When we started planning the interment, she said she wasn't coming. She didn't want to come. She didn't see the point.
We told her that her nieces and nephews would want her to be there. They'd love to see her. I didn't mention "this could possibly be the last time... you know."
She said she wasn't going to drive and I said of course you are not, one of us will drive you. All the flowers to Jess for being the Driving Miss Shirley delivery man. I'm sure it was stressful (Jess said, Indeed It Was, at times). But they got it done.
Driving back to the hotel after spending a few hours Sunday at Linda's, she looked so tired. I thought I was tired, but looking at here the weight of exhaustion was obvious.
I realized that this was a lot on her. A lot. Very taxing. She complained a lot the whole time. The beds were too high, the fan in the bathroom was too loud. Going outside to smoke there wasn't anywhere to sit. No bench, no chair, no nothing. Who is that person. Why is it so loud in here. Meh meh meh meh meh.
We make fun of her a lot, for sure, but it dawned on me that really this was a lot. And I should thank her for being a trooper, and coming and seeing everyone.
I was going to call her today, but when I thought to do it, it was naptime. And I got to working so before I knew it, time had flown to 5pm. Doug went to the market, I tried to nap. Toffee wasn't having it, she was very anxious that Doug was gone, so I got up and got things ready to start dinner.
Doug's cousin came over tonight from Virginia to talk about his mom. He's got some concerns with her being sued by her HOA, and not having the money. He thinks they're probably going to get evicted, and all sorts of things. He needed to talk and have a logical, smart person to give him some advice. He left at 10:30, stayed a lot longer than I thought he would.
So I didn't call mom. I just put a meeting on my calendar for tomorrow morning to do that. Just check up on her, thank her for hanging in there with all this.
Here's a picture of Toffee. Digits below.
digits
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps; no dedicated 10; 5300+ steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
9am: 190 4:30pm: 134 11pm: 185
food: coffee/water 11am: metformin 12:30: left over chinese garlic pork, mostly veggies not much pork 6pm: steak salad 7pm: entire bag of fundraiser popcorn; white wine; metformin+jardiance
As promised, a more detailed update on Sunday. And, today, Monday.
Sunday we relaxed around the hotel. Jess got annoyed with Geoff and got in the car and drove around. Found a bagel store and got to hang out alone. I waited for Doug to get up so we could make our plan for going and seeing the dogs (and Ronnie). He slept super late - he had been waking up between 5 and 6 and being up for a while... then going back to sleep, and sleeping and sleeping. So I let him have what he obviously needed.
We got our plan figured out and went over at about 1. The goal was to eat as much of the left over food as we could, and also pet dogs. Both tasks were accomplished.
After that was accomplished, we drove back to the hotel. Doug and Geoff were in the mini and I drove Shirl and the Girls. Back at the hotel, we popped Shirley into the room, she was pooped and cranky. Jess, Linda and I sat at the bar. Linda's reservation came with two drink tokens so we had 8 tokens to use. Okay twist my arm. We got the Rangers game on the big screens in the bar and the boys were upstairs doing the same. I ordered Pizza for them, and everyone was in a happy place.
I wasn't hungry, and was worried about eating pizza at 10pm so I skipped eating. Went to bed at 12:30 after watching the first period of the Oilers/LA game.
This morning I was up at 8. Jess had already packed their things. My mom got up at 4:30 and made enough noise to ruffle Linda's feathers. So they were packed and organized early. And Linda was exhausted from sharing the room with mom. Can't say as I blame her. I'm so thankful she did.
Jess wanted to be on the road to the ferry by 9:30 and they indeed pulled out of the parking lot at that time, and Linda was right behind them.
Geoff went back to his room, I hung out with Doug who was goofing off on his phone and drinking the first coffees of the day.
We were given late checkout at 2pm because of my Marriott super high tech jetfighter status, without even asking. Ha. noice. But I knew we wouldn't need it. We left at 11:45, and the GPS sent us down through Brooklyn, across the Verrazzano Narrows, to Staten Island, breezing straight across, the Goethals Bridge and into Elizabeth.
In one hour. Unheard of.
We stopped in Maryland at a rest area to get a stretch and snack, and we were home at 4:45. We didn't run into traffic until Baltimore! So happy to be home. So happy to be with Toffee. We ate more chicken and pasta left overs. We're going to bed. Digits below.
digits
exercise: 9/12 hours of 250 steps; missed 2 hours in the car and the 4pm hour because I was obsessed with toffee. no dedicated 10; 6k steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
8am: 190 5 pm: 200 10:30pm: 220
food: coffee/water 11:a: metformin, one slice of left over pizza 3pm: 4 chicken tenders from KFC, a biscuit, mac & cheese 6pm: more chicken, some pasta, beers 7pm: metformin+jardiance 8pm: beer and kettle corn
Just throwing this up to have the placeholder and digits. Spent the day at Linda and Ronnie's. Played with dogs. More on that soon.
digits below.
digits
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps; no dedicated 10; 6k steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
9am: 142 n/a pm: n/a 11pm: 201
food: coffee/water 12:30pm: metformin 2:30pm: A right proper NY bagel. Everything w/ a pantload of onion & chive cream cheese, a lot of left over chicken, some cute pastries; wine 6pm: metformin+jardiance 8pm: beer at the bar w/linz and jess. pretzels
After painstakingly searching and browsing and poking around the internet for weeks last summer, I had ordered this box on Etsy in October and had to rush expedite it, paying extra for it to be finished in time to be shipped to Linda for the original date. And then everything got rescheduled, so she had the box on her bookshelf this whole time.
A mark of how we procrastinate, it costs us, but in the end it coulda just been done plenty further in advance. Not like we didn't know he was gonna need it, right? Anyway. It is beautiful and I felt kind of shitty thinking about how such a beautiful piece would be in the ground. But it was for him. And worth it.
Linda and I got together Saturday morning and finished putting the things in the box.
Since Dad died, I've been thinking of this song by World Party. The refrain goes:
Put the message in the box, put the box inside the car, drive the car around the world, until you get heard."
But I've been singing:
"Put the dad inside the box, put the box inside the car, drive the car around Huntington, until you get to the cemetery then put him in the ground and be done."
The ending doesn't exactly fit the original but I make myself laugh. That's all that matters, right?
Linda wanted to put some more things in the box, I questioned whether we were allowed to do it, because the instructions from the cemetery were stern and bossy about not putting things in and not mixing ashes, and.... Linda said "what are they going to do, take him out and throw him out? People are buried all the time with extra stuff, wearing jewelry and trinkets from the kids, no one is going to be mad." She's right.
We took the plastic bag out of the plastic green container from the crematorium in Massachusetts. The bag was a lot heavier than I thought it would be, so it was a little surprising. It fit inside the wood box perfectly, a perfect rectangle after sitting in the original container for so long.
She added some quahog shells, dad always loved the ocean and the beaches. And she put some photos into the box in a ziplock bag. We sealed it back up and he was ready to go.
