Monday, November 10, 2014

40% Eagle

I have started several entries in the past few weeks, all of them faltering. I am tired most of the time, and when I’m not tired I’m working. Or commuting. For instance, I’m typing this in notepad on the Commuter Rail in the double decker car on the top floor, the guy across from me looks a lot like Adam Levine and both of us are equally frustrated with the lame wifi we’re connected, maybe, to. 

The guy next to me has given up completely and put his laptop away. 

The guy catty-corner from me has had to re-log into his VPN three times because the internet connection times out.

I do not know why we bother. 

So I look like I’m getting something done, fingers moving quickly over the keyboard. I think I was able to send three email responses in the train station while we were waiting for everyone to get on board. Now, I may as well wait for getting home. 

Thing is, when I  get home, I can’t just collapse into the couch with a glass of Pinot Grigio, the way I want to. 

Tomorrow is the first big day in Geoff’s Eagle Project. 

It will all be fine, it’ll be great. He’s got this. I’m just standing behind him.  Here’s the update: 

Long time readers will remember that he wanted to do a flag retirement ceremony. His project was submitted after I got out of the hospital, and it was rejected because they found it lacking. They made some suggestions on how to make it more robust, more “Eagle” worthy. We spent the summer ignoring it, he went to Summer Camp. And then school started and I realized dude — If you’re going to do this we have to do this now. We resubmitted, they had feedback again, he resubmitted immediately but forgot to include the guy who actually approves the projects on his email. Luckily after 3 weeks of waiting and me borderline Chernobyl, our Scoutmaster realized what was going on and Geoff sent it to the guy again. 

And it was approved. 

So. Here we are. Right on top of it. Right on the very bleeding edge of it. Here we go.

Part 1: Geoff secured permission from the town to do this.  And the fire department. And the park that is hosting the event.

Part 2: Geoff put the word out that he was collecting the flags. Within a few days, we had 100. As of right now, I think we have about 210. He wrote press releases. I made posters. He sent information in to the elementary school to tell families to come to the events. He has a Facebook group, and wrote an announcement for the school PA system. 

Part 3:  Tomorrow is the Veterans Day Ceremony in our town, and after that’s over, we will host anyone who wants to come into the conference room at Town Hall to cut and prepare flags. Did you know you were supposed to cut and prepare flags, you don’t just throw them on a fire? Yeah.  Hopefully we will get all the flags cut and folded right proper. 

Part 4: Sunday we will host the actual ceremony. Cotton flags will be burned. Nylon cannot. I am still searching to see if poly/cotton blends can be burned or if that violates the Leave No Trace policy of the BSA. We’ll see. We have to see. 

Part 5: Before Part 4, we have to write the ceremony and submit it to the VFW and American Legion. They want to see it first. We were supposed to do that this weekend. I really would like to have it complete for tomorrow when he sees them. He wrote is speech. He knows he wants his friend Taylor who is a Marine, and his grandfather who is an Air Force veteran, to place the first flags on the fire

So consider that part 3a. Or 2a. Or something. Really. 

Part 6. After this Sunday’s festivities, he has to build a new box for the town hall entry way. There is a container there now but it is really beat and really ugly. So he’s got to measure the area, get the materials. Build the box. Present the box to the VFW and the American Legion. And then establish an annual event where this will happen “in perpetuity” and as a “legacy” going forward between our Troop and the Veterans of the town.

Part 7. He also is replacing 25 flags (maybe 30 if we are feeling generous) and he has to organize and deploy a fundraiser, and send out fundraising request letters to people to get money for the flags, the box, and the possible cost of recycling the nylon flags. Which is all going to be stupid expensive in the end.  There are companies that recycle the flags, but they don’t give Boy Scouts a discount for their projects. Thanks. That’s awesome. 

Does that sound Eagle Worthy enough to you? It does to me. 

He also has to finish 2 Eagle Required Merit Badges, and 2 non-Eagle.  And then turn all of his paper work into the Council office. All be for January 7th, 2015. 

We got this? Do we? Jeesh I hope so. 

