Selfish

My dad is in the hospital. I think he was in the hospital about 10 yrs ago at this time for the same thing. Congestive heart failure. 

I remember driving down to go see him in the hospital, and stopping at the Burger King where 495 and 24 intersect, and I got him a crown. I thought he'd find it funny. I have a picture somewhere, not sure where it is but my sister saw it in her Facebook Memories the other day. Should have grabbed it.

My mom called Linda first, to let her know and told her to tell me. So my phone rang at 9am on the nose. Seeing my sister's name on the screen I knew something was up, just didn't know what to expect but I knew it would be news about either one of them. My mom said that when she went to leave him last night he told her he loved her. He never ever says that. And he also said "Tell the girls I love them too." 

Well, shit. My sister said "he's scared," and I have to agree. When this happened last time, sitting next to him in the hospital his heart rate was pretty good, around 80 resting. But whenever a nurse or a doctor walked into the room it would skyrocket. On the outside, he looked calm but the monitors betrayed his emotions. 

I asked Linda if we should go visit and she said mom said to wait. Wait until we have more news. So I'm waiting. 

I also am feeling selfish. Like. Why'd you have to do this now, could we come visit in August on the way back from Maine? Would I need to do two trips? In the Summer? When hotels are stupid expensive? When 9 hours in the car is really 12 sometimes? 

I want to be able to visit, going up there now is kind of ... difficult. So I want him to stick around for us, and I know that is selfish. I love him too. 

No picture today, just waiting to see what happens with dad.

digits

exercise: 11/12 hours of 250 steps. missed 6pm on the phone with mom

blood glucose:

9am: 196
4:30pm: 154
10pm: 186

food:

coffee, water
12:30: low carb wrap quesadilla tuna melt w/shredded cheddar; metformin
6:30pm: cheeseburger on top of very large salad
7pm: metformin+jardiance
8:30pm: 6 ritz crackers & pb