Lin, Jess, and I left early to drive dad around town. We went past our old apartment, past the shops and stores and places he used to hang out. Linda was narrating, mostly for Jess' purposes I think. We went by the hospital where he was born (and where we were born," past the house he grew up in down in Halesite, back around the fire station, they are tearing up everything back there to put in better ... something. So there was no way to get out and set him on the railing at the doc and stay for a minute. Around Mill Dam, over to the Valencia, and then over to the cemetery.
I would have liked to stop and get out at some places and take a picture of his box around town. On the steps up to our old apartment, the harbor, the bull at the Valencia, but we were on schedule and had to be at the cemetery by 10:30am. We arrived with a minute to spare.
Some folks had already arrived, which was nice. Our bagpiper got there and was ready to roll. Somehow when he and I started chatting we got on the subject of Ben Franklin, of all things. There was another service happening in another area and the funeral director was handling the paperwork and stuff there. Our service was scheduled for 11, and we started walking to the grave site in order to get Shirley situated in time.
C had sent a beautiful arrangement for the cemetery, and Linda and I hadn't really planned anything, we didn't realize how just right it would be to have something. We thought about going to the supermarket like we did in Massachusetts and just getting something whipped up to set on the ground, but this was a very nice touch.
Thank you C.
Since we were doing our tour of town, taking Dad to all the old hot spots in the Village, I reached out to our cousin Joey and asked him to stop by the supermarket on his way to get white flowers. Linda asked for carnations and after a bit Joey checked back in and said, "they're not carnations, but they're close, is that alright?" Yes. It is perfect. Bless bless, dear Joey.
They had no table, which was okay. They'd dug up the spot and put one of those green carpets over the plot so you knew where things were happening. We set the box in front of the headstone, and the priest and funeral director came over and things got started.
It was a short and very nice service. Sometimes when you're dealing with a priest who doesn't know your family, you really should have a meeting beforehand to talk about the decedent and what the family is like.
He talked about how growing up, Bart would have learned to mind his Ps and Qs, which we all chuckled a little bit at, and how over the many years he imparted so much wisdom to us. I heard some chuckles at that too. Dad was not really a wisdom imparter. But we appreciated the sentiment. He used the phrase over and over that we will be reunited, and every last tear would be wiped away.
We concluded things with the tossing of the little white flowers, and people started peeling off to head to the party. Mom walked a different route to the front of the cemetery office, which was much closer to where we were standing than the cars were.
I grabbed Linda for a little photo shoot. We wondered if we should stand there until the cemetery dudes came to put the box into the little box already in the ground and seal it up, but the Funeral director said usually the family doesn't stand there for that. We should go. So we did.
My cousin Jimmy told me later that he and his son, cousin Joey, and another friend of Jimmy's named Jimmy all had gone on a little walking tour of the family plots around the property and came back around as the urn was being placed. Jimmy's friend Jimmy (which is fun to say, like he has no identity other than Jimmy's friend Jimmy) said that he'd been carrying around a little silver shamrock in his pocket for 20 something years. He asked if he could put it in on top of the box and they told him he could.
To be honest, I don't really know this person - I've seen him at gatherings at my cousin's house over the years, but that thought took my breath away a little. What a sweet gesture for my dad. To give up something he'd basically been carrying around his entire adult life. I'm just kind of gobsmacked by that generosity. I hope to get to thank him.
Over to Finnegans, where we'd booked the place for 3 hours to just have it all to ourselves. When the open bar tab is more than the food costs, you know you're at one of our fetes.
We had a great time, the piper played indoors a few songs. He stayed and drank Guinness after Guinness (which is low ABV at 4%, so that's okay). He was talkative and friendly, and treated us to extra tunes beyond what I think we paid for.
I had a blast with my cousin' George's daughter (2nd cousin?) Kaycee, who brought her boyfriend (oh hello welcome to our family shenanigans!) and he was delightful. We had all kinds of music playing and Kaycee and I sang "The Weight" by The Band (which is my favorite song by The Band).
Our party wrapped up, I was helping clean up (like I do) and bus tables and help move things around for the start of regular business. Doug took the boy and Shirley back to the hotel. Shirley was wiped out, this was a lot on her. We ended up staying longer, time with the family is a precious commodity.
Got back to the hotel, got Linda to her room. I came up at about 7 something and took a nap. Doug was already napping but when he woke up, he and Geoff went out and got subs (didn't get me or Jess anything because they thought we were asleep for the night but. Hmm. You come back in the room, drink beer, eat subs, watch hockey and I'm asleep for the night? No.) I was a little perturbed but too lazy to go downstairs to the restaurant and order anything. So I watched hockey, and went back to sleep eventually.
Pictures below: mom and some of our ladies. Below, Tommy (the Finnegan's Manager) and my parents from a couple years back. Not exactly sure of the date. But they go way, way back as friends. Digits below pics.
digits:
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps; no measurable exercise but on the feet all day and a nice walk around the block in H'ton to get some fresh air; 7k steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
9am: 160 xpm: n/a 10pm: 146
food: coffee/water times all approximate 12:30pm: 3 pigs in blankets, a buffalo chicken tender, a slice of quesadilla. approx 2pm? 2 good sized pieces of chicken francese, large helping of salad; Metformin about 6 beers over 4 hours
Yesterday morning my friend from the Guster fan group came down from her place near Baltimore to WFH and babysit Toffee. They hit it off wonderfully, and Robin later sent a picture of Toffee snuggled up to her while she was working, looking totally at peace and happy. I feel so good about this. Robin misses her dogs back home in Colorado, so this is good for her too.
We left our house around 11am and got to LI around 6pm. My husband greatly enjoys driving around North Jersey and through the Bronx over to Long Island, he becomes a different person almost. And this is right about where I start to hate the drive. Funny how that works.
I don't deal well with nasty traffic and people who drive like maniacs. I do well right up to say, Elizabeth NJ. And that's Doug's favorite.
Saw this painted on an overpass on the Cross Bronx, and thought yeah, I could use this.
We checked into the hotel and found a diner. A nice, honest Long Island diner. We enjoyed a good meal, and came back to the hotel. Linda beat us here, and had picked up beer and snacky snacks for us for hockey watching.
While the boys watched hockey, she and I sat in her room and caught up on things. I put Linz to bed and went back to my room and found Doug was already in bed, wiped out from too many snacks and beer and hockey. I was up until about midnight, just dicking around on my phone. I thought about going downstairs to write a blog entry but my pants were already off.
This morning, Linda had left the hotel early to head home to work (she stayed here because we were expecting our friend Ginger to be with us, but she had to cancel, so Linz had a room to keep). Geoff was down at breakfast already so I went and hung out with him. Drank a lot of coffee and treated myself to a waffle. So. Dang. Good. And bacon for some protein. I did some work, a few things that I needed to followup on from work, and I still have one more thing I have to do that is haunting me. But I didn't dive into it. I'll get to it.
Talked to Carrie, sat until the restaurant closed and went up to the boys. I needed a haircut, and dress shoes. So I picked a supercuts and they took care of me. I then found a DSW, got 2 pairs of shoes that I didn't hate.
Got back to the hotel and Doug and Geoff were hungry for lunch so we went to Dark Horse Tavern in Farmingdale.