He has a learning disability, but my friend Deb went through his IEP and through the BSA Documentation on getting an extension if you have a disability, and he doesn’t have the right disabilities so he won’t qualify. so any concept of an extension is out the window. 

Here we go. I’ll be sure to update you 3 readers with news on how it goes.

And, if anyone felt like making a donation to his project you can comment, I’ll let you know where to send it. I think he needs to fundraise at least 500 bucks. 

Adam Levine guy is fast asleep. My time card that I opened in Chelsea still hasn’t loaded. I really want to call Nick’s Roast Beef in North Beverly and see if they can have a bag ready with a junior beef 3 ways and some chicken fingers for me that I can lean out the door and throw 20 bucks at them. Man, I really want some Nick’s. 

Half hour to home. And home-work. And instead of tech support it's Geoff support. And yeah, maybe a glass of Pinot Grigio. We’ll see.



Wednesday, September 10, 2014

357 miles

Our new used car has a broken gas gauge. We agreed that at 300 miles, we always fill up. Always. Tonight on the way home, we discovered that the car goes about 357 miles on a tank of gas.

I can only laugh. Doug and I got to talking about other times this has happened as he brought back a loaner can from the Gulf station around the corner that we tried to roll to, but decided to use gravity and downhill slopes to get us into a safe parking lot.

I had a car in college with a broken gas gauge and meticulously measured out the miles, unless someone borrowed my car to drive it for 10 miles round trip to Nick's Roast beef and then I thought I had enough gas to get to work in Gloucester and I'd run out...

Then there were times that we weren't the ones running out of gas. Were driving to my parents one day, in the heat of summer,  and we came across some guys on the side of the road stopped so Doug decided we should stop and help them. They were not all that with it, headed southbound when they wanted to be headed to Maine. They weren't thrilled when they found out they were on their way to NYC and not the northern kingdom.  They were out of gas, so we offered to help.

We drove them down the highway in Connecticut to the next exit. We went to the gas station and the man at the station would not let us borrow a gas can. We assured him we'd return it, and drive these guys back down to fill all the way up.

The man was insistent, so Doug decided "screw you" and bought a glass container of orange juice. Mind you, you can't put gas into a plastic container, it melts the plastic... so an approved gas can or a glass or metal container is what you need.

The glass container was a gallon. And he popped the top off of it and started to drink it. I took a sip, and the not too with it dudes were all "oh man, you're not gonna drink all that are you?!" Doug said "Hell yeah." The guy suggested we pour it out, and Doug said "no way! I paid for this! I'm drinking it!" So he did. We filled the container, got back in the northbound lane and headed back so we could get to their car. The gallon of gas was just the ticket, and they got it started happily. Doug handed them some money, and we got on our way. We saw them again at the gas station, where we stopped so Doug could pee out the gallon of orange juice and they could fuel up. Laughing.

There are a lot of stories like this for Doug and Chris. I'm glad we can laugh at them.

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Take On Meeeeeeeeeeeee

So, in the "stupid things about me" file, I thought that I should let you know that there is nothing that makes me happy more than the fact that I can hit every note in the refrain of "Take On Me" by a-ha.

And I know all the words.

So when I'm driving home and feeling bad for myself and this synth nonsense starts I crank it up to top volume and dance in my seat and sing it loud.

And I feel much, much better.

What is your go-to or out of the blue happy clears everything up (for a minute) song? Tell me. or... Take on me... take me on...


Monday, September 08, 2014

and I'm back!

Thanks for worrying about me and being concerned, and thanks for praying... those of you who pray.

They were unable to remove the IVC Filter. It is dug into the vein and is holding clots. This little metal shield is holding clots back from getting into my lungs. It will stay there.

I am unhappy on one hand and okay with it on the other hand. I don't want to get into the whys on either side. I'm just kind of not happy overall with the entire thing.

The doctor said that it is probably good this was there because it prevented clots from getting to my lungs but I told her I don't think so, I think my body attacked it and put clots around it, the way my body responds when I get hurt and it just throws clots all over the damn place like that will help. She said that she didn't think that was the case, that these were caught clots.

