and stock up on some things for me because I have specific dietary needs that are not lemon loaf and white bread. 

Before the trip to the store, I asked if she needed more bread, if she needed more peanut butter. She said Linda had bought her a banana pudding parfait, which barely had any banana pudding in it. The graham cracker crust was very thick, then a just a thin layer of banana pudding, and a giant bunch of whipped cream. I told her I can do better, I'll make you a banana pudding dish that'll knock your socks off. She seemed incredibly happy about that. My plan is a base of Nilla wafers, a small layer of Cool Whip (she likes that better than whipped cream) then banana pudding and bananas on top. I'm going to rock her world.

The one thing I couldn't pick up was Nilla Wafers, so I'll go to Shaws tomorrow and grab some. 

Linda has been deep cleaning the kitchen for days, and was almost at the point where she could start putting things back on the counters and in the cabinet so I didn't want to derail her and have her come with. So Jess and I went happily and had fun. 

They didn't have 647 bread but a Keto bread that had low carbs, so I got that. I neglected to get some salad stuff, but heck, I know where Walmart is. 

Mom needed some other non-food things like a drain cover to sift things when she showers (because we do not want whatever it is we're gonna scrape off her to clog the drain) and plastic hangers. I wanted a loaf pan because I'm going to make banana bread. More lemon loaf from the bakery. Raviolis and Ragu. Jess came with me and we probably did dedicated 30 to be honest. I never know where things are in Walmart. It says "Home" or "Pharmacy" but why aren't there signs that say Kitchen, Bath, Shampoo. So we wandered a lot.

One of the items we didn't need to pick up. Linda said mom has been using paper plates and only a coffee cup for her daily coffee. No real use of plates or glasses. So she has for a long time just hand washed what she uses and sets it to dry on a piece of paper towel on top of a cutting board. Linda was using a lot more utensils and making food, so she wanted a dish strainer for the counter. Turns out, Jess had an extra one in the back of the car. Huh. How 'bout that. So we got that taken care of. Magical victory.

We put all the groceries away, trying not to put anything where Linda was working. Mom came out to the porch to visit for a while and said that it was freezing, she was so cold. It was much cooler than yesterday but still very nice. We decided she would go back in and have a pbj sammitch, and a nap. 

Jess decided to stick around for dinner, we ordered pizza and Doug and I started to snooze a little after we ate so Jess took that as the cue to go. I walked out with them for big hugs and big thanks, so happy to have spent time together. I will miss them. 

"I'm here next weekend, and the weekend after... probably!?" I shrugged. Perhaps another visit will happen.

We still haven't gotten mom into the shower. Linda is probably leaving tomorrow. She has to do payroll for work, and then after that get going. But maybe. Just maybe. We'll succeed. 

The goal ultimately is to get her into her familiar for lunch after she showers, so, if we get her cleaned up, well heck. Maybe Linda will stay. Big victory.

"If you stay, I'll sleep here and put you up in the hotel for a night. You deserve it. Saint that you are."

The below picture is a shot of the fried seafood plate at Mom's familiar. The all scallops plate is super expensive but the 2 choice seafood plate is half the price so, I got the popcorn shrimp with my scallops. They are pretty excellent. Doug ate my fries. 

digits - Saturday

exercise:  9/12 hours of 250 steps. Lots of house cleaning and activity.

blood glucose:

9am: 211
xpm: no afternoon reading
xpm: forgot to measure before bed

food:

coffee, water
some cheese before going out the door (I forget when, 11am?) Metformin
3pm: scallops and popcorn shrimp at Vel's; 2 beers; a chocolate martini because the bar accidentally made Linda's order twice. Had to help.
7pm: about 10 Ritz crackers, 5 with peanut butter; lots of wine w/Linda and Jess
10pm: buffalo chicken bites and fried mozzarella, wine

digits - Sunday

exercise:  12/12 hours of 250 steps. A walmart marathon

blood glucose:

8:30am: 177
5:15pm: 163
9:30pm: 170

food:

coffee, water
8:45am: scrambled eggs, bacon
11am: metformin
3pm: handfuls of car peanuts (Jess has a jar in the car all the time, for moments like this)
5:15pm: 2 slices of sausage and mushroom pizza
7pm: metformin+jardiance