Now, I'm from Huntington and usually when we are on Long Island, we hang in Funnington. But Doug found a spot that looked good, and we went. Excellent choice. Lots of local craft beer choices, and great food. Not a lot of customers, so we had some personal attention to chat with the bartender.
We were headed to Linda's so Doug and Geoff could meet the puppy when Jess called to let us know they'd made it to the hotel and delivered Grandma to her room. Linda is sharing her room with grandma, and Jess and Geoff are in the room across the hall from us.
Jess was exhausted and hungry. So we rerouted from on the way to Linda back to the hotel to gather round her for support and snacks.
I tucked mom in for a nap, figured it was a long day for her. Doug, Jess, and Geoff napped and eventually I was hungry so I ordered pizza for delivery, and breaking us out of Pizza Jail. The girl at the front desk was super sweet, recommended a place right around the corner. And she was spot on for her recommendation.
Linda was running errands and printing things, and doing stuff, and getting everything ready for tomorrow. She got to the hotel after 8:30, made mom a pbj sandwich (brought all the stuff AND lemon loaf AND core water AND powder crystal lite to put into the water).
Jess joined us and we let mom go to sleep (we kept her up after 9pm) and it was time for arts and crafts. Linda sliced the prayer cards she printed, and we compared them to the size from the funeral home last July, they were much smaller even though the template she bought was for the same size. So we think Staples just didn't print them edge to edge.
We still like the ones she made, so she sliced and sliced. And we opted not to laminate them because it would be smelly. And we were in my room, and Doug would have been mad if we made stinky stuff.
We talked about going downstairs and doing it in the lobby or asking if there was a meeting room we could do it in, and there was a giant crowd in the bar - big wedding party shenanigans happening, so we opted not to make it smelly (possibly) down there.
I walked outside with Lin so she could have another cigarette and did my last steps. When you are 500 steps from the 10k goal... well there's no reason not to do it, eh?
Plus, I gotta walk off the pizza! Also, it is so nice being out of Pizza Jail.
Digits for both Thursday and Friday below.
Friday digits:
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps; took a decent walk after lunch but it didn't register as "exercise" on the fitbit. Must have been leisurely. 10,100+ steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
xam: forgot to take morning digits before brekkie 5pm: 201 11pm: 201
exercise: 9/12 hours of 250 steps; missed 3 hours from being in the car. 8k steps by bedtime (due to the amount of house cleaning/laundry/etc I did before 10:30am.)
blood glucose:
7am: 179 xpm: n/a no mid-day check in, in the car 11pm: 178
food:
coffee/water 11am: metformin, A couple forkfuls of chicken salad 2pm: burger king crispy chicken sandwich, disgusting. ate the chicken, threw everything else out. Diet coke 7pm: large piece of spanikopita, patty melt (ate about 1 slice of the bread) cheese and onions; a couple french fries. 8pm: metformin+jardiance white wine
The title of today's entry is an homage to my sister and a recent conversation she had with her boss. He was asking her to do things, and she asked him what was the priority for the things. Which do you need more immediately. And he replied that was like asking him which he wanted -- to breathe or eat.
Well, breathing is more important. You can't ever eat if you've suffocated so yes, I'm asking which one is breathing. Then I can do the eating one.
I have a very hard time prioritizing things. I will simply not do something because I can't do it before I do something else and that something else is kind of less important but, it may be easier to conquer/accomplish. So I obsess on the things. And the more important thing is backburnered again and again until I'm flush up against a deadline.
I'm reminded of a song by my friend Jim Infantino and his excellent song "Stress." I am singing this now. Only. I'm not enjoying what the stress is I've given myself.
Here's someone's interpretation of the song, which is hilarious. And I love it.
Doug took today off but had a conference call at 7am. I didn't reset my alarm after he went down, and managed to sleep in until 9:ish when Lin messaged me. Because I'd been on-call, all my alerts and noises were louder than usual.
Thankful that she did, I probably would have slept until 10 or later.
And to be honest, I would have loved that.
Got up and showered immediately because I would not have had a minute all day to do a mini-vacation (that's what I call it when I retreat in the middle of the day to the shower...) Doug had finished his meeting and was napping in the guest room when I did my steps for the 10am hour and stomped in. Oops sorry.
Several meetings, all day, important talks about important things, texted back and forth with my work buddy who is still on leave but hopes to be back next week. I sent him and his family a nice Spoonful of Comfort cookie basket. He sent me a picture of his son Om Nom Nomming his way through a cookie with his thumbs up. And he was wearing a Star Wars/Lego T-shirt I'd sent him a couple years back. It finally fits him. This time next year, it won't.
Iattended an all staff while tearing the pantry apart and wiping down all the shelves.
Why? Why am I doing that? I have things I need to do for the clients. Why?
Ants. Ants is why.
Before the All Staff, I opened the pantry to get an english muffin and well, there were ants. Everywhere. Tiny tiny itty bitty little mother fuckers. Hundreds of them. Fuuuuuuuuuck.
So I took all the food out of the pantry, scrubbed it, sprayed it with ant spray (made chicken salad so the 2 pieces of chicken we have left would not go to waste, instead of an english muffin...)
Geoff came upstairs and looked at the process and progress, and asked what the hell was happening.
What do you think, honey. What. Take a guess.
"You know. Mom is in a mood. Doing things. Sick of it all. Just fucking doing it. Going bananas. Hi honey! HI!"
I was feeling a little manic, a little hyper. I thought to myself "I wonder if this is what Geoff's brain felt like when he was in Elementary school..." Things made more sense to me about him at that moment.
Had a 2pm meeting but the client didn't show up. I called him at 2:10 just to check on him and he was so sorry! So Apologetic! Give me .... 5 minutes, I'll jump on zoom.
Oh honey, to be honest, you've given me a gift. I had three big emails to compose, I am supposed to do something for a client that is so far overdue I almost cried in a meeting with them (they were understanding but Jeeesh I gotta do this thing). Another email got a response and the client was unbelievably gracious.
I turned to my team to ask them to pick up the baton on that issue - someone please come up with a solution for this because I cannot.
Another client has hired an SEO consultant, which is nice, but the guy has questions and good God I do not have time to answer him. I punted him to my manager.
I had a 1:1 with my manager today and confessed that I'm not my best self for thinking and doing. My quality time management is way off kilter. He said after this weekend it'll probably open up space in my brain, and heart, and I'll feel more normal again. I believe he diagnosed it right. I'm distracted and burdened but yes. Let's get through this weekend. Maybe I can brain again.
I did a bunch of things after the chat. Got things done, and had a 4pm call with another client.
She got on zoom and said, in a very Alabama way, "Girl. I mean, ... girl." And I laughed. I know what that means when you say .... girl.
"I almost emailed you to cancel this meeting because I cannot with all this work lately." I thanked her for not canceling, told her that we could just "easy peasy this conversation and touch on one or two things, perhaps three, of the 50 or 60 things she needs to do."
And we did. We spent the full hour and could have gone longer, but I solved some problems for her, showed her how some things can work better, encouraged, and we laughed.