I want them to vacuum them out and take them away. I don't know if that's something they do. I'm exhausted from thinking about it.

so there's that. I'm home and everything is okay and I made a gorgeous New England baked haddock with Ritz crackers for dinner, because that's what I like. Comfort food is good you guys.

And I'm off to bed. tired and headachy and ...

love you. good night.

Sunday, September 07, 2014

A realistic approach to tomorrow

Tomorrow morning, I am having that IVC Filter removed from my vena cava. Remember that thing? The little device left over from the February surgery adventure? I could leave it in for the rest of my life but a pre-60 yr old person should not have this inside forever if blood clot medication is doing the right thing. My neighbor has one, and he's had multiple problems with it. He's in his 50s, and you'd think he was 80. He hates it. I think I would too. So it's gotta go. Thanks for maybe doing what you were supposed to do and keeping clots from going into my lungs, IVC! Your efforts are appreciated.

It is day surgery, I should be in and out of the building from what I understand.

During the month of August,  I witnessed from afar the sudden and unexpected deaths of several friends. Not Joan Rivers and Robin Williams. My friend Ed from high school lost his husband Brad after his second bout with leukemia, leaving him behind with 2 small children to raise and a severely broken heart.

And then a friend from college died after having an epileptic seizure while swimming. He just celebrated his 50th birthday the week before. In college, he was one of my closest friends... the best friend and cousin of my then boyfriend. For a couple of years, we were puppies in a pile together, and I remember those years and that guy with such love and deep reverence. He was a genius, so funny and so amazing. I'm still heartbroken about the loss.

Then another friend from high school died unexpectedly while in hospital in North Carolina. She hadn't been feeling well for months, was having breathing problems. She finally was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia literally days before her death. She described it as a highly treatable form of cancer with great remission rates. A couple of days later she posted on Facebook that she  was in the ICU with breathing issues and low oxygen counts. And then she was gone. Just like that.

You all know me, I'm not maudlin or fretful or obsessed with things. I'm walking into this day surgery with no fear. This is routine. This was all about timing and making sure my medication for the blood clots and the clots themselves were doing everything right.

That said.

I love you all. Just in case I don't get to say it again after tomorrow morning. I know. I know it is weird. And a little bit creepy, you know?

But routine sometimes does not mean routine. And expected sometimes doesn't go as. In my heart of hearts I know that and I just want to, if necessary, go out on a good footing with a smile on my face.

Talk to you later. And don't worry. I won't be a weirdo and never ever post here again leaving you wondering "what the heck?" I'm not that mean. Well sometimes a little. But usually that's all in good fun and not douchebaggery rudeness.




Thursday, September 04, 2014

In the Pacific Northwest

We had a vacation.

It has been a while since we've had a real bona fide vacation. I could go back through the blog here, and find trips and stuff. Doug and I got away in 2013 for a few days, but not really a vacation. Perhaps going to the Outer Banks with Aaron in like 2005 was the last vacation.

We have broken the streak.  This was a vacation.

Our good buddy Aaron was to be wed to the lovely Serena out in Oregon. He asked me to be his "best man" and I said yes without thinking. Without batting an eye. I was honored. It was lovely to be asked. So we had to be there.

Months of planning and saving later, and questioning whether we could afford it or not after me getting sick in January... we committed to it and pulled the trigger. We ended up headed west very early on a very rainy morning.

We flew out to Portland, Oregon on a Wednesday morning, getting there on... Wednesday morning. The clusterfuck of TSA at Logan made for us missing our first flight, but United was gracious and rescheduled us onto the next one an hour later and we still made our connection in Chicago. 

Aaron met us at the airport.

We hadn't seen Aaron in about 8-10 years or something. I honestly have lost track.

Here are Geoff and Aaron on one great summer day back in the MDI shenanigans days, 2003 I think.
I love this photograph.

I love how small Geoff is and his missing teeth. I love how he loved Aaron so much, like the best uncle a kid could have. Nothing but fun.

When he moved away, I think Geoff lost his best outside-the-family role model ever.

He went to the west coast after he and Michelle split up. He had a kid, split up with his daughter's mom, met another girl, got his dream job, and settled into what appears to be a most excellent life. And being asked to be his best man and join his "tribe" as it were was a gift I was happy to receive.