To be honest, that's just the way I wanted to end the day.
I needed to cram in 2 things and got to one, and discovered a problem with a site expiring their DNS Registration and they probably have no idea. So emergency emails sent, email response received from the client, sigh of relief shed, I feel better going to bed tonight.
Doug packed most of his stuff. I cleaned the bathroom, I still need to put all the pantry things back but, that can wait until morning.
I'll dress the guest bed in the morning, strip those sheets and throw them downstairs and deal with them whenever. I need a haircut so desperately, maybe I'll find a haircuttery on Friday.
All told, I made it through these 3 days and am ready to face the next batch. Hallelujah.
Breathing and eating.
No picture tonight, I was too busy to take one. Gotta pack and get my shit going, not sure there will be an entry tomorrow. Digits below.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps; no dedicated 10; 5k steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
9am: 175 5pm: 177 10pm: 209
food:
coffee/water 10:30am: bowl of mac & cheese w/ground beef 11:30am: metformin 2pm: ramekin of chicken salad w/craisins and walnuts 7pm: chinese food. lo mein, egg roll, general gao's chicken, garlic pork, 3 peking raviolis; metformin+jardiance
I have friends that go on a lot of cruises. I also have friends that go to Disney a lot. I don't think either of those things appeal to me. We went to Disney once when he attended a conference and I tagged along. But I'm not into rides or humans in giant stuffed animal costumes. And cruises make me feel the same way. I'm just not into being trapped for 4, 7, 11 days with strangers in a place I can't really escape from. And Norovirus. Everyone gets Norovirus on cruises. Not interested.
We got a flyer in the mail the other day for a 6 day Alaska cruise out of Seattle, for 362.00 per person. Doug said that sounds fantastic. We'd obviously have to pay for airfare, and if we go all the way out there, I'd like to maybe see Aaron or something. So the 6 days would turn into 10. And the 362 per person would end up around like 800 per person when all is said and done. We would go in the fall, maybe late fall, according to Doug. He said "it'll be cold." I replied "we'll have a better chance of possibly seeing the Northern Lights."
Still.
The bigger question is, are we cruise people?
I don't think we are.
Anyway. He's looking into it. I'm unconvinced. and I'm going to bed.
Here's my dog. And my cheezits. Digits below.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps; no dedicated 10; 5500+steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
8:45am: 154 5:30pm: 143 10pm: 183
food:
coffee/water 10:30am: english muffin w/pb and low sugar strawberry jam 12:30pm: metformin 6:30pm: 2 chicken cluck pucks, some tater tots, mayo/ketchup; white wine 7:30pm: metformin+jardiance 8pm: cheezits
Sorry if you read the blog and you realized I didn't post yesterday and you are wondering if I am ok. I'm fine. I just needed a device break so I didn't even start an entry yesterday. Friday night I talked to my sister for a while on video, and while we were talking I was working on a helpdesk issue. A client had asked how to do something last Tuesday, I asked him for more details and then didn't hear from him. Until Friday night. It was kind of urgent, and it came in when I was still working, but I missed his message.
I felt compelled to assist, so I got everything fixed up for him, but felt drained from the day, the week, the life. I answered some more helpdesk tickets, some that I wanted to encourage people to write me back, soon, on issues they are experiencing.
I'm also doing that horrible thing where I have to do something and there is a deadline, and I've had MONTHS to do this but I just can't get out of my own way. The person emailed me to ask what's up late on Friday, and I feel like shit for thinking about this every day and not doing it.
So I had to write back an "I'm sorry, I suck so much" message but tone and styled it in a way that would make it sound like I'm on it. I'm on it! I'M. ON. IT!" for her, and yes, I have to be on it. I have to do it.
Why am I this way.
Do I have like, an executive function disorder? That has always been there, but is just extra bad? I'm not sure.
Anyway.
Linda has been working on prayer cards, and has not been happy with what she's making. Not because of her skills but the online products. The preview on the website shows this giant photo, but the picture on the card is small, and you can't make it bigger.
I found a possible replacement but I'm super afraid we won't be able to get it in time for next Saturday so I'm again, wondering why I can't get my shit together to do things.
My neighbor is doing some serious work to his house, all I've heard all day is hammering and crashing. I think he's ripping out the downstairs bathroom. Very loudly. And then he throws stuff into the back of a really nice, high-end good looking pickup truck. I'm like ... guy. You're going to destroy that truck bed!
I hope he doesn't do this all day tomorrow.
We have a plant that Doug brought home from his mom's. We overwintered it in the house, but didn't water it. I think that is our mistake? The internet tells me that we can revive this but Doug isn't too too sure that's gonna be the case.
I feel like this plant sometimes. Is there hope for me and my shrivelly brain? Am I dried up and not capable or able to rally back? Do I just need sunlight and warmth, and some water?
I guess there is only one way to find out, and that's to give it a shot. My office Slack has a channel for gardening, so I went there to ask the advice of my colleagues. We'll see what they say.
Here is my sad ass plant.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps, 20 min inside walk; 6200+ steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
10am: 183 4:30pm: 181 10pm: 155
food:
coffee/water 11am: metformin 2pm: pbj, low sugar j and keto bread 4:30pm: wine & zero sugar ginger ale 7pm: pot roast w/ onions, carrots, potatoes etc. 4 small cornbread muffins
I found out that a college friend passed away in March.
Another friend had been thinking of him, and she had been in touch with him as recently as February of this year. He was not returning her texts, so she googled him and found his obituary.
It reminded me of when I found out a high school friend I'd been thinking of had passed, I wrote a blog entry about that, so many years ago. You can read it here, if you like.
Finding a friend's obituary is like getting sideswiped on the highway. She reached out to me to let me know, enveloped in her own haze of grief. We both missed his celebration of life, and the crappy part is I was in New Hampshire and could have gone to Maine for the service. If I had only known.
I'm just so sad about it.
When we were in college, and this is before the Doug years, there was a group of us who just hung around and watched movies and sang songs and were fast friends. Me, my roomie Bonnie (Bubble), L played guitar and we'd sing, I was dating S, M's parents would host us at their lovely cottage home on the lake near the college. And then there was Paul. We called ourselves The Big Chill, or sometimes The Big Thrill. It's all a blur, to be honest. 18 year old me is far away at this point.
We had so much fun together. Literally the best. It lasted two years, S and I broke up. L graduated early, B and I remained the closest and most in touch. M and L were involved and then not involved. And Paul was in the middle of it all.
There are some good pictures, I'll see if I can dig some up. One that M's mom took from the landing at the top of the stairs of us all piled in the living room with blankets watching a movie with big bowls of popcorn or something.
I have an amazing picture of Paul with B's little sister.
We all ... went. All different directions. I never saw him again, but I've been in close contact with everyone else. Still to this day.
I repeatedly reached out to Paul over the years, once I found out where he was. But he never reciprocated. And I'm the kind of person who can take a hint sometimes. So I let it go. I let it go.
They say not to live life with regret, and to be absolutely and completely honest, I have so few. But one is that I so very very wish I'd been able to reconnect with this lovely man.