After we were dropped off in our housing for the night Geoff had a big smile on his face and he said "I forgot how funny Aaron is, holy crap that guy is hilarious."

That's the reason we brought Geoff.  Because yeah. Aaron is hysterical. And I didn't want him to miss this.

Geoff is a lot different than he was when he was 6. On this trip he was insular, quiet, distant, except when he was with Aaron. He had the biggest smile on his face when they spent time together. And I am kicking myself for not taking a photo of the two of them together now that Geoff is the same height.

I know Geoff adores him. And while we tortured Geoff by making him spend time with complete strangers, I felt like this picture was happening inside him all the time when the two of them were together and no one else was around.

I wish Geoff connected with other people like this.

Worth every penny to bring him.

Wednesday night we settled into sleep and were wide awake by 6 am. Traveling west is awesome. My 6am west coast brain was firing like 9am east coast brain. Wide awake, happy, awesome, joking. It was great. We ran errands, got stuff done, helped with wedding decorating on Thursday and Friday. We went on a cool trolley ride historic tour of Astoria Oregon with a bunch of the wedding guests. Fun stuff! It was a beautiful night, gorgeous sunset, awesome views. We were semi obsessed with all of the cargo ships that queue up to go up river to Portland or Longview.



After the trolley ride we had dinner at the Rogue Brewery restaurant. The food was kind of sub-par, and after sampling several items off the menu I was under impressed  with their offerings and stuck with the standard Dead Guy brew. That's a good go-to, and the evening overall was lovely.

Getting to know Serena's "girls" was awesome, and spending time with Aaron's aunt Carol who took the train across country with many many misadventures along the way was also great.

 ... we had a great night out.

We took Aaron out for a few drinks after the party split up. Not a bachelor party, just his brother, his future brother in law, another friend, Doug and me. There was a bachelorette party in the other corner and they were kind of out of control. Aaron sat there and laughed and said that he was way too old for that shit. We all agreed.

We called it an early night.

Friday we were up early and decorating the hall. The reception was in an old school gymnasium that was rehabbed beautifully, white walls and a gorgeous hardwood basketball court floor, with a full stage and a balcony. A fantastic space. We set up tables and folded a million paper flowers (not a million but ... you know).

Geoff and Aaron's mom put tiny roses in little cups and filled them with water. I had some quality time with Aaron's dad washing vases so they were clean and crisp and beautiful. It was wonderful to spend time with Marty and Connie.

It was great to see Geoff interacting and helping.

Friday afternoon, Doug and Geoff went sightseeing while the wedding party held rehearsal -- I instantly loved Aaron's pastor. He was a super great guy with a loving demeanor. Really young but not a fake hipster evangelical. Just the nicest guy.  Genuine. Amazing. Refreshing.

Everyone went back to Aaron's for a barbecue and bonfire. About 50 people were fed and had great joy. It was a good time.

Saturday morning, up early, and I had to go to the church for portraits, while Geoff and Doug got to hang around and not get ready as early as me.

They did get the honor of bringing a plum tree to the church, which Aaron and Serena's moms added dirt to from each of their childhood homes. Instead of a unity candle they had a unity tree. Very typically Aaron.

The service was lovely. Much longer than I thought it would be. I felt like I was an awesome best man.  Serena's girls made me a bouquet even though I was with The Guys. So incredibly sweet of them. So I got all the cool guy swag like the Reef sunglasses, and girl gifts too.

Aaron's nephew was the ring bearer, and he was nervous. He asked me to keep my hand on his shoulder the whole time, until it was time for him to go present the rings.  I felt kind of like a creeper standing there with my hand on his shoulder, and would gently lift it away. He'd realize it was gone and turn around and glare at me ... pointing at the shoulder.

The video will be entertaining.

One of the groomsmen was a "Mormon as a kid" as he explained to me the day before the service. He confessed that wasn't sure how he was going to "handle communion," as he put it. He didn't want to receive it, because he wasn't religious in a church way, his words... I told him that he could go up and get a blessing from the pastor or stay in his seat... those usually are the options. I encouraged him to hey, just go up. Get blessed. It can't hurt.