Paul came out years after college, and I think maybe that he didn't want to be connected to us, because he wasn't able to really be his authentic self back in the day. All I know is if I knew then what I know now about life and love and relationships, if I had the heart I think I've grown into, he would have been safe to come out to me.
I had no idea, to be honest. None of that mattered to me. But I wonder and worry if I said something, or gave off a vibe in a certain way, that would have made him feel like he couldn't be himself. Well. That I feel bad for.
Never having the opportunity to have that discussion, ever, that is my regret.
If you want to read about Paul, click here for his obituary. I love the photo. That's so him. At least, that's what 40 years ago me would think.
Digits, below. No photo today. I just don't feel like taking or posting one.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps, no dedicated 10, 5200+steps by bedtime.
blood glucose:
8:15am: 177 5pm: 177 10:30pm: 136
food:
coffee/water 10am: English muffin w/pb 11am: metformin 2pm: chicken fajita leftovers w/refried beans 6pm: salmon and salad 7pm: metformin+jardiance 8pm: 2 ice cream sandwiches white wine
First, I sprayed down the patio table and I assessed the state of affairs all around on the patio itself. We have half the pillows out for the seats. There are no plants. Everything needs to be weedwhacked.
The weather was perfect, and while the leaves are not yet out on the trees, and the umbrella isn't set up yet (I want the weedwhacking to happen first), it was overcast and the sun was not a nuisance. Very relaxing to sit out and answer email and helpdesk tickets, and do a couple calls.
Toffee had a blast chasing carpenter bees.
Like Phineas before her, this is a greatly enjoyable game. He caught one once, it stung him and he spit it out with no damage but an increased wariness of them. She is a lot more athletic than Phineas was, so she leaps! jumps! spins! chases! Has not caught one yet.
All around the neighborhood there was hammering. Hammering, power tools, and lawn equipment. People are getting things done, or at least the crews they've hired are getting things done. It would be very nice if things were quieter but I understand the need and timeliness to get the job finished.
My neighbor across the street installed a huge beehive pizza oven in his yard last summer. They used it but once. I saw the fault in their design - a small hole at the top to let smoke out, but no venting along the base to let air in to fuel the fire. The one time they used it, smoke was POURING out of the front of it. None of them could maintain the fire. I don't think pizza was cooked. I didn't see it used again.
I came home from my time away and it was gone. I felt badly, because that would have been a super sweet thing, if only. But they took the whole thing down.
Our dogsitting solution is set. A friend from our Guster fan group recently relocated to the area, she works from home, she was suggested to me by someone who lives closer who couldn't. And she was all in. She and her husband came down and spent an hour today, chatting with me and more importantly, getting to know miss Toffee.
I think Toffee loves them. But then again I think she just loves everyone.
I feel much better knowing she'll be here at the house. I was projecting my own human fears onto Toffee like, if we kenneled her, she'd be back in a cage somewhere and what, feel like she's back at the Humane Alliance? Sad. Abandoned. Where is my family? Why am I here? But at least now, this is her house. We just won't be in it for like 5 days. But she'll have a good babysitter. And her toys. And her bed. Beds. All the things.
Whew.
I had a nice time sitting outside working. At 4:30 we were supposed to have a big meeting and I went back outside, only to find the meeting postponed to next week. Oh well. Another hour of outdoor patio work, and back in to make dinner.
Doug went to the market and forgot milk, so I hope I survive tomorrow. Ha. We have just a little bit so, I'll have some coffee. And maybe I'll run out to get more.
And at some point soon, the cicadas will come back. Everyone freaked out in 2021, and then this year a lot of people are freaking out because two broods will emerge, but maybe not in this part of Maryland and DC. Maybe further south. This article seems to indicate we aren't going to be horribly swarmed. And to be honest, I didn't think 2021 was that bad.
Well, I'm sure we'll get some, and they'll probably bother me if I'm sitting out on the patio. So I'll enjoy it as much as I can. Until I can't, because of cicadas or heat.
No picture today, tried to get a good shot of Toffee chasing bees but ... not an easy task!
Digits below.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps, 30 min walk, 7100+ steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
8am: 183 5pm: 184 10pm: 166
food:
coffee/water 10:30am: apple w/peanut butter 11am: metformin 12:30pm: Left over pot roast (carrots, onions, potatoes), Potato roll w/butter 6pm: chicken fajitas w/peppers and onions, low carb fajita wrap, refried beans, sour cream, shredded cheese, low carb wrap. white wine. 8pm: ice cream sandwich
Didn't realize it was 10pm already. I talked to Linda a lot tonight, while I usually would have been blogging or thinking about an entry.
90% sure we've got the dogsitting situation resolved. Hopeful.
Gotta start my day early tomorrow, I've got several things due tomorrow afternoon, one big client call, and more things to think about for Dad's funeral thingie.
Digits down there.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps, 20 min. in-house walk. 7k steps by bedtime.
blood glucose:
8:30am: 177 5pm: 164 10pm: 213
food:
coffee/water 10:15am: english muffin w/PB and full sugar apricot jam 11am: metformin 1pm: small ramekin of tuna salad 6:15pm: plate of spaghetti with meat sauce 7pm: metformin+jardiance white wine couple handfuls of pepitas
I am so happy to be home, but there is a lot to do.
We are here until next Thursday when we get in the car and go to NY. All the puzzle pieces are coming into play but a couple of them fell on the floor. And we're bending over, picking them up, dusting them off, putting them in place.
One big problem was our Air BnB. Our host was so gracious and worked with us when we had to cancel with 2 weeks to spare in October when the church informed us that Columbus Day weekend was a holiday weekend for the church (why didn't you tell us that when we booked the funeral? Weeks and weeks ago?) Okay so cool, the dude was kind but could not give us a refund.
We rebooked with him, so happy. So wonderful. So kind and loving. Thank you.
He reached out to me two weeks ago to let me know they had a horrible storm, and part of his roof was destroyed. He had to cancel us, cancel the booking the week before us, cancel the week after us, and may have to cancel up to Memorial Day. There are no available contractors (seems to be the case everywhere where there aren't people to do things, like mechanics and trades people all over) to come fix his roof.
Uhhhhhh. Okay. May I please have my money back. He told me he cannot give me a refund. He was gracious to me in October 2023. I needed to be gracious to him. I get it. He said we get five days "any other time of the year, your choice." I wondered when the hell am I going to need an Air BnB for 6 and a dog in the future?
I'll find a time. We'll take a vacation to Long Island. We'll have fun.
In the meantime, thank God I have a credit card with 22k on it and can just plop down a ton of cash on a nearby to our destination hotel. We could have stayed at a less expensive place further out. There is a semi-not horrible place west of our destination that we've stayed at before but all the hallways smell like the chlorine or pool solution. I didn't enjoy that. So I didn't want to go there.
Doug thinks I used points, but for some reason, this hotel wouldn't use the points so, fuck it. I earn 10 more nights on my points program with this hotel chain. I'll take it.
Housing for my family of four - solved.
Now, for the dog.
When we booked that Air BnB the host was all in on Phineas. He took a little more convincing on Toffee because of her breed (of course). But she was welcome after all.
She's not welcome at any hotel I looked at. Size limitation and breed limitation. Nope.
I had hoped to bring her with us and just have a friend on LI babysit her while we're at the funeral and everything. We'd keep her handy all the rest of the days. She'd meet Linda's pupper. They'd become best friends forever.
Now, I have to figure out what to do with her.
Someone at work had told me they love dogsitting! They don't have a dog in their apartment, and their family lives so far away, they miss their dog! I asked them if they wanted to sit, and initially they said yes but. Hmmm. Something suddenly came up.
I literally have no other friends in this area who maybe could do it. I have no idea what to do.
We could board her, but, I'm so terrified she'll feel abandoned. Ya know? At least, if she's here in our house, she's got her family things and the couch! The BED! The TV! The WINDOW THAT OVERLOOKS HER DOMAIN!
Shit, y'all ...
I asked in our work Slack pets channel if anyone was free, and so far no takers.
I don't want to just drop her off at some stranger pet-sitter, I don't know what their other dogs are like, how she'll react? I don't want to feel badly if there's an incident.
I'm sitting here thinking about it and wow, if I still lived in Massachusetts, I'd have dozens of friends who could host her!
Ugh. So ... send up some prayers that ya girl figures something out there for the best beastie.
I have to rewrite dad's obituary today to get it to the funeral home in NY to get it in the one local paper that doesn't charge an arm and a leg for running the obit.
We got our car fixed, so that's a bonus. Both cars are good to roll anywhere.
Jess has their plan set up for bringing Grandma to NY. That's buttoned up.
Linda is making the prayer cards for the funeral. She sent me the comps. The funeral home has a service but their cards are cheesy and awful. I do not want them. So she found a place online to do them, and is working them up today.
Linda was also in charge of the mercy meal (aka the "after party" for Bart Funeral Two, Electric Boogaloo). That's falling into place.
I know I'm not accounting for something else. I'll think of it.
In the meantime, I went outside after a meeting this morning and just had to breathe and touch grass. Our yard is GREEN and LUSH and all the vines and the wildness is starting to OVERGROW everywhere. It's hot out - well, hotter than what I'm used to. MA/NH in April is in the lower 60s most days but it is 78 here. It's a little much.
I feel like I skipped spring yet again and went straight to summer.
Doug had brought home some garden things that a neighbor was throwing out, little trellises, whirly gigs (one works, one does not) and a lizard that needs a wicked nice spraypaint job and detail work. I'm up for the task. Can't wait to do some before and after shots of it!
I'm ready to go buy our outdoor plants. I'm ready for him to weed whack the patio. I'm ready for everything to be outside and set up. In time for it to be 90 degrees every day until October, right?
Thinking of my dad tonight, looking at pictures for the prayer card. Still loving how funny this one is.
Digits down below.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps, dedicated 22 min walk (yay). 7100+ steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
8:30am: 191 5:30pm: 154 10pm: 181
food:
coffee/water 10:30am: PBJ, full sugar J because there was no other choice. full carb bread. 11:00am: Metformin 6pm: ham, green beans, mac & cheese 6:30pm: metformin+jardiance 4 chocolate chip cookies that geoff made while I was away, white wine
Monday Morning: Writing this from one of my girl C's apartments. She owns a number of apartments/buildings and it is nice to have a little space. She and I stayed here for the weekend because Camp was not Camp ready. So we didn't have any Porch Life, but soon. Very soon.
It was a busy weekend with a lot going on. I tracked my sugar/food but didn't write it down. Kept things good and even, and no huge and horrible spikes.
Friday afternoon C came and got me from mom's. I had a busy work-day and I was incredibly pressed about having to leave work. Mom was dressed, ready, waiting at the dining table while I was scrambling to finish emails and messages.
We were met at the foodrinkery by my friend A and her son who just got his Eagle. I was surprised they were there and staying for lunch. My mom chose to sit at the bar and eat rather than sit with us, which I found obnoxious but okay mom - you do you. Whatever.
I had scallops. I was there for almost 2 weeks and had not had scallops. It was a good thing to have before my departure.
We got to Boston very early for David Sedaris, so we had drinks at a little local bar by Symphony Hall and I felt like they could have done so much better with their beer and wine selection, it was disappointment in solid/liquid form. We ate at an Indian restaurant around the corner and confused the waitstaff. C's sister R was with us, a very good friend of hers in town for a class at MIT, C's friend B who manages the properties C owns. And Jess. Jess came with. Girls' night, seeing America's favorite snarky satirist.
Sedaris was funny. He's in a groove, a long time groove, and his essays are personal, honest, but sometimes it is hard to tell if he is being satirical or hyperbolic. Did he and his friend Dawn really walk 40+ miles and their apple watches (seems he's moved on from the FitBit) really register just under 100k steps?
Also damn, I'm proud when I hit 5k, 7k.
Highly recommend you see him if he comes near you.
Saturday we got up and went out to breakfast with R, then went to Camp to do some stuff to start getting ready. There isn't running water yet, so we couldn't do as much as we wanted but we got the garden table pots out, moved the bikes out of the porch, investigated the very rustic over-winter of the bedding and couches, and C has an idea of what she needs to do next. We went to C's workplace and looked at projects. I am always so impressed with their work and the things they do.
Because Breakfast was huge and wonderful we weren't super hungry for lunch, but convinced ourselves to go out for an early dinner. It was very nice but I got an upset stomach and kind of a bad reaction that had me in the bathroom a lot overnight on Saturday.
Ugh.
We watched the Barbie movie, which I enjoyed and is not what I think a lot of people think it is about. Overall very enjoyable and fantastically cast. Ten thumbs up.
Sunday we laid around with the dogs, drank coffee, just relaxed. Nice. We went out to lunch with our friend Dave up in Maine, very nice. Because I still had the lower belly issues I only had a lobster bisque which I could have eaten a gallon of. Very good stuff. Would love to go back to eat there one day. On the deck. Outside. Maine. Sunshine and summer.
Sunday night I went out to dinner with Jess and friends from my job 27 years ago, it's nice to still have friends like this who you fall back into step with like you saw each other last week. We shut the restaurant down, they headed home and Jess came to C's with me. We drank wine and watched Pitch Perfect, which I had never seen, on purpose. For years I spent a lot of time going to High School and Collegiate a Cappella competitions with my friend Amy. So this was a little PTSD for me.
After Jess left, C and I watched some actual ICCA things, Guster covers (a very flat/out of tune Harvard presentation of Demons, and Notre Dame's version of Parachute which is fantastic).
"This is what Collegiate a Cappella is. Pitch Perfect is cute, but, this is real," I had some distinct memories of some of the shows, and the High School kids who were just ridiculously talented. Not everyone can turn into the Housejacks or Pentatonix or Home Free, but, there is some sick talent out there. Looking at you Marblehead and Salem, MA.
Carrie went to the office today and took the dogs. I'm surprisingly lonely without them. But I'm getting a lot of work done.
I stripped the bed, washed the laundry, vacuumed, ran the dishwasher. I would have done more but I have to actually work?