At communion time he went up to receive the blessing.  He came back to the pew with his eyes full of tears and a huge smile on his face.   I wanted to hug him. I have no idea what the pastor said to him, but it must have been ... just right.

It was all very lovely. Everything was just right.


After the wedding -- everyone was instructed to burn some time before the reception at 5:30.

 Doug and Geoff took me up to the Astoria Column.  The view was outstanding.

It was a gorgeous, crystal clear day. Up until that day it had been rather overcast and very "Pacific North West" with fog and low clouds everywhere. On one side of the river it could be sunny, the other side socked in by fog and clouds.

Every day it was a different view. Every day it looked totally different. This day, everything was clear, and hot, and sunny.

The reception was great. A bluegrass band, square (line) dancing. Very hot, very fun.

Serena's sister and I both gave toasts to the couple. Hers went on for quite a while so I knew I had to do things in classic best man style and make it short, sweet and count. I told everyone in the room that being invited to this wedding was a wonderful thing, and that perhaps aside from Aaron's family, I was pretty much the only one who knew Aaron longest. I changed my daughter's diapers on the floor in his office when he was in college, and now she is 22 years old.

So coming out to West Coast Aaron, to this new life, was a little intimidating. It was great getting to know Serena over this week,  but I told them, my toast wasn't just about  the happy couple and wishing them well. It was thankfulness for all the great people my family and I met. Aaron has chosen well. We were his tribe for a long time, and now this... this is his tribe and it is an honor to be in it.

A lot of Serena's family is Norwegian stock, so I raised my glass and said "it doesn't matter the language of your people. Skol, Proust, Cheers, as my people say... Slainte, L'Chaim, Good on ya... whatever you say, raise your glass and toast these fine folk and yourself. Thank you for your hospitality and long may you all run."

People actually clapped and cheered. And I loved the look on Aaron's face. Bending that arm, and seeing all the glasses in the air and the cheers, and everyone toasting... well hell.

Best Best Man Speech Ever. 

We all had a blast. The food was incredible. And we went back to Aaron and Serena's for fireworks on the beach and another great bonfire.

My brother, best friend. Happiness.

Sunday we checked out of our Air Bnb house (which was very nice, even though it had no internet access so I could work a few hours a day).

We spent the day sight seeing around Cape Disappointment and the Lewis & Clark sites like Fort Clatsop and Fort Stevens. Again, bright and sunny and beautiful in the afternoon, and a gorgeous place to visit.

Cape Disappointment did not disappoint. That's fun to say.


We had wanted to hit the road and go north that afternoon, but before we left my blood counts for the blood thinner were way out of whack so they wanted me to get my blood tested at a lab or hospital. I had to go in on Monday morning and get tested, so after I did, we hit the road.

Aaron had offered us the use of his truck but we were worried about taking it up the mountains and the price of gas. We opted to rent a car. The local car rental was all sold out but suggested a car dealership the next town over, so we hit them up and rented a Prius V.

Like Cape Disappointment, it did not disappoint either! I was incredibly impressed with the power and the gas mileage. I think we put $50 in gas in it after driving the entire Olympic Peninsula, whereas I think we would have had to put that much in Aaron's truck each of the 3 days were were trekking. Huge shout out of thanks to the fine folk at Lum Toyota. If I lived out there, I'd buy a Prius V from them.

We drove up to Forks, Washington, with a lunch stop in South Bend at a roadside fish & chips joint. The food was great, and the view outstanding.

On the way up to Forks, we pulled over on the side of Rte 101 where there was a sign for "Beach 2" and Doug had read that Beach 2 was a great place to visit.


There was a short hike down to the Pacific, and a rugged beach of rocks and driftwood for miles, and us. No one else.  Turns out, this wasn't the Beach 2 that he'd read about (they name everything with numbers, like there is this utter lack of creativity out there in that nothing has a name, everything is just ... numbered... which is weird).

But it was a gorgeous beach that we had to ourselves, with sun trying to burn through the clouds. We could feel it trying to burn off the haze, the warmth, and then the damp and cold Pacific mist would win. A sweet and lovely find for us.


I don't have a lot of pictures of me and Doug. Geoff took this one, and I'm happy for it.

Forks was socked in with clouds when we got there, but we drove down to La Push in search of dinner and the sun was out, the ocean and the sea stacks were gorgeous, and we spent a great deal of time hanging out watching the sunset before eating dinner at the one place in town that was open (or even existed).

For those in the know, Forks and the surrounding area is where they filmed "Twilight"... that there vampire and werewolf and chick movie thing.

Having absolutely no interest in "Twilight Tourism," I did however find it amusing that the town was trying to make an industry out of that fact.

There were at least two out of business shops though focusing on Twilight merchandise. You could go on Twilight Tours, see where Bella did her grocery shopping and stuff like that. We passed on all of it. The area is beautiful, but slightly sad and depressing. Mostly because there isn't a lot of industry aside from lumber (not that there is anything wrong with that) around, and the attempts and drumming up said tourism industry looked like an abject failure.
I think this is Bella's Truck or something. Twilight fans would know.


We slept very well that night. We got, I believe, the last available hotel room in town and were happy for it.

In the morning, we went to Hoh Rainforest, back down the highway to the south a little ways.

We took a long hike, nothing too vertical as my knees hurt like hell lately. We got to wall through the Hall of Mosses, which was cool. It was very hot and very sunny, as we were visiting in the driest time of the year. I'm kind of glad it was hot and dry instead of wet and muddy.

The river running through the area was a gorgeous grey color, filled with wash and silt from the snow and glaciers up above in the Olympics.

Watching people drink the water in their cupped hands made me exceptionally thankful to have BSA training to know not to do that.

After Hoh, we went up to Port Angeles, scored a decent room at a slightly too high price but compared to the place I wanted to stay (with the view) it was a bargain.

We got all checked in and unloaded, and took the drive up to Hurricane Ridge.

What an incredible place.




I was blown away by the ride and the views. This flatlander, this east coast maiden, well... she was enthralled. Just an absolutely beautiful place. At the top of the ridge we took a small hike, enjoyed more views and had a black-tailed deer walk along side of us while she was eating like no big deal. While looking at a glacier and snow and clouds and sun and the ocean and Canada.

In the morning, we got up early to head back down to Lum Toyota to turn our rental in as it had to be back for 4pm, and our flight as scheduled was at 10:45pm.

Aaron and Serena met up with us and rode us to the airport, with dinner at Gustav's beforehand. Nothing like a German restaurant with accordions and lederhosen and singing to send you off from the north west!

As mentioned, we had been gifted some stand-by tickets and I was happy to have them but it was complicated getting out of Portland as opposed to getting out of Boston.

We signed up for the red eye on Wednesday night, ended up not getting on a plane until the following morning around 11am. My son didn't deal well with it, even though we prepared him (I thought) for understanding how flying stand-by works. Doug and I had no problem with it. It was slightly disappointing to get bumped but we were thankful that 3 of us were flying for a little more than what it would have cost for 1 of us to fly so we didn't stress it.

We got to look at the famous PDX Airport Carpeting, a lot.

We spent the night in the airport because we'd thought we'd be able to get a seat on the first flight east but that didn't work out.

He grew increasingly more frustrated and I was incredibly relieved when we finally got our plane to Newark.  As was he.

The night before, a flight from the East Coast had been horribly delayed because of weather so the crew couldn't turn around and get back on the plane and fly for 12 hours. There was no other crew to take the Red Eye back across the country because of that.

And some of my thoughts about culture and experience on this trip will wait for another entry.  I've been working on this one long enough.

Oh, and here is one last picture.

Doug and I clean up nice. 

One last thought though... on our wedding anniversary, Aaron sent me a text wishing us a happy 23rd anniversary, and that he couldn't wait until he celebrated his 23rd. Probably the nicest text ever.

Lunch Friendships

Today I walked past a group in our kitchen. They were eating lunch together and talking and having a great time. I walked past and smiled, but none of them acknowledged me.