We had a team meeting today and then I talked to my work bestie for an hour. We have not had time together for a while and it was long overdue.
Worked more, hid love notes all over C's house, just to let her know how awesome she is.
Continued Tuesday Morning: C got me to the airport plenty early. Security had 10 people in it. I had a bottle of spray-on hair conditioner in my bag that got confiscated. 10 ounces, brand new. Thanks. I blame myself because I reorganized my bags and put all my meds/supplements and I THOUGHT anything liquid into my checked bag. But I missed that one. Blah.
Doug picked me up and brought Toffee, and she was very excited to see me. I was excited to see her too. We didn't stop for dinner or anything, I wasn't hungry. I mostly just wanted to be home. And home it was.
Back to normal.
Here is a photo dump of some of the things. I took more pictures but can't post them because they are super top secret. Let us never speak of them again. In no particular order....
Made it home last night. My kitchen was clean and I didn't have to freak out at anyone that for nearly 2 weeks they let everything become a mess. So that was nice. Not freaking out was nice. A clean kitchen was nice.
Doug brought Toffee to the airport for a ride. She was (understatement) happy to see me.
I had a beer and went to bed. Very happy to be back here.
I took my mom over to see her sister today. Auntie Bea is in a memory care facility basically 2 miles from my mom's house but she doesn't go visit.
Methinks it is depressing. And mom gets a little frustrated answering the same questions over and over.
Bea recognized us both, just like last visit. So this is good. We went into her bedroom area. She has a suite with another lady named Bonnie, and a living area and shared bathroom. Bonnie's door is always kept closed because Bea wanders in there and wants to know who she is and what's going on. Bonnie was out at lunch in the common area, so the door was closed, and Bea said "I have no idea who she is or where she is, maybe she's dead." No, she's just eating Mac & Cheese.
Bea says the same things over and over:
I'm so tired
I'm freezing, I'm so cold
I offered to get her a warm fleecey blanket from her room and she asked why. I said "you said you're cold."
"What, honey?"
"You said you're cold."
"No, I'm not."
A minute later...
"God I'm so damn cold."
She thinks mom and I still live in New York. I don't correct her that I spent 30 plus years north of Boston and now seven in Maryland. I just said "oh I live in Maryland now." My mom told her she lives around the corner from where they are, and Bea says "What, honey? I didn't know that. When did that happen?"
Mom says "18 years ago."
"Jesus Christ, I must be losing my fucking mind!"
Wash. Rinse.
Repeat.
They got on the topic of their mom. My mother and their mother (My Gammy) did not have a good relationship. Bea did. But also would tell my mom not to talk or say anything, she'd handle it when it came to her. My mother loved her dad, and was devastated when he died. He had an aneurysm, and mom described him scratching at the bathroom door, trying to get gammy's attention and she didn't hear him. And he died.
Pretty sure my mother blames her to the center of her soul for that. Not that anything could probably have been done for him in the early 60s with an aneurysm like that.
Bea said "Well, his vacation is over. He had a good long break but now he's got her to deal with again, and here we are."
Indeed, here we are.
We visited for about an hour. There wasn't a puzzle to work on the table, but they talked about it. Bea doesn't remember doing the puzzle last time we were there. Mom sure does, and how mad she was at it when the pieces were missing.
Bea is going to be 80 in November, mom will be 81. I wanted to get a picture of them, got a sneaky one which is unflattering to both of them, so I won't post it.
I thought about recording the conversation. It's actually kind of fun answering the same question and seeing the surprise in her eyes. My mom gets a little frustrated but I think she thinks it is funny when I talk to her and answer the repetition questions.
This all comes to an end tomorrow afternoon. I'm telling you, I'm happy to have some time up north with C, but I truly can't wait to go home. I miss my dog. I miss my husband. I miss Geoff. Ready to rejoin my small gang.
No picture, just digits.
exercise: 11/12 hours of 250 steps. Somehow missed 12? I thought I nailed it. No walk outside today, raining. 4500+steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
8:45am: 181 5pm: 203 10:30pm: 181
food:
coffee/water 12:30pm: Metformin 2pm: left over rice from dinner last night, a huge amount of fajita chicken, cheese, guac, sour cream, salsa. Basically another Burrito just without the wrap. 7:30pm: triscuits and peanut butter; metformin+jardiance white wine
An exceptionally busy day at work resulted in me being just exhausted from all the stuff.
I told mom I was going to take a walk in town like I did yesterday, and would stop and get myself dinner. I needed the walk, and I didn't want to cook myself dinner. She didn't want anything, she was just going to eat a PBJ sandwich.
So I didn't want to lift a finger for anyone, much less just me.
I went to town and didn't get as long a walk as yesterday as it started raining. I ducked into the Mexican restaurant, which was hopping at 6pm, and got a single seat to enjoy a meal.
Got a beer from a local brewery who used to have a tap room the next town over, but, that has closed. Sadly. We like their beer and I'm sad they are not there anymore, so I was happy to see this available. Got a chimichanga with steak, and ate the rice with it even though that was carb-riffic. But it was so tasty.
After dinner, I stopped up the road at the brewery actually in downtown and they were hosting an open mic night. I walked in to some Counting Crows and they were doing a good job. I asked if they knew any Guster and one of the guys did - and played Satellite.
Three beers later my mom called to ask where I was with the car. She doesn't like it when I'm gone long. Remnants of her freaking out when dad took the car and went places. I was annoyed because this was an exceptionally fun time for me. I was singing along to Social Distortion and the Grateful Dead. I bought beer to go home with, and was very happy for the time there. The guy who knew the one Guster song said "Come back next time, I'll play more Guster!"
Gotta be honest, dude. I'm not sure when I'll be back here for an open mic night but good job on the Gusters. I appreciate you!
Digits below.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. 15 minute walk in town; 7000+steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
8:30am: 174 4:15pm: 185 10:45pm: 312 (thanks beer and rice)
food:
coffee/water 11:15: Metformin; pb & low sugar jelly on Keto bread 6pm: steak chimichanga w/guac. sour cream, salsa, refried beans, rice; beer 8pm: metformin+jardiance through the evening 4 more beers 10pm: a couple pieces of colby jack cheese
Yesterday mom mentioned that staying up all night and sleeping in knocked her off her game, and I said "what game?" jokingly.
She's got a game. She's got a very specific organized game, a this is what we do when we do it kind of game. There is the trip to the foodrinkery on Tuesdays, Fridays, and every other Saturday. Coffee is made at X o'clock. She takes her pills before she has breakfast. She has breakfast at a fixed time. She plays her computer games, she has the TV on, she takes a rest. She gets up and makes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Naptime. Computer games. Bed at 8pm. Up again between 4 and 5 to do it all over.
She has wiggle room for going an gossiping with the neighbors, like this morning. One of the neighbors down the way still does not have power since the Wednesday outage last week. So she's all, as they say in Pittsburgh, "Nebby" about it.
"If I want to know what is going on with Bob, I'm going to have to walk down there because Shirley is working this afternoon." Oh my.
Oh, okay. "Maybe you don't need to know what's happening with Bob? I mean. He's staying with Donald next door to him, so he and his dog are okay and nice and warm. You don't need all the details of the fight with Eversource that they said it isn't their problem, but it is, and blah blah blah and finally a truck and backhoe came today. Just. Let it happen?"
She didn't like that response.
While I was still sleeping this morning, mom spilled an entire cup of coffee all over her computer desk. Paperwork, breakfast, herself, chair, everything. She probably had a swearable moment, but I didn't hear her all the way down here. I heard her in the kitchen say "sonofabitch" but, it wasn't very dramatic, so I didn't fully wake.
I was in a meeting at 9am and she came down the hall, to my door, and was talking out loud, like, she maybe couldn't hear that people were talking on my computer. I muted and went off camera.
"I've had a horrible morning. I can't get anything right," she said. She told me about the coffee incident.
"Why didn't you wake me up to come help you?" I asked. "You were sleeping," she replied.
Well yeah but. I mean. I could have helped.
She cleaned it all up herself and I guess that's better than not cleaning it up or not caring enough to clean it up. What would she have done if I wasn't here? She'd have to deal with it on her own, right?
But she was very grouchy the rest of the morning. A little petulant. Childish. I asked her to put her clothes in the laundry basket because I had started to wash for her this morning.
She said "no. Fuck it. The pants are brown."
So you gonna walk around in wet pants? "They dried."
Okay, lady.
I was incredibly busy today, and couldn't go out to lunch with her because we were doing QA testing for something happening Monday that is huge. She was a little pissy about it but I stepped away from the meeting to apologize and say that Friday would work out better for us. She was still grumpy, part and parcel of what she'd been all day.
She got back and got a nap. I ran three loads of laundry from her basket in the closet, and got it all on hangers and put away. That seemed to brighten her up a little.
After I finished work, I decided to go for a walk in town, even though I didn't want to. I parked at the boat launch, walked up to the fire house, over to the river, along the train tracks and back. I thought about taking myself out to dinner at the mexican restaurant but I told mom I "wasn't going to be long" and already I'd been over a half hour. So I came back to the house and made dinner from the food that I bought, so it won't go to waste, because I know she isn't going to eat it if I leave it.
I was thankful after I got back that I did go. It was really beautiful out. I wished the brewery had been open, but they are not on Mondays and Tuesdays. I'll have to go swing by tomorrow.
All told, not the most even of days but, tomorrow's a new day, right.
Digits Below.
exercise: 11/12 hours of 250 steps. Missed 3pm steps by a couple. Took a 24 minute walk in downtown, playing Pokemon.
blood glucose:
8:30am: 135 5:30pm: 171 10:45pm: 240 (note time of the meds taken)
food:
coffee/water 9:15: english muffin w/pb (I can't remember if I took my metformin, I also was off my game) 7pm: grilled cheese w/roast beef and hummus, KETO friendly bread 8pm: triscuits+more hummus white wine 9:30pm: Metformin+jardiance (off my own game, I forgot to take it with dinner!)
First thing this morning, before 8am, I went to get milk for coffee. Please be proud of me.
Everyone at Cumberland Farms was super friendly. It was a little much for me, since I was awake for all of 25 seconds. But. I got milk for the coffee. And said a lot of "HI! GOOD MORNING!" to people.
As you may know, today we had the big Eclipse, the big Totality, the Black Hole sun.
Initially, I didn't think I'd be in a good spot to see anything while here or at home so my expectations were slim. But the internet said it would be about 90% totality here. Not like Vermont's totality or anything fantastical. But enough for it to be interesting. I'll take it.
Molly had given me glasses, so I was prepared. I thought for sure I wouldn't be prepared to see it, but suddenly, there I was. With glasses and no excuses.
I waited until 2:45 to go outside and look. and the sun was an impressive little cookie with a big bite out of it.
I had a super hard time with the glasses - they wouldn't stay on my face unless I held them there with both hands.
I remembered Jess had given me a Amythyst Kiah bandana for Toffee, so I grabbed it and put it on to hold things in place. Victory. Okay, Alright. Okay, Alright.
3:30 was when the eclipse would be at its peak and I initially was going to just sit in mom's yard. I had a good view through to the sun, with no trees covered with leaves. It would be just perfect.
Then, I thought to myself it would be fun to go to the beach. Hell YEAH the BEACH!
I threw my shoes on, grabbed the car, and went. When we hit the full eclipse, I didn't detect any extra darkness or temperature drop but it was still super cool.
On the dock, there was a family with 5 kids, grandma and grampa, mom, dad, another adult... and they were trying like hell to take a selfie. So I walked over and offered to take their picture. I'm that guy.
I got everyone in the picture smiling, with the glasses on. I then told them to point at the sky with astonishment and they laughed and did it. One of the little ones put their hands on cheeks and screamed. Everyone laughed. It was a great photo.
Honest to God, I hope they look back on that in 20 years and just love it.
Someone at my office needed help with something, so I rushed back to assist. I could have spent another half hour there waiting for it to go the other direction but, duty called!
When I got back, mom came out and said "oh the eclipse is over!" and I told her no it wasn't, it was still going on.
I handed her the glasses and told her to go out on the steps and see for herself. She said no. I told her to shut up and do it. "It'll happen again in 20 years and you will be dead and gone so go look!"
I thought of the family at the dock, with the grandparents and little kids. I wanted her to see this and be part of the experience.
She made a face as I forced her to go out and repeatedly berated her. She looked up through the glasses and said "Oh. That's kind of cool."
"Yes, yes it is." She lowered her head, closed her eyes so she wouldn't go blind, and took the glasses off and went inside saying "Are you happy now?"
"Yes. Yes I am." Ha... she went and looked at it. Even though I had to force her. I thought of my dad, and how he'd probably love to see this. I would have taken him to the canal, not just the beach here. And then out for a beer. I bet he'd chuckle at it. I bet he would have just loved to see it. Whereas Sourpuss Shirley did not want to look at all and had to be bullied into doing it and then like it.
I continued to work, had a great meeting to build a test plan for us to take on this week. We finished up around 6. I went to the drug store for mom, she was out of something and I wanted toenail clippers. So zoomed over to Walgreens to grab the things. I then got gas in the car for her since I've used the car a lot over this week.
Talked to my friend Rob for about 2 hours, catching up after a long drought of contact. It was a laugh riot. We've been playing phone tag since Christmas so this was good.
I thought about taking a walk, but it was well after 10pm, and no. Button things up. Go to bed.
All told, a good day. Here are some pictures. One of the women who was with the big family took these for me. With my Amythyst Kiah bandana holding things in place.
exercise: 12/12 hours of 250 steps. No dedicated 10 but a lot of hustlin' round. 5300+steps by bedtime
blood glucose:
8am: 186 5pm: 155 10:45pm: 161
food:
coffee/water 10am: 3 egg omelet, wilted greens, goat cheese 12:30: Metformin 5:30pm: left over buffalo chicken fingers+salad 7pm: metformin+jardiance 8:30pm: left over chicken parm sub (not the bread, just the chicken) white wine+ginger ale
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