Sometimes I feel weird being a contractor. Like, let's not invest too much time into this one getting to know her ... she'll be leaving us soon.

I went for a walk at lunch to get my Bon Me sandwich and I went and sat down by the Children's Museum by the channel. I patted dogs and watched pigeons vie for my attention for a scrap of bread or some dropped Miso soaked pork.

Pondering the office relationships, I realized that it has been a long time since I've had a truly bonded friendship through work. Gretchen, Courtney (My Girl C), MB and Tammy were great friends at the last spot. I miss them dearly. We've kept in touch on Facebook but since being let go from our jobs in 2010 we haven't seen one another at all. And then there is the crew from the College job... Brian, Ben, Dan... I see them once in a while, and sure as hell do trade our barbs on the Facebooks and through fantasy football. I left that job in 2000 and we all managed to keep close.

But lately, not so much.

I worked the contract across the street and really had hit it off with my boss. He and I had a lot in common and it was feeling like oh hey... friend! When I got sick, he transitioned into another job within the company, I got better and he'd emailed me saying that he would love to have lunch sometime.

Four months into my stint here, across he street, we finally got together for coffee. He monitored his phone as emails kept coming in. We had what I felt was a rushed catch-up session and I felt like I was wasting his time.

Got the feeling like oh hey... not friend.

I kind of feel like that here too. I have made some connections with a few people but perpetually feel not included. I've begun staying at my desk when things are happening in the kitchen area and they come get me and pull me in but I'm not feeling the welcome or the love. You just know sometimes. You can feel it.

Each day I look forward to going on home.

Watching people enjoy each other's company in the office makes me feel kind of sad. In ways I never anticipated.

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Time to start thinking about maybe starting to get ready

One day, a long time ago, we were sitting in the living room all dressed and ready to go somewhere. My mother in law was milling about, and said "Well, I think it is time that I start thinking about maybe starting to get ready," or something along those lines... as five of us (my family and my father in law) were sitting there, fully groomed, dressed, and waiting.

I kind of feel like that right now. It is time to start thinking about starting to get ready.

Actually, I've felt like that for a few weeks. And by getting ready I mean getting ready for Aaron's wedding.

Long time readers know Aaron from our days in Maine, where we did a pig roast, and my son jumped up and down on their bed holding a pair of shears and poked holes in the slanted ceiling. Where my daughter shaved her arm and then lied to us about it. The beach, the sand, the view to Blue Hill... Equirox. All those things.

Aaron and his wife split up a number of years ago and he, to steal from Ben Folds "moved to the west coast, away from everyone..."

There was a little period of time where he disconnected from us on purpose. Found his way back to us. And our love for him never fails.

Aaron asked me to be his Best Man, and I immediately said yes. I thought better of it and Doug told me I was weird. But Aaron told me "you're my bro and I can't think of anyone I want standing next to me this time."

The girls are wearing navy blue, and the guys are wearing dove grey. It was a challenge finding a dress -- I shopped mostly online, but because I do not know what size I wear I was reluctant to actually buy something. Also, did not want to buy something without seeing and touching it. So many grey dresses were T-shirt material, and that was unacceptable. I needed a dress-dress.

My girl C and I set out on Saturday and I walked right up to the dress in Macy's, bought it off the rack. It needs alterations, mostly around the bust, but I have an appointment tonight with the seamstress to have it taken in.

I found sparkly silver sandals at a big shoe sale in Newburyport on Sunday. My husband doesn't think they are dressy enough but ... they're my feet. I'm wearing them. It will be a long day.

And ... I need a haircut and a pedicure. All by this weekend.

Saturday is not an option because we have an Eagle ceremony, and for as close as I am with the mom of said Eagle, I will not be missing the set up, ceremony, and take down (well, maybe the take down...)

And we leave on Tuesday. I'm working on Monday. I'm cutting it all rather close.

You all know me -- queen of the procrastinators.  So I'm starting to think about maybe starting to get ready. Hopefully next update I do will be while I'm sitting waiting for my flight.


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

more thoughts on dogs

Back in 2006, when we first got Brodie, she and Jack would "Face Fight," which is a dog thing where it looks like they are actively trying to kill one another by eating their faces, but really, it is doggie play.

She was so small when we got her, that she would stick her head INSIDE his mouth, all the way. All the way inside his mouth. Like a lion tamer with a lion. And Jack would stand there and look at me like "well, what am I supposed to do with this aside from just .... wait?"

Yeah buddy, you just wait.

Face fights were a frequent occurrence in our house.  And it was a lot of fun to watch.  I have dozens of pictures of the two of them doing their daily shenanigans. They played so hard with one another. They would run through the house and tackle each other. He was already full grown, at about 70 pounds and she was getting bigger by the minute, and the ruckus. Oh the Ruckus!

Gonzo came on the scene shortly afterwards, and he and Brodie never really got along great... when Jack and Brodie would do their "sibling" bonding,  with the biting and the growling, and the running and chasing, and jumping on the couch and off the couch and into the back yard, and AIR HUMPING! And the biting biting biting! ... poor Gonzo would stand there and BARK at them and look at us as if to say "Will you please stop the children from behaving in such a manner!"

It was intolerable at times to listen to him barking while they played and did their thing, so we would break it up just for peace and quiet.

The past couple of days, Brodie and Jack have returned to their face fighting ways. Jack is far older, not as willing to participate as the little girl is, but they go at it and it is amazingly funny.

Jack also attempts to "dominate" her once again by humping her general vicinity. The air, her side, near the couch... it is like he needs to remind her that with Gonzo gone, HE is the Alpha, and she is still, no matter what, the sub-Omega.

Brodie has taken to washing his face every day, which she used to do to Gonzo. They never got along great but she did a great job of doing some nice subservient things for him. Now she does them for Jack. This morning it was very sweet watching her wash his face, both of their tails wagging...

And no one barking at them to knock it off.

I'm not saying I'm happy Gonzo is gone. By no means. I'm just noticing the dynamic.

Two dogs is very different than three dogs.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

And then, there were two


In 2006,  Aaron asked us to take his dog.

He and his wife had separated and he took the dog to his parents' house because he thought the dog would be cared for better there. Turns out they couldn't care for him. He was too big, a handful, he needed a house with kids and running and yard and big dogs like himself instead of teacup yorkies.

So he asked, and we said yes. I long ago said that this alone gets me into heaven, or at least into the BFF with Dogs book that will make God smile on me. We always joked around that we got the kid in the divorce.

It was a big undertaking. We had just gotten Brodie, and let me tell you...  three dogs is a lot of dogs. Two has a certain dynamic. Jack and Brodie were doing great together as siblings. Jack and Gonzo had always gotten along beautifully. Brodie and Gonzo really didn't hit it off.

Things were challenging, and there were days when I wanted to give either Brodie or Gonzo away (never Jack. I would never give him away. He's the best dog ever).

We did good by Gonzo.

He was the smartest dumb dog I've ever known. His vocabulary was vast. He understood intonation and could never be tricked by being told one thing when we meant another. He was a master thief of anything left on the kitchen counter, and raided the garbage barrels in the house with unrelenting energy. We had to keep our trash up on shelves in the bathroom, and the kitchen trash locked up.

In the past couple years both he and Jack have slowed down. And then two weeks ago, Gonzo just slowed all the way down.

He died at home with Doug and Geoff by his side. Doug was going to take him to the vet, but then decided it would be too late even if they rushed there. So they patted him. Doug held him. He stopped breathing on the living room floor. And that was that.

This was a dog who loved to swim, who loved to get sticks, who would find tennis balls long lost under the couch and then try his hardest to get them. This was a dog who I think never really ever TASTED food. I called him Hoover, Kirby, Dyson... This was a dog who would bless me with his presence once in a while up on our bed or on the couch, and always took the right amount of real estate up without being a hog.  He hated fireworks and thunder. And he sure hated chickens one hot summer day in July when he and Geoff went for a walk at Farmer Matt's house.

It is weird to not be barked at when I come home, so that I can yell back "I live here, stupid!" at him and then scratch him on the head. I'm going to miss you, dopey dog.  Thanks for being my weird friend for all these years. You were a ton of